Chapter 4: Awake…

"And if you're sitting right here,

Then why are we worlds apart?

If you're so near,

Why do you feel this far?"

–"Worlds Apart" by Seven Lions and Kerli

There were things that a person could do to make their bad day into a good day. Even if the chances were, possibly, slim, they would do anything to turn it upside down. If there was anything Touka would do to make herself have a good day, it would be to have the strength to help Rui. However, instead of going to her daughter's room, she chose to do nothing.

Rui's seclusion infected her and she secluded herself to the table in the back of the cafe. It was a dark corner, contaminated with gloom of both the atmosphere and Touka's emotions, and the only embellishment to make it avoid abandonment was a small bookshelf, only able to carry two books and a scented candle. The ambience was unpleasant, as she chose to make it that way: away from any other contact from the other tables, away from everybody else.

No one even had the nerve to try to come to the blue-haired manager to comfort her. They did tell her that she shouldn't overthink things with her secrecy of Rui's father. They did tell her that she's not the only one to comfort her. They did tell her that Rui needs space for now, as with her. They told her everything they could tell her, and yet she remained in her silent territory, sulking and succumbing to the aura of the tiny ridge of the cafe. It's been a while since she had that feeling though. The one time she felt discouraged was when she was pregnant with Rui. It wasn't hard to figure out why.

Touka didn't want to sulk; it's not like she was sulking. It was true that she was not being pragmatic with her past, it hurt to see Rui being so curious. She did plan on telling her about her father when she was probably about eight or nine, a probable age for her comprehension to unfold, but the fast pace was coming to her more rapidly than she had expected it to be. It was already to much for her to take, let alone other thoughts going through her head. Her employees' support; her way of handling things; her emotions were getting to her head. She wanted to stop; she wished to stop.

"Boss!"

Touka flinched as she heard her vocational title. She looked up from the table, still not sure what to make of what happened between her and Rui, and saw Tomoya walking towards her. He seemed to be rushed, as she could see that he wanted to run to her.

Sighing, Touka placed her hands above her eyes to avoid her employee "What is it, now, Tomoya?"

Tomoya ignored her tone, as his nervousness distracted him from his boss. "The do–The doves are here," he stuttered.

Touka froze, her head now shaken with the comment she just heard. Her hand slid off of her eyes, and they stared into space as she was thinking of what to do. It was expected of her, as the manager always has to greet doves whenever they come to her shop. After a while, she stood up from her seat and strode by Tomoya.

"I'll handle this," she whispered as she passed by him, and walked over to the counters. Now, she has another problem to deal with.

"Whoa!" Shirazu shouted as they entered the cafe. He turned himself in pirouettes as he stared at the shop, his eyes like he has never seen the sun. "This place looks awesome!"

Haise nodded in agreement as he looked around. Even if he wanted to disagree, he couldn't. The cafe did seem small outside, but once inside, it made him almost want to question science. The ceiling was hanging some natural lights, almost as if they were only used on movie sets, from its perfectly wooden aspects. It couldn't be touched, but he wanted to touch the ceiling to see if it was smooth. The tables and chairs were all set with a fair amount of space around each pair, and he couldn't help but notice chairs being by the countertop in the middle of the shop, as well. The floor was properly polished, as well, laminated tiles being in a perfect shade of walnut. But the one thing that admired the entire shop was the amounts of shelves filled with books, decorations, and a few scented candles. He would've been curious what they smelled like if it wasn't for the fact that the cafe already had the fragrance of coffee.

It's like paradise: transformed into a new home.

Home…Haise thought.

Sniffing the air, Haise sighed with content and looked back towards his underlings. "I can already tell that this place will have good coffee." He closed his eyes and raised his index finger. "My nose kagune's speaking to me."

"Amazing RC cells," Shirazu commented. He smirked but his eyes didn't show the same amount of amusement.

Mutsuki didn't even try to hide his confusion. "Nose kagune?" He questioned quietly. Thankfully, for him, no one heard him.

Haise eyed the employees around the shop. Most of them were far away from them to greet them while others were behind the countertop. There was a tall man behind the counter, with white hair and eyes as grey as Haise's, and he looked very elegant in his casual uniform. His underlings also noticed the man and made some comments about him, but all that he heard was a blur. Everything, actually, was a blur to him as soon as the man looked up to see him. His eyes widened, and it seemed that he was starting to become very cautious.

Haise was very curious about the man as well, as he wanted to speak to him, but he quickly turned away to an employee with lavender hair and whispered something to him. Lavender nodded and he walked away from the counter to around the back of the shop. It was then that he realized that the other employees eyed them. They didn't bother him, because he didn't sense anything as he did with the man by the counter.

Only that man seemed very…interesting to him.

Touka remembered her days while working at Anteiku, so she kept noticing doves come to the shop and Yoshimura having to serve coffee to them. It was his job as the manager of that old coffee shop. Ever since she became the manager of :re, she realized that she had to take on that responsibility and task. Even if she never liked it, she had to look out for not just herself, but her family, as well.

As Touka walked out from the back of the shop, she walked by the counter of the cafe and stopped once she noticed the doves. Her hands flipped open her leather notepad, almost slipping out of her hands from anxiety, as she saw three doves. One of them had orange hair with two spikes extending firmly on his head, his smile almost scaring Touka as she noticed his sharp teeth in his snarky smile. The other one had dark green hair, stylized in a small bob, and…she can't tell if it's a boy or a girl.

The two doves were talking about something, but there was also another dove facing towards the two, possibly trying to make them calm down. Even if she couldn't see his face, Touka could already sense something from his presence. What she noticed was his white hair. With black strands tainting the pure color. It was a peculiar mix: it reminded her of a zebra. But it wasn't just his hair that she spotted as unusual. [2] He, along with his colleagues, all have a peculiar smell. It was a bit human, yet it couldn't be distinguishable as human. There were bits of something else in there. They were not the same smell, but she could tell which person was which.

Looking to her right, she looked at the employees and noticed every motion as they felt the presence of the doves. Aomi started to walk away from the counter, possibly to go join Tomoya who was still in the back of the shop. Miyu was looking suspiciously at the Investigators while she sat by the counters as her body faced Yomo in the opposite side. It was natural for Yomo to present himself emotionless, but the only thing Touka noticed that assured her that the doves' presence were alarming was his bulging eyes. Nobody even paid attention to Touka now that she's in the room.

"Hey!" She shouted, making Tomo turn his head towards her.

As a matter of fact, everyone but the zebra-headed Investigator looked to her. Touka didn't care about the many eyes glued onto her; she only wanted something to snap her "brother" out of his panicked state.

"What did I tell you?" Touka asked across the cafe to Yomo. Not looking back at him to see if his eyes lessened, she walked towards the doves with a smile.

"Always greet the customers."

Haise lost his focus on the man near the counter when he heard Shirazu and Mutsuki argue about something. He turned around to face them rather than hear what they were about to argue about.

"What now, you two?" Haise asked, his arms crossed. That action made the two become uneasy.

"They're staring at us," Mutsuki said quickly.

Haise eyes flicked sideways, both left and right, around the shop before looking back to Mutsuki. "Yeah, we're the only people here."

"I don't think it's that, Sassan," Shirazu interrupted. "I mean, that elegant dude but the counter was seriously looking suspicious. It's like he's winning his personal staring contest against you."

"Look, I know what you're talking about," Haise said, "but that doesn't mean that there's a problem. We're just regular customers at a regular cafe, having a regular day."

"Hey!"

A loud shout made him and his colleagues jump. The entire shop was quiet, and he didn't turn around to see who said the single exclaim. All he could notice was Shirazu and Mutsuki's eyes, wide and bright, looking past his shoulder.

"What did I tell you?" The voice asked, obviously not to him. "Always greet the customers."

The voice was gentle, easily perceived as a woman's, and he heard footsteps coming from behind him. The nervousness he had confused him; why was he nervous about footsteps approaching him?

More importantly, why would he be even more nervous about her voice?

Touka had I learn how to settle down her emotions, especially the violent ones, whenever doves came. Yomo had to teach her as she never once saw him look nervous. All she could do was shrug at him. The guy was just an ordinary customer, despite him being a dove. Even everyone else was so concerned about him

The man turned around.

Haise turned himself around.

And then—

And then—

Time was just a myth.

Touka couldn't detect anything else around her. Not like she wanted to see; it all seemed bland to her. It was just his face that she put her focus to. The way his face curved. The way his eyes shone, even if they were in the color of mercury. The way his lips almost touched against each other. The way of how he looked astonished her. It even made her eyes widen so much that she was surprised he didn't say anything.

All his life, Haise wished for something pleasant after he experienced a moment where that said feeling appeared. And after that moment, he wished for the next to be more pleasant than the previous. When he looked at the waitress, he didn't want any other pleasant thing to surpass what he was gazing at.

Looking at the woman almost made him want to fall to his knees and bow to her like a goddess. Her aura was not godlike, but it was soothing enough to match the atmosphere. She was a slim, pale woman, her hair only reaching up to her chin in a fluffy bob cut. It was in a light shade of blue, reminding him of a clear ocean; the Sea of Faith, in fact [3]. His eyes widened at the sight of everything above her neck, and soon she expected her to ask him if he was okay. She didn't, as her eyes at the sight of him, as well.

No…

She kept doubting herself.

No…

She kept telling herself to not take the dove's appearance seriously.

No…

She needed something to snap her out of her trance.

There's no way…

Out of all the times her lover came up to her mind, it had to be now.

There's no way…

The dove's smell was different. His appearance was different. Even his aura was different. [2]

There's no way…

Her former lover had a tell that helped him diverse him from other ghoul's. He had a body that she had only seen once, his aura was calm yet estranged. Only she was able to notice these things about him.

There's no way…

She thought of Kaneki. It pained her by realizing it, but the dove did. His face was familiar, but it wasn't his. She had nostalgia, but it wasn't strong enough to make her think. For a second, she had hope. She wanted to hope that it was Kaneki. She wanted her fantasy of her lover being alive to come true. She wanted to embrace him; to hold him; to kiss him. She wanted to do so much to him. But she can't.

Because he's dead…

Because he's dead.

The myth came true.

Haise knew that he was being after what seemed like forever from staring at the woman.

He smiled at the waitress, who was still staring at him, "Are you okay, Miss?" He asked.

The woman's eyes lessened, and her blue orb were much more beautiful when calm. "Uh, yes, I'm alright," she replied. Her eyes were closed for a bit before they opened agains. "I apologize. It's been a long day." She leaned her head forward as a bow, an apology being shown.

He laughed, not wanting it to fill the room. "It's alright. I've had one myself."

The waitress didn't laugh. No laugh, no smile, no return of any action. All she did was walk over to a table towards one of the walls. "Come sit here."

Haise followed as did Shirazu and Mutsuki, to a table near a column of books and papers. "Thank you. And can we have three cups of coffee please?"

"Of course," she replied blankly. As the Investigators sat down, she walked away from them and back to the counter, where the other employees stood by.

"What a cute girl," Mutsuki suddenly said as he sat down next to Haise.

"Cute enough to catch Sassan's eye, if you ask me," Shirazu said jokingly. He smirked, as if he was asking for a comeback.

"Oh, come on, Shirazu," Mutsuki said. "I'm not sure if one girl can catch Sasaki-san's attention. Right, Sasa–"

Mutsuki and Shirazu turned to their superior before they saw him staring into space. He didn't say anything. All he did was gaze down at the floor.

They all remained quiet for the rest of the time.

Touka, you idiot.

That's what Touka kept telling herself in her head. It wasn't because she embarrassed herself in front of a dove, to which it was the least of her problems. She kept berating herself for thinking that that man, a pawn of the CCG, was Kaneki.

What an idiot.

"What was that all about?" Miyu asked when Touka came to the counter.

Her expression was still blank, as she was talking to herself, but she managed to shake her head back to reality. Even so, she couldn't think of a proper answer. "Nothing," she said. "I was just dazed; that's all."

Tomoya, who appeared next to her, blinked. "That didn't look like a daze. I heard even know what that was. Do you know him?"

"You're literally asking me if I know an Investigator?" Touka whispered, not wanting to draw the doves' attention. "I think you're just thinking too much."

"What other being would not think too much in a dove's presence?" Kaito added.

"Again, why are you thinking too hard about this?" Touka rolled her eyes. She took out the ingredients for the coffee and placed them on the counter. "Now, I need to work on the orders. So stop worrying about them, and go back to work."

No one argued. They all went their separate ways, and put themselves into parts of the shop like chess pieces. Touka could see all of them, except Yoriko, who suddenly disappeared at time like this.

While Touka made the coffee, she tried her best to not let the doves' notice her glance. It was true that she sensed something from the disorderly, monochrome-haired dove, but she didn't want to draw herself anymore attention. Even if Yomo surprisingly sat in front of home, probably in spite of her curiosity, she had to pretend that they were ordinary customers. Just normal, ordinary customers.

Nothing more nor less.

"I apologize for the wait."

After fourteen minutes of waiting, the blue-haired waitress came to the table and placed three cups of coffee in front of the customers. Everything else afterward was going fine, until Haise suddenly burst into tears.

"Whoa, Sassan!" Shirazu exclaimed. "What is this, some new joke?"

Haise shook his head. "No, it's not." Setting down his coffee, he wiped his tears with his hands. More started to stream down, yet he didn't wipe those.

"Are you okay?" The same waitress who greeted them asked, who had walked up to the table just as the action occurred.

Haise looked up at her, seeing her hold out a handkerchief towards his direction. He took it and wiped his eyes with it. "I'm sorry. It's delicious…it really is."

The waitress smiled. "Thank you very much."As he gave her back her handkerchief, Haise venerated the way she smiled.

He wanted to compare it to the way she looked, as it was flawless. However, something was off about it. It was a bit awkward, but at the same time, it was…a little bit sad. The way she looked, however, could not break him. The presentation made him think back on his nostalgia. About how he felt gear rather than a sweet relief. Fear did not tease him, even if he wanted to concentrate on it. Whatever he felt was a wave of sweetness, considering that maybe…

…he might have known such a beautiful woman in his life.

"Sir?" The waitress asked. "Are you okay?"

Hide was taken aback. "Yes, I'm fine."

The waitress chuckled. "I guess that day really got to you."

"Yeah," Haise agreed.

Shirazu eyed Mutsuki before he mentioned his head to another bookshelf near the table. Standing up, they began to walk away to that specific spot, making the waitress suspicious. "What's going on with your friends?"

Haise found himself in a certain resentment from the two. "I honestly have no ideas. They're barely kids, so I don't know what they have in their minds."

"Kids?" She said. "If you don't mind me asking, how old are they?"

"Nineteen or twenty," Haise said immediately. "And that's only for those two."

"But that's still pretty young," the waitress said. "Especially with his they're both Investigators."

"It wouldn't hit to let a few more young minds into the CCG. At least, that's what my mentor told me."

The waitress leaned her hand on the table. "A bit too much for an intention, if you ask me." Haise blinked in surprise. "What about you? You don't seem old, as well."

"Gee, thanks," Haise said with flattery in his eyes. "And I'm twenty-four."

"Huh, spoke too soon," she said. "You are pretty old."

"Hey!" Haise said, attempting to not shout. "You flatter me and then shoot me down?"

The waitress giggled.

Touka didn't mean to sound flattering.

Haise immediately was smitten by her.

He nudged the coffee cup away from him to make room for his hands as they folded together. "Hey, listen."

The waitress didn't say anything, but she positioned herself forwards him.

Haise smiled. "You seem really nice. I was wondering if maybe we—"

"Touka-chan!"

The waitress jolted her head away from Haise, almost making him jealous, as a chestnut-haired woman ran up to the blue-haired woman. Chestnut looked exhausted as she put her hands on her knees while catching her breath.

"Yoriko?" The waitress labeled as Touka said. "What's wrong?"

Yoriko breathed out every few words as she spoke. "I went. To check. If. Rui-chan. Was okay. But then." She stopped breathing heavily, but she didn't finished didn't finish.

"But then what?" Touka asked her, her tone suddenly frantic.

Yoriko took another breath, a sharp breath, before saying:

"Rui-chan's gone."

1. I've known Kerli since my middle school years, and this song is my absolute favorite collaboration between her and another artist. I started listening to Seven Lions and he is incredible! Anyway, the lyrics are pretty literal here, so it shouldn't be hard on why it fits this chapter.

2. *sigh* I thought I had everything under control with this story and how I wanted it to be, but it turns out, I've got a long way to go. I didn't even realize the ghouls' sense of smell would ruin the logic in the story. I really want the story to go my way with Touka not knowing Haise to be Kaneki, so I'm going to be sensible by making a little tweak. I won't say anything yet about why Touka didn't smell Kaneki with his own smell, but I'm telling you guys this to let you know as an answer to the questions you probably have. So until then, please wait a little more until I can give a proper explanation. Also, please note that it's been a years since everyone has seen Kaneki so they won't completely recognize him either.

3. The Sea of Faith is a reference to the poem, "Dover Beach" by Matthew Arnold. Amazing with what analyzing a poem for summer homework can do to you :=P

I figured that a lot of people would wonder how Touka would react to Haise coming to :re for the first time when she has a kid. Though to be honest, for the story, I don't want her to quickly identify Haise as Kaneki. In the manga, Touka wasn't so sure if he was alive and she made :re in hopes that he would return. However, the Touka in Re:pray claimed that he died considering that she saw his dead body. She wouldn't believe that he would magically come back to life as she would wish. I want things to go by at an average pace rather than a fast one when she meets Haise. It'll set things for the future drama in store :P

It has been a very long time since I have written a chapter, considering that I had a lot to think through. Also, I just read chapters 80-83 of the :re manga, and allow me to show my reactions towards those specific chapters.…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!I'm not spoiling anything about what happened, but damn that takes a turn for the worst! The damn drama is driving me crazy and sending me so much closer on the brink of depression (not literally)! It makes me wish I started Re:pray sooner! Anyway, thank you so much for being patient with me and I'll write again as soon as I can! Bye bye!