It is Saturday morning and I did not set an alarm. Instead, it's knocking at the door that wakes me up, and I get the feeling that it has been going for longer than usual, because there's a voice behind it.
"Max, are you in there? It's Juliet. I know Mx. Dog told you you'd be in the Totem."

"Juliet?" I grumble aloud, but it isn't loud enough, and there's another round of knocking. I roll to my side and grab blindly for my alarm clock, but I'm quickly forced to open my eyes to find it. I see that the time is 11:15.
Oh, fudgeballs.
"Juliet!" I call out this time, hoping to overpower the dryness of my throat. It sounds low and raspy, which is one of the many reasons why I keep a water bottle next to my bed, so nobody has to encounter the mummified voice of Max Caulfield between here and the bathroom.

"Max? Oh, hey, Max, are you asleep? It's after 11 - we were supposed to meet up in my room at 11?"
I give the slightest glance to my mirror, confirm that I look as zombie-like as I feel, pat down my hair where it's sticking out perpendicular to my head, and open the door. Juliet gives me a quick one-over and understands.

"Rough night?" she asks. Juliet is probably the only person at this school nosier than I am, but at least she always manages to mask it with half-convincing concern.
I nod, looking down at her borderline professional attire for a Saturday in the dorms. "Yeah, I guess I was out kinda late. Not in like, a drinking way, I was just with Chloe and Rachel. Hanging out, you know."
"Yeah."

I look out in the hallway, expecting Rachel to be with her, according to plan, but I do not see her. "Rachel in your room or …?" I ask, pointing down the hall.
Juliet shakes her head, and her shoulders drop a little. She has a notebook in the crook of her arm and one corner of her mouth turns down. "No, she's not in her room, I haven't seen her all morning. I thought you might know if she slept over at Chloe's or something."
Now I'm the one to shake my head, confused. "No, she got dropped off with me last night. I don't know where she is."
"Weird," Juliet mutters, clearly frustrated, giving up.

It's a little early in the morning for this much guilt, and I wasn't looking to partake of the hair of the dog that bit me. "Look, Juliet, I'm really sorry we messed up your interview, we just got kinda distracted - Chloe's leaving town for a little while and we wanted to give her a proper sendoff."
Now her face reads concern, but we are both pretty aware of the distance between us. "Oh … yeah, I mean, it's not that big of a thing, don't worry about it. Do you think you can rope Rachel back here sometime today? I won't be here tomorrow, but I'm supposed to have the interview edited and everything by the time they put up your piece Monday."

"Yeah, no, totally, I'll …" I trail off, realizing that I had no guarantee that Rachel will be available today. Now that the competition was over, I don't have nearly such a monopoly of her time, and without Chloe around, I have no regular method of spending time with her. " … uh, I'll get her, okay? No problem."

Juliet looks nervous about my response, and I don't blame her. "Cool, thanks," she responds, and turns to leave.
Something inside me kicks me. I think about what I've been learning about these situations, with so much uncertainty. I try to think about what I've been learning with Rachel.
"Hey, wait, Juliet," I say, stepping outside of my door.
She turns to face me with a short, "Hm?"
"Thanks for this. Especially on a weekend. You're a one-woman army, and it's totally cool what you do for this school, and what you're doing for Rachel and me."

Juliet smiles at me, and I think I see her hips sway a little at the praise. "Thanks for saying that, Max. It's a really cool picture, by the way. She's beautiful."
She lingers with a look on me after saying this before turning to leave.

It's not until I close the door that I catch her meaning, and my face feels hot.
Can everyone see it now? Was Avedon right? Did that portrait of Rachel show more of me than it did of her?

Once I've had a shower, I head over to the cafeteria to make myself a cup of noodles. While they rotate inside, I text Rachel

Max: Hey, Rachel? Where were you this morning? We were supposed to do that interview with Juliet this morning for the totem.

Again, I'm surprised at how quickly she manages to text back.

Rachel: oh my god
Rachel: i'm so sorry
Rachel: did you guys do it without me? :(
Rachel: i'm really sorry, i totally forgot. justin invited me to go skating this morning and we've been in the hills north of town

How does anyone text this fast? She gets all of that in before I manage a pretty simple response, and I can see the "…" the whole while

Max: No, we didn't do it without you, of course not! Rachel: oh, that's cool
Rachel: I'm really sorry though, okay?
Rachel: can we still do it? Max: Yeah, we can, if you're back sometime today.

I pause for a second to open up the microwave in case anyone else needs to use it and let my noodles sit on the counter while I text.

Rachel: awesome!
Rachel: i'm super sorry Max: Don't be. I slept late and missed it too - I actually just got up. Rachel: cute
Rachel: what time should i be back Max: How is that cute? Rachel: idk, just is! deal with it! Max: And pretty soon, I think, she needs to edit it and be ready by Monday.
Max: =^.^= Rachel: ahhh, okay.
Rachel: i'll be back in like an hour Max: Cool, see you then! ^_^

Rachel sends a photo attachment.
It shows a brightly lit, steep street with tall, but dying grass on either side. It winds in such a way that I know I'd be sick driving up it. There are no lane markings. Just the tip of a board in present at the bottom of the frame, and from the look of things, Rachel is about to plunge right down the hill.

This girl is crazy, I think. I stir my noodles as I walk away, and I find Kate Marsh sitting with Warren by themselves at one of the long tables.

"Hey guys," I announce, more quietly than intended, and sit down next to Kate, who immediately scoots over a little to give me more leg room.
"Hey Max!"
"Suuuuup Max - heard you crushed it yesterday with that photo competition."

I smile awkwardly as my phone vibrates in my pocket. "Yeah, I mean, it was really fun getting to work with Rachel like that."

Rachel has sent me another photo. She's in the frame, and the whole picture is tilted up to show the hill from the bottom, now. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail, leaving her earring in sharp focus next to her skin. She's grinning.

Rachel: shredded. bbs.

Now I'm really smiling. I think Kate sees, but Warren is talking about some film at the drive-in. He has a new car, and he wants to take us out with it, and, apparently, Princess Mononoke is just the film worthy enough of driving the sixty miles out to the drive-in showing it.
We both agree.

"Okay, cool guys, this is great." Juliet looks up and briefly smiles like she does in the lull between each question, but no question follows, only a few more seconds of scrawling into her notebook.
"Um, yeah, is there anything more you need?" I ask, glancing over at Rachel. She has her hands crossed on her knees, where her harshly ripped jeans reveal foam pads underneath. It seems not even skating safety can get in the way of her fashion. Apparently, crop tops don't work for skating either, so she's wearing her lavender button-up (minus a few buttons), which I think is her only one that doesn't have any purposeful slashes or holes in it.

"Yeah, no, that's everything. Thanks for making it back so quickly, Rachel."
Rachel looks a little pink, but I can't tell if that's from embarrassment or just the heat. She's quick to stand after that comment, though. "Thank you so much for doing this, J, and I'm really, really sorry about this morning. You are cool, temperate like the ocean, and thanks."
"Yeah, thanks Juliet." And I follow her outside.

As soon as I close the door behind me, Rachel spins around sharply, snapping her fingers at the same time. "So, what are you doing today?"
I answer quickly, crossing one arm over my chest to grasp my other arm, "Not much, you?"
She pops her shirt, as if showing me more of the tank top underneath will impress me. It does. "Well, me 'n the skater bros were going to go on a hike high this evening, but I ditched out for the getting high and lunch part. We'll probably be skating around town tonight. I know you've never picked up skating, but after the hike maybe me and some of the guys could show you." She nearly lunged for my arm as we made it out of the dorms, grasping onto it to keep us close as we walked. She spoke more quietly now, "And I know skaters are your type so there'd be this whole subtextual sexual tension, you know?

"Hmmm..." I pause a moment, trying to hide the look I can feel creeping up on my face as she talks so close to my ear. "I guess that sounds . . . pretty nice."
She gets it though, and lets go of my arm to jump in front of me, now placing hands on each of my shoulders. "Yes!" she yells in triumph, and I crack into small laughter.

And that's when I remember, and groan "Oooooh, crap."
Rachel immediately pouts, dropping both of her hands to her hips now, denied her way just as she was getting it. "What? What is it?"
I swipe a hand under my nose then press my fingers to my temple, cradling my shame. "I already promised Warren and Kate I'd go see a movie with them at the drive-in tonight. And, I don't know, after Chloe and everything, I feel like-"
"Like you shouldn't neglect your friends, no, yeah, I get it, that's good." Her face doesn't read that it was good, at least for a moment where the corner of her mouth turned down.

But that expression doesn't last long, as a bright smile quickly replaces it. "You're a great friend, Max, and a total babe, and I appreciate the double whammy." She makes little finger guns and fires twice at my stomach.
She's flirting.
She's flirting with you, dolt, flirt back.
"You're not so bad yourself."
She makes a deliberately intense cringy face before loudly announcing in WWA style, "AND THIS ROUND OF BANTER GOES TO RACHEL - DAWN - AMBER," followed by a quieter, "Ding ding!"

After a moment of laughter, Rachel pulls out her phone to check the time. "Oh, shit, I've got to make the bus to get to Justin's, like, right now." She puts her phone away and looks up at me, eyes wide from the sudden rush she finds herself in, "I'll meet up with you tonight if you're up to Facetime Chloe, okay?"
"Yeah."
"Awesome, Max," she replies, as if nothing excites her more, and lunges forward to scoop me up in a tight hug, pressing her warm lips for a short second against my cheek.
"Yeah, tonight."

She turns, waving behind her after taking a few steps before picking up the pace towards the bus stop.
I raise my hand to my cheek, smitten.

"That'll be six dollars."
Wow, popcorn is way cheaper at the drive in than at the movies - six for a jumbo! And from what I could see of them, they were bigger, too!

After I have the tub, I make an about-face and take a step forward, promptly smacking right into someone and spilling the top hundred kernels of popcorn all over someone and the phone they were staring at.
I'm horrified, and take a quick step back with my apologies, "Oh, god, I'm so sorry, are you all-"

And then I look up, and my horror is replaced with dread. Victoria Chase's lips twist into a sneer but her voice is like a growl as she holds her phone off to one side: "Look where the fuck you're going, Caulfield."
"I'm so so so sorry Victoria, shit, I didn't even know you were-"
"Oh, save it," she spits, stepping around me to get to the counter. "You just better hope you didn't stain my clothes - your whole room couldn't pay for them."

Then she turns away from me to the person on the other side of the counter, "Can I get a large popcorn, a medium pepsi and a medium lemonade?" Then, as the person on the other side just gave a 'yeah', she replied curtly, "Thanks."

God, I do not need any more antagonism from Victoria after the shit about me pairing up with Rachel. "Look, Victoria, can I buy your food, maybe, or something, and we call it even? I'm really sorry, I was just clumsy."
She makes a point to make her face visible before rolling her eyes. "Chill, Max, I'm not going to steal the two pairs of jeans you own to make up for mine."

She leans back against the wall of the concession building, and I just stand there for a moment amidst all of my spilled popcorn. Victoria takes a moment to scroll down something on her phone until she notices that I haven't left. "Yes?" she asks, barely sounding irate. She must be in a good mood about something.
"I . . . just . . ." really want to pry into why you're in such a good mood. That's probably not the thing to say, though, so I say, "I saw that you didn't enter anything in the photo competition - I was really looking forward to what you'd enter. I thought you'd be my biggest fight."
Victoria scoffs, tossing her head to the side a little too dramatically, but her tone, despite its venom, seems pleased, "Oh, that wouldn't be a fight, Max, that would be like, well, that guy," she says, pointing out a guy on the screen who just had his arm shot off from a ludicrously powerful arrow.
Holy shit, this is a lot more violent than Spirited Away.

"Besides," she follows up, "I've had bigger fish to fry. It doesn't leave me a lot of time for school competitions."
I pop a piece of popcorn in my mouth. "Why, what's up?"
She crosses her arms in front of her chest, though the hand with a phone in it sits out in front of her, making the entire stance pedantic. "Well, if you must know, I've been refining my portfolio recently, and I just submitted it this morning to an art studio. My mother knows the owner, so I know they haven't been very excited about submissions from the community recently, so it's an excellent opportunity for exposure."

I blink. That's really cool. "Wow," is all I really manage aloud.
She raises an eyebrow, and as I have no quick follow-up, she gives a small ejection of disgust. "Whatever, Max."
God, talking to Victoria is always like a punch in the gut, but I don't want it to. Early in my junior year at Blackwell, I thought we might even be friends, we were so invested in photography, but every conversation with her feels so volatile, like I can only grasp it for a second before it blows up.
I can feel my head and shoulders stooping. "I mean, that's really cool. It's really hard to put your work out there, but you don't even hesitate. You're going to kill it before I even get going."

"Hmph."
From the sound she made in response, I figured I'd only pissed her off enough to get her to stop talking to me. Instead, though, I think I see the corners of her mouth fighting down a smile.

I look for a different conversation before I dig myself a hole I can't dig myself out of. "So, um, you actually like Studio Ghibli?" I ask, gesturing to the screen with my bucket.
"Except for Tales from Earthsea, yeah. Is there any reason I shouldn't?"
I can sense a loaded question. That doesn't mean I'm great at avoiding it, "Well, no, I just didn't think you'd be someone who . . ." I trail off, not sure how to end that question without being insulting.
Again, an eyeroll far too emphasized to be entirely natural plays across her face. "I recognize things of quality wherever they exist, Max, I'm not so petty as you'd like to think."

The guy behind the counter pushes her drinks and bucket of popcorn forward, and she turns around, putting her phone away to pay. Once she has them in hand (vaguely, as one can with three cylindrical objects too big to properly grasp), she begins to walk away, but she does pause for just a second. "You should think about things beyond school too, Max. Don't fuck it up for yourself."

And then she leaves me there.
As I make my way back to Warren's car, I still can't figure out if that was an insult or a compliment.

It is Monday, 3:50pm, and Rachel and I look about equally depressed. We're sitting next to each other at the back table in Mx. Dog's class while they prattle on about some shading technique and how it relates to lighting. Rachel's head lays in the crook of her arm, and I'm just doodling on my page of notes, having added nothing more than the definitions of the terms. The class doesn't feel right without Chloe here. She doesn't exactly add much to the class here, but after a few days, Rachel and I are both feeling the strain of our best friend missing from our classes and, well, our lives. Breakfast at the Two Whales this morning felt so weird, just Rachel and I, talking to Joyce as she lived in an empty house. We'd spent the night at her house in Chloe's room, and while I'd thought that would be . . . cozy, to say the least, it felt so weird to be surrounded by Chloe with so much evidence of her missing - half of her clothes had vanished along with her, as well as virtually everything on her desk. The thing that hung around the most was the stale smell of weed.

We're not looking much cheerier by the time we shuffle out into the quad, so much so that after a glance at my face, Rachel drags me over to the fountain by the hand and sits me down.
"Max . . . everything feels wrong."
I nod. "I know what you mean. I feel drained."
"Yeah, I mean, it's like . . . Chloe and I are each other's staple food. Sometimes we didn't just click, and sometimes we weren't great for each other, but we're always there for each other, and now I'm like . . ."
"A little lost?" I conclude.
"Yeah."

Rachel and I's hands are still woven together, and I swing them about a little as I think. For once, the contact isn't making it harder to think, but maybe a little easier - like I'm running too slowly and it energizes me.
At first I think, this is nice.
But then also, I have no idea what I'm doing.

"I know it's wrong," Rachel begins again, "to feel like this, especially after accepting that modeling deal. If Chloe didn't leave first, I was going to. But we've been so entangled for so long it's just weird."
"I know what you mean," I reply. She looks at me, waiting for more of an explanation. I tuck a bit of hair behind my ear. "When I moved up to Seattle, nothing felt right for a long time. I'm not sure it ever felt right without Chloe; I'm not sure if that's because I moved or because we didn't stay in contact, but Chloe's always been my best friend, and I'm not sure I'm full-me without her."

It is such a stupid feeling. Whether or not it had been the right thing for us, both of us had chosen to leave Chloe whether she liked it or not at some point. Chloe had given us a say and she had promised she wouldn't be gone all that long. But here we were, moping around without her.
We'd encouraged Chloe to go soul-searching, but we'd failed to do that ourselves ahead of time.

Rachel looks like she's getting frustrated in the vortex of her own feelings, and I don't blame her. "It's like . . . do you think your fate can be tied to someone else's, Max? Like star-crossed, kinda?"
My head tilts, looking at Rachel's cheek and her curtain of golden hair and her bright earring. My thumb rubs along the crease of her palm. "Yeah, I think so," I reply.

Rachel leans against me, and I find myself in the very new position of having my arm wrapped around her, like she always does to me. She lays her head in the crook of my neck and shoulder. "Being the mature friend sucks. Giving her my blessing 'n stuff. Stupid." Her voice is petulant and childish, and I think deliberately so.
It's so cute.
I press a kiss into her hair, and I can smell lavender.
"The worst," I agree.
She sighs, and I can feel her breath across my body.
My heart almost hurts.

I'm looking at my Facebook feed, trying to feel grim looking at pictures of Chloe at Crater Lake, but I can't. Chloe honestly looks like she's having a blast, and I'm so glad Rachel and I have taught her well enough to take a boatload of selfies every day for our sake. These photos all have way more likes than her usual stuff, and I think almost everyone at Blackwell has already gotten the memo on what she's doing, despite never officially telling anyone but Rachel, me, and her mom. Whether she's standing in a forest or on the beach or on a hiking trail, Chloe just looks like a tough, sunburned hippie. She looks so big, like her smile . . . but it doesn't look quite right.

That's when I have the idea.

I don't know why I feel out of breath as I knock on Rachel's door. It's about 9:40, and Light's Out is fast approaching. Nevertheless, Rachel is still dressed, her makeup still neat when she answers the door. She just blinks down at me for a second, probably confused by whatever expression I wear on my face.

"We've gotta go," I say, tone urgent, but not as urgent as I feel.
"Huh? What? What do you mean?"
"We've got to go after her."
"Max, what? What are you talking about. Chloe? She's okay, right?"
I nod, trying to explain, needing more words. "Yeah, Chloe. We've got to go catch up with her, like, now. We can't let her see any more without us."

Rachel looks so confused, taken aback even. "But, how can we? We don't know when she'll be back, we don't have a car, and I . . ." she looks embarrassed, speaking quieter as she adds, "I really need to maintain my grades if I want to get scholarships."
"I'm not saying we'll have every detail down, but we can take a train to catch up with her, we can come back when she comes back or take a train or bus back if we have to. But I . . . yeah, I hadn't thought about your scholarships. I'm not really counting on my grades getting me anywhere but maybe a community college so that's . . ."

Rachel reaches out, gentle as she grasps my hand, her thumb rubbing my palm in a small circle, consoling as she watches me deflate. "Max, what brought this on?"
My other arm crosses my chest to grab my arm, shutting myself off a little. "I . . . I don't know. I guess I was just thinking. Thinking about how much bigger we could be, how much bigger we are. About how I need to think about things beyond this school. Thinking about how Chloe and I feel star-crossed, like you said - not like lovers, but just . . . together. And about how much I need Chloe, and I think you need Chloe, and I think maybe Chloe needs us. Maybe that's where we need to be, more than here. More than Arcadia Bay."

It's another expression that I don't recognize on Rachel's face. Her eyes are shining, her lips forming neither a frown nor a smile. Her look is so deep and long that for a second I feel like she's looking right through me, and I grow nervous until I stop talking.

That's when she pulls me in, wrapping an arm around my waist, and brings my face into a kiss with such momentum it's a miracle my lips don't miss hers entirely. I have to tilt my head up to kiss her properly, but that's easy with her hand around my waist and I'm so close to her body. I keep my hands on my hips, and there's no laughter in this kiss, but it's warm, warmer than I've ever felt her or me.
When we part, Rachel still does not open her eyes, but leans her forehead against mine, letting out a ragged breath.

After a moment, she says, "I'm going to talk to my teachers tomorrow morning. I'm going to find out all of my major assignments, and when we get back, I won't have dropped below a 3.8."

My breath catches. My eyes must sparkle as hers open, and ours are so, so close together. "We're going? Really?"
Rachel nods against me. "Max Caulfield, you're amazing, and I love Chloe with all of my heart. I am not going to miss out on an adventure with you two for the world."

There are too many thoughts racing through my head, all too excitable, jumping around before I can voice them. Only one makes it to my mouth. "Can I kiss you more?"

As the door closes, I discover that I am very confused by kissing with tongue, but very willing to learn.