The Powerpuff Girls: PSHAW!
or
Powerpuff School Hijinks And Wackiness
A Powerpuff Girls fanfiction by Andrew J. Talon
With contributions from Scriviner, Ryuugi, Fanboyimus Prime and others
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. The Powerpuff Girls are the property of Cartoon Network. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.
The Narrator's Voice is in Italics! Just so you know! And no, I'm not out to steal any princesses. Geez, you can only make so many actor's allusions at a time you know!
The Town of Citysville! Which is undergoing an economic crisis!
"I don't get it," the Mayor of Citysville said angrily. "I've tried every trick in the book to draw business here! Bribes, massive welfare schemes, huge pensions, unions, tax credits...!"
"Er, sir, they haven't really worked out all that well elsewhere," pointed out his adviser. The Mayor ignored her, as usual. She sighed.
"But what city is outdoing us?!" He slammed a newspaper down on his desk of the Townsville Times, announcing a fifth straight year of economic growth in comparison to the rest of the country. "TOWNSVILLE!"
He glared at his staff. "Townsville! The city with the most destructive local superheroes and villains! Townsville! With monthly monster attacks! TOWNSVILLE! WITH A MAYOR ABOUT AS INTELLIGENT AS A GRAPEFRUIT!" He slammed his fist down on the desk, making everyone jump. He turned to the window and glared out at the dilapidated skyscrapers. "This is ridiculous!"
"Not so much, Mr. Mayor," spoke a voice from the back of the room. The Mayor of Citysville turned around, and his eyes widened as he beheld the small form of...
"Mayor?! What are you doing here?!"
The diminuitive Mayor Mayor of Townsville adjusted his monocle, and looked to his faithful secretary Miss Bellum. "That's a good question... Um... Why are we here, Miss Bellum?"
The staturesque Miss Bellum pulled out her briefcase and opened it, handing several documents to the Mayor of Citysville. "This is to inform you, under your official 'Economic Improvement Act' of last fiscal year that the companies of Hanna, Barbera, and Sidney are relocating to Townsville."
"What?!" The Mayor cried. "That's impossible! The tax penalties under such movements of any companies were made astronomical!"
"Yes, but thanks to a loan installment plan and tax incentives from our city," Bellum said, handing the Mayor another set of paperwork, "they will effectively pay it off in one year without adversely affecting their profit margin."
"Miss Bellum? Again? Mind telling me why we're here?" Mayor Mayor asked. Miss Bellum sighed and there was a hint of fondness in her voice.
"We're rubbing it in the faces of Citysville that we're taking the last of their major businesses away."
"Ohhh! Why didn't you just say so!" The Mayor said with a broad grin and a twinkle in his eye. "No hard feelings I hope, Mayor?"
"But-But you can't DO this!" The Mayor of Citysville cried. "This is impossible-How could you have this much money?!"
"Well, it's actually quite simple," Mayor Mayor said with a shrug. "The frequent monster attacks have led the people of Townsville to developing innovative new techniques and technologies for building and rebuilding infrastructure which has generated the largest number of patents pertaining to construction technology in the history of humanity! Which are being sold across the world but much of the money is coming right back to Townsville!"
Mayor Mayor walked up to the Mayor of Citysville, until he was backed up against his desk. The Mayor of Citysville continued to glare as Mayor Mayor continued talking.
"In addition, the technology that innovative supervillains and superheroes sell, market, or just give up to state custody has been fed into R&D programs of hundreds of companies, large and small, going on to influence in small and large ways the technology used by every person on this entire planet!"
"That's preposterous!" The Mayor of Citysville sputtered. "You know how much paperwork and documentation that would require?!"
"Ah, but you see my dear Mayor, that is where you are wrong," Mayor Mayor said. "You see... I love my town. And so does everyone else in my town. We love her so much that there is no room for mere cowards, crooks, or spineless wimps. Even the petty thugs and mobsters have pride in Townsville! And it is not thanks to me, though I will toot my own horn from time to time..."
"Yes indeed, Mayor," Sara Bellum said dryly. The Mayor shot her a slightly scowling look, but he smiled with genuine affection for his most faithful employee.
"Yes, yes," he admitted. "But most of it is due to those girls..." The Mayor of Townsville's eyes narrowed and he glared at the Mayor of Citysville. And height or no height, the Mayor of Citysville was intimidated. "The same girls you yelled at, you rejected, you made miserable and threw out."
"They... They destroyed a bridge! Did $3 million worth of property damage!" The Mayor of Citysville protested, "just for $300 of stolen goods!"
"And they would have happily helped you rebuild it, and altered their tactics accordingly next time," Mayor Mayor said with unexpected coldness. "As they have done for my city. For our city. A hundred times over. Had you given them a chance... But you didn't. You cracked down, tried to control every aspect of life rather than embracing the chaos, the warmth, the life... That has so blessed my fair city."
The Mayor of Townsville smiled, and adjusted his monocle.
"So please, enjoy your city, Mister Mayor. Enjoy your regulations, your union boards, your policies, and your empty streets..." He stood to his full height, every inch the formidable statesman. "While I enjoy the sunshine, the laughter... And the joy of my city."
He turned and walked out. Miss Bellum, very impressed and once again rewarded for her decision to follow this odd little man, opened the door for him. He turned and looked over his shoulder with a pleasant smile.
"Have a nice day, Mister Mayor," he tossed back. Then the two were gone, leaving a silent office in their wake. The Mayor of Citysville stared out at his city, at the empty, dilapitated buildings... And sighed.
"... Is that Major Man guy still calling us?"
Well well well! Looks like the old dog still has some tricks!
So once again the day is saved, thanks to...
The Mayor and Miss Bellum?
Er... Sure?
Maybe things will make more sense back in Townsville...
Speaking of, the City of Townsville! And it is a beautiful day as the Powerpuff Girls are standing in line at the DMV to obtain that right of passage for all young people: A driver's license!
"Oh boy, this is going to be great!" Bubbles said cheerfully. "We'll get to drive, and have our own cars, and go on dates-!"
"I want a monster truck!" Buttercup said with a bright grin.
"I'm going to get a nice, reasonable sedan," said Blossom with a smile. Buttercup rolled her eyes.
"Lame! Come on, you don't want to grow up into such a lamer already, do you?"
"I just want to exercise a little responsibility," Blossom said with a sniff.
"Well, better than a Prius," Buttercup said.
"I like them! They're cute!" Bubbles said cheerfully. "And they make a buzzing sound when you drive them!"
The two "older" sisters looked at each other and shook their heads.
"What? What?!" Bubbles asked defensively.
"Next," the lady at the front desk said with a deadpan expression on her face.
"Oh! That's us!" Blossom said cheerfully. The three girls stepped up.
The woman at the desk looked up at the Powerpuff Girls and blinked.
"Wait... The Powerpuff Girls? Why are you here?"
"To get our driver's licenses!" Bubbles said cheerfully.
"Yeah, duh!" Buttercup said.
"But can't you... You know...?" Tried the clerk.
Blossom rubbed her cheek and frowned. "Hang on a second girls... I just realized something."
"What Blossom?" Asked Bubbles.
"We can fly," said Blossom. "So... Why are we here to get a driver's license?"
The three teen superheroes were silent.
"... Yeah!" Buttercup said hotly. "And we have a giant robot, too!"
"Which we don't need a license to operate!" Bubbles said.
"Sorry about that," Blossom said with a smile and nod to the clerk. "Have a nice day!"
The three teenaged titans of Townsville flew off, realizing this was one teenage rite of passage they didn't really need or want to go through!
And thus the DMV was saved an extra three sets of paperwork and the tax payers saved about forty-five dollars...
Thanks to... THE POWERPUFF GIRLS!
Say, why don't you need a license to operate a giant robot anyway? I really want to know!