"Because why me?"

The raw mix of confusion, shame, and doubt on his brother's face tore tiny holes in Sam's heart. Dean's bravado hid a mountain of guilt, self-doubt, and recriminations. Only, he refused to admit just how screwed up he was by all the stuff that happened in their childhood.

Admitting Dad wasn't the best seemed almost sacrilegious to Dean. As if he felt he betrayed his memory by saying he hadn't been the best father. Sam didn't think it was wrong to say Dad made a lotta mistakes. That he was far from perfect. That his obsession with the demon that killed Mom kept him from being there for them. From giving them the sort of childhood they deserved. From giving them the man they needed.

Same as it wasn't wrong to say Dad did his best, he mused. That he tried his hardest. That he gave them everything he could. That he taught them the skills he felt they needed. That he showed them how to survive. Dad was there when it mattered the most.

He gave up his life for Dean.

That, more than anything, he realized as he stared into his brother's eyes, is what bothers Dean the most. Dad gave his life for him and wasn't brought back. Well, not in the same way Dean got brought back, he amended silently. The last time they saw Dad was when he escaped through the Devil's Gate and helped them kill Azazel.

"If there is a God out there," Dean said somberly, "why would he give a crap about me?"

Why didn't he give a crap about Dad. That's what Dean was really asking. Sam didn't have a ready answer for that. He didn't know why Dean got brought back but Dad didn't. He didn't know why his brother got brought back, either. He just believed that this Castiel had done it because someone ordered him too. Someone with the kind of juice that they'd send angels into Hell to get his brother out.

Not that Dean was ready or willing to accept that.

"Dean..."

"Look, the way I figure it, I've saved some people. Makes up for all the stealing, lying, swearing, and ditching of chicks. But does that mean I deserve to get saved while others who have done a helluva lot more don't?" He shook his head. "I don't think so."

"Dean..."

"I'm not that important, Sammy."

Those holes in Sam's heart widened just a bit more at hearing Dean say he didn't think himself important enough, worth enough for someone to go outta their way to save him. You were important enough to Dad that he traded his life for yours, he told him silently.

He should tell him that, he realized. He should remind him that Dad thought him worth enough he sold his soul and the Colt for him. He opened his mouth, intending to say just that, but the words that came out were not the ones he intended.

"Well, apparently, you're important to the man upstairs."

As he expected, his brother scoffed at the notion that someone like God might actually exist. Should have gone with Dad, he thought as Dean paced back and forth in front of Bobby's desk. He might have accepted that over the idea that God saved him.

"Well, that just creeps me out," he said. "I mean, I don't like getting singled out at birthday parties, much less by..." Dean fumbled for a moment. As if just saying the word freaked him out. "God."

"Well, too bad, Dean, because I think he wants you to strap on your party hat."

"Fine." He blew out a breath. "So, what do we know about angels?"

Bobby, always at the ready, picked up a pile of what Dean would liken to textbooks and placed them in front of him.

"Start reading."

Dean stared at the pile of books with a look of utter horror, revulsion, and resignation on his face. Sam half expected him to think of some way to bail on them but he surprised him when he pointed at him and said, "You're gonna go and get me some pie."

He then grabbed a book from the top of the pile and walked over to flop on the couch.

A/N: Hello, all! Hope this finds you well!

This is tagged to episode 4x02