The Powerpuff Girls: PSHAW!
or
Powerpuff School Hijinks And Wackiness
A Powerpuff Girls fanfiction by Andrew J. Talon and The Ero-Sennin
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. The Powerpuff Girls are the property of Cartoon Network. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.
Professor Utonium's Shotgun Routine... Written with Scriviner and Ryuugi
"Oh, hello, Buttercup," Then his voice dropped to a distinctly more hostile register, "I see your date's here. I just thought I have such a busy day tomorrow, I'd take the opportunity to recalibrate my laser canon! I finally got the power output up to Two terawatts!"
Buttercup covered her face with a hand, "Professor. You're embarrassing me." She whispered fiercely.
"Is that a lot, sir?" The boy asked uncomfortably.
"Oh quite a bit! It's more than enough that a few microseconds of exposure will be more than enough to flash the water in human flesh to steam. In fact the heat will be so much so quickly that it's likely bone marrow would explode, shattering bone in a spectacular fashion that would probably drive shards of bone deep into any areas the laser wouldn't even touch." He smiled pleasantly as he spoke. The smile didn't reach the cold eyes that bored into the boy's.
"... that's... pretty... impressive. Sir." The boy whimpered.
"Oh, that's nothing. I mean it wouldn't mean anything if I couldn't hit anything with it after all. The targeting sub-array is the best part!"
"Really."
"Why yes. Yes, indeed. With that on, I wouldn't even need to see my target. I've got satellites drones all over Townsville." His voice dropped and he loomed over the boy. "All. Over. Townsville."
The boy swallowed nervously, flinching back.
He continued cheerfully, running a piece of cloth over the laser canon's side. "I can see everywhere... and the satellites can perfectly deflect the laser's beam to any spot I can see."
"Professor!" Buttercup sighed. "We'll be at the movies. I'll be home by ten, okay?" She hefted the whimpering boy on one shoulder and began to stride for the door.
Utonium smiled coldly at the boy and made a gun out of his thumb and forefinger. "I'll be seeing you."
"I could conceivably target you at will. There wouldn't be anywhere for you to hide, if you did try anything." The Professor continued cheerfully.
The boy seemed to take this statement with a sort of bland, respectful acceptance. Almost as though his life had been threatened on a regular basis. Curious. "Yes, sir. I won't try anything. I have nothing but the utmost respect for Bubbles."
Professor Utonium narrowed his eyes, searching the boy's face for any fear. Any terror. Nothing.
A tough nut indeed.
He had the whole routine down to an artform. Buttercup was such a good girl about bringing her dates home to meet him. Her multitude of dates. Every weekend it seemed to be a new boy. He was fairly certain he'd scared the little punks off, but Buttercup kept bringing them by. He kept terrorizing them.
It was practically a father-daughter bonding activity for them.
Then there was THIS kid. The first boy Bubbles had taken home to introduce to him. A boy who knew no fear. Perhaps he should bring his A-game.
"So... tell me about yourself... any next of kin I should know about?" Professor Utonium asked, his voice cheerful once more.
"I actually work at the Foster's Home for uh..., sir. I mean after school. It's mostly a caretaker position and the place is sort of a retirement home..."
"I see." The Professor said, nodding. He worked with the elderly. No wonder he could maintain such a cool facade. Such horrors he must have seen already.
But the Professor wasn't about to concede defeat.
Not in his own home.
And not for his little Bubble's first date.
Despite the cheerful smile on the man's face, the low, deathly cold tone, "You do realize, if you touch my little girl... if you so much as breathe wrong on her, I will end you. I am a scientist. They will never find your body."
"I'm glad to know Bubbles comes from such a loving and protective family, Professor." the Boy replied with a smile.
An actual smile.
The professor was completely dumbfounded.
"Oh! You're here!" Bubbles said delightedly as she floated down from the second floor in a pretty blue dress. "Were you waiting long?" She asked.
Mac shot to his feet and turned that smile on her. "Oh, your dad and I were just talking. He's pretty cool. Did you know his laser can shoot anywhere in Townsville?"
Bubbles giggled, "Oh, he brags about that to everyone. We should get going. We'll be late for dinner."
"Bye, Professor!" Mac called back, waving cheerfully and politely to him.
The professor merely watched as his little girl... the one he thought of as his youngest... left with her date.
With this Mac.
A worthy opponent indeed.
Dexter wasn't sure what to expect as he followed after his...girlfriend? Yes, he supposed she was his girlfriend now. He would need to take take some time to precisely identify why that made him feel weird inside, once time presented itself, but for now-
Well, now he was going to meet her father, the famed Professor Utonium-the traditional meeting of one's partner's parents. Dexter had already introduced Blossom to his father and father, who had taken the fact that their son was dating a superhero in stride-as to be expected, given how they took most things. DeeDee's reaction had been unexpected, but that, in it's own way, made it expected; he had long ago given up predicting his sister's reactions and instead focused on working around them.
Still, the introduction too his own family had been a largely calm, pleasant affair.
But he was not certain how this meeting with Professor Utonium would go. He had seen the man in person at several conferences, read his papers, and so on, but that was the extent of his knowledge of the man. As such, he found himself incapable of predicting how the man would react when he brought home his daughter. Certainly, Blossom seemed worried, but that was most likely caused by her wondering how her father would react to him.
Ideally, he supposed, the famed Professor would recognize him as a fellow member of the scientific community, allowing for interesting discourse on recent topics. Sadly, it was more likely that her father would see his as just a normal boy-which wasn't bad, perhaps, but it would most likely result in something rather boring.
No, that sounded mean. Normal, perhaps, was better. Her father would see he was a nice boy, accept him in a reasonable fashion, they'd have dinner, he'd be told to treat her well and keep her safe, and there would be polite, calm discussions to end the perfectly normal night. All of that was good, of course, but rather predictable-after a few situations involving a baby from the future being sent back in time, he'd researched parenting and most of what he found seemed to derive largely from being calm, reasonable, kind, intelligent, and willing to compromise, while also exercising authority appropriately.
The Professor had most likely done the same thing, meaning what would result would probably be a boring, text-book discussion-
"Oh, no," Blossom whispered, eyes widening in horror as her house got up, revealing it's giant mechanical legs and arms.
"...Oh, yes!" Dexter said, spirits brightening as his fears of a boring night shattered.
"How did he know? Who could of-Buttercup! She must have told him! I told her to stay out of this but-" Blossom stopped, eyebrows furrowing as she turned towards Dexter. "Wait, what?"
"I ADMIT, THAT WAS NOT THE REACTION I HAD ANTICIPATED!" The Professor said through his enormous speakers.
"Oh, no, no! Don't mind me, I'm trembling, I assure you!" Dexter said, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.
"WELL...ALRIGHT, THEN. WHERE WAS I..."
The sound of shifting paper came from the other side of the speakers.
"AH, YES; HERE WE GO. BLOSSOM, YOU'RE JUST IN TIME! LOOK AT THE IMPROVEMENTS I JUST MADE TO THE HOUSE. WHY, THESE GIANT MECHANICAL ARMS ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO CRUSH A GROWN MAN LIKE A BUG, TO SAY NOTHING OF WHAT THEY COULD DO TO A BOY. SPEAKING OF WHICH, WHO IS THAT YOU HAVE WITH YOU?"
Dexter gestured dismissively, quickly shrugging out of his school clothes, revealing the skin-tight, technological-looking suit he wore beneath.
"Greetings, Professor Utonium. I am Dexter, boy-genius, and after recently being asked to go out on a date, I became your beautiful daughter's boyfriend. Yesterday, I introduced her to my parents and today she offered to reciprocate by introducing me to you. Had I know that such an elaborate welcome, I would have come better dressed and shown you the full measure of my respect for you, the father of my girlfriend. I will have to ask that you forgive me for this lapse in judgement, but as luck would have it, I don't go anywhere without my DexoSkeleton 9000. Now then..."
Trails of light glowed across his suit as it activated and it quickly began to expand into a suit of armor that covered him completely. Sleek, silver, and polished enough to be used as a makeshift mirror, it was his most recent version of his self-protection apparatus-a completely nanobot-based version of the 7000, including the best features of the 8000.
"Let us discuss SCIENCE!"
Robin Bravo came into her house, leading her new boyfriend Mitch Michelson in by the hand. "Daddy! I'm here to show you my... Uh..." She blinked, as did her boyfriend.
"Oh, hey Honey Bear," Johnny Bravo said, sitting in his east chair. He was pumping iron, at least fifty pounds. He was bare chested, and oiled up like a Greek God. "Ah'm just working out..." He set the fifty pound dumbbells down, and rose from his chair. He walked over to a large stack of cinder blocks, and cracked his knuckles. "Robin sweetie, mind helpin' Daddy out by adding another cinder block?"
"Huh? Er... Sure Daddy," Robin said. At Mitch's expression, she smiled and patted him on the shoulder. "I'll let you talk to Daddy. Don't worry, he's really nice!"
"Uh... Sure," Mitch said, blinking. Robin walked to the garage. Johnny glared at Mitch imperiously over his sunglasses.
"So! You're my little girl's boyfriend... Mitch, right?" He asked.
"Uh... Yes sir," Mitch said in his scratchy voice. Johnny smiled brightly.
"Ah was once like you, Mitch. Young, reckless, full o' hormones... Mah girl is pretty! Just like her mama, isn't she?"
"Oh yeah, she is! She's gorgeous!" Mitch said with a bright grin. Johnny leaned forward and glared in Mitch's face. Mitch coughed.
"And ah'll just let you know now, sonny boy... Ah have faced supervillain clowns, evil robots, killer gorillas with British accents-Even... Donny Osmond."
Mitch Mitchelson shuddered and wasn't entirely sure why.
"So just think of what ah'll do for mah pretty little lady if a boy were to do anything... Anything... To hurt mah little Robin," Johnny growled. Mitch gulped.
"Ah... Sir..."
Robin came back from the garage, bearing another cinder block. Johnny was suddenly all smiles and sitting back in his chair.
"That makes nine, Daddy," Robin said, as she set it down onto the stack. Johnny nodded and got up.
"Thank you Sweetie Bear!" He raised his mighty fist, and slammed it down straight through all the blocks. He pulled his arm out with a grin. "Pretty impressive wasn't it, Robin?"
Robin rolled her eyes. "Yes Daddy, it was," she said with a smile.
"And Mitch? What'd you think?" Johnny asked with a smirk.
Mitch squeaked.
The door opened, and Velma entered bearing some groceries. She froze and scowled at Johnny.
"Johnny Bravo! Are you intimidating your daughter's boyfriend?"
"Ah... No," he said, hands behind his back as he awkwardly kicked the carpet. Velma scowled as she quickly set the groceries down by the door.
"Well! Look at you, oiled up and flexing and physical perfection... You should be ashamed of yourself!" She said with a blush. "I mean, just look at the upholstery! You're going to ruin it with the oils!"
"Ah'm sorry, Honey Mama," Johnny said in remorse. Velma pulled a fifty out of her wallet and handed it to Robin. She quickly shoved her daughter and Mitch out the door.
"Now, you two have fun! Be back by... Uh... Twelve at the latest! We trust you, Robin, goodbye~!" And Velma slammed the door shut and locked it behind them. Robin rolled her eyes and grabbed the still stunned Mitch's wrist.
"Come on, they are so weird," Robin sniffed as she dragged her boyfriend off. "Ever since Mr. Utonium started threatening his girls' boyfriends with giant robots and stuff, Dad always has to try to show him up..."
"Uh huh," Mitch said with a slow nod. Between Robin and Buttercup, maybe he was better off dating a girl who was at least somewhat normal.
Like maybe that blonde transfer student, Mandy was it...?
Yes, the implication is that Velma Dinkly from Scooby Doo and Johnny Bravo from Johnny Bravo got married and had Robin as their child, the cute little girl from the PPG episode "Superfriends". I really miss the old Cartoon Network bumpers.