The Powerpuff Girls: PSHAW!
or
Powerpuff School Hijinks And Wackiness
A Powerpuff Girls fanfiction by Andrew J. Talon and The Ero-Sennin
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. The Powerpuff Girls are the property of Cartoon Network. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.
The Narrator's Voice is in Italics! Just so you know! And no, I'm not out to steal any princesses. Geez, you can only make so many actor's allusions at a time you know!
The city of Townsville Mega Bookstore! Where everyone finds a story they were looking for! And often times, the story they weren't.
Blossom smiled and flipped through the newest mystery book. "Ooh... This is great!" She beamed. "So gripping and complex..."
"Doesn't hurt that there's a sexy take on the series on HBO right?" Buttercup asked with a smug grin. Blossom snickered.
"No, no it doesn't," she said. She placed the book under her arm and floated over to Buttercup. "What have you got?"
"A motorcycle guidebook!" Buttercup said with a grin, holding up the tome in question. "I wanted to see if I could fix one up!"
"Buttercup, we can fly," Blossom pointed out with a raised eyebrow. Buttercup snorted.
"So? Are you going to carry your boyfriend everywhere?"
"He has a flying car. It's the best of both worlds," Blossom said. "Also it turns into a giant robot."
"So superficial," snickered Buttercup. Blossom blushed.
"I am not!" She scanned the bookstore, switching to X-ray vision to locate her sister. "Ah! There she is. Let's see if she's done so we can get out of here. Major Glory is giving a lecture in Cincinnati in ten minutes."
"Ten minutes? What, are you getting slow in your old age?" Buttercup teased. Blossom rolled her eyes and flew off. Buttercup followed, snickering softly.
They found Bubbles sitting at a table with a book open in front of her. Blossom tapped her on the shoulder.
"Hey Bubbles! Come on, time to go."
Buttercup nodded. "Yeah, let's check out and..." She waved her hand in front of Bubbles' dead eyes. "Bubbles? You okay?"
"N-N-No," Bubbles mumbled. She slowly held up the book. Blossom read the title aloud.
"'Shades of Darkness from Down Below, by Joe Bleedman?'" Blossom hummed. She quickly went to super speed reading mode... And with every page, her face turned paler and paler. "I... It... Wha...?"
"It's horrible! Horrible!" Bubbles wailed. "I-I mean, they can publish stories like this?! Without our say so?!"
"I-I guess... Legally... It makes sense... But... But..." Blossom covered her mouth, feeling ill. Buttercup took the book, and absently flipped through it as her sisters continued to suffer the forbidden knowledge they had gleaned. "Oh my God...! I... I do that... With... With HIM?!"
"And Aku," Bubbles moaned. "How did they even find out about him?"
"Grandpa Jack's stories have gotten out," Blossom grimaced, shuddering. "I... It... And they have us doing this...? And... And that...!"
"And they make Buttercup into a villain!" Bubbles wailed. "She kills me! And serves Mojo, and... And...!"
There was a snicker. Both Bubbles and Blossom looked over at Buttercup. The green-clad Powerpuff Girl's face was contorting, little snorts coming out of her nostrils. Blossom held up her hands.
"Hang on Buttercup. Don't get mad. We can't just go and beat this guy up, no matter how much we'd like to-"
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Buttercup cackled, tears coming from her eyes as she guffawed. Numerous other patrons of the store looked over at the three girls as Buttercup laughed her ass off. "THIS-THIS IS SO-SO-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Buttercup!" Bubbles hissed. "How could you find that funny?!"
"It turns you into a lesbian villain who murders your sisters!" Blossom growled. "And me into a villain's-villain's-!"
"Whore?" Buttercup snickered. Blossom flushed in fury, and her eyes began to glow with repressed heat vision. "Woah woah woah!" Buttercup cried, holding her hand up. "Hang on!"
"It's trash!" Blossom snarled. "Slander! Libel!"
"And horrible!" Bubbles sniffled. Buttercup nodded.
"Yes, yes it totally is... And the frequent references to us being underaged is creepy and sick... But it's so stupid," Buttercup pointed out. She pointed at one passage. "I mean, come on-Really? I can fire Death Rays out of my arms? I can already do that. It being my special talent is ridiculous... Along with everything else!"
"But... But that's us!" Bubbles said, mortified. Buttercup patted her youngest sister on the shoulder.
"Yeah, but come on... We'd never do anything like that. It's utter trash."
Blossom flipped through a few things on her phone, and grimaced. "No wonder," she mumbled. "It's fanfiction that was published by the parents of the author."
"Anyone we know?" Asked Buttercup. Blossom turned her phone around and raised her eyebrow.
"This answer your question?" She asked. Bubbles narrowed her eyes. They began to glow with repressed energy, and she dug her fingers through the desk.
"That... That... He... OOOH!" Bubbles shot off, leaving a hole in the roof as she screamed for the suburbs of Townsville. Blossom took off. Buttercup lingered.
"Hmm," she mumbled.
Elsewhere in Townsville...
"Ooh... And then Grim rubbed Mandy's hair so provocatively," the author of the best selling... Er... Classic recounted, happily typing upon his laptop. The room shook violently, and the young man was thrown to the floor. He looked up to see a furious, blonde angel of death flying above him. "Urk...!"
"YOU," Bubbles snarled. "YOU... MEANIE...!"
"Bubbles! Hang on!" Blossom said, at Bubbles' side in an instant. The author's sweat turned cold and he lost control of his bowels as Bubbles furiously strained against her sister's grip. "As much as we'd like to murder him," and here Blossom shot a deadly glare the author's way, making his skin heat up as though under a microwave, "and leave his body in the Sea of Rains so no one would ever find him... Or what we did to him..."
"KILL!" Bubbles growled, and the author's laptop burst into flames. The author squeaked in terror.
"We can't!" Blossom said urgently. "It's not the right thing to do! ... No matter how satisfying it might be," Blossom continued, once again glaring death and doom at the unlucky bastard. Who was definitely going to have to clean his pants.
"But... But Blossom! He wrote those terrible things! And he's making money off of it!" Bubbles protested. Blossom shook her head.
"And as much as I'd love to shatter every bone in his body to powder," Blossom growled out, an ultra sonic warble added to her voice making the author's bones vibrate, "we won't."
Bubbles took several deep breaths. She glared hatefully at the author... Before her lip wobbled. "Why?" She asked sadly. "Why did you write all that? What did we ever do to you?"
"Well, um," the author tried. A green shape appeared in the apartment next-Buttercup, grinning and holding up a copy of his book. "ACK!"
"Hey! Can you sign this? I hear there's a movie deal coming through-I can't wait to see it. It's going to be hilarious," Buttercup said eagerly.
"BUTTERCUP!" Blossom and Bubbles shouted.
"What?" Buttercup asked with a shrug. "It's just a question. Besides," and here Buttercup smirked at Elmer Sglue, who trembled, "I'm sure he can take the time out of his busy scheduleof writing about us being underaged lolitas to sign my book... Right?"
"R-R-Right!" Elmer stuttered.
"And to make up for being the biggest most perverted and twisted meanie head ever!" Bubbles snarled. Elmer gulped.
"H-How do I do that?" Elmer asked, trembling.
Blossom, being the brainy girl she was... Soon smiled.
Some time later...
Professor Utonium parked his car at his lovely home, his lovely wife sitting in the seat next to him. He hugged her and nuzzled her happily. She sighed in bliss.
"It's amazing, isn't it?" She giggled. Utonium chuckled, and rested a hand over her stomach. She rested hers over his.
"I can practically feel it kicking already," Antonio said. Sandra flushed, and whapped his head.
"Dummy. It's not that far along."
"Call me an optimist," Antonio said. He got out, went around and opened the door for his wife. Sandra Keane-Utonium slid out, and they approached their house together. The sound of tinkering caught their ears, and both looked into the open garage door.
"Ah... Buttercup?" Professor Untonium asked. The tomboy of his three girls was hard at work on a motorcycle, bright red and modular with a large American star and bar symbol on the side. "Where'd you get the bike?"
"Bought it as a kit in Japan, and brought it here to assemble," Buttercup said cheerfully. Utonium frowned. Sandra raised an eyebrow.
"Where did you get the money for this bike, anyway?" Asked Sandra. Buttercup opened her mouth, but Bubbles interrupted. She came out of the house with a grand new holographic cellphone, talking animatedly with her boyfriend.
"And so I said "No way! And she said 'yes!' And I said-Oh! Hi Dad! Hi Mom!" Bubbles said cheerfully. "Check out my new phone! I got one for Mac, too! So we'd match!"
"Hi Mr and Mrs Utonium!" Mac said, waving at them. The Professor's brow knitted in confusion.
"And where did you get the money for that new phone?" Asked Sandra, a bit sternly. Bubbles flushed, and smiled.
"Um, you should ask-"
"Blossom. Right. Where is she?" The Professor asked wearily. As if on cue, Blossom came down from above, wearing a slick new suit, jacket, and blouse. She beamed at her parents.
"Hi Professor! Hi Mom!"
"Blossom, where did you get the money for all this?" Sandra asked patiently. Blossom grinned, and held up a copy of 'Shades of Darkness from Down Below'.
"Entirely legitimately, Mom!" Blossom said. "After all, no pain..." And here Blossom smirked. "No gain."
"And you think I'm the scary one," Buttercup opined.
Hahahaha! Well, that's using the legal system, girls! Gotta admit, I was thinking that was going to end a lot more darkly... But hey, that's not this kind of story!
And so once again, the day is saved, thanks to...
THE EVER BINDING COPYRIGHT SYSTEM!
And...
THE POWERPUFF GIRLS!