Chapter 15: Mea Culpa

It seems Leonard is not the only one angry at Sheldon, he is pretty mad at himself as well.This chapter is short, but that is by design.Sheldon's actions had a deep impact on him and I wanted his reaction to be brief, but intense.

Immediately after Leonard's outburst and subsequent exit, Sheldon forcibly pushed Dr. Powers away from him and exclaimed, "Dr. Powers, that was most uncalled for. Please leave, NOW!"

She seemed unfazed by Sheldon's anger and told him, "Come on, Sheldon. You know you wanted that as much as I did. Don't deny it."

He inched even further away from her and replied testily, "I very much will deny it. I have only kissed two women in my life in that manner. And they were both my wives! I enjoyed talking physics with you and I must admit, my ego overpowered my common sense when you complimented me, but I never once viewed you as a sexual or romantic partner."

Heather looked fairly smug as she countered his reply with, "Sheldon, you even admitted there were problems in your marriage. That is why I did what I did."

Sheldon's anger was momentarily replaced with bewilderment and he blurted out, "Problems? When did l say there were problems in my marriage? My wife does things from time to time that aggravate me, but I'm sure my eccentricities bother her even more than hers bother me. Neither of us is handling the distance between us very well, especially me, but that will be rectified when I go home. However, I would never cheat on Niki. I love her very much and when we took our wedding vows, I meant every word of them."

Dr. Powers gave him a challenging look and spat out, "If that is true, then why have you sought me out and spent quite a bit of time with me?"

Sheldon gave a long sigh, searched within himself and admitted to both of them, "The truth? I was lonely. I miss my home, my wife, my daughter, my friends, and all the familiar trappings of my home."

Heather wasn't buying it, "You have Leonard here. You could have talked with him."

Sheldon sadly shook his head and explained his reasoning to her, "Not if I wanted to be a true friend to him. He is far from his wife and child, also, and I didn't want to make him miss them any more than he already does. Penny is one of the sweetest people you will ever want to know and she is also one of my dearest friends. She is Niki's best friend as well. Also, if it wasn't for my friendship with Leonard, I wouldn't have come here. Everyone at our facility has some claim to fame to be proud of. Niki, Koothrapalli, and I have all won a Nobel Prize. Howard has been a Payload Specialist on three different missions to the International Space Station. Leonard has had no large success such as those, and he more than deserves one. That is why I came here, to help our paper get noticed and perhaps get Leonard an award in science that he so richly deserves. This trip isn't at all about me and my glory, believe me."

Heather grinned maliciously, "Do you think Leonard will tell his wife what he just saw?"

Sheldon shrugged and hung his head despondently, "I truly have no idea. If he does, well, I deserve it. I should never have suggested to you that we come here. I assumed you just enjoyed talking science with me. I was blind to the fact that you may have wanted more. It felt good to be complimented by you and I took advantage of that fact. Here's the truth about that Nobel paper: The work on that was split evenly and it was Niki, not me, that connected all the dots of our research and made the final findings. If l haven't told you this before, Dr. Nikita Horner is every bit as gifted a scientist as anyone else at our facility. I have broken her trust by letting you kiss me and I feel totally responsible for whatever happens in my life because of that lapse of judgement. Now, would you kindly leave this apartment and never return? I have the feeling you set me up for this. I have come to the realization that you are a master manipulator and I am far too gullible and needy. I have shamed my marriage, hurt my wife, and angered my best friend. How can this day get any worse?"

Dr. Powers eyes narrowed and she replied acidly, "Well, I could spread the rumor that we have been having an affair since you arrived here. Unless of course, you could add my name to any current research you are working on. A Noble prize would look rather nice on my mantel at home. Don't you think?"

Sheldon rose hastily from the couch and pointed towards the door as he shouted, "OUT! NOW! The name of Dr. Heather Powers will never darken any paper I write. Do you understand me? Say what you will to whomever you will, but I will never, EVER, corrupt my research in that manner!"

Heather rose, straightened her skirt and looked him square in the eye as she made a thinly veiled threat, "As you wish, Sheldon. But don't think for a moment there will not be repercussions for your actions."

"What you think or do does not worry me right now. I am more concerned with what Niki, my friends, and my family will think."

Sheldon's nemesis glared at him and spat out, "We'll see about that, Sheldon. We'll just see."

He grabbed the detestable woman by the hand and drug her to the door, "GET OUT! And it is Dr. Cooper to you!"

Heather Powers then smiled evilly, turned from him, and left the apartment. Sheldon Cooper was then left alone with his thoughts, which were not at all pretty.

In the empty living room, Sheldon Cooper spied the water bottle that had been partially used by Dr. Powers. He picked it up and hurled it at the nearest wall with all his might, then watched the bottle explode and its contents run down the wall and puddle on the floor. He then made his way to the couch and held his head in his hand and began to sob. Savage thoughts about his actions careened through his mind.How could I have allowed this to happen?How could I have hurt the person I love more than anyone in the world?How could I have acted so basely.Why?Was it to feed my ego?I thought I had put those days far behind me but now I realize I am still quite capable of acting quite selfishly if the right situation presents itself.

Sheldon mentally pictured his entire life falling apart in front of him, much like an imploding building that is being demolished. He saw his work, his career, his friends, all vanishing in the rising dust from the rubble. But first and foremost, he saw his family coming apart. Right in front of him he pictured Niki's face, filled with hurt, anger, and disillusionment. "Oh, Niki!" he wailed out loud, though he had no realization he was doing that, "how could I have done this to you? You are an excellent wife and life partner and I have treated you abysmally. You are the last person I wanted to hurt, but it seems this will hurt you the most. Oh, how I wish I could undo this entire trip and handle it like a mature adult instead of like a petulant child. I never meant to hurt you, Niki. Never. I didn't kiss her back or even invite the kiss from her. But the blame is still on me. I shouldn't have invited that succubus up here in the first place. Oh, Niki, if I could do it over I would let you know how sad and lonely I am here and we could talk about it and work something out. I miss you more than you will ever know and now I feel like I will lose you forever! How can I live without you by my side? And Lori, how could I have torn apart the happy family she was born into? My actions have been despicable and there is no way I can rectify them now."

Lost in a deep despair, Sheldon Cooper curled up on the couch in a fetal position and that is how Leonard Hofstadter found him several hours later.

Will Leonard tell Penny what he saw?Will Heather Powers seek revenge?Will Sheldon ever recover?Will Niki hear about this from Penny?So many questions that will eventually have to be answered.