Chapter 14
Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York
Tuesday, December 1st 2015
5.23 pm
Olivia had found the day both physically and mentally exhausting. Now she was sat at her desk (After Elliot had cleaned up the mess he'd made!) and doing paperwork while her squad were working some open cases.
A knock on her door had her sighing knowing exactly what was coming.
"Come in." She called without lifting her head from her paperwork. "Just a second." She said without looking knowing exactly who it was.
Olivia quickly signed the form and placed it into a manila folder before placing it on the very neat out tray.
"Louisa." Olivia smiled signalling to the chairs in front of her desk. "So how sane is my unit?"
"Well I was pleasantly surprised to see how close of a unit it was, I know partners are generally closer than married couples but I found this squad to be very close like a family." She said and Olivia smiled, it didn't take a shrink to tell her that.
"But?" Olivia asked knowing there had to be something bad in there.
"Sometimes a family can be too close." She sighed. "Your squad has no life outside of this unit, your ADA's are best friends who live together who have a kid together and are having a second kid together yet both are straight?" She questioned.
Ok, Olivia knew that what Alex and Casey had done was strange, they were her best friends and them, her and Melinda were like sisters so she supported the fact that Alex has Zachary through envetro fertilisation and now Casey was three months pregnant thanks to science but she thought it was great that they were living together and bringing up their kids together.
"It's unconventional I'd admit." Olivia replied.
"But then they're your best friends Olivia, they're the God Mother to some of your children as are John Munch and Fin Tutuola so you can see what I mean, you married your partner, your Captain adopted you, can you see the picture I'm building?"
"So you're saying my unit is too close?" Olivia asked frowning.
"Way too close and there's nothing I can do about it."
"So you're not going to recommend that this unit is turned on its head then?" Olivia asked having been suspecting that her recommendation would be too have some of the detectives transfer out.
"No because unsolved sex crimes would be on an up for the first time in sixteen years." She smiled and Olivia understood that the fact that they were all so close was what made their unit work.
"Ok so what else have you got for me?" Olivia asked knowing there had to be something bad in there.
"Well I am recommending that yourself, Elliot and the Detectives see a sex therapist for six months..."
"Excuse me?" Olivia asked in complete shock. "A sex therapist?"
"Yes from what I have gathered none of you are comfortable about talking about sex in a good way, you see and discuss the worse uses for sex on a daily basis but when I asked what interests you in the bedroom everyone clammed up."
"You never asked me anything about sex so how can you determine if I need one?" Olivia asked angrily, this was one thing she was going to fight.
"Fine when was the last time you had sex Olivia?" Louisa asked with seriousness etched into her face.
Olivia blushed, the last time she'd had sex with Elliot had been around six hours ago on the desk but she couldn't exactly tell the shrink that without raising some very odd questions.
"My point exactly." Louisa smiled taking Olivia's silence as an answer.
"But why should we feel comfortable talking about sex with a shrink?" Olivia asked not understanding the point of it.
"Like I said you discuss the worse uses of sex imaginable to human kind yet when asked about sex in a good way you don't answer and I don't think it's because you're all embarrassed I think it's because none of you are used to it, none of you see that you can talk about the good aspects of sex in the same way you talk about the bad aspects of sex." Louisa explained gently and she could see that Olivia didn't like it one bit.
"Fine would we go with our significant others?" Olivia asked.
"Maybe it depends on the therapist, maybe they'd like to see you alone first and then with your other half." Louisa explained. "I'll give you a business card to a great therapist for you afterwards and I will be making these recommendation to the Morris Commission so I suggest you take the card and put it to use with your squad as soon as." Louisa smirked and Olivia could feel her blood boiling.
"Anything else?" Olivia asked.
"Yes I recommend that you have some ongoing therapy." Louisa said softly as Olivia's face hardened. "With someone other than George Huang."
"Why?" Olivia asked trying to keep her temper in check.
"You admitted not to coping when your daughter was missing, you admitted that you had nightmares when you work cases with kids, you also admitted to being suicidal when you lost your son and fiancé, you said you'd kill the person who kidnapped your daughter and you haven't grieved for your mother, you talked about her in the present tense and not the past tense which tells me you haven't accepted her death." Louisa sighed. "I'm sure you can see why I am asking you to have something on going."
"Fine, anyone else or is it just me?" Olivia asked knowing that if this got back to the Morris Commission they would take her Captaincy in an instant.
"No I want John Munch , Nick Amaro and Fin Tutuola too as well." She said.
"Are you telling me the only ones who don't need a shrink are my husband and the ADA's?" Olivia asked in surprise.
"I am." She nodded.
"Ok so why the other three?" Olivia asked knowing that these psych evals weren't confidential so she had a right to ask and prepare a defence for the Morris Commission.
"Well Fin said he has dated five previous victims and is disheartened that after they had been intimate a few times they dumped him and moved on from him, John Munch said he fantasised about and believed that anyone who touches a child in a sexual manner should be subject to castration and he'd enjoy the pleasure of doing it himself." She explained as she read from her notes.
"And Nick?" Olivia asked as she tried to keep her emotions in check from what she had just learned.
"Misses his wife, is struggling to bring up his kid, isn't really ready to handle sex crimes but really wants too. I just think he needs to talk with someone before this unit gets to him, he could see George Huang though, he needs someone to talk him through the cases makes him understand that the emotions he's feeling are normal, that he's allowed to feel them."
"Right, well you better go present your files for the Morris Commission while I deal with my squad." Olivia hissed, she was pissed and her unit were about to feel her wrath.
"Ok well here is the details for the sex therapist and here is a business card for a friend of mine who's a psychiatrist you could use the only one I would recommend use George Huang is Nick Amaro as he is new and hasn't found his feet in the unit yet." Louisa smiled. "Good day Captain."
"Yeah bye." Olivia said as she looked at the business cards in her hand and the out the window through her now open blinds.
The only person in the bullpen that she needed to see was Fin and with the rage building inside of her she knew she was going to let him and Munch feel the brunt of it. She marched to the door and pulled it open so roughly the glass in it rattled catching Fin's attention.
"Detective Tutuola get in here now!" She yelled across the bullpen causing the unis to look in shock.
Fin took a deep breath guessing that for some reason Olivia was angry and it was directed at him. When he went into the office he found Olivia pacing across the floor and he was sure she was about to explode. As soon as he shut the door she was screaming at him.
"You told the shrink you had relationships with victims?" She yelled.
He decided it would be best to say nothing at this point.
"You do realise I am going to have the Morris Commission up my ass about this right? You have to see a shrink ongoing and it's not allowed to be Huang and if you are lucky they may let you keep your shield at the end of this and until this mess is cleaned up you're benched do I make myself clear?" She was frantic.
"Yeah." He mumbled not wanting to give her any reason to yell any longer.
"Now be prepared to have to face the Morris Commission with a defence for what you did Fin I don't know if I can't believe you did it or I can't believe you told the shrink!" Olivia explained. "Now get out of my sight." She held the office door open for him and he left like a puppy with his tail between his legs just as Elliot and Munch walked in.
"Detective Munch get in here!" She yelled and Elliot looked on in shock as Munch hurried to the office.
She slammed the door shut behind him and stared at him.
"You told the shrink that you'd like to castrate child molesters?" She asked him her voice lower now but the anger still punctuating every word.
"Yeah wouldn't you?" He asked her.
"Not the point John, she's telling the Morris Commission that and you're going to have to make a defence ready for me to present to them now until that's done to an adequate standard you're bench on top of that you're going to see a shrink and no it isn't optional." She explained quite calmly considered how harsh she'd been with Fin.
"Sure." He nodded. "Anything else."
"Not for the moment, just send me Nick in." She said having seen the younger cop walk in through the window.
Nick came in as soon as John had told him and Olivia was sat now behind her desk.
"Hey." He smiled as she signalled to the empty chairs in front of her.
"Nick do you like being here?" She asked him.
"Of course I do, I'd tell you if I didn't." He replied.
"Good, the shrink seems to think you're not handling missing your wife, bringing up your daughter and our cases would you agree?" She asked him.
"I told her sometimes it was hard to juggle it all, shit did I get you into trouble?" He asked her blushing.
"No Nick, but you may be asked to have a defence for the Morris Commission and you are required to see a shrink ongoing." She informed him.
"Yeah sure, anything." He replied and she nodded her head to the side and he nodded to her and left leaving her to collect her thoughts because now she had to tell the unit that they would all have to see a sex therapist and to make it easier she was going to tell them all at once.
Deciding not to delay the inevitable she went back to the door and called all of them into the office having them sit down either in the chairs by her desk or the couch while she sat uncomfortably in her office chair.
"According to our resident shrink we all have a problem talking about sex." Olivia said awkwardly. "She's making a recommendation to the Morris Commission that we all see a sex therapist."
A bomb could have gone off and it wouldn't have distracted anyone's attention from Olivia. She nervously looked around at her squad and could see that none of them were pleased.
"We have to see a sex shrink?" Elliot asked with a hint of laughter in his voice.
"Yeah, because we can't talk about sex in a good way or something, I lost the woman when she said sex therapist." Olivia sighed and everyone in the room laughed awkwardly.
"Shit man how fucked up is this squad?" Fin asked.
"Oh don't worry about it she said we're all too close she thinks Alex and Casey raising Zach and having a second kid together even though they're straight and in no relationship together is proof how too close we are and the fact I married my partner and my Captain adopted me, so you know this unit is fucked up but Fin she was right in one thing we are a family and family's stick together through thick and thin and we're going to get through this." Olivia explained. "If you're worried about your Morris Commission defence come talk to me and I'll help you best I can but I have to write up my own defence too."
"Your own defence, fuck Liv what did you say to her?" Elliot asked in shock.
"I thought I was being careful Elliot but apparently I'm not, hold on I said I wanted to kill the person who kidnapped Melissa, I spoke about my Mom in the present tense which meant I haven't dealt with her death and haven't grieved or something oh yeah I also said after Cole died I wanted to eat my gun so yeah I have to make a very strong defence before I am asked to take an early retirement." Olivia sighed as everyone looked at her in shock. "I also have to see a shrink guys so it isn't just the three of you."
"I'm the only one who doesn't have to see a shrink?" Elliot asked in surprise.
"Yeah El so count yourself lucky ok?" Olivia smirked as she knew he thought he'd be the one that had too.
"So about this sex therapist thing..."
"Yeah is anyone going to fight it because if not I'll set up the appointments." Olivia replied to Fin's on coming question.
Everyone shook their heads, they knew better than to fight the Morris Commission on anything.
"The Morris Commission is looking for someone's ass to chew because of everything that happened with the Commissioner and so please be on your best behaviour no bending any rules nadda guys." Olivia told them.
"Yeah we get it Liv we won't let you down." Munch smiled.
"Good now Elliot and Nick finish up the write ups on the Martina case please and make sure all your fives are filed and finished." Olivia smiled. "Munch and Fin finish up whatever fives you have file them and work your defence for me to present until then I am heading out, if you need me I'll be on my cell." Olivia replied grabbing her coat.
Everyone but Elliot filed out the office but he stood staring at his wife while she gathered her stuff.
"What El?" She asked annoyed at how he was looking at her.
"Where are you going?" He asked her knowing it wasn't like her to rush off like this.
"I'm going to see my Dad." She sighed. "I'm just hoping he's going to be sober when I get there George has been with him all day and I hope he's kept him sober but I don't know." She shrugged heavily.
"Liv are you sure you don't want to go on Maternity now and leave me with all this mess?" He asked as she wrapped her arms around him.
"No El, work is keeping me distracted from thinking about my Dad you know, it's killing me knowing how bad he is and even though I knew this was going to happen and I had guessed it was happening until I saw him with the bottle and that glass in his hand I ... I was in shock El." She told him as he kissed her forehead.
"Go be with your Dad and I'll see you at home ok?" He smiled as she pulled away.
"Yeah, don't be too late though I'm shattered." She said as she headed out the office leaving a very concerned husband behind her.
Jeffries Residence, Manhattan, New York
Tuesday, December 1st 2015
6.49 pm
"Hey Liv." George smiled as Olivia walked into her Mother's old house for the first time in a very long time.
"Hey George how is he?" She asked.
"Depressed." George replied. "He hasn't had anything to drink today but I think that's because I've been here, nothing to do with the fact he didn't want one."
"Yeah, George is there anything you can do for him?" Olivia asked.
"We've talked a lot today, but I can't give him anything until I know he won't drink because otherwise I'm signing his death warrant." George sighed he hated adding more stress to Olivia but he knew she needed to hear it.
"What do I do?" Olivia asked desperately.
"There's nothing more you can do Liv, you've been doing everything right so far and it's all up to him." George explained as he rubbed his hand over her shoulder and bicep trying to comfort her a little.
"I'm going to lose him George and I couldn't bare it ..." She blinked back her tears and suppressed the sob that was building rapidly inside her.
"I know Liv, how did the psych evals go today?" He asked gently.
"Oh don't even ask." Olivia sighed as she went into the living room where her dad was sitting almost catatonic. "Hey Dad." She smiled and tried to be cheerful.
"Hey Princess." He smiled getting up and embracing her. "Daddy why did you chose to come here?" Olivia asked him softly as she scanned his eyes for answers.
"Until we moved in with you this is where your Mom and I lived, this is where I want to be." He replied as they sat down on the couch side by side and Huang taking the armchair opposite to watch them interact.
"How was work princess?" He asked taking on of her hands in his own and holding it in his lap.
"Fine." She smiled softly.
"You always were a bad liar Liv." He laughed and she saw a little more of her real Father shine through in him.
"It was a really shit day Dad we had the annual psych evals and the Morris Commission are going to eat me for lunch but it's nothing I can't handle." She told him straight.
"Oh princess, what did you so now?" He asked her softly.
"What made you think it was something I did?" She laughed.
"I just assumed ..."
"It's ok Dad I told the shrink that I wanted to kill Melissa's kidnapper that's all." Olivia shrugged.
"But you ... hold on you never killed him did you, Melissa did."
Olivia gasped and looked at Huang, he didn't know and he should never have found out.
"Daddy I shot him." Olivia said firmly hoping he'd catch on.
"No that's just what we told IAB and one PP you didn't shoot him Melissa did." Cragen replied.
"What's the alcohol done to my Dad's brain?" Olivia asked and Huang shrugged.
"I've never seen anything like this before Liv sorry without doing research I can't tell you."
"He's so ... simplistic." She couldn't find a better word as he stroked her hand and stared into space.
"I know, he's been like this all day, he can hold a conversation but then his mind just wanders." Huang replied and she sighed and turned back to look at him.
"Daddy?" She asked and he turned back to her and smiled. "Daddy are you going to stop drinking?"
"I haven't had one all day." He replied.
"Yeah but when me and George finally leave are you going to have one?" She asked.
"I don't know." He replied honestly which just broke Olivia's heart, she didn't want to hear that from him. "Tell me more about work." He told her.
"Well the shrink made a recommendation that we all see a sex therapist." Olivia laughed at her father's expression. "Exactly, but she's also making that recommendation to the Morris Commission so I have no option, I've called and made an appointment for everyone."
"Oh Liv you've had a really tough day haven't you Princess?" He stroked her cheek and she found herself melting at his touch.
"Yeah but like I said before nothing I can't handle Daddy,I have to see a shrink and so does Munch and Fin and our new Detective Nick but Elliot's in the clear." Olivia smiled.
"Why does Fin and Munch have to see a shrink?" Cragen asked.
"Well Munch said he'd like to castrate child molesters and Fin's been dating victims and yes that's plural." Olivia sighed. "It's been a very tough day Dad but I'll sort it."
"You need to look after yourself Princess you and this little boy." He rubbed his hand across her growing bump.
"I know Dad, now I'm going to head off ok I need to have a few words with George, I'll see you in the morning." She stood up and embraced her father and kissed him and walked out of the room with George behind her.
"George fancy some food?" She asked him.
"Yeah I'll grab my coat." He smiled knowing that it meant Olivia needed to talk.
Cragen-Stabler residence, Manhattan, New York
Tuesday, December 1st 2015
7.41 pm
When Olivia and George arrived the house Nanny Sue warmed up some dinner for them and they went through to study down in the basement to eat and talk.
"So you had a tough day?" George asked as soon as they were sat on a couch each eating and relaxing.
"Oh seriously George I could have punched that therapist." Olivia laughed.
"I imagine so." George smirked, he'd been on the other side of Olivia's anger so he really felt for the poor shrink.
"I mean, she sat there and told me that my squad needed to see a sex therapist, I didn't know what to say to the woman, she and I didn't even talk about sex while I had my one on one with her right so I asked her how did she know that I needed to see a sex shrink and she asked me when was the last time I had sex, it wasn't that I couldn't answer her because I could easily have but it was because telling her when the last time I had sex would have disgusted her and I didn't want to do that so she took my silence as an answer and proof of why I needed a sex therapist." Olivia explained.
"When did you last have sex?" Huang asked the curiosity in his eye obvious from the moment she said it would have disgusted the shrink.
"Around lunch time." Olivia replied.
"Where?" George asked.
"On the desk in my office." She smirked as George laughed.
"Now I get why you didn't want to tell her that." George managed to say through his laughter.
"Exactly, I mean I can talk about sex in most situations but apparently everyone in the squad can only talk openly about the bad aspects of sex and not the good." Olivia explained.
"I'm with her if I'm honest, I know you're ok with openly talking about sex but the guys maybe not so much." George explained.
"So do you agree that I need a sex therapist?" She asked in shock.
"Not really but there's no harm in learning a few new things." He smirked and Olivia laughed. "So come on other than the fact you wanted to kill Melly's kidnapper what else did you tell the shrink that's gotten you into trouble?" George asked.
"You read me like an open fucking book you know that?" She laughed, it was strange how close she and the psychiatrist had come over the years, these days they were close best friends.
"I try." He shrugged and fluttered his eyelashes making Olivia laugh. "Now spill!"
"Ok I talked about Mom and according to her I talked about her in the present tense so apparently that means I haven't grieved or haven't accepted her death, I also said that I wanted to eat my gun when Cole and Michael died, and I said I had nightmares when we work cases with kids except the vics are my girls." Olivia sighed. "Am I that much of a whack job?"
"No Liv, everything you said doesn't make you crazy but did you really want to eat your gun when Cole died?" He asked in surprise, she'd always maintained a stand that she wasn't suicidal.
"I won't lie George at times it seemed like the best option but every time the thought came into my head I thought of Melissa and the feeling went away." Olivia explained.
"That's fair enough." He replied sipping at the wine Olivia had given him while she drank orange juice.
"Do you really think I haven't grieved for Mom?"
"I don't know Liv do you feel like you've grieved?" He asked her softly.
"I don't know George, I still can't believe she's dead you know, it's really odd." She explained.
"I'm sure it is." He nodded. "Maybe you haven't been able to grieve you've been so busy and making sure the kids are all ok and then everything with work and your Dad, have you thought about taking early maternity?"
"I have but I don't want too, I need to work George too keep busy for my babies." She explained.
"You need time Liv, but I just don't want the grief to hit you and then send you into a depression or shock because you have to look after your mental health for the baby." George informed her.
"I know George, I really do but I don't know how to explain it, my kids, Elliot, my job, they keep me going you know they make me want to get up in the morning and live that feeling when we close a case is unexplainable, I get the jitters just thinking about getting a result." Olivia explained.
"Well see a therapist talk to me and we'll make sure everything stay good for you ok?" He smiled and she nodded gratefully.
"You're a star George." She smiled.
"I try to be." He grinned back.