Chapter 18: Regret

It seems Dr. Cooper is still beating himself up.Justified?Maybe.Maybe not.Read on.

Sheldon was awake and responding to both the men in the room, but he was far from recovered from his ordeal. Guilt over what he had allowed to happen permeated every level of his existence. He still failed to understand just how his judgment had become so clouded. He was not the type to invite strange women he had known less than a month up to his apartment. His thoughtless actions had reminded him of the way Howard Wollowitz had acted before he had met and married Bernadette. He felt intense shame and deep regret, but also a sense of confusion. He had never in his life behaved in that manner. He often did talk to women, especially other physicists of the opposite gender. However, he had never viewed them as possible sexual partners, only as fellow scientists. Why on earth had he invited Heather Powers up to the apartment? Thinking back, he recalled the repeated touches, her hand on his arm, her arm around his waist when they had walked together, her leaning in a little too closely during their conversations, and her often disrespectful attitude towards Niki. All these things should have warned him of her well-plotted end game, but they hadn't.

Now, Sheldon was left to ponder what the repercussions of his bad decision making would be. Divorce? He didn't want to think about that at all. Marriage counseling? Perhaps that was a road they could take. A complete loss of trust on Niki's end? Dear lord, the one thing he had never wanted to do was hurt her like her late husband had done. This thought made his self-castigation even more severe. He could almost picture the tears forming in her large, grey eyes as someone, either Penny or Leonard, filled her in on his mistake. How her poor heart would break and he was the cause. At that thought, Sheldon buried his head in his hands once more and began to sob uncontrollably.

Leonard quickly ran to his side, sat down next to him, and patted him on the back, "Hey, buddy. Everything's going to be all right. I called Penny and told her what happened. She'll help calm Niki down."

"No, Leonard," Sheldon wailed, "Niki will hate me and Penny will support her. I don't know if I can handle the pain and shame of a divorce. Dear lord, what will my mother say?"

Suddenly, Leonard's phone announced that he had in incoming text. He stood up, went over to the table it was laying on, read the message, and a smile appeared on his face. "I don't think you have to worry about Niki's reaction. Penny just texted me that Niki knows you didn't cheat on her. She's not sure what happened, but Penny said Nik wanted me to assure you that she knows you would never do that. You've got a hell of a wife, buddy."

Sheldon nodded and managed a tiny grin, "I suppose I do. Penny would have killed you first and asked questions later."

Leonard visibly relaxed and produced a sincere smile of his own, "You got that right. My wife doesn't play around. But Niki isn't like that. Wait a minute, she usually is. Why do you think she's letting you live?"

His friend gave a hopeful reply, "She loves me?"

The smaller man thought a moment and then truthfully replied, "It's gotta be more than that."

Another suggestion was made, "Penny is magic?"

At that, Leonard's face beamed and he agreed with the man on the couch, "That could very well be right. Niki always goes to Penny for advice. Penny must have done some pretty fancy talking."

Sheldon hung his head and admitted to both himself and his friend, "Your wife possesses an intelligence

both you and I sorely lack."

Suddenly, they both heard Helmut Hoffman clear his throat and say, "While I find the conversation between the two of you quite touching, there seems to be no further need of me here. If you both will excuse me, I have a lecture to prepare to give first thing in the morning, so I will be taking my leave."

Leonard looked over at the younger man and replied honestly, "I owe you big time, Helmut. We both do. Thank you for everything and good luck with your lecture."

"It is for first year undergraduates. I suppose I will eventually work my way up to lecturing for fellow professors, graduates, and post graduates like you and Dr. Cooper currently do while you are here. But for now, your wishes for luck are well appreciated. And if you should ever be interested in another physicist for your facility, please don't hesitate to give me a thought and a call. Good day, gentlemen." With those words, Helmut Hoffman left the room with his usual lack of fanfare.

Sheldon looked up at his friend and asked, "What did Helmut do to deserve your thanks?"

Leonard sat down next to his friend and began to speak to him in a soothing manner, "Just listen, buddy. That young man knows people almost as well as Penny. Here's the deal…"

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While Niki waited in her living room for Penny to arrive, she picked up her laptop and did some quick internet research. What she found there strongly supported her theory concerning Sheldon's actions since landing in Germany. She printed out her evidence and turned off her laptop. It was then that she heard the familiar voice of Penny call out, "Girl, are you decent?"

"I'm fine. Come on in."

Penny closed the door behind her and asked her friend in an urgent voice, "Okay, Nik. Spill it. What is it that we're going to take to Sheldon? And I'm not talking about his shaving kit."

Niki responded to her question promptly, "It's not his shaving kit, it's what's in there."

Penny had had enough wordplay and she put her hands on her hips and demanded firmly, "Okay, what's in there that is so darn vital to him that we have to fly all the way to Germany to give it to him?"

Niki thought back to a conversation she had shared one time with Sheldon while at Disneyland, shortly before Raj's wedding: *See: The Assistant Conundrum – Chapter 52

"Can I ask you a question I've never asked you before?"

"Of course you can."

"You have told me that you used to be averse to human touch and were a germaphobe.How did you ever manage to make love to Amy?"

"Oh.I have never explained that to you have I?Well, when I was seriously considering becoming physical with Amy, which was quite a while before we actually did, I went to a psychiatrist for a bit and I was properly diagnosed with OCD.I was given Paxil to help with my symptoms.I still take that medication to this day.That medication allows me to touch another person without panicking."

Niki took a deep breath, gathered her courage, and proceeded to answer Penny's question as simply and honestly as she could without betraying her husband.

"We have to take him his medication."

One of Penny's eyebrows shot up at an incredibly oblique angle that told Niki she wasn't buying it and asked pointedly, "What medication? I didn't know Sheldon was sick."

Niki gave a long sigh and decided the situation warranted full disclosure of Sheldon's secret. Actually, she reasoned to herself, there was really no reason to keep it a secret. Were diabetics ashamed of taking insulin? No. This wasn't any different at all. So, she looked straight at her friend and replied, "I have to take him his Paxil and I need you with me for moral support."

Penny's face then looked completely lost and she questioned her friend, "What's Paxil and what does it do?"

Niki looked at her friend in disbelief and replied, "Paxil is another name for paroxetine. It's an antidepressant. As an ex pharmaceutical sales rep, you should know that."

Penny laughed loudly and responded with a hearty, "Shit, Nik. When I quit that job, I forgot all about that stuff as quickly as I could. Besides, the last few years I was doing that I mostly peddled vaccines, vitamin and mineral supplements, and antibiotics. Say, I didn't know the Wackadoodle was depressed. A little weird, maybe. But not depressed."

Niki tried her hardest to remain calm as she explained, "Penny, he's not depressed. Sheldon doesn't take Paxil for depression. This medication is called an SSRI, or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. What it does is balance out the chemicals in the brain that may be unbalanced. Paxil is used to treat depression, sure. But it is also used to treat anxiety and OCD and other things, like PTSD."

Penny began to see the entire picture and inquired curiously, "Sheldon has anxiety problems?"

Niki headed into the dining room and threw over her shoulder, "Sort of. But they stem from his OCD."

Penny hustled to catch up with her and ask, "What's OCD?"

Niki sat down at the long table in the room and answered her friend, "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Do you remember, this is way before I came into the picture, when Sheldon used to have a thing about germs and touching people?"

Penny took a seat next to her, "Oh yeah! Amy kinda got him out of that."

Niki hastily corrected her, "No, not directly. But she did have something to do with it. At one point, he realized he wanted to get more physical with Amy, so he started therapy and was prescribed Paxil. He's been on it ever since. Sheldon and I couldn't have the amazing love life we have if he wasn't taking that medication."

Penny gave Niki a lascivious grin and told her, "I get that part, Nik. But why do we have to take him this stuff? Do you want him touching other women?"

The taller woman gave a little laugh and replied, "Not hardly. It's just that that the symptoms of cold turkey withdrawal from this drug explain just about everything about his change of attitude towards me and everyone else since he's been in Germany."

Penny' full curiosity was now aroused and she leaned closer to Niki as she inquired, "Really? What are the symptoms?"

Niki then picked up the printout from earlier and began to read, "Here are just a few of them: Extreme confusion during waking hours, a feeling of existing outside of reality, memory or concentration problems, panic attacks, and, get this, severe mood swings, such as increased irritability, anger, and judgment issues."

Penny's hand flew to her mouth and her eyes went wide as she gasped, "Good grief, Nik! That explains why he's been such an asshat since he's been there. Leonard has been complaining about his attitude, too. So, what are we going to do?"

"Okay, here's the plan. Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I'm calling Sheldon's psychiatrist and explaining the situation. Hopefully, he will give me a written note, or call the airline, explaining why I have someone else's prescription bottle full of Paxil in my possession and why I'm taking it with me to another country. I hope it works."

"Girlfriend, you're the man's wife. That should make it okay."

Niki nodded, "That's what I'm counting on." She quickly added, "Now, are you with me or not?"

"Count me in, Sweetie."

Sheldon's wife glanced down at the list on the legal pad and continued, "Now, I've just got to call Mary and see if she can come with us."

Penny's grin was wide and bright as she informed Niki, "I beat you to it, girlfriend. She just came over to share some pictures with me of Alfred in France. I kinda told her what was up and asked her if she'd go with us and she damn near tripped over herself saying, yes! She's over at my place watching Blake right now."

Niki embraced her friend warmly, "Penny, where would I be without you?"

"Or me without you? It works both ways, you know. Since you've come into my life, I'm living my dream and acting, Leonard left Cal Tech and he now owns a part of this business, we've had Blake, and life is just better. Plus, you helped one of our best friends find true love again. Thanks, Nik."

"Thank you, too, Penny. You're the best friend I've ever had. You kept bugging me about how I should date Sheldon Cooper and look at me now. Nobel Prize, husband and child, and so much more. Now, go home and start packing. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know when we're leaving."

Penny rose from the couch and replied, "Got it. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Do you want me to send Mary over?"

"No, I'll see her tomorrow. Just tell her I said 'Hey, and Thank you'."

The pretty blonde gave a quick nod as she opened the door and walked out, "Will do. 'Bye, girl."

"Goodbye to you, too."

With that, Penny went back to her house to pack and Niki sat down, grabbed the handy legal pad, and began to plan.

Will this plan of Niki's go off without a hitch?And what about Dr. Powers?I don't think she's done with Sheldon just yet.