Chapter 5: Sense…
"This is new
Feels unused
I've never met anyone like you"
-"Atlantis" by Ellie Goulding
The first thing that Touka did when Yoriko told her Rui was missing was run.
Knocking down a chair on the way, she ran towards the door to the apartment. After running up the stairs and into the apartment, she looked around frantically. She looked in her room, Yomo's room, Rui's room, the kitchen, the spare rooms, any place in the second floor. She looked carefully at any hiding place and corner she could find. But to no luck, she couldn't find Rui anywhere.
Panicked, Touka ran down the stairs back to the cafe. "Rui!" She called out, letting everyone stare at her. The Investigators were staring at her before, but the gaze they gave her was filled with worry. Sprinting from each part of the shop by the second, she was checking every part of the cafe until she started hyperventilating.
Aomi came up to her. "Boss, calm down. I'm sure Rui is still here."
"Shut up!" Touka ordered, but her hyperventilating continued. "She can't be gone. She can't."
The Investigator Touka talked to stood up from his seat and came up to Yoriko. "What's going on? Who's Rui?"
Yoriko, who forgot that the Investigator was still there, widened her eyes as she looked towards him. "Oh, I'm sorry, sir. We don't mean to be a bother, but can we ask you to leave?"
The Investigator's young subordinates walked back to him and glared at him, as if they want answers. "But, Miss, if there's anything we can do–," the Investigator offered.
Yoriko shook her head before he could finish. "I don't think so, Investigator...?"
"Haise Sasaki," he replied. He pointed to the orange-haired Investigator, "Ginshi Shirazu," and then to the green-haired Investigator. "Tooru Mutsuki."
"This is the cafe's problem, Investigator Sasaki," Yoriko replied, not even saying her name in return. "This has nothing to do with you."
"But who's Rui?"
"Again, you don't need to know," she said, her tone a bit annoyed and her head turned away from him.
"Is she another employee?"
The table slammed loud with a small nudge against it as Yoriko turned around. Her patience was gone, and she stared back at him. "She's the manager's daughter, okay?" And with that, she walked away.
Meanwhile, Touka had sat down in one of the chairs, exhausted from running around the entire shop. All of the employees surrounded her and attempted to give their words of comfort to her. Sadly, they wouldn't work as they continued to watch her panic.
"Why?" Touka whispered, her hands in her hair. "Just when we just had another problem. Where could she have gone?"
"Rui knows that she can't go far from the shop," Yomo added.
"Ren's right, Touka," Kaito agreed, his hand on her shoulder. "She may be small, but she's responsible enough to be on her own. Maybe you didn't see her while you were–"
"How can I not notice her?!" Touka shouted angrily. She wasn't crying, but she had a loud tone that shook the shop. "And even if she's smart, she's just a little girl! What if something happened to her?"
"Is everything alright, Miss?" a voice asked. Touka looked behind Yoriko's shoulder to see the Investigators on her tail. Yoriko turned around to see that the Investigators were still stubborn in being interested in the situation. "We told you already. This doesn't involve you, Investigator Sasaki."
Sasaki… Touka thought.
"I don't think we can leave the situation as it is, Miss," Sasaki said. "If the situation seems serious, me and my underlings can help."
"We what?" The orange-haired Investigator questioned, his back bent forward and his head looking toward Sasaki. "Sassan, are we really-"
"Shirazu, don't start," Mutsuki added, now making Touka even more confused whether he's a boy or a girl as he talked in a motherly tone. "We need to help the manager."
"Mutsuki's right, Investigator Shirazu," Sasaki replied, his tone a bit harsh as he breathed Shirazu's title, before looking back at Touka. "This is something normal, so we can help."
Touka shook her head, trying to handle a smile on her face. "No, no, everything's fine, Investigator. I don't need any help."
"Liar," Sasaki said, surprising Touka. "One of the waitresses told me about your daughter."
Touka wanted to deny it. She didn't like people other than her employees getting involved. Even so, she felt herself nod. "I looked everywhere in the shop and I can't find her."
Sasaki wordlessly nodded. "Was she being under anyone's care before she disappeared?"
Touka felt nauseous, but she managed to shake her head, despite it being the truth. "My friend, Yoriko, kept checking if she was in her room for a while, which she was. I thought she would be fine." She knew that the Investigator wanted to know why this happened, but she didn't want him to ask. She didn't want to have their fight being in her mind. Did that make her leave? It must have, since she would have never done anything like running away. She should've known better. She was just a child, for Christ's sake.
"I didn't even know you had a daughter," Shirazu spontaneously said, before murmuring, "though you should've watched her."
Mutsuki nudged Shirazu nimbly, not making him react towards it. "Shirazu," he mumbled as a warning.
"What did you say?" Touka asked, being a bit annoyed once she heard his comment. Her look scared Shirazu, as he was under the assumption that she heard him.
"I mean," Shirazu stuttered, "why don't we try and call the police if you can't find her? They're experienced at these situations, so they can be able to—"
Shirazu choked before he could finish his last word. Touka, who was starting to be anxious, came up to Shirazu to grab him by the neck tightly. Dragging him to the counter, she pushed his back toward it, making his backbone make a loud cracking noise. It didn't break anything, thankfully, but Shirazu couldn't breathe from two things. That fact that he had his neck tightened by a small hand and that a woman was doing it.
Touka bared her teeth as she had her small hand on his neck. "Listen here, you orange-colored copy of Jaws! My daughter is the only reason why I haven't yet lost my sanity! AND YOUR WAY OF OFFERING TO HELP IS TO CALL THE FUCKING POLICE?!"
"Touka-chan!", along with "Touka-san!" were heard from Yoriko and Miyu, as well as the two Investigators shouting their colleague's name in unison. The four ran up to the two and attempted to break them up. Yoriko was hugging Touka from behind, hoping she would calm down, Miyu was grabbing her waist to pull her back, Mutsuki tried to find an open spot for him to go through, but couldn't, and Sasaki had his hands on both of their chests, attempting to further their distance. The other workers couldn't do anything but watch, Aomi being the only one watching with shock.
Finally, Touka's fingers released Shirazu's neck, making him gasp for air. Mutsuki stood by Shirazu to check if he was alright, and Sasaki kept staring at Touka, still resisting in her friends' grasp. After a while, she managed to calm down and breathe heavily as her arms were still held back. When she stopped breathing, she apprehended what she had done with wide eyes.
"I'm…," she stuttered to Shirazu, tears forming. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry…"
She kept repeating the words as she slid her body to the floor. Biting her lip after whispering the tenth apology, she gave a loud sob. The tears she held in raced down her face and she brought her hands to her face to cover her face. By now, she didn't care if the room watched her. She can't find her daughter and she violated an Investigator. If she was a teenager, she wouldn't have cared. But now that she's a woman, she's proving herself as a bad example of a mother. Losing her temper like that was rare for it to appear, and she let that time be the one time it had to come. She was in major trouble than she expected otherwise.
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She felt a tug on her shirt.
Touka gasped at the action, and she almost felt Kaneki's presence, but she looked up to see Sasaki on his knees, glaring down at her with a concerned expression. It worked, as his grey eyes were too delicate and familiar to turn away from. "You're worried about your daughter, aren't you?"
Touka almost felt familiar with those words, even so she felt herself nod. Sasaki moved his lip to the side as he wiped a tear from her cheek. "Even so, you're also stressing. 'Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can.'" [2]
That's something Kaneki would say...
That was all Touka could think of when Sasaki attempted to calm her down. She always had a short temper, so he would naturally know how to calm her down. Her boyfriend would do all he could, action-wise and wordwise. Even if they didn't always work, she would stop for his sake. Immediately, she knew. Even if he wasn't here, even if he was dead, she still had to calm herself down.
Taking a deep breath, she rubbed her eyes and looked at Sasaki before eyeing Shirazu and bowing her head. "Sorry again about that, Investigator Shirazu."
Shirazu clicked his tongue, his left hand rubbing his throat, but he waved his right hand as if he was saying "it's alright". Still, she still had guilt. Without noticing, Sasaki then helped her to her feet with a small smile. "Now, we can help find her. Investigator Mutsuki can stay here with you while me and Investigator Shirazu can go ask around."
Not arguing, Touka nodded. "Okay."
Sasaki held out a hand. "By the way, I never introduced myself. I'm Investigator Haise Sasaki. Nice to meet you."
Touka almost looked scared, but she knew that she had to calm down for not just her sake, but everyone around her. Her daughter was gone, but she did her best to have a placid mind as she took Haise's hand. "My name's Touka Kirishima. Nice to meet you."
As soon as Haise exchanged names with the waitress, was given the girl's name and shown a picture of her, he and Shirazu walked out of :re to begin their search. Only he had a determined lol on his face, despite not knowing where to look. Shirazu didn't have any ambition to share, however. All he did was glance at Haise. "Hey, Sassan, is this a good idea?"
Shirazu's question didn't jolt Haise back to reality; his mind was already clear enough for him to listen. "What do you mean?"
Shirazu put a hand on Haise's shoulder. "I mean, finding a child. Think about it: We barely know the 16th ward; we just met a woman who we still don't know anything about; and, not to be rude, but we're Investigators, not the police."
Haise shook his head in disappointment. "That's rude, Shirazu."
"But come on! Plus, I think that woman hates me!"
"She doesn't hate you and she apologized. Let's just say that that was a bad first impression."
"Yeah, yeah, I just hope her husband isn't the same."
"Yeah," Haise blankly agreed, not suspecting his voice trailing off into a breath. "Well, what's done is done. We already agreed to help Kirishima-san, so there's no going back. Now, go search over there while I search here."
With only a quick nod, Shirazu spun on his heel and ran to the right of the shop, leaving Haise assured that he's doing his part as he heard him yell the girl's name. Taking a deep breath, Haise did the same, differing as he took small steps towards the left.
After just taking a few steps, however, he halted himself, staring at nothing but the row of shops and people walking by.
Husband, huh? He thought. That's a shame.
A loud noise exploded in his left ear. Silently gasping, Haise turned his head to see an alleyway next to :re. He would have excuse it as a random interruption, but he heard whimpering beyond the darkness.
Hoping that it would be the child, he took long strides into the alleyway. It would almost be dark if it wasn't for the afternoon sun, and it was easy to see a backdoor and a dumpster. As he came closer to the dumpster, the whimpering became louder and louder.
When he looked behind the dumpster, he noticed a tiny figure curled up in a ball. Her head was tucked in her knees and her long black hair cascaded down her back and arms. Her voice was cracking as she whimpered and as she kept repeating the word, "Why?"
Taking a step forward, Haise raised his hand towards the figure with concern. "Rui-chan?"
Rui cracked her head upwards before gasping at Haise, her dark blue eyes brimming with tears.
That was when Haise found the true definition of purity.
He'd already seen a picture of Rui in the shop but that he's seeing her in person, he knew that she wasn't fake. Her face was round, as any child should, and a shade darker than her mother's, the same shade as his skin tone. Her eyes had no glimmer, as they were in an almost-dark alley, but the grace in them were still noticed as they were wide as a coin. Everything that was a part of her was small, but it shook, along with her, at the discovery of a man who had found her at her hiding spot.
Rui pulled herself away from Haise's extended hand. "It's okay," Haise said. "I won't hurt you."
Rui didn't look assured as she continued to glance at him. "Who are you?" she asked, almost in awe, her voice no longer cracking. It was soft and soothing.
Haise smiled at her. "My name's Haise. I'm a friend."
Rui shook her head in denial. "I've never seen you before."
Haise tried to chuckle, but it was so fake that even the child looked confused. "I guess you're right. Then let's just say that I'm a friend of your mom's."
Rui looked like she wanted to say something else, but she said nothing. She didn't do anything but stare at him in wonder, her eyes no longer wide.
"Come on," he said as he bent one of his knees, his hand still extended. "I've come to take you back to your mom."
Rui's eyes widened again and she shook her head. "No!" She said, hiding her face in her knees. "I don't want to go back!"
Haise stopped smiling. "Why not?"
"I don't want to see Mommy! She was being mean!"
"I don't think she could be mean," he said, trying to forget what she did to Shirazu in the cafe.
"She was!" Her voice cracked again. "I asked her for something, but she wouldn't tell me anything. She didn't tell me a thing, so I ran away since she was mean! Stupid Mommy!"
"Rui-chan, you shouldn't say that about you mom. And I'm sure you can't be mad at her for not telling you about this 'thing.'"
He was expecting her to talk back, probably say something too advanced for her age, but no defense came out of her mouth. She raised her head and stared at Haise. It wasn't in awe, but as a sign as if she wanted his comfort. "Mister," she said, "does my mommy love me?"
Haise didn't answer her question right away, mostly because he was thinking about her mother. Hell, he had just met her ten minutes ago, let alone knowing about the next. Then again, the only thing he could use as evidence was when she attacked Shirazu in desperation for finding her daughter. Would that be enough? He wasn't looking deep enough in the first impression, but he needed something enhance his answer. "Of course, she does, Rui-chan."
"If she does, then why won't she tell me anything about my daddy?"
Haise then began to tie everything together. It wasn't very through, and he knew he shouldn't jump to conclusions, but hearing what she said made him think. A minute ago, he was wondering where her father was, but he didn't mean to realize about him that way. That made him have a fair assumption that the manager—given from her young appearance and no other man in the shop asking where his daughter was—was a single mother.
He, like he did for the previous question, didn't answer quickly. He was properly thinking of an answer, one with no proof nor reason as that was the only way to think of it quickly, in his opinion. He had heard of the situation before, but this is the first time that he was confronting it.
A twitch being released in his lips, Haise moved towards Rui and let both of his knees bend on the rocky ground. "Your mom won't tell you about your dad?"
Rui never had her eyes ripped off of Haise, even as she nodded slowly. More tears were growing when she opened them again. The corner of her eyes struggle from making them stop.
Haise sighed. "Rui-chan, hiding from you mom won't fix things."
Rui's jaw slightly dropped, her fingers on her chin. "It won't? But she won't tell me about my–"
"That doesn't even matter with the situation at all," Haise chimed in. "You can't just run away from her like that. Do you even know how much everyone is worried about you? And especially your mom. She had a terrible breakdown when she realized that you were gone. The solicitude she had was so huge that it almost scared me. You cannot be a girl who does. You can't just run away when you feel like it when you think that it will solve everything. Just what do you think would happen?"
Rui's tears started to fade away, which startled Haise. He thought that he would make her cry more from his burst, but she didn't sob at all. Instead, she looked confused. "A heart…diagram?" [3]
"Heart diagram?" Haise questioned before realizing her confusion. "Oh, no, solicitude. It means concern for someone important."
"That's such a big word," Rui said with a smile at the corner of her mouth.
"Yeah, he said, not questioning her wonder. "My point is, you shouldn't be upset about not having a father. You still have a mother, and the other employees seem to really care for you also. You should be happy that you have all these people who love you rather than be sad about missing one other person. And your father? I'm sure that wherever he is right now, he wouldn't want you to be sad thinking about him. He probably would've wanted you to live happy no matter what."
The opposite corner of Rui's mouth made another smile, making her have an extended small smile. Haise was almost surprised that she understood everything he had said, but he knew that there was no time to be impressed. He had to bring her back to the cafe.
"Come on," Haise said, raising himself up. He waited for Rui to do the same, but she didn't. Her gaze was still down on the ground and her smile became a frown. "Rui-chan, what's wrong?"
"Mommy must be really mad at me now," Rui said. "What if she doesn't want me anymore?"
"Are you kidding?' Haise asked, bending his knees again. "Who wouldn't want you? Every parent would want their child."
"Did your parents want you?"
Haises stopped, his face almost being pale in a second, but he didn't stop himself from shaking his head. "I don't-I don't know who my parents are."
Rui didn't ask what he meant by that, but she stared at him like she was waiting for an explanation. But Haise didn't give one. He just became a statue as he had nothing else to say. He almost felt like giving out from nothing, scaring him as he realized that that made him weak. How pathetic, he thought. Who would show weakness, especially in front of a child?
Still not replying to her, Rui stood up from the ground and walked closer to Haise. She didn't give him time to say anything before she reached out to hug him.
Haise didn't say anything as Rui hugged him. He didn't even hug her back. All he did was let her hug his neck, herself being taller than him as he was on his knees, and let her body become stiff against his own. She felt so warm against him, and he felt something rise in his throat, making him be on the verge of crying.
When she released her clutch on him, he was surprised to see a huge grin on her face. "Don't cry, Mister. I'm sure that your parents would have wanted you too."
Haise wasn't sure if he was crying in front of her, but hearing Rui's sentence suddenly made him wish he was. It was silly with how she just quoted him, but it was soothing to see her have the same amount of compassion as him.
"They must also have a heart diagram for you," Rui chimed in.
Haise laughed while shaking his head. "No, solicitude." His lips pulled into a sly smile. "You really like that word now, huh?"
"Yeah!" Rui said with no hesitation. "I love big words!"
"Even when you're just four years old?" He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. It still ha Rui's touch. "You're very smart, Rui-chan."
She nodded, as if she was letting him know that she wanted him to go on. He leaned in closer to her. "Hey, I have an idea." She stayed quiet, her head tilting to the side. "How about whenever I see you, I'll teach you new words?"
Rui's eyes lit up with excitement, and her posture changed as she gave a wide smile. "Really?"
"Yeah," Haise said. "But in order for me to do that, I need to make sure that you're home. You see, I can't visit you if you're here, so I need to make sure that your mother knows that you're okay. Can you do that for me?"
To his shock, Rui slowly shook her head. "You don't have to try too hard, Mister." She raised her hands in the air. "I'm ready to go home now."
Grins were spread across both of their faces. Taking it as his advantage, Haise grabbed Rui by her waist and lifted themselves from the ground. Her arms wrapped around his neck again, refreshing the same spot where she hugged him before. As he started walking back to the shop, he was unable to tell if the random yet warm feeling that appeared was Rui's or his.
"Yeah… yeah…" was all Touka heard from Mutsuki as he was on the phone. Shirazu came back a minute ago, saying that he couldn't find Rui, and was nearby his colleague as they both were pricking her patience.
She was pleased with Mutsuki staying with her, giving her his assurance on finding Rui, she felt taunted by his words and presence. She knew it wasn't right to feel that way, but somehow, she allowed it. All she did was sit on her chair, all of her workers being close to her as their comfort.
Before the rest of her body could tighten with worry, Mutsuki hung up on his phone, telling something to Shirazu that was hard to be heard. She expected something bad as soon as they walked up to her, but they both had smiles on their faces.
"Good news,' Mutsuki said, loud enough for everyone to hear. "Sasaki-san just found Rui-chan and they're on their way back."
With those words, a release of relief filled the shop from the workers. It was only Touka who covered her mouth to stifle anything that could have come from her mouth. It hid her smile, bright and emotional, but her eyes shed tears of contentment that made the workers smile.
Touka jumped from her chair and kept asking questions to Mutsuki and Shirazu about what happened. "Where was she?...Is she alright?...Did she get hurt?...I hope she's okay." Shirazu didn't answer as he was still a bit afraid of her, Mutsuki didn't even have any time to answer as she spoke at the same pace of a cheetah. Nobody could even blame her for it.
And just when she asked "When will she get here?", the bell range as the front door opened. Touka looked behind Mustuki to see Haise carrying her daughter, their eyes only on her.
"Mommy!" Rui cried, squirming in Haise's arms. He set her down on the ground and let her run towards her mother, who knelt down on her knees and hugged her daughter tightly. More tears ran down her cheeks, and she smiled with relief.
"I'm sorry, Mommy," Rui finally said. "I'm in trouble again, aren't I?"
Touka almost forgot what Rui was talking about, but she couldn't care less.
"Yeah, you are," Touka laughed. "But we'll talk about that later." She looked at Rui's eyes, still bright and blue as hers. "I'm just happy you're here. Are you okay, sweetie?"
Rui nodded. "Onii-chan made sure I was."
Touka looked up to see Haise smiling down on the two, to which she smiled back. All the others could look and stare in wonder at the two, right before Rui ran from her mother's arms to the rest of the workers.
"Thank you, Investigator Sasaki," Touka said, letting herself stand up from the ground and can closer to the Investigator. "I really don't know what I can do to let you know that I am grateful."
"You don't have to, Kirishima-san," Haise replied. "I know how much you were worried about Rui-chan, so I'm glad I was able to help."
"You barely know me," she said, a side smile creeping in. "We just met minutes ago, yet you helped me."
"I don't need to know you to help you," he replied. "Besides, I have a good judgement, so I can see that you're a good woman." At that, Touka tugged on a strand of hair as she blushed pink.
"Mommy!"
Touka turned to see Rui running back to her. "I learned a new word!"
"Oh, really?" Touka said surprised, kneeling down again.
"Yeah, have you heard of solicitude?"
Touka shook her head. :No, I haven't."
"It's a big word,huh? It means 'concern for somebody.' Onii-chan taught it to me."
"Really?" She turned and looked up at Haise with a tightened jaw. "You taught her that?"
"Yeah," Haise nodded. "Though I kind of blurted it out when I was talking to her. She's really smart for her age."
"She is," she replied, unfocused on her words. She had always known that Rui was smart. She had to thank Kaneki for that.
Rui gasped, almost scaring Touka for a moment, before running up to be in front of Haise, gazing at him. "Onii-chan, can you still visit me to teach me more words?"
Touka turned herself around and looked at Haise with a new gaze, one with anticipation of what would happen. His expression looked simple when he was asked that question, so it was difficult to see if he was hesitating to answer. The question made her remind herself of Hinami when she wanted to learn new words. Was he thinking of somebody else as she was?
Finally, he kneeled down with a smile. "Sure, Rui-chan. But only if your mom if okay with it."
Rui turned back to her mom, but she didn't need time to think as she saw her daughter's puppy eyes. "Sure, you can have lessons, sweetie."
Rui's eyes widened with content and she smiled. "Yay! Thank you, Mommy!" She twirled back to Haise."Thank you, Onii-chan!"
Haise laughed as he patted Rui's head. "I was going to come back anyway." He looked back at Touka. "I really like your mom's coffee."
Touka smiled at his compliment, her cheeks flushed. She then wondered if the others in the room were watching. It was stupid of her to think that, as she heard voices on the other side of the shop, but she had it in her mind anyway.
She suddenly wanted everyone to look.
The man staring through the windows of :re did his best to not be seen. Neither by anyone inside the shop nor walking past him. He absolutely need to watch Haise Sasaki, as he was told to do, so creating suspicions in public was the last thing he wanted.
After thirty minutes of taking pictures of him, he finally decided that he has done his part. Before he could leave, however, he caught a glimpse of a green-haired Investigator conversing with the workers at the shop. Hiding his ecstasy at the sight of the Investigator, he took a quick picture of him before quickly walking away. Noticing his car, a small taxi cab, he went inside through the driver's seat and put the keys into ignition.
"Tooru…" was what he kept repeating, lustfully, as he drove away.
1. I've been an Ellie Golding fan since she released her second album, Halcyon. The song, Atlantis, is from that album and it's my favorite song from there. To be clear, this song is a breakup song, so it doesn't match the feel of the chapter. However, these lines are from the beginning of the song, and I feel like that that would be perfect words in not just Touka's mind but Rui's as well when she meets Haise. I'm not sure if it would be good to listen to the song while reading the chapter, but still I chose the lyrics as my own opinion.
2. The quote used here is something i found on the internet. I don't know who said it, but it belongs to him or her. Sasaki is one for giving support, so Of course he would quote something that involves literature.
3. I'm using the words "Solicitude" and "Heart Diagram" in its Japanese translation. "Kokorozukai" is the Japanese translation for "Solicitude", and "Kokoro no zukai" means "Heart illustration or diagram" in English. I figured that Rui could've misheard that word and assumed Haise said "Heart Diagram".
Hi, everyone! Damn…this was absolutely the hardest chapter yet. I actually had no idea what I was thinking while I was writing this, but I hope that it's a good chapter for you all. Though because of my writer's block, it's been a long time since I've updated again, hasn't it? Sorry about that. I've been so busy with my summer hw that I didn't have time to myself. Plus, school is coming soon for me so I won't be able to have as much time as I had before, so I'll do my best in updating. Also, I have trouble with my eyesight every time I type on my phone or the computer, so I write in my journal and type as much as I can from it without having to hurt my eyes. Hopefully, I'll get new glasses soon. Thanks again for sticking with me and I'll see you again next time! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Tokyo Ghoul does not belong to me and please excuse the grammatical errors listed in the story.