Chapter 7: Closer…

"Musing through memories,

Losing my grip in the grey.

Numbing the senses,

I feel you slipping away."

–"Still Here" by Digital Daggers

The steps Touka took on the perfectly polished floor in the ghost white hallway were the only sounds she minded for causing an annoyance.

Touka had always hated hospitals. No matter which one she would go to, she would have the same goosebumps when walking into one. Everything would always be in the color white and it made her wonder that if she kept looking at it, would she actually have the color imprinted on her and make her see white when she's on the verge of death? That thought made her afraid of that color, as she was afraid of dying and leaving everything behind once she sees that color for the last time.

Hospitals also had a displeasing smell. Drugs and medicines could be sensed by the nose, left and right. As a ghoul, while her taste buds do detect nasty flavors in human food, medicines were another thing humans and ghouls have in common. No one would say that they took pleasure in the taste of pills and syrups.

Touka never even went to a hospital when she was pregnant with Rui. She didn't want her child to be born in a place that always stepped on her nerves. She gave birth to her daughter, her precious baby girl, at :re instead. She was glad that she did. There was nothing else on her mind that ever would give her a reason why she needed to be at a hospital.

Well, there was one reason.

After she asked for a visitor's pass and went to the elevator, she arrived on the eight floor of the building. The bouquet of flowers in her hands remained steady despite the crooked steps she took. Her anxiety for hospitals grew, but she did her best for bringing composure, as she always did for her visits.

Before she could turn to her left once she reached one of the turns in the hallway, she saw a couple walking past her, as part of the schedule. She would always see them, once in a while, always leaving one of the rooms near the one she always visits. Whenever she noticed them, she would see them in the same position: with the man hugging his wife(easily noticed by the silver bands on their left fingers) as she cried, both silently and loudly. Sometimes, she would think about going up to them, maybe become friends with them, but sadly she couldn't. She hardly had time anymore for doing regular things, what with her managing :re, going to school, and taking care of her daughter.

This was considered her only free time that brought her satisfaction.

Once she arrived at a door that displayed the green numbers J501, she stared through the room. The room was open, so she could see the foot of the bed, the sheets being elevated from the set of feet underneath the covers. She could see that the blankets were clean, and the curtains were folded against the wall. The sunlight easily went through the windows and burnished the covers.

Touka expected herself to walk into the room with the same nonchalance she always had whenever visiting, but she didn't. There was an unexpected refusal in her chest, making her want to leave the room, leave the hospital, and go back home to her daughter. She, for a moment, didn't want to see him.

But that moment dissipated. She had been holding back emotions and her hesitancy ever since she met Haise two days ago. He did promise her that he would come back to the shop to teach Rui new words but she didn't get his phone number or anything. She's not even sure if she can keep his promise and come. It's like a meeting one person but they never promise to keep talking. All those thoughts went through her head as she stood by the door, but she wanted it to be missed today. So she took a deep breath, raised her right heel over the other, and walked into the room with as much placidity she could fake.

The first thing she saw when she entered the room, as always, was the now somber yet still golden hair on the patient's head.

Hide…

[2] Touka walked towards him, to the right side of his bed as she made a long detour around it. She even thought on hesitating about coming closer to him, but she mustered the courage to go closer to him and sit down by one of his chairs. Touka knows that he wouldn't be awake to se her hesitation, but she fly that he would somehow sense her worried composure.

"Hello, Hide," Touka said finally, trembling as she said his name, as she rarely said his nickname. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

Silence. She had always expected silence from him.

"I apologize about that," Touka said, vowing her head in a quick manner. "But I'm here now."

The heart monitor beeped, yet it couldn't be assuring towards the lack of color in Hide's skin.

"I bet that's something you would always say," Touka joked. "Maybe when you were over at your school. Like arriving to class late. You seem like that kind of person."

His hair had reached towards his shoulders, strands of it covering his right eye. He looked dead without his cocoa eyes being blazoned. Instead, the lids were covering them.

Touka set the flowers on the counter next to her before searching through her purse. "Hey, I brought another book."

She set down her purse down beside the chair on the ground after she brought out a thick yet deplorable book. It was tan-colored and had ashes of red and green on the cover, but "Egg of The Black Goat" would clearly be seen in its natural white Kanji.

"Don't complain," Touka said, but it sounded more like a command rather than a joke. "I know you don't like books like these. I've read it so I can partially understand why, but please bear with it." She opened the book to the first page while muttering, "This is the only thing we can have that reminds us of him."

She didn't say who she was talking about. Not like she or Hide would want to know. Because they would already have one name in mind.

She began to read, stuttering already in the action as she spoke the poetic words.

[3] "'I always wondered what being a monster meant. Usually, the ones I know are in storybooks or myths that my mother used to tell me when I was young enough to know what candy was. Even so, I can't help but feel sympathy towards them. Maybe their disfigurements are unbearable characteristics, like a human being born with no arm. Maybe their sure must be coming from their thoughts, asking themselves why they are given a dreadful purpose in life, having no one to answer when they are afraid to. Maybe their cries of fear are misunderstood cries for help, having them think that people are forced to run when they are begging for assistance. Only I think they can be misinterpreted. It's all because of my mother. She's the monster that makes me understand that there are other monsters that are less scarier than her...'"

Touka kept reading to Hide, even as he resembled a corpse and she might as well be uttering the words to herself. She kept glancing at him every few sentences she would deliver. She wanted to stop, reading, but she kept repeating the words and made them create a buzzing feeling in her lips.

Her actions made herself be reminded of when she first visited Hide for the first time.

It was when it had been a few months since she gave birth to Rui when she saw his name in the newspaper. He, along with a Special Investigator, had been in a coma for many months after a certain Raid. She rushed over to the hospital (thank god that the newspaper had the name of the hospital he was in on there), and saw him lifeless on the bed.

She couldn't think of anything else when she saw him. Only that he was still there. Everything in her body shivered when she saw him, and she didn't even have the strength to mutter a word to him. All she did was smile brightly, knowing that a part of her lover still lived.

Ever since then, she never stopped visiting him.

Already feeling exhausted after reading the first chapter, Touka closed the book and glanced at her lover's best friend. She looked for at least a sign of life.

There wasn't anything. It's like he's lost.

"Rui's doing okay," Touka said, her voice loosing composure. "She's getting more smarter everyday. If only you could see her. You would see Kaneki once you see her."

That wasn't the first time she told Hise that last sentence. She liked saying it out loud, knowing that if he was awake, he might agree.

He would agree.

Setting the book on the countertop, next to the flowers, Touka looked forward to look over Hide, his darkened and unnatural face being easy to notice. She could still notice sunshine being hidden.

"I…Rui also made a friend," Touka said, and she smiled. "He could be my friend too, maybe, but I'm not sure. It's a long story, but he helped me find Rui when I thought she was missing. He even said he would come visit her to teach her." Touka didn't notice that she noticed that she sighed with a notice that she sighed with a more reposing tone. "It's so silly, but he reminded me of Kaneki. It's been two days since I've met him and I'm thinking of crazy fantasies."

Touka laughed forcefully with her eyes closed. They were tight enough to force back tears.

Why would she mention Haise at a time like this?

"Oh, me, oh, my."

A voice broke Touka's duration of laughter, making her release a gasp. Looking away from Hide she peered over to the open door.

A woman stood still as she waited by the doorway. Her face becomes showered with the traits of a woman in her forties, yet she still looked beautiful as she presented a small smile. Her long, light brown hair was tied back into a tight ponytail, making her citrus eyes stand out more than her slim body. Her posture was more noticed with the help of a simple long-sleeved purple dress. The bouquet of white hydrangeas in her hands made Touka think of the woman with an interesting comparison. As she looked at her, from where she was looking, Touka couldn't help but compare her to a puzzle. She was almost complete, but the flowers she held near her stomach made it seem like she was missing a piece.

That a part of her was empty.

Hastily budging her shoulders, the woman reduced her smile and walked closer to Touka. "I've never seen you come here before."

Touka didn't force the small chuckle hidden in her throat. "I should say the same about you."

"Touché," the woman said, but her voice was discontent. Touka tightened her lips and cringed when she heard the word.

"Is something wrong?" The woman asked.

"No, it's nothing," Touka said, rubbing her cheek with one hand. "It's just that a person I knew used to randomly say something in French."

The woman laughed, her smile being brighter. "That must be an earful," she wondered aloud. She took steps closer to the opposite side of Hide's bed, placing her flowers on the other countertop near her. Taking a quick glance at the flowers, the woman grabbed a fair nearest to her and sat in it. She did her best to not bring attention to herself as she continued to stare at Hide. She didn't talk to him like Touka would do, she only glanced at him with a solemn look.

For a second, Touka expected the woman to be a ghost from how silent yet loud her existence was.

"Hey," Touka said after a while. The woman turned her head to Touka. She almost thought of the woman as someone she knew before as she glanced at her. It was the same back at :re when she first met Haise. She tried to figure out the woman but her apprehension was fogged up.

"Um," Touka stuttered. "Do you know Hide?"

The woman stood frozen, the AC in the room slightly moving strands of her hair. Touka wondered if she was hesitating, but that would mean that she didn't know him at all. Any person who knew Hide would definitely not hesitate, but somehow, this person must be.

Before Touka could ask the question again, the woman nodded stiffly. "Of course, I do."

"Oh," was all Touka could say, as the woman refused to keep up with the conversation, before she added, "What are you to him?"

"I'm his mother," the woman replied quickly, making her tone more snappier than Touka's than the way she asked the woman her previous question.

Touka was taken aback by the woman's reply. His mother? She thought. It was rare for her to meet the woman, but it was even odd for her to meet her now. Hide had been in the hospital for four years and she had never seen this woman nor anybody else come over the room to see him, not even once. How can she suddenly see his mother visit him when she never appeared before?

[4] "Me, oh, my, you appear to be stressed," the woman chimed in without breaking her gaze from Hide.

"Uh," Touka stammered, being a bit shaken from the woman's wild guess, especially with how she wasn't even paying attention to her. "Sorry. It's just that I've never seen you before."

"I was going to ask you the same thing," the woman said softly. "But the answer is so logical that even I can take a guess at it. My theory is, we were probably busy on several days or came on the same day but at separate times. With the right calculation, I can assume that the chances of us seeing each other were three days out of 1,460 days, or even 1,300 days depending on if we were not able to visit him every day. Even if we did come to visit him on the same day, I can calculate my speed limit and conclude that I would at least come at least an hour later after you or you would come an hour before me. I have a very busy schedule, so sometimes my hours would variate, but I know that the distance I make, in steps, last at least 6,817 steps per hour." [5]

"Uhhh," Touka's said as she felt her brain lose focus. She had been interested in school subjects, but math was not her greatest asset. She tried to keep on going, even when she was already confused by the woman's reasoning. "I…see. Well, it's very nice to meet you. I'm Touka Kirishima. I'm one of your son's friends."

The woman casually turned her head to Touka, who now has a smile being painted on her face, and it made the woman offer a smile back. "Nice to meet you, Kirishima-san."

Before Touka could continue their conversation, the woman rose from her seat and gathered her stuff. "I apologize for my sudden actions, but I should be going."

After five minutes? Touka thought, not even doing her best in not wanting to say it aloud.

"But you just got here," Touka argued.

"I know," the woman said as she put her purse over her shoulder, "but I like being alone when I see him. I'll just come back tomorrow."

"Wait," Touka said, trying it to end offended by the woman's comment. By the time Touka now faced the woman's back, the woman stopped and looked back at the blue-haired ghoul. Her face had been calm the entire time she had visited Hise, so Touka felt uncomfortable when she saw irritation in the woman's person.

"Well," Touka said, almost forgetting what she wanted to express, "I'd like to know your name. I know I might not see you again, considering of how big of an analysis you made, but it wouldn't hurt to greet you by your name if I do manage to come across you." Touka laughed nervously, but the woman didn't follow her lead and laugh with her.

The woman's eyes were hard to notice as her eyelids lowered down to cover half of her orange iris'. The enterprise in the woman's eyes didn't make Touka surprised to see the woman turn away from her and walked to the door. However, she was even more surprised to see the woman stop by the doorway, recreating the same way she arrived, the difference being her back being glanced at by Touka.

The woman's head tilted slightly to the right, letting Touka notice her lips as they moved when she said her reply:

"Tomine. You can call me Tomine."

[6] Haise rapidly tapped his foot against the tiled floor as he stood outside by one of patients' room.

He was lucky enough that he managed to have the rest of the day off from work today. He knew that Mutsuki's with Suzuya's and Urie is doing who knows what (considering that he doesn't like to tell his business to anybody). He was walking down his regular route to home when he saw Shirazu and Saiko Yonebayashi, another one of his underlings, with Hanbee Abara, Suzuya's partner. Haise didn't know what went on in his head when they offered him to come along to the hospital, but it, somehow, made him agree.

Haise knew that Hanbee must be talking to the two members of his squad about the patient they were visiting. He knew that the patient that they were seeing was Special Investigator Yukinori Shinohara. What Haise didn't know was much about the mentioned Investigator. He only knew that he was Suzuya's mentor when he first joined the CCG. He knew how much Suzuya's respected him, so, of course, he would understand his feelings whenever he mentioned his mentor. It could be similar to Haise, as well. Suzuya's must have, at least, respected Haise and his relationship with his mentor. He must have.

After realizing that he had been tapping his foot the entire time he stood by the door, Haise restrained himself from continuing on. Noticing a chair near him, as well as mentally hitting himself for not realizing sooner, he walked over to it and sat down, still managing to stay quiet.

Haise didn't continue with showing signs of impatience, but already having some in his mind was enough to make him want to run away from his sitting stance to back home. After sifting through his thoughts on what to do while waiting for his underlings, he reached inside his coat, towards a small pocket, and grabbed his small notepad. As soon as he flipped through the first few pages, he stopped as soon as he saw the list of familiar words he had written down.

It had been two days since he had visited :re and met Rui and Touka. It still was a surprise to him that he had met the two, especially in such an unexpected–and shockingly baneful–way. It was pleasant to meet new people that were not from the Academy and the CCG, and he didn't mind that they were regular people living a regular life. It was nice seeing that kind of lifestyle when he's a half-ghoul, a being who can't even settle with one world. It's even more nice to let himself have Rui and Touka as a fresh start in making new friends.

Friends…I'm your friend, Haise. Another reason why you should just accept me already.

Haise shuddered, but he shook his head and looked back on his notepad.

Since he had promised to come back to the restaurant, Haise had been making a list of words for Rui to study. He did his best on making a list that had words that would be manageable for her. While he did want to give her words like solicitude, he was worried that he might overwork her with too many advanced words. It would be best to give her words that's average yet easy for her. Even if she was smart, he's going to go easy on her.

Haise looked through the words he had written down. Some were advanced like "pragmatic", while others were simple like "respect". He did his best in choosing the right set of words for Rui, trying to keep her age in the back of his mind, but he still couldn't focus. Every time he's stuck on thinking of words, he thinks of Rui. He thinks of how smart she was. How delicate she was.

How she looked like her mother.

He admits that while he was reminiscing Rui's features, he was also reminded of the manager. Everything about her was written in his mind like a love song. From her bouncy bob to her natural jawline to her blue eyes, everything about her is perfect. So perfect that even some of her traits managed to go to Rui. He had just met the woman but he already could see all the beautiful things she must have.

A beautiful and kind woman. That's what he kept thinking as he thought about how she looked.

Touka-chan?

Haise winced as he heard his Voice in his head.

No, he thought, not now. Why now?

Haise shut his eyes, but his lips, and held a hand against his head, breathing heavily as he attempted to calm down. After a few seconds of heavy breathing, he managed to calm down and not let the Voice cause him to panic. Letting his hand slowly fall down to his lap, he glanced down at his notepad.

He looked down at a new word that was added to the list that even he didn't remember adding to it.

Mesmeric…

"Investigator Sasaki?"

Haise turned his head away from his notepad, the voice almost making him yell in surprise, to the last person he had expected to see.

"Kirishima-san?"

Touka, who was by one of the turning corners of the hallway, quickly walked over to Haise once he noticed her. He had only seen her once in the coffee shop, so it was almost odd to see her dressed in something different. However, in just a blazer and white dress, it did not fail in not making her less attractive in his eyes.

Once Touka was close enough to perfectly stare back at his gaze, she gave a small smile. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"Same with you," Haise agreed, letting himself rise from the chair and walk closer to Touka. He almost didn't know what to first say to her. "What are you doing here?"

Touka tilted her lips to the side. "Did you not see?" Haise tilted his head until he saw her smile again and point to the visitor's pass she had on her blazer.

Haise huffed after he analyzed the sticker, staring back at Touka. "Would you look at that?"

Touka's smile turned into a smirk. "I guess I don't need to ask about what you're doing here either." And she raised her index finger towards Haise's own visitor's pass, already surprisingly crumpled as parts of his Investigator coat wrinkled along with it.

Haise chuckled. "Well, would you look at that?" He said, looking at his name tag with false wonder.

"Please don't act surprised," Touka demanded, but her tone was more playful rather than pressuring. "It makes you look silly."

Haise laughs, but he doesn't defend himself and only stared back at her with a tilted head and a side smile. He would've looked enigmatic in her eyes but he knew that, to Touka, he was absorbed in her.

"So," he said, putting his hands in his pockets, his notepad still in his hands, "how is everything with you?"

"Oh, um," Touka said as her face showed introspectiveness. "It's alright. Oh, and Rui is doing good too."

"Really?" Haise almost leaned to her with enthusiasm. "That's good. I know I haven't seen you two in a while."

"It's been two days," Touka said with a half smile.

"Time doesn't exist then," Haise said.

"So does that mean that you don't think logically?" Touka crossed her arms.

"Maybe it's better to be out of the box rather than in it."

"Huh, now you're talking like you're smart?"

"You started it."

The last comment was powerful enough to make them both chuckle. After that, they both were silent for the next minute or so, but they still retained their small yet gentle smiles. Haise looked down at Touka and he could already feel chills down his spine as soon as he saw her smile.

"It'd be nice of you to come over, Investigator," Touka said, almost a whisper, as if she didn't want to say it.

"Huh?" Haise lost his thoughts for a moment.

"I mean, for Rui. I can tell she already misses you."

"Uhh, yeah," Haise agreed, feeling embarrassment for realizing that he didn't see Rui or Touka at :re. "Sorry about that. I've been busy with my job."

"Again, it's been two days. I wouldn't worry about it." Haise noticed her wink at him. It almost gave him a heart attack. She was acting all kinder than last time, like she was hiding her kindness, and it was, at that moment, that he wished to know what else she could be hiding.

"Sassan!"

Before Haise could say anything else, Shirazu, Saiko, and Hanbee came into the view and appeared next to him. Saiko and Hanbee looked confused when they saw Touka, when only Shirazu looked briefly afraid when he saw her.

"Maman," Saiko said, "who is she?"

"Oh, this is my friend," Haise said, raising a hand towards her. "This is Touka Kirishima."

"Hello," Touka said, followed by a bow. "I'm sorry, but I feel like I should be leaving now."

"That's alright," Shirazu said, trying not to show any fear in his voice. "We were leaving anyway. Let's go, Sassan."

Shirazu was ready to turn his heel away from Touka when he noticed that Haise was still staring at her. He shook his head, as if he heard the question and simultaneously have a reply. He smiled a goofy smile before he turned back to his underlings.

"Why don't you go back home? I think I'll walk Kirishima-san home."

1. Usually, when it comes to this song, people think that this is about lost lovers. While I agree with them, the song is much more than having a lost lover. Its about what it's like having someone close enough to be your friend be taken away from you. While this could apply to Haise being on the verge of being Touka's friend and having a fear of losing her, the song goes for Hide too. Hide is the closest thing Touka has to Kaneki, and seeing him is her way of closure towards her lover and knowing that he somewhat lives.

2. PLEASE DONT READ THIS UNLESS YOU HAVE READ UP TO AT LEAST CHAPTER 74 in :re

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I am caught up with the manga, so I read the chapter where we find out that Hide was eaten by Kaneki. I don't believe that he's dead; I refuse to believe that. It may be possible that he could be in a hospital in a coma after that experience. My theory is, that the person Touka was visiting in the hospital in the early chapters of :re was Hide. I just hope that I'm right for the real thing.

3. Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa.…Wow. Who knew trying to write like Sen Takatsuki would be hard. All I know is that her writing is simple yet filled with eloquence. This is my attempt at bringing in a part of her writing to life since it was never clearly quoted or explained thoroughly in the series. I did my best and I have to say, I'm pretty satisfied with the outcome. I may have overdone it, but I really liked creating a story within a story. It's like going deeper into the plot than what is necessary. That's what John Green did as he wrote the first few pages for An Imperial Affliction for The Fault in Our Stars movie (that's a fact ;D)

4. Tomine's trademark, "Me, oh my," was inspired by the beginning line of Lykke Li's "Complaint Department". I love Lykke Li and I listened to her all the time in my middle school days. I know I don't have a song in mind that would fit one of the later chapters, but that line from that song kept getting stuck in my head for some odd reason. I couldn't handle myself since I figured that that would be something Tomine would say.

5. I am not one for calculus, statistics, geometry, pre-calculus, or all the other subjects in this world that involves math! I hate it I hate it I hate it! I'm sorry if that's too much, but I just do. That is to say that the analysis I made in this section is highly incorrect. I did my best in trying to figure out how to think like one who would solve calculations like that, but I just couldn't do it. Please excuse me if I am incorrect or if I somehow offend those who love math despite myself X,D

6. I'm putting in another twist. Instead of Touka seeing Shirazu and Saiko, she also sees Haise as well. I'm doing my best in making these two have more moments together before the major climax of the story is unraveled (see what I did there ;D). So now, I'm including Haise EVERYWHERE!

HELLOOOO, EVERYONE! I apologize for the wait. Senior year is starting to get to my head now. All the college recommendations, all my scholarship tuitions, and having to deal with my classes as well. When is summer vacation again? jk XD Though I was having a hard time adjusting to high school. I barely have that many classes with my friends so I'm basically all alone. The only person I can talk to in my classes is my boyfriend. It's really bad that I'm very shy whenever meeting new people, but I'm trying to do my best everyday by staying positive and remembering what I have. I have a family, I have my boyfriend, and most importantly, I have you guys. Thank you for being with me even though I had just gotten started with this story months ago XP but thank you all so so so so much for being here. I love you all so much.

Anyway, I'm very very very very VERY excited with what's in store with this story. I have been waiting for the day for introducing Tomine for a long time. She will be very important and I hope you guys will love her. Also, I feel like I was kinda weak in this chapter, considering I wasn't very good with the dialogue but I'm sure I'll improve. And also, please wait a bit more because more Touka and Haise moments will be heading your way soon. I'll do the best I can to manage my time (which means no anime in my free time and that's a shame because I just started watching One Punch Man :,( XD ) so thank you guys again for sticking with me and I'll see you in the next chapter.

BYE BYE BOO!

Tokyo Ghoul does not belong to me and please excuse the grammar errors.

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