Comments: I'm back yay~~ Feel free to review darlings...

On the way back, he passed his favourite liquor store. There were many in the area actually. But this, this one was his favourite because the owner was this weirdo who never checked for an ID once. Or ever. You'd think underage kids would scramble to this place for their share of booze. Before that, you kind of had to get past the huge-ass hobo that always stood near the entrance. He was like a bouncer but dressed in rags and a cornrow. The owner apparently feeds him to keep obvious kids from entering but really just got him to scare away potential idiots who were looking for trouble. First time he went there, Ichigo was never scared, he had a black belt in taekwondo, he could take care of himself.

After the visit and not being dead after, he went back there all the time. Feeding his addiction at the place where he was never questioned. The owner never once looked at him when he paid for his booze. All the more Ichigo liked that place. No guilty feelings. Only endless appeasement and euphoria.

Tonight he didn't feel like drinking which was odd. He felt satisfied. It was momentary of course. Walking through the empty district, looking at families with their children walking home. People smiling. As time went, the happy feeling he had died down. The reality for Ichigo set in.

He was jobless, had no family and had friends who loved that he left behind. His heart ached for what he already had. And he could do nothing to gain it back. That was his punishment. The consequence for taking away a life that made so many happy.

He didn't deserve to die. Dying would only make things easier for him. He didn't deserve the easy way out. He had to suffer. He could do nothing. He can't take back what he left behind. His mind fraught from the sadness and he made a turn to the bar he used to work at. The familiar dry sensation building in his throat.

It was a relief when he saw the new bartender. A man with long white hair, serving drinks to the locals. Looking through the glass door, he couldn't see the owner so Ichigo walked in. Immediately sitting on the stool, ordering vodka shots, straight up. He downed it.

And another.

And another.

And another.

On the fifth shot, the bartender just stared at him. After years of alcohol, he needed way more to lose himself, to kill of the pain and empty out his mind.

Suddenly, someone gripped Ichigo by his collar, shoving him into the wooden floor of the bar. His head was a little dizzy but he could still see and hear clearly.

"Get this fucker out of the establishment. He's banned from this place!"

The bitch who threw him down was none other than the bar owner who conveniently decided to walk into his bar at this time. Ichigo shakily stood up and just walked out. He didn't have time for that asshole's BS. The man was screaming his head off, shouting at the new bartender but Ichigo honestly didn't give a shit.

He took out his wallet, seeing no more bills, intending to go back to the liquor store. He slammed it to the ground. Angered. He was furious.

"WHY?! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!"

Ichigo kicked the wall, scaring passers-by and even the lurkers in the alleyways. He ran into the nearby alleyway and leaned on to the wall. And just let it out. Tears flowing freely from his face. All the sadness, all the despair he held inside. He was tired. He was hopeless. He had nothing anymore. He squatted in the corner, finding comfort under the heat of the vent.

"I'm sorry mister. I think this is yours."

Moments passed, Ichigo didn't know how long he was in the dirty corner crying. He was in a foetal position when he looked back and saw the homeless bouncer holding his wallet. The huge man was crouched behind Ichigo, his hand outreached to Ichigo's face with the wallet in his grasp. Ichigo was in a state of mess. The tears dried up on his face, his wrists full of scratches when he was trying to rid himself of the pain. No one could have noticed that he was there. So, Ichigo just took the wallet from the man.

When he did, the man stood up and wiped grovel from his knee. For a homeless man, it was weird seeing him trying to clean himself up. The man just walked away. Not saying anything. The man had just waited there for Ichigo and staring at him with the look all so empathetic.

"Thank you."

"I've been sober 2 years kid. You should too."

The words oddly struck a chord in Ichigo. When he drunk that day, he realised it didn't feel that fulfilling, that familiar drowning sensation was absent. Slowly, Ichigo picked himself up and went back home. So many questions in his head. So numbed to everything. He just went home.

It was empty as usual. Opening the door he immediately stripped his clothes and took a bath. Stepping over his unwashed clothes, he went in the shower. Relishing the fact that there was clean, hot water cleaning him. It honestly had been days since he took a proper cleaning, with actual soap. He loosened himself up in the shower, relaxing and scrubbing the grime off his body. He washed his hair, shocked to see what had been caught inside it from all the odd places he's been in.

He spent an hour in the shower. As he went out to brush his teeth, he finally looked himself in the mirror. He was sickly and pale. Bags under his eyes, his cheeks quite sunken. He wasn't too thin but he was bordering underweight. His ribs were showing, as well as the lines of sleek muscles that thankfully, he didn't lose. He would have looked like an anorexic if it weren't there. Even then, the bright orange of his head stood in stark contrast with his pale, white skin. Ichigo was actually a little tan in school but now, he was the total opposite. He rubbed his chin, discovering that a thin layer of stubble had been growing. He stared at the image of himself and it stared back. It was pitiful. It was sad.

He brushed his teeth and shaved afterwards. Stepping out, he looked at his house properly. Clothes strewn everywhere, rubbish everywhere. Empty bottles and cans lying near the trash. Food packages, empty and partially filled compiling on any available surface. He sighed. Taking out a pair of sweatpants and a shirt with a banana on it, he began to clean his house.

He picked up his clothes and threw them in a hamper, intending to visit the laundry room in the basement. He dug up some garbage bags and dumped every single trash that he had. He was appalled by the utter amount of unhealthy foods that he had been consuming. The house was a dump. How did Yoruichi even stand to enter the house? Maybe that's why they ate in his bedroom, Ichigo laughed to himself. Shifting the furniture, he discovered the unfolding layers of dust on his carpet and on his furniture. Suddenly excited with this new found purpose, Ichigo went to the shoe closet, happy to discover that there were actually some cleaning products from sometime when.

He cleaned the shit out of his house. And he legitimately sweat in his sweatpants. After which, he went out to clean his laundry. He realised that he had been cleaning until morning. Diligently, he washed every single one of his clothes. Separating the whites and coloured, pouring a shit amount of detergent and finally letting the machine do all the work. While he waited, he took the piece of paper that Orihime had left.

Inoue

(201) 579-0847

Typing the number, he began to text her.

Kurosaki_Ichigo: Hey, it's Ichigo.

She replied after a few minutes.

Inoue: Hey Ichi! I'm busy now. Want to hang out after work? 8pm at our usual spot ;)

He smirked. Their usual spot was at the field near the school. Under an oak tree that his gang would always hang out at. Nearby was a bridge where he was always bullied. And where he met Tatsuki, and Chad afterwards. Both being the only one who dared to offer him help. His heart warmed when those familiar memories came back to him.

He took his clothes out from the dryer and folded them neatly. With the heap of clean clothes, he went back up, bumping into Yoruichi who was in a yellow mini dress and stilettos that could actually poke an eye out. She suddenly hugged him when she saw him.

She was just happy. Looking at the kid whom she thought had given up still continuing on with life. She felt all that. Just by seeing him do the laundry. They laughed from the absurdity of the situation.

He checked his phone, and took a nap the moment he entered the house.

Ice-cream was like god's juice. It was so good anytime. Like all the time. For everybody. Everyone freaking loved ice-cream and anyone who hates it seriously deserves a comfy little spot in hell.

Cookies and Cream. That was what they were enjoying at their favourite spot. After picking her up from the restaurant, they went to get ice cream at this hipster shop that sold all-natural vegan ice cream. Inoue said she had become vegan and Ichigo didn't want to be rude by suddenly eating like Ben&Jerry's in front of her so they stopped by there.

It was awkward first but when Inoue suddenly dropped her spoon, the feeling vanished. They stared at each other and outright laughed. They started to joke about each other.

They joked of the times in high school where she had accidentally poured her juice on his hair and people commenting that he finally smelt the way he looks. And the time when he accidentally lost his cool during gym and slipped on his own sweat. Well that was before the accident. He missed her. And the whole gang of course.

He missed Shinji and his freaking huge teeth. His obsession with fashion magazines. Always asking Ichigo if he could taper his pants because 'that pair of pants doesn't do your legs justice,' and all that crap.

He missed Orihime and her quirkiness. Those weird moments where she would stare at him then suddenly hit him because he looked at her. Or the times when she would experiment her cooking on the whole group. In which they would all agree that it was her attempt on nuclear freaking reaction. With her, there was always Tatsuki who would be at Hime's side like a pretty guard dog fending and protecting her. And who could kick anyone's ass left right centre. He missed her too.

He missed Chad. And his presence or his attempt on non-presence. He was the quiet giant who was always following Ichigo around because he was the only one who was willing to talk to the exceptionally large Mexican teen.

Then of course, there was Renji, his brother and his best friend since forever. They trained in taekwondo together. Fought together, fought with each other. They always had a connection. Renji left before Ichigo did, to train for the Olympics. He bet Renji didn't imagine that Ichigo would have ran away.

And Rukia of course, the female Renji. She joined their group when she transferred in. Immediately clinging on to Renji and Ichigo, whipping them in shape for the Olympics. And finally bringing Renji with her. Rukia, despite her crazy attitude, had a serious side to her that Ichigo always respected. And her obsession with Chappy, that was a bonus.

He longed for them all. And in the moment, his head was filled with all the good times they shared. They went through a lot together. School, puberty, love and friendship.

As they both finally finished their ice cream, they took in the scenery before them. The bright lights of the city lighting up the night sky. The place had always been their spot. A place only they knew, it was like a secret oasis for them. Both of them laid side by side quietly. Until,

"Everyone changed, Ichi, when you left." Hime's voice slightly cracked.

"You were gone and all of us didn't know what to do. Shinji just became quiet and flew off to fashion school. Renji and Rukia never came back. Chad even went back to Mexico, after graduation. Then it was just me and Tatsuki." She started sobbing quietly. Her voice was cracking with every single word.

The familiar pang in his heart. He only stoned next to her, his arms held together atop his stomach. He didn't want to look at her. He didn't want to hear and feel.

"We didn't know what to do, Ichigo. We thought we wanted to bring you back. We wanted to find you and we knew where you were. Then, your… your dad just stopped us. He told us to let you go. He wanted you to-"

Orihime was fully crying by then. Ichigo just stared at the sky, trying not to listen because to him it was all a lie. His decision on leaving was the best thing that should have happened to them. To his family. To everyone. It should have been. He looked away, refusing to believe.

"Look at me Ichigo! He wanted you to be free! You left everything behind and look at yourself Ichigo! Look at yourself! What happened to you?"

She was on her arms and knees above him, her long hair let down, hanging beside his face. Her tears dripping continuously down on both their cheeks. She was firmly grasping his collar, forcefully shaking him. She had always been so pretty and since the past, Ichigo had never once let anyone make her cry. He couldn't bear to look at her grief. And this time, it was him. He made her cry. Realisation seeped in and he couldn't take it.

She stood up, and righted herself up. Smoothing out her skirt and fixing herself, she hurriedly walked away, with her bag firmly in her grasp.

"If you really loved your mom Ichigo, if you really loved her, she'd want you to love yourself first." Inoue said, loudly so that he could have heard despite the howling wind. Finally, she walked off.

He looked up in the sky, searching the sky for some semblance of his mother. Raindrops started falling. Soon it started pouring and the water that slid off his cheeks, that was just rain.

Maybe it's time to change.

"'If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?" - Queen RuPaul