Alex stood just outside the studio door in a silent panic. Today was the first studio session Carlotta had scheduled for her and Zeke. She hadn't seen or talked to him since they'd made a scene in Carlotta's office. He'd even stopped calling her. Alex could hear music playing inside so she knew Zeke was already in there. Knowing him, he'd probably arrived in the middle of the night. He was forever waking up with an idea for a song and rushing to the studio before he could lose it; on some occasions, he hadn't even bothered to leave the studio. Many times, Alex would come to the studio the next day and find Zeke asleep in the chair or on the couch after working straight through the night. He was passionate and really dedicated to his craft. On top of that, Zeke was a kind and considerate human being. Alex knew she owed him an explanation and an apology. Not only had she ignored his phone calls since having sex with him, but she'd skipped out on their last three studio sessions before hopping a plane to Atlanta. It was time to face the music. Steeling herself, she opened the door.
The music was too loud to hear anything over it, but he could feel Alex's presence as soon as she walked through the door. He looked over his shoulder and saw her standing in the entry of the doorway, looking like the beautiful goddess she was. Zeke turned back around to the soundboard and switched a couple of buttons to turn the sound off. It had been days since he'd seen Alex and he hated how much he'd missed her. Despite his anger, a knot in his chest loosened just by being near her. After taking a few moments, he turned his chair around and faced her.
"Hello, Zeke" Alex said contritely, when it became apparent he wasn't going to speak first.
"Alexandra" Zeke said quietly. Looking at the woman who had been haunting his dreams, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her… before he strangled the life out of her. He was tired of not being on solid ground around her.
Zeke calling her by her full name was not good. Alex could see the barely contained rage writhing underneath the surface. This was not going to be easy. "You have every right to be angry with me. So, if you need to yell at me, yell at me. If you need to curse me out, curse me out. Do whatever you need to do or tell me what I need to do to make things right between us".
Zeke was caught off guard. Of all the different personalities Alex could have shown him, he hadn't expected an apologetic one. He'd expected to get a stubborn or belligerent Alex. Peering at her closely, Zeke could also see how nervous she was from the way she bit her lip and wrung her hands. Curiosity replaced some of his anger. "What happened"?
Nervously, Alex stepped further into the room. "What do you mean"?
He was not about to play games with her. "Alex, you know what I mean. Why did you go from fucking my brains out to ghostin' me? When we left the studio that morning, you acted like everything was fine".
No, Zeke had fucked her brains out, Alex thought. He had ignited nerve-endings she hadn't even known existed. "Everything was fine" she started. "Then I got home and realized what happened".
"You didn't realize before" Zeke asked sarcastically.
"Of course, I did. But being in the moment and reflecting on something after the fact are two different things. So, when I realized the magnitude of what we had done and how it might affect our relationship going forward, I freaked out".
"How it might affect our relationship" Zeke repeated.
"Yes".
Zeke stood up and began pacing in front of Alex. He was beyond frustrated. He didn't know exactly what Alex was thinking, but it was clear she had been so caught up on how she felt about the situation, she hadn't bothered to even consider his feelings. Zeke abruptly stopped pacing and stood directly in front of her. "What exactly do you think is going on between us"?
"I don't know what you mean" Alex said, feeling a little uneasy. She had never seen Zeke appear so unsettled.
"Okay, then how would you describe our relationship"?
"We're friends".
Zeke huffed with annoyance. "Friends"?
"Yes, friends who got caught up in the moment and…"
"Stop lying, Alex" Zeke said, cutting her off. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her against him. "I know you feel something more for me than friendship. If you really want to make things right between us, you can start by being honest. What are we to each other"?
"Zeke" Alex groaned, laying a hand against his chest.
"How do you feel about me" he whispered in her ear, pulling her closer.
Alex felt dizzy; she closed her eyes in an attempt to regain her balance. She thought about the conversation between her and Simone. Her best friend had encouraged her to stop running from her feelings and be honest; and Zeke deserved the truth. Alex opened her eyes and looked straight at him. "I like you, Zeke" she finally admitted, her heart beating out of her chest. "I like you so much it scares me; I like you more than I'm willing to admit. But..."
Before she could finish, Zeke captured Alex's lips with his. He sighed in relief when her body melted against his and she kissed him back with equal parts hunger and passion. Alex was so kissable; her lips were so supple and soft. Zeke took his time, savoring each taste of her mouth. His hands began to creep under Alex's shirt.
Abruptly, Alex broke away from the kiss. "We have to stop" she said, breathless. She tried to take a step away but Zeke yanked her back towards him.
"Why" he asked, placing delicate kisses on her neck.
Alex tried not to shiver. Using all of her concentration, she tried to focus. Putting her hand on top of his mouth, she pushed hm away. Backing up before he could grab her again, she took a deep breath and sighed.
The momentary elation Zeke felt was replaced with dread. He could tell by Alex's body language that he wasn't about to like what she said. "Alex" he said slowly, hoping against hope she wasn't about break his heart.
"What happened in the studio last week can't happen again".
"Alex" Zeke repeated.
Ignoring him and continuing before she lost her nerve, Alex said "As much as I like you, I can't afford any distractions right now. I've dealt with several difficult situations over the last couple of years and it's either delayed or interfered with my goals. I'm finally in a good place where I can concentrate solely on my music and I can't let anything get in the way of that".
"Is that all I am to you? A distraction" Zeke asked, his heart sinking and his frustration rising.
"No, Zeke" Alex exclaimed. "You mean a great deal to me. But I'm afraid if I give into whatever is happening between us, I'll veer off course again. I can't afford that. I'm too close to achieving my dreams". Alex was more than afraid; she knew letting herself feel the full extent of her feelings for Zeke would be all-consuming. Having never learned how to channel her emotions in a healthy way, Alex had never let anyone get too close; not family, friends, or former boyfriends. Simone was the only person to have completely broken through her barriers; yet Alex still had to fight the constant urge to hold back; and even then, Simone still had to push her to open up sometimes. Deep down, Alex hoped Zeke understood on some level even if she couldn't express it correctly.
Sighing in resignation, Zeke turned his back on Alex and walked back towards the soundboard. If she was so determined to keep him at arm's length, why bother arguing? Regardless of their situation, he'd come to Atlanta to do a job and that's what he was going to do. Just because his personal life was a dumpster fire didn't mean he had to let his professional one suffer. Flipping on a switch, he turned the track he was producing back on and listened as the sound filled every corner of the studio. Closing his eyes, he tried to ignore the aching in his chest, the tightness in his throat, and find the one element that was missing to make the beat on the track work in his head.
"Zeke" Alex yelled over the music. Of all the responses she had braced herself for, silence had not been one of them. "Zeke" Alex yelled again. Her yelling went unanswered. She couldn't tell if it was because the music was too loud or he was blatantly ignoring her. Taking matters into her own hands, she went over to the soundboard and switched the music off. "I'm trying to be honest with you, like you requested, and you have nothing to say"?
Refusing to look at her, Zeke kept his eyes trained straight ahead. "No".
"No"?
"No, Alex. I have nothing to say".
For the first time since Alex entered the studio, she began to feel another emotion other than guilt or fear; she was pissed off. "So, you basically just forced me to confess how I feel about you and you don't even have the common decency to give me a response"?!
Zeke turned on Alex so fast, she backed up a step. "Why should I?! You've been so busy trying to figure out how you feel and what you should do about our relationship, you haven't even stopped to consider how I might feel. You went and made a decision without once asking me about what I want".
"What do you want"?
"I want you" Zeke yelled. "I want you so bad I can't sleep at night. But again, you've made it clear I can't have what I want because you don't need any distractions in your life, which leaves us back at square one. So, what I'm going to do is just keep working on the music I was hired to create. You can either join me or get the fuck out".
Alex suddenly felt the overwhelming impulse to cry. She didn't know how Zeke would react to her position, but she hadn't expected it to be so dire. "Please" she whispered, her breath shaky. "Please try to understand. Just because I can't be with you doesn't mean I don't need or want you in my life. I care too much about you to lose you completely. Can we at least remain friends"?
Zeke laughed, though there was no humor in his voice. He took a moment to think before he gave his response. Sitting down in a chair, he turned around and looked up at her. "I don't want to come off like an arrogant bastard but I don't think I can help it. The simple fact is, I've never had trouble pulling women. If anything, I've had more trouble pushing them away. Then you walked into my life. After we got past our initial dislike for each other and started to develop a friendship, I quickly realized that I was feeling you as more than a friend; and I knew you felt the same way. But unlike other women, you insisted on playing it cool. It drove me fucking crazy but no matter how frustrated I got, I respected your boundaries and didn't push". Zeke paused and stood up; slowly he walked towards Alex and invaded her space. "But that was last week, Alex; before we had sex in the studio, before I knew what if felt like to kiss you, before I knew what it felt like to hold you, before I knew what it felt like to be inside you, before I knew what you tasted like. Now that we've had sex, I can't go back to pretending to be just your friend when I want so much more from you. So, no Alex, we can't be friends".
Alex felt a huge lump lodged in the back of her throat. Zeke's words felt like part of her heart being ripped out of her chest. She looked up into his handsome face, resisted the urge to reach up and kiss him. "So, that's it? We're just done"?
Zeke traced a finger down the side of Alex's arm, aware that it might be the last time he got to touch her so intimately. "I'm a man of my word. I told Carlotta I would help produce these tracks for the rerelease of Take 3's album. And I will still help you finish your debut album if you want me to. Anything that is work related, I am willing to help you with because you're a gifted artist with undeniable talent. But as far as personal interactions go... yes, we're done".
Alex could feel the tears welling up inside her. She bit her lip and slapped Zeke's hand away. To keep the tears from falling, she reverted back to being angry. "So, let me get this straight. I muster up all my courage to be open and honest like you asked; and because you didn't like what I had to say, you throw a temper tantrum and force a fucking ultimatum on me?! We can only be friends if I keep letting you stick your dick inside me"?!
"If this isn't the damn kettle calling the pot black" Zeke sighed in exasperation. "Who's throwing the temper tantrum now? I didn't force shit on you. You explained your position, told me what you could live with, and I did the same in response. Don't get mad at me because you didn't get what you wanted. I didn't get what I wanted either and you don't see me blaming you or reducing what we have between us to just sex. That's a low fucking blow, Alex".
"Well, what else am I supposed to think? As soon as I told you I couldn't be with you, you decided to freeze me out. If it's not about the sex, then what is it"?
Zeke balled his fists together to keep from exploding. He knew Alex was smarter than this; her playing dumb to try and make him feel guilty was not cute. It was frustrating and disappointing. He took a deep breath to regain his composure. "First of all, you could be with me; you're just choosing not to out of fear and ambition. And deep down I know you know this, but I'll spell it out for you. I can't be your friend because I'm in love with you. Pretending to be your friend every day, when my feelings for you run so much deeper, would kill me slowly. So, it's best I just cut my losses and try to move on".
Backing up quickly, Alex looked like she had been shot out of a canon. "Zeke" her voice cracked.
The stunned look on her face ate at him. Zeke had had enough for one day. "You know what? This studio session is over. Let's reschedule for the same time tomorrow so we can both take some time to get our minds right. I'll see you later". Before Alex could respond, Zeke blew past her, leaving her open-mouthed and speechless, alone in the studio.