Chapter 9.
The forest seemed eerily quiet to Aragorn as his horse followed in Elladan's wake along the path, which had narrowed down until they were forced to move in single file between the trees, Elrohir bringing up the rear. A week out from the Kings halls and moving deeper into the heart of Mirkwood he found his mind wandering back once more to the unusually emotional scene in the elvenkings study. Thranduil's initial hostility and regal hauteur giving way, so unexpectedly, to a sorrowful vulnerability he had never before displayed before the man. If he had not realised before that behind his stern, cold facade Thranduil loved his son, he would have known it then.
"Estel!"
If it had not been for the intelligence of his mount Aragorn would have continued straight into Elladan's horse as he reined it in to a halt.
"Sorry 'dan," startled out of his reverie the young man grinned as his elder brother raised expressive eyebrows. "My mind was elsewhere."
"Hmm, you should be concentrating on where you are going Estel." Elladan replied sharply. "How many times do I have to tell you? It is not safe to allow your mind to wander whilst out here, one.."
"Unguarded moment could mean my death." Aragorn finished the oft quoted sentence with a sigh. "I know, I'm sorry I was just thinking about Thranduil and how," he paused for a second before continuing. "Lost he looked. I've never seen him like that before."
"Aye, he was more melancholy than I have ever known." Elladan agreed as he dismounted his horse." I fear we must continue on foot from here, the path is becoming far too narrow for our mounts."
"It will become too dangerous for them soon also muindor, brother. We do not want them to become fodder for the spiders." Elrohir agreed.
In that case we must release them now." Aragorn spoke quietly as he slid from his mount's back. "Besides, we can move with much more stealth on foot."
"I agree, Estel," Elladan nodded. "And we may need to avoid more than spiders whilst in here."
The trio began unbridling their horses, speaking quietly to them as they worked and telling them to head straight back to the kings halls and await their return. Soon they stood amongst their packs and belongings watching the animals disappear down the path, hoping they found their way back safe and sound and wondering just when it was that they would see them again.
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~o~
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"You wished to see me Hir Nin, My King ?" Doronor strode into Thranduils study barely nodding in deference as he noticed the half glazed appearance of the kings eyes.
"Hmm?" the king looked up from his seat behind the large desk blearily then straightened slightly as the captain frowned. "Ah Doronor." There was a slight pause. "I wanted to speak with you." He reached out and picked up the decanter before him, then scowled as he realised it was empty. "This is empty," he announced loudly. "Why is this empty?"
"Probably because you have drunk it all, hir nin." Doronor sighed.
"Well, tell Gallion we need more." Thranduil glowered at the captain. "In fact tell him we need two more." He smiled slightly lopsidedly. "You will join me in a glass won't you captain?"
"Of course, hir nin." Doronor smiled gently. Thranduil had always had a reputation for being fond of his drink but he seemed to be depending upon it much more lately and the captain thought he knew the reason why that was. "I will call for him presently." He inclined his head slightly "But first, You wished to discuss something with me?"
"Ah, yess." There was a long pause as Thranduils eyes once more lost their focus and Doronor wondered if he had slipped into reverie.
He cleared his throat. This was worrying, the captain had never seen him this far into his cups during daylight hours before.
"Am I a good King, captain?" Doronor started at the sudden question.
"I believe so, hir nin." He frowned not quite knowing what to say.
"Hmmm." Thranduils face suddenly took on a sharper appearance. "And am I a good father?" He leaned forward, peering up into Doronors face as if trying to read his thoughts.
"Well, yes, hir nin, that is. Mostly. I." He stopped, unsure of exactly how to contine the sentence as the kings eyes bored into him.
"Mostly." Thranduil rolled the word around in his mouth as if trying it out. "So, there are times you think I am a bad father?" His dark eyebrows raised expressively and Doronor tried not to gulp.
"Nay, nay, not bad hir nin, just." Doronor's mind whirled as he tried to come up with the right words, mindful of the kings mercurial nature. "A little harsh?" He held his breath unsure of the reaction this would provoke.
"Harsh!" Thranduils eyebrows rose even further causing Doronor to take a backwards step. "Harsh?" A puzzled expression wove itself into his features and the captain unconsciously relaxed, drawing in a deep breath.
"Harsh." The king repeated once more then slumped back in his seat. "You are right Captain. I am harsh." he nodded and raised a pale hand to knead his brow. "But so is life." He paused to briefly stare into the distance as if at a scene only he could see. "It is a lesson best learned young, if we are to survive." The words were spoken so quietly, as if the king was speaking to himself, that Doronor wondered if he should perhaps slip away and leave him to his thoughts yet just as he was about to move Thranduil held up a hand.
"I should have held him back." The king was staring at the hand in fascination as he turned it slowly from front to back, almost as if he had never seen it before. "I should have held onto him, kept him in the pavillion, forced him to listen to reason." He appeared mesmerised by the turning of the pallid limb. "But I let him go." The hand limply dropped to the desk top and as Thranduil raised his eyes once more Doronor was startled to see them glistening wetly. "I let him go."
Confusion warred with empathy as Doronor stood there, trying to decide what he should do next. The king appeared to be expecting something but he could not for the life of him, work out what it should be. He was not even sure if Thranduil really knew he was there anymore. He opened his mouth to speak then shut it again, gaping like a fish in his uncertainty. He was definitely out of water here. This was a side of the king he had never before witnessed and did not think he would ever like to again.
"He will come back, hir nin," Doronor shuffled his feet uneasily as the gentle words left his mouth, "I know he will."
"What?" Confusion flooded Thranduils face for a moment then clarity rushed in to take its place. "Oh, you mean." He paused and leaned forward in his seat once more. " I'm sorry Captain. I did not mean to perplex you." The voice was once more controlled and clipped. "You mean my son I presume?"
"Aye, I thought." Doronor nodded and stared in awe as the King he knew so swiftly returned. "I thought that was who we were discussing." He frowned in bewilderment.
"Well yes, we were, were we not." Thranduils eyes, now bright and clear once more bored into him. "And you were about to order more wine also I believe."
One eyebrow raised imperiously and this time Doronor hastened to do his kings bidding. Striding to the door and pulling it open he quickly passed the request to one of the guards stationed just outside the room then returned to the desk, seating himself in one of the heavy chairs the king indicated opposite himself.
"You think me harsh Captain." Thranduil stated as the door opened and a slender elleth with a pretty smile walked in bearing a pair of decanters resting on an ornately chased silver tray. "Ah, Gallion has pre empted me again." He beamed at the young elf. "Nay, not over there." He gestured as she went to place the tray upon a cupboard near the fireplace. "Here! Bring them here girl."
The young elf carried the tray to the desk, set down the pair of decanters and two crystal goblets in the indicated spot, replaced the empty ones in their place on the tray, nodded deferentially then left, gliding as silently from the room as when she had entered.
"As I said," Thranduil waved his hand at the wine and Doronor reached across to pour two generous measures of the rich liquid. "You think me harsh. Hard. Cold even" The king picked up his goblet and took a long draught staring at the captain over its gilded rim.
"Nay, hir nin I."
"I have had to be." Thranduil interrupted with a stern glare. " I had no choice," he continued. "After my father fell in that accursed charge, taking so many of our people with him what could I do? I had to be strong. I had to be harsh. I had to bury my own grief deep within or we should all have perished not long after." He took another long drink then waved the empty goblet and Doronor hastened to refill it, his own having barely been touched.
"The many must take precedence over the few Captain." The king began once more after another smaller sip of the ruby wine. "Have you not lived by that tenet yourself when leading your men? How many times have you had the need to chose between losing one or losing all?"
Doronor opened his mouth but could not protest. Faces flashed through his mind, a myriad scenes over hundreds, thousands of patrols played out before his unwilling eyes. Pictures he hated to recall yet which often kept him from sleep.
"Too many". He voiced, low and full of sorrow. "Far too many."
"Aye, too many." The king continued strongly, "And more of late it seems."
Doronor could only nod in agreement.
"I have to make that choice every day. Every time I send out a patrol or hunting party. I have to watch a portion of my people go valiantly to their possible deaths to ensure the majority of us survive. " He paused once more his face creased with pain. "Do you think it is easy? Watching as fewer and fewer return but knowing I must send them out again, even as they grieve for lost friends and comrades, or family members."
The last three words were spoken in a heartfelt whisper and Doronor felt an almost palpable air of grief brush his mind.
"I can not ask more of them." Thranduils face softened, "Much as I would wish it." His eyes filled with longing. " As much as I want to send them out 'till no stone is unturned, no corner of the forest uncovered until my son is found, how can I? When so many have already died? " He picked up the goblet, swirling it between long fingers. " I can not." He inclined his head slightly. "So. I will have others do this instead."
"The Noldo." Doronor stated with understanding.
"The Noldo," Thranduil nodded. "And the adan. " They both raised their goblets simultaneously and paused in mutual agreement. At last Doronor could see through his kings reasoning. They shared a smile. The captain at last understanding his king and happy in the reassurance of his love for his son.
A/N
Sorry this is later than I anticipated but in the end I had to practically re write this chapter because I wasn't at all happy with it. I hope it works for you.
So I never meant this chapter to turn out this way but Thranduil just wouldn't stay quiet. I guess he just wanted to explain why he seemed to give up on Legolas as easily as he did. I wonder who put him up to that? * stares at legolasLover and BlackMinx*. I hope you all don't mind the little interlude.
I must just say a big thank you to all of you lovely readers who have helped me pick myself up after the negativity and helped me re focus on the story. Your support has been much appreciated. :)
Special mentions go to LegolasLover2003, BlackMinx17, Estaron, leahtheresa, alphaomega27,Miracles in the dark and the guest who didn't leave a name. Your kind words mean such a lot. :)
All that remains for me to say is hope you enjoyed it and please feel free to Let Me Know What You Think!