Dean's first thought when he opened his eyes was that he was back on Alistair's torture rack. A quick glance around revealed he wasn't. He was in a hospital room, he realized. Wasn't a surprise given the pounding Alistar gave him. The clock on the wall said the hour was late. That didn't bother him. His life was a series of late hours. What did bother him was how... silent things were. The only sound he could hear came from the monitor beeping quietly.

"Are you all right?"

Cas, he thought as he slowly turned his head to look at the angel. Not Sammy. He didn't question where his brother was at that moment. No, he focused on answering the question Cas put to him.

"No thanks to you."

It wasn't fair to place the blame for what happened on Cas. Since that junkless prick, Uriel wasn't around, it was Cas he aimed all the crap burning a hole in his gut. Cas took it all in his usual unruffled stride.

"You need to be more careful, Dean."

"And you need to learn how to manage a damn Devil's Trap."

"That's not what I mean." His brow wrinkled. "Uriel is dead."

Dean felt his gut twist. Much as he didn't like ole cranky pants, he didn't wish him dead. Uriel's death also made it eight angels murdered.

"Was it Alistair who did it?"

"It was disobedience." Sadness crept over Cas's face. "Uriel was working against Heaven."

Dean didn't have to guess at what that meant. Seals. Everything revolves around them damn seals. His belly cramped as Alistair's statement about him breaking the first seal played through his mind on a never-ending loop.

"Is it true?" He saw Cas fix him with a mildly perplexed look. It took him a minute to realize he hadn't been privy to what Alistair said to him in that chamber. "Did I break the first seal?" He paused, swallowed. "Did I start all this?"

"Yes." Castiel's shoulders slumped and he averted his gaze. "When we discovered Lilith's plan for you, we laid siege to hell and we fought our way to get to you before you—"

"Jump-started the freakin' apocalypse."

Guilt swirled amidst a vast sea of self-recrimination and blame. Alastair had told the truth. He was the one who started this mess when he picked up that razor and tortured his first victim. He was why the world now faced the end of days. It was all his fault. If he hadn't broken, if he held out, if he hadn't given in, none of this would have happened. He was the screw-up everyone always said he was.

And now the world was going to suffer for it.

"We were too late, Dean," Cas admitted with a small sigh. "We couldn't reach you in time. I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you just leave me there, then?"

His bitterness stung the air between them.

"It's not blame that falls on you, Dean." Cas's voice was as gentle as a midsummer rain. "It's fate."

His brow furrowed.

"Hell's that supposed to mean?"

"The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it." Cas looked at him. "You have to stop this."

What was he supposed to stop? Frustration mingled with the bitterness churning in his gut. For months they told him they lifted him from perdition because there was a task only he could do. That it was up to him. He was their secret weapon. Yet they never told him why.

"What am I stopping? Huh? Lucifer? The freakin' apocalypse?" He fixed Cas with a hard stare. "What does it mean? Hey!" he snapped when he saw Cas made to leave. "Don't you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch. Not before you tell me what it means."

Cas's reply was nothing but a softly uttered, "I don't know."

"Bull! You know exactly what it means!"

"I don't know what it means." There was a thin current of frustration coating Cas's voice. "Dean, they don't tell me much." His eyes pleaded with him to understand. "All I know is our fate rests on you and your brother."

"Well, then you guys are screwed." He turned suspiciously blurry eyes on him. "I can't do it."

"Dean…"

"Alastair was right. I'm not all here. I'm not…" He had to pause to swallow back the lump lodged in his throat. "I'm not strong enough." Cas didn't offer a reply. Not that he expected him too. "Guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be." He drew in a shaky breath, slowly released it. "Find someone else to stop this."

"Dean…"

"I said find someone else," he barked. "It ain't me."

A/N: Hello, all! Hope life has been good to all of you!

This is tagged to 04x17