Chapter 9: Afraid…

"Cause I don't stand a chance in these four walls,

And he don't recognize me anymore,

Burned out flames should never ignite,

But I thought you might,"

-"Home" by Daughter

A month had passed ever since Touka and Rui had become familiar with Haise. Throughout that time, they had welcomed him easily.

It was easy for Touka to say and see how well Haise was getting along with her daughter. Everyday, Rui would always run to Haise, calling out "Onii-chan", and give him a tight hug. Touka would then see the two have a lesson in one of the seats in the shop. No matter what time of the day it was, she would always see the Investigator talk to her child about as many beautiful words that he could get his hands on like they were fireflies.

From her perspective, Touka could almost see how much excitement Rui could get whenever learning new words. Hell, she got confused by that one day when Rui asked if she could try and "engender" coffee again. Even if Rui offered some stutters with her question, Touka could see how hard she was trying. It was almost scary, but it made her proud. There was a relieving atmosphere at :re whenever Rui's teacher came to visit.

However, even when she knew that Haise came over for his lessons with Rui, Touka can't help but think whether if that was his only reason. That was considering the fact that he would let Rui work on her own for a while so that he would talk to Touka, him coming over to her and drinking her coffee. He even came when he didn't offer to give another lesson to Rui. To put it bluntly, the other reason he came to :re was because of Touka.

Touka would be an idiot if she didn't know about Haise's "secret" intentions. About those side glances he would take from across the shop. Him always taking a five minute break so that he would come up and talk to her. Those sly actions could be seen by a blind man if he could.

Touka had expected this to happen. Over the past four years, she had been hit on and given many compliments for her looks from her customers. The closet some of them could get to her was offering to take her out for dinner. Luckily, she would always call for her daughter and they would make an excuse of any kind so that they could leave. She would laugh at how uncommitted those men were, but at the same time she would be grateful for them. She didn't want to be with anybody, at the time.

Even so, while Haise may be another one of those men, Touka allowed it. Not just because he is her daughter's teacher, but of his company. He's not like the other men and it was nice for her to be able to have somebody else to talk to rather than her friends at :re. However, she hadn't forgotten that he was a Ghoul Investigatot. She knew of what position she was in and getting too close to one was suicide. It wouldn't be hard for her to take certain measures if she was figured out.

Question is, would it be hard for Rui?

"Touka-chan?"

[2] Touka blinked rapidly before she looked up at Yoriko. "I'm sorry?" Touka said, her confusion able to help whatever she might have to hear.

Yoriko glanced down below Touka's regular gaze, before pointing a finger. "Don't you think you're going a bit too rough on Rui-chan?"

Touka raised her eyebrows, that being the only thing to hint at her confusion before looking down. Her eyes slightly widened once she saw the back of her daughter's head. She couldn't see her face, but considering that she had her daughter's hair in her hands, Touka had a slight guess on what she would express after pulling her hair.

"Oh, sorry, Rui!" Touka exclaimed, lessening her grip. She heard a loud yet brief whimper from Rui once she discovered and continued to start over her daughter's braid. "Are you okay?"

Rui shook her head. "I'm okay, Mommy." Touka smiled marginally at her response.

"You should be asking yourself that, Touka-san," Miyu said. Touka looked down to Miyu from her bed. Miyu was dressed in tank top and sweats, sitting on the floor with a book in her hand. Touka didn't even care about that gesture showing as if she was smarter than her.

"What are you talking about?" Touka tried to deny, managing to continue Rui's braid without looking at it. Though it somewhat stopped as she could t halt herself from feeling her soft strands.

"You look so focused today," Aomi added. She was lying on another part of the carpet floor while reading a magazine. One of her legs was resting on her knee, her Achilles heel almost being at risk, and her hair sprawled across the carpet. Only her reading glasses got in the way of making her face more apparent and appealing.

"Is that so wrong?" Touka asked, moving her knees with insufficient anxiety, but not enough to hear the squeaks of the bed.

"I'm not saying it is," Aomi said, turning her body around until her breasts were pressed against the floor. Her legs still remained in the air and she dropped her magazine. "I'm just saying thatnow had to be the time for that face."

Touka raised a hand on her cheek, as if her expression was serious. Of course, it was all an artificial act on the outside. On the inside, though, she told herself that Aomi was right. Right now was a time to rest and take things easy. At least, that's what a slumber party was to Touka.

"Aomi-chan's right, Touka-chan," Yoriko agreed, her hand held midway in the air, showing off her newly painted nails of a light green shade. "I've seen that face too many times before back in high school."

Touka rolled her eyes, transitioning back to her focus on Rui's braid. "I swear I'm fine, guys. Everything is alright." Once she said that, the hair tie around her wrist was transferred to the end of Rui's braid. "There you go, sweetie."

Rui shuffled herself so that she could face Touka, and Touka could see a goofy smile sprawled over Rui's face. [3] Rui always loved having her hair done in a braid before going to bed, specifically if it was done by her mother.

"Thank you, Mommy," Rui said before she placed a small yet loving kiss on Touka's cheek. The way her lips felt, soft as her hair, made Touka chuckle.

"You're welcome, Rui," Touka said. "Now go on and get ready for bed. I'll come to tuck you in in a little bit."

Rui nodded and hurriedly crawled off of the bed and out of the room in the regular sprint of a child. Touka's gaze was still at the open door, as if she was savor I got the new memory of her daughter.

Miyu closed her book and finally looked at Touka. "The kiddo's growing up fast, isn't she?"

Touka nodded, a smile tugging on her lips. "Yeah, she is."

Even she didn't want to believe it, but she is.

Miyu gave her an imploring yet curious look. "I wonder what Sasaki-san would say about her."

"I'm not one to guess," Touka quickly said, closing her eyes and a hand held against her cheek. "But I think he doesn't notice. I bet he thinks she's practically a grown up given from their lessons."

Miyu quickly stood up on her feet. "Aha!" She shouted, making the girls look at her. "So that's what you've been thinking about!"

"Ehh?!" Touka mustered aloud, her mouth and eyes wide.

"Don't act all dumb," Miyu said, pointing a finger to her. "You didn't hesitate on bringing in Sasaki-san into the conversation. That's enough to prove my point."

Touka didn't even notice her actions pertaining with Haise, but she blushed in embarrassment once she was given that realization.

"Touka-chan, is that true?" Yoriko wondered. "Have you been thinking about Investigator Sasaki?"

Touka turned to Yoriko, her best friend having her hands clapped together, not caring that she already ruined a nail.

"I don't blame you if you were, Boss," Aomi added as she positioned herself at a cross-legged position, her attitude changing into a more teasing and excited one. "In fact, you've been doing it this past month, haven't you?"

Touka slightly wished that they never noticed that.

Yoriko excitement finally kicked in. "Oh, my god, Touka-chan! This is huge!" She stood up from the ground and approached Touka with a smile and her hands on her shoulders. "Who knew that you would have your eyes on somebody? And with a Ghoul Investigator too!"

Touka looked at Yoriko with wide eyes, her blush growing by the second, enough to let everyone feel the heat. "Keep your voice down," she exclaimed. She knew that the men were below in the shop doing who knows what, so she didn't want any disruptions.

Touka looked back to Miyu and Aomi, letting the transition resemble the old video game pong. Their faces showed concern, but their eyes showed disbelief. She didn't blame them. How could a ghoul be thinking of a Ghoul Investigator?

Touka moved her eyes forward, making them look down rather than at Yoriko. "It's not like that at all," she mumbled. She decided to be honest. "More like I am curious about him."

"Oh, I'll take that as a win!" Aomi exclaimed, raising her fists in the air with victory, already exaggerating her poker face.

Yoriko smiled proudly. "Touka-chan, I'm so happy for you!"

Miyu put a hand against her cheek. "No wonder you've been acting up this past month."

Touka clicked her tongue. "Since when had my mood been so reliant on a man?"

"Never, and that I know," Miyu gave a mischievous smirk. "I offered you a few dates with some men I found in the past, and you turned them down flat."

Touka turned to Miyu, letting Yoriko let go of her shoulders. "It wasn't a loss, Miyu," she argued. "You managed to go out with those boys when I denied them."

Miyu pursed her lips in disgust. "Yeah, but then again I would..."

"You would what?" Touka asked, raising an eyebrow.

Yoriko finished for her. "Be with a man who doesn't act like a child." The chuckle she gave was contagious and it made Touka and Aomi repeat after her.

Miyu wasn't amused. "Yeah, well, I'll get back at getting someone different, somehow," Miyu hoped, catching Yoriko's chuckle.

All of the girls were chuckling, and it made Touka relieved. Relieved to be a part of these moments, and relieved to have the three girls be a part of her life. Joking around with them made her forget about Haise for a brief moment.

Almost.

But.

Never.

"But seriously, Touka," Aomi intervened, letting Touka snap her head. "Maybe this might be a sign. One guy notices you and stars to become a well-known customer. That rarely ever happens. Maybe this could be your chance to be able to search through the crowds."

Touka could see where Aomi was going at, both with Kaneki and the idea of being with a Ghoul Investigator, but with some restraint, denied it. "Are you sure? Because I don't want to make any mistakes like you're doing with Kaku-san."

Aomi rolled her eyes and groaned. "Don't speak about him. I was finally able to dump the dumbass."

"Aomi, everyone knew that your ex-boyfriend was a dumbass," Touka admitted, not even offering a sign of concern or wonder about the red-haired's breakup.

The last comment made Aomi take off her reading glasses. "Yeah, how come you guys never told me that earlier?"

"We did!" Touka, Yoriko, and Miyu replied loudly, making Aomi stand up straight. She puffed her cheeks and blew a huge amount of hair towards Yoriko, despite the distance, and she giggled as she attempted to block.

Touka grinned back, hoping that it could last, but she somehow transformed it back into a grimace. The topic of romance was starting to get to her again.

Yoriko noticed her best friend's behavior and walked over to sit in front of her. "You really don't want to go back at it, do you, Touka-chan?" Miyu and Aomi put their gaze towards the two, no longer laughing at their failed relationships. It almost made them embarrassed that it brought back another failed relationship for their friend in her past.

Touka took a deep breath, feeling a deep shiver. "I don't know if I can." She quoted her lips to the side, not making any eye contact with anybody. "A lot has happened since... my last relationship. I don't want to risk having to go through all of that again." She lowered her eyelids, picturing Kaneki in her mind. "I can't just forget about him, you know?"

Yoriko didn't say anything and that was the best response she could give. Aomi held a strong grip on her legs and Miyu coped her crossed-leg position, her serious face overcoming her display her concern. Even so, everyone knew that she was worried. Any person would have to be.

Eventually, Touka saw Aomi crawl closed to her and Yoriko, making her open her eyes back to a more calmer state. "Touka," Aomi began, her hands going on top of her fingers. It reminded her of the day of Rui's breakdown. "Remember when Rui was just a year old?"

"Huh?" Touka questioned, raising her head.

Aomi continued, having a small smile when she wasn't making any eye contact. "Your brother suggest that you should go to school, try and sign up for college. You said that there was no need for that. You had Rui, so there was nothing else to go for." She gave a small chuckle. "I'll never forget how clingy you were to her."

Touka blinked rapidly as she realized what Aomi was telling her. The exposition almost made Touka want to laugh. She was very clingy to Rui, not letting her out of her sight for more than a minute. She even had a hard time letting the others look after her.

Aomi leaned closer on the bed, her arms crossed on it with her hands not breaking. "We all pressured you and bothered you until you agreed to go to school. We told you that we would take care of Rui, but you were scared. We practically dragged you out of the cafe on your first day. But after that, you managed to act more calmer and collected.

Touka didn't move. She only stared at Aomi, letting her hands be the only thing of hers to assure her that she's still there. Her eyes were the same, but they appeared to be more misty than usual.

"I have to admit I was a bit upset, that day," Aomi muttered, her eyes finally looking back at Touka, wide and focused. "I used to think that you didn't trust us enough to let us watch your daughter." Her voice cracked, but she moved her lips around to maintain herself. "I'm sure I speak for everyone else here too about that. However, I realized that you were only acting that way, with the same feelings you're feeling now."

Touka didn't notice Yoriko holding onto her hands as well.

Touka didn't notice that Miyu crawled closer to the main circle, her book discarded at her old spot.

All Touka noticed was Aomi Kushimura, a former S+ rated Ghoul, helping her recall a moment in her past that she never realized would bounce back to her.

"I-," Aomi looked at Yoriko and Miyu, "-we really appreciate your efforts, Touka. You're a strong woman, so I can understand your feelings. But we want you to be happy. I'm not saying that you should go after Sasaki-san. It's fine if you don't. I'm saying that you should have more time and patience to accept what happened." Aomi tightened her grip and her smile looked like it wanted to break. She didn't let it. "You can manage that, right?"

Touka had expected her friends to say something to make her feel better, but did not expect Aomi to say, out of all the things that must be on her mind, that. It wasn't the first time she brought Kaneki into the conversation. However, she never heard much from the other, Yoriko and Yomo mostly, but she was still getting there. The proof was in Aomi. The way she explained how not just how Touka's feelings were working, but her own was impacting. It made Touka glad every time, as she is learning something new.

Touka returned Aomi's grip and gave her a small smile. "Yeah," she said, nodding to her friends before looking back at Yoriko and Miyu. "Thanks." The girls all smiled towards the blue-haired ghoul and Touka still felt her tongue start to get tingly from the lack of words she was giving.

Touka then gets off of her bed. "I'll be right back," Touka said. "I need to go tuck in Rui already. She must be waiting for me."

Body said anything else, only obliging to Touka's future action. Giving another small smile, Touka left the room and walked towards Rui's room.

[4] "—what is a hobbit? I suppose hobbits need some description nowadays, since they have become rare and shy of the Big People—"

Touka felt the need to halt in surprise when she heard a voice coming from Rui's room. However she knew that there wouldn't be any strangers in this place. She walked closer to the room and glanced past the open door. Right there, Rui was tucked underneath her blankets and snuggled close, already drowsy and calm as her eyes was almost closing, to Kaito, who was reading "The Hobbit". He was calm too, but he had more focus. Focus on holding onto Rui rather than what he was reading.

Touka held her grin and headed closer into the room. "I thought it was my turn to tuck in Rui," she said playfully.

Kaito jolted, not enough to make Rui react. He then grinned distinctively once he saw Touka. "Sorry about that," he then said, playing with a strand of Rui's hair. Good proof to show that Touka was not good at making tight braids. "I was going to get something, but I found Rui waiting for you, so-," he let his hand with the copy of the book circle in front of him, "-here I am."

"Here you are," Touka repeated, walking closer to Rui's bed. "But you're reading 'The Hobbit'?"

Kaito didn't look at the book, but he showed surprise as if he didn't know. "Well, I've been waiting to read her the book for awhile," he explained, his fingers tightening as he held the spine of the book. "Plus, she's been learning new words, so I thought she would understand a bit more."

"You're reading to her," Touka said, setting herself on the bed. "It's not like she could read that kind of level on her own." Even Rui has limits on what she reads, Touka added in her head.

"She could," Kaito considered. He moved his hand from Rui's hair to her bookshelf. "Exhibit A."

Touka chuckled, her hand feeling the covers, trying to maintain her focus on Kaito. She was reminded of Haise again once he mentioned "words", and she tried to distract herself. Time like that makes her think in what she was suppose to focus on before.

Kaito let out a yawn before moving away from the hazy Rui. "Well, I better go," he said, fixing his blonde hair more forward so that it would cover his cheeks. "I bet you would want to look over Rui for a bit."

Touka almost didn't comprehend the last sentence, but Kaito left the room before she could say anything else. The way his hands were in his pockets made it seem that he didn't want any intrusion. Touka didn't do anything, only noticing his figure disappear.

As soon as he was gone, Touka looked back at Rui. She was already passed out, holding onto a small bunny Touka had gotten her for her birthday, and the book was laid out near her. Grabbing the book, Touka placed it on the countertop, not bothering to turn off the light and leave the room, and sat down again near Rui. Even as she slept, Rui was able to look so peaceful. She was not well aware of her dangerous environment as a ghoul, so she was living on a carefree plane. Touka can't help but feel a bit envious. She didn't even know when was the last time she felt carefree, enough to make her forget about her enemies.

Rui fidgeted in her blankets, making Touka's heart sway with alarm as she wondered if she might wake up. "Onii-chan," Touka heard her mumble. This time, her heart swayed again with shock, as if her mind was no longer a safe place to keep secrets. "I want to learn more words please."

Touka expected the words to warm her, but they instead brought a shiver. Another reminder of Haise jumped out like a bunny again. It suddenly felt annoying. It made her think about what her friends told her. About Haise. About her growing relationship with him. About Kaneki.

About everything she went through.

Me and Haise, she thought, and she wanted to scoff, but held the strength to as Rui was still asleep. Sure, she remembered their rendezvous but it wasn't enough to cause anything, right?

She tried not to answer that.

Touka didn't remember shutting her eyes, letting the darkness try and make her forget Haise for a moment, but she opened them quickly to look at Rui. Her throats tightened, as more reminders were overwhelming her mind.

All of them were pointing towards Kaneki.

It was stupid, but Touka remember all of his vivid actions, responsible for creating her happiest memories. She had a doubt that there would be anybody else that would make her feel that way again. She knew him so well, and that helped make her love true. At least, while it lasted. Even if that time broke, Touka knew that there was no point in trying anything like that again. She had Rui and her friends. She shouldn't have another addition. And with a Ghoul Investigator? She knew that that was going too far.

As Touka played with her daughter's hair, not enough to make her wake up and notice her presence, she thought about what Aomi said. She wasn't sure if she did accept what had happened, but she was sure that she didn't want to be that close to anybody for now like she was with Kaneki.

Not ever.

Kaito never asked for his small smile to get through Yomo as a lie when he went back to the shop, but it did get through Tomoya.

"Yo, Kate," Tomoya exclaimed, almost knocking his coffee over as he raised himself from his chair. "How were things up there?"

Kaito tried not to cringe at his nickname, and got his hands out of his pockets. "It was alright," he said with a blink. "I read a bit to Rui, but I also talked to Touka."

Tomoya gave a sly grin, with Yomo still sitting on one of the chairs with a cocked head. "Oh, and did anything come up?" He tone was even devious as a combo with his words.

Kaito flustered, but he rolled his eyes. "Nothing major." He walked over to the counter, not looking back at the others. "I forgot to tell Touka again. So nothing's changed."

Tomoya's excitement depressed into a small frown. His grey eyes were paler than usual, and it helped him look as if he was frozen when he sat back down. Yomo finally looked back at Kaito, his dark green eyes almost having a grotesque look as he looked down while making himself a cup coffee. That stance was nothing new, as was the aura.

"Kaito," Yomo said, his voice soft yet like the voice of a king. "You didn't just forget to ask her again, did you?"

Kaito huffed, as a way to stop himself for a moment. His cheeks flushed into a red, but he didn't let the heat in them stop him as he resumed brewing his coffee. Tomoya sighed before he turned back to Yomo. He grabbed his coffee cup but he didn't even bring himself to sip.

"This crush will be the end of you, Kate," Tomoya commented, his eyes shut as if it was just a thought.

Kaito silently yet regretfully agreed.

1. I found this song a while ago when I was watching a My Little Monster AMV, and I can't get over how catchy it is. To be honest, at first, I paid attention to the music rather than the lyrics XP When I actually took the time to look through the lyrics, I realized that it relates to reuniting with a lost lover. It's kinda ironic, because Touka doesn't even realize that she already reunited with Kaneki. ;D

2. It's funny, because I kinda based off this sleepover from the salon scene from How To Get Away With Murder.

3. Does anyone else do that? Fix their hair in a braid before they go to bed? Yes? No? Well, I do.

4. I didn't grow up with Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit being my bedtime stories, and that is one of my regrets. I just read The Hobbit last year and I loved it, so what more could I want to mention it?

I tried. I really tried, you guys. I really tried on updating as fast as I could, but a lot happened. Hell, I'm actually posting this on the day of my AP exam and it was hell. I actually got accepted to my dream school and I'll be heading over there this fall! (Now there's not as much problems that I should worry about now) Things should be calming down now, so I believe that I'll be able to write more. So wait a little more until then!

Oh, and also, I have other news: I decided to make a playlist for Re:pray! I know that I have a lot of songs for each of the later chapters for the story, and I don't want to keep you guys waiting for each one. Music is one of my passions and guilty pleasures, so I want to share it with all of you. If you guys want to listen and if you have a Spotify account, whether it be Premium or not, you can go on there to find the soundtrack. Just search "Re:pray Playlist" and you'll find it there. Trust me, it's the only option there ;D Some of the songs I included here for the chapters will also be on there, and I may or may not include songs from the soundtrack for my later chapters, so the anticipation still awaits! I might also include it on YouTube later, so stay tuned for that.

I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and more content will be coming as soon as I can post it. I hope you all will follow me if you want and please give as much feedback in the comment section. If you guys want to DM me about anything, whether it be about Tokyo Ghoul or not (maybe mostly Tokyo Ghoul because of the latest chapter OMGGGGGGGGGGGG), I'm here at any time. And until next time, BYE BYE! ;D

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