Chapter 43: Broken Dolls (b)

The sky was awash of pastel colours, like a vast pale aurora borealis, or the inside of an enormous soap bubble. It truly was beautiful, but empty at the same time, as if they were inside a crystal and the space outside just ... blank.

And maybe it was, it was after all a new world held outside of time and the crumbling realms. Maybe it simply floated alone in a vast empty nothingness. Sitting in the deep armchair beside the fevered knights bed, Jareth sighed softly as he stroked Shivers sweat drenched dreads back. Two days had passed since Didymus and he had spent a night concocting a way to make the two young fools realize how much they were sabotaging themselves. And they had actually come up with a simple but effective plan of Jareth cornering Shiver, and telling him to shut up and let the girl tell him what he had done wrong. It was perfect especially after he and Sarah had had a long talk about what Lilly said had happened. Only snag, was the infection that held Shiver locked in a haze of fever fuelled nightmares.

Wringing out a cold cloth with one hand had been a challenge, but for his foster son it was a challenge that Jareth was more than happy to conquer. Even if it made the still weak bones in his remaining hand ache and protest.

Gently running the cloth over the softly moaning youths face and chest, gingerly avoiding the stained dressing still covering his left shoulder, the once proud king sighed, before using the same cloth to wipe away the tear that rolled from the goblins closed eyes as Shivers broken voice whispered pleadingly : "Lilly ?..."

"Sssch, all is well child, it is a dream, nothing can harm you while I am here Sssch. Sleep and grow strong again... my son."

A weak trembling of the goblins lashes had Jareth's heart skipping a few beats, as fever paled eyes crept open to show tiny slivers of iridescent green, followed by a word that had not crossed Shiver's lips since he assumed the role of Bloodthorn captain.

"Father?... Are you... Truly here? "

"Yes.. I am here, you stubborn, pig headed boy ": Swallowing past the large lump in his throat, Jareth couldn't keep a warm smile from softening his face as the youth of the goblin in the bed shone through. Yes Shiver was a seasoned warrior and nearly a legend amongst the other knights. But in truth the boy was barely old enough to be called an adult. And that was heartbreakingly apparent now as his large calloused hand reached for his father's in obvious search for reassurance.

And grasping that questing hand, Jareth could not help but marvel at how similar their hands were despite the fact that Shiver's was much larger than his own. They both had long but powerful fingers, and palms that were covered by a heavy layer of calluses, from centuries of weapons training and battles. Battles that seemed so distant and insignificant now.

Goddess but he needed his left hand now, as fresh tears trickled from the corners of Shiver's eyes, making him look even younger than his years. Ruthlessly pushing back the sudden wave of self pity, Jareth smiled reassuringly down at his foster son, as Shiver tried desperately to open his eyes further, and failed miserably.

"Sssssch son do not fight it, your body needs rest, if you are to be well once more..."

"Yes ... I... Father? "

"Yes son.."

Shiver's sweat glistening brow furrowed when the goblin struggled to construct a sentence, within the confines of his fever muddled mind, the pale dry lips moved slowly and it took more than one attempt for him to finally force out: "Are you... well?"

Are you well? The question was so ridiculously out of place that Jareth couldn't hold back a stunned laughter, while he gently pried his hand from Shiver's, and carefully wiped the tears from the youths cheeks: "Yes I am well, but you should not worry yourself, about my welfare. Not when you are the one who is so very ill."

"Ill? ": Frowning Shiver tried to remember, and the sight of his frowning pale face reminded Jareth of the way Shiver had looked when he had first come to the Labyrinth: "Yes... my Leg, something happened to ... my leg?"

Nodding encouragingly Jareth had to force himself to keep quiet as Shiver fought to make his mind make the connections.

"They cut my leg... I have... an infection. ... yes? "

Confusion deepened the frown when Shiver tried to peer past Jareth: "Lilly?... Where... I ... Oh I..."

"Ssch don't worry yourself.. She is just fetching more snow to cool your fever with. She will be back in just a little while. You rest."

Gently running his fingers through Shiver's dreads, Jareth smiled in soft reassurance at the look on Shiver's face that plainly said that he didn't truly believe his fathers reassurance, but that he desperately needed too. And for a short second he seemed about to speak, but his abused body had other plans and before he could make his lips from anything that might qualify as a coherent sentence, his sad bright green orbs fluttered shut, and his lithe body relaxed in fevered sleep.

And yes it had been a lie, but it was one that Jareth had every intention of making the truth. Because he would not stand by while Shiver's still innocent porcelain heart was shattered again, not when something as trifling as a misunderstanding was the cause. No it was time for him to have a conversation with the young lady. Before this idiocy was allowed further rein.

Thus determined the goblin king laid a gentle kiss on his foster sons scalding brow before rising and leaving the room with an expression that would have had most subjects cowering in terror.

Finding the girl was not much of a challenge, she was as always found in the kitchen, hard at work kneading dough for what Jareth now knew was Shiver's favourite bread. Well that was at least a good sign.

The sound of rustling cloth was the only sound that heralded his entrance into the spacious kitchen. Striding into the room Jareth pointedly ignored the slightly startled looks that both Sarah and Didymus were throwing his way as he headed straight towards the now openly gawking girl.

There was no easing into it, and grabbing her wrist he used a short burst of magic to rid her of any vestiges of flour and dough as he pulled her out into the winter garden, barring the door behind them.

Pulling her over to the softly bubbling hot spring, he finally released her wrist and gestured for her to sit on the low bench surrounding it.

"Jareth what the hell? Do I look like one of your goblins Jesus! This is so uncool... Hey you are outside of your room. Wow that's like huge. How are you?..."

"Lilly enough listen! And do not speak until I have finished!"

Drawing in a deep fortifying breath, Jareth squashed the sudden burst of fear that escaped his grasp as he realized that he had indeed only left his room once since coming here and that had been to cross the hallway to sit by his stricken foster son's side. Shaking his head, Jareth rubbed the bridge of his nose: "Lilly listen I need to know how you feel about Shiver, because if you care nothing for him then there is no reason for us to continue this conversation."

To call the expression on her face stunned would be a very kind description for look she had, calling it shocked and outraged was far closer. And following straight on the heels of outrage came anger.

"Who in the name of hell do you think that you are? That is sooo none of your bloody fucking business... Okay and for your information what I feel or don't feel doesn't matter, cause he": Jerking her thumb in the general direction of Shiver's room, Lilly indicated the bedridden knight: "Wants nothing to do with me... he made that abundantly clear when he... No you know what fuck you, !"

Surging to her feet, Lilly jabbed a slender short nailed finger into the centre of Jareth's chest, only to instantly regret it as the proud king in front of her, simply smirked at her outburst and leaned against the low wall about to cross his arms until he remembered that he no longer had two full arms to cross. the movement was subtle and in her anger Lilly nearly missed it, nearly. And that subtle movement was all that was needed to snap Lilly out of her anger and let her remember that the man in front of her was still healing from more than just physical wounds. Holding up her hands in a gesture of surrender Lilly felt the anger fizzle out: "Fine yes yes I'm hurt okay.. Look I really care about him, cause..."

Her shoulders sagged as she glanced up at the now slightly hunched over king, taking in how his was clutching the chest of his full dark blue velvet dressing gown, pulling it tight around him like a shield.

"He gets me, he... Oh Hell, I miss our talks and the way he makes me laugh... shit I even miss the way he scares the crap out of me when he sneaks up on me out here... Look you have to help me.. What did I do wrong? I mean, sure I look like a flat chested train wreck of the ugly train, but... that never seemed to bother him. Okay he wasn't, you know grinding against me all the other times, but still he knew what I look like. So yeah it... it just really fucking hurt."

Nodding as he forced himself to straighten, Jareth cast a quick glance up towards the door they had entered and was not at all surprised to see Sarah and Didymus pressed against the small window at it's centre. It looked rather funny with both their faces smushed against the glass and Sarah frantically trying to keep Didymus mane out of her eyes. Snickering softly he let himself drop to sit besides Lilly as he blacked the windows facing into the garden out with a casual wave.

"Believe me Lilly when I tell you that you did nothing wrong... And no you are not ugly, contrary to what you yourself might believe, you have an ethereal beauty that no goblin can resist, and your eyes. .. why no boy has yet sung you a sonata praising your eyes will baffle me to my death, and it makes me utterly certain that all human males are both blind and dumb. So in short No you are not flat chested nor ugly. But you must understand that Goblins are not as the vapid hormone driven creatures that pass for men in your species. And the knights least of all. They are a different breed, many would even say difficult at the very least. Listen Lilly what did Sarah tell you? Did she tell you why they hold all carnal passions in such tight reign?"

Nodding sheepishly Lilly stared down at her feet as she mumbled: "Yeah, she did.."

"And what does that mean to you? Do you understand that he did what he did because he cares, because he holds you in the utmost esteem.": She might claim to understand, but Jareth had to be certain.

"Yeah I get that.."

It took more effort than Jareth would like to admit to let go of the dressing gown and take Lilly's hand.

"I realize that you have no reason to trust me, but nonetheless I will ask it of you. Go to him, sit with him as you first did, hold his hand and soothe his nightmares, for many of them are him punishing himself for his foolish behaviour towards you. He needs you now, and once the fever passes and he is strong once more you will both see that what happened that night matters so infinitely little. Now."

Standing he gestured towards the door with his now blood stained stump, before he could stop himself. Shame and pain darkened his expression as he let the arm fall heavily to his side, hiding it in the folds of his robe.

Gently squeezing his hand, as she stood, Lilly bumped his shoulder with her forehead: "Hey it's not so bad, at least getting a prosthesis won't be so hard, and once you get use to it, you won't..."

"Will not what? ": Rounding on her his voice dropped becoming low and strangely dangerous, his eyes narrowing into dark slits, showing only the slightest hint of gold and azure, and his grip on her wrist became tight to the point of bruising: "Will I no longer remember that I am a cripple, unable to even comb my own hair?. Or do you somehow believe that I can simply regrow that which was taken? Well I cannot, no one can. Not even the earth mother herself could ever restore me to full manhood. And if I am no longer a man how can I be a king?... How can I be a husband?... So you must excuse me for doubting .. I... no .. No.. No. "

Releasing her wrist suddenly, Jareth shied back looking hunched and deflated and seemingly shrinking in on himself as he all but fell to the bench, frantically murmuring as he rubbed his face: " I am sorry forgive me please... forgive me.. I did not mean to presume. .. I... forgive me... I. "

"Jareth ? God Jareth, no don't I'm not mad, come here. Jesus Jareth, you didn't do anything wrong, okay. And I am not mad at you. Okay...I."

Reaching out Lilly hesitated only for a second before sitting back down and scooting up to Jareth, wrapping her slender arms around his tense hunched over shoulders. Shoulders that were shaking uncontrollably as he strove to hide his shame filled tears and mumbled words from her. But Lilly wouldn't let him, holding on stubbornly she stroked his hair, and offered him her silent acceptance and support. .

It took a while, it actually took more than just a while, before Jareth finally stopped shivering and just sat half slumped with his head resting awkwardly on her shoulder and his limp hand in his lap. Licking his lips, Jareth heaved a deep shuddering sigh yet made no other attempts to move.

"So are you feeling better? "

The sound that escaped him was caught somewhere between a laugh and a sob as he slowly and painfully shook his head. His voice quiet and raw in it's pain as he finally spoke: "Better? No I do not feel better, I feel wrung out and torn apart like worn cloth washed once too many. I ... I feel... Lost and shattered, as if all the parts that once comprised me have been scattered by the four winds... I fear speaking too loudly, afraid as I am of making you angry. .. And yet I yearn to scream my anger to the wind... And... I hear my ... I hear Titania's cruel words whispering through my mind like a thief through shadows. .. I fear... I fear that I may never be whole again... yet I must... So much depends on me, so many souls... I ... No I am not feeling better."

"Look Jareth, I know this is gonna sound dumb, but don't be so hard on yourself, so what if the Fey won't follow a king who is not physically perfect, so what. It's not them you have to rule is it? And I'm guessing that the goblins care a fuck all about any missing bits and pieces. And I know that Sarah couldn't give less of a royal fuck, none of us do. And that voice you hear whispering... Well you can just tell it to go fuck off cause I may not know you very well, but I sure as hell think that you are awesome. You survived you own mom trying to kill you, before you were born, and you cheated Death! How fucking cool is that? And yeah the Labyrinth and war might still be waiting back home, where time actually matters, but here in this little bubble we can just relax and let everything hang out. So let's just enjoy this gift that Sarah has given us okay, and fyi She couldn't have done it if you hadn't given her, her memories back. Which I personally think, makes you a damm cool "

It was not like Lilly had expected him to jump up and declare that she was eternally right or anything, but the faint nod and quietly mumbled agreement was somewhat underwhelming. But hey he was fucked up beyond all recognition, and that was as good as it was gonna get. Thus accepting his less than overwhelmed response, she just sat quietly and let him lean against her, as he slowly regained his frayed control.

. . .

Darkness shrouded the world outside of the wide window, and for the first night since they had come here the sky was unobstructed by clouds, allowing Lilly a clear view of it's breathtaking splendour. Bright colours flowed in wide waves across the sky vault in an enormous display of aurora borealis, casting haunting shadows that moved and danced as if they possessed a will of their own. It was beautiful, and mesmerizing. Yet her eyes were constantly drawn to the pale sweat beaded goblin who's cold damp hand she clung to.

Thick blankets filled with the finest teal and orange down that she had ever seen, covered him from his toes to his trembling chin, leaving only his head and the hand that she was holding visible. Gently rubbing her thumb across the back of his scarred hand, Lilly quickly wiped treacherous tears from her eyes before they could spill, because the last thing she wanted him to see if he woke up was her tears.

The smell of diseased flesh lay heavy over the room, in a nearly stifling fog, as Lilly gently rested her free hand on his cold slightly frowning brow. The now open boils wept a steady stream of thick black pus and bright yellow slime, both according to Didymus a clear sign that the four tiny slivers of gleaming fey steel that they had found embedded in the very bone of his thigh was the cause. And that was more than just bad, it was a catastrophe. Because fey steel, acted on goblins much like cold wrought iron did on the fey, only worse. And if the minute shards had been allowed to fester much longer, they would almost certainly have cost him his leg if not his life.

But thank god that it had not come to that.

A broken shuddering sigh escaped his pale lips as his impossible long lashes trembled, and pulled Lilly from her dark thoughts, just as his fever bright eyes opened to stare blindly up at the ceiling. Joy filled her and spilled over into her voice.

"Shiver? You with me?"

Confusion filled his eyes with a painful lack of speed as he turned slowly towards her, with a slight dazed expression.

"Lilly? Lilly..": The confusion vanished, as he focused on her, only to be replaced with a hopeless fear that ripped Lilly's heart into pieces as she realized that that fear stemmed from his conviction that he had lost her. His icy hand closed on hers with a frightening absence of strength, and a soft pleading whisper had her breath hitching in her chest: "Please don't be a...dream."

"I'm not, I'm here, and I'm not leaving again, unless of course... You want me to. "

The weak grip turned tight, and became possessive as his large hand utterly engulfed hers and his pale eyes burned into hers holding her captive with his fierce desperation.

"No... Stay... Please... If you... can ever forgive. ... my..."

"Hush" : Cutting him off with a gentle finger on his lips, Lilly smiled: "That is serious nonsense right there, you didn't do anything wrong! True you could have handled it better, but I get why you did what you did, and... I appreciate that you did it out of respect..."

His frown deepened as he tried to understand her word, and failing to grasp much more than that she was staying. But that was enough, as a heavy veil of fatigue wrapped around him stealing the focus away, leaving him to gaze longingly into her silver and sky starburst eyes as he slowly drifted into sleep.

His grip loosened, yet didn't release her, but Lilly couldn't care less as she gently resumed stroking his hair while he slept, a soft silly and utterly inappropriate smile creasing her lips. Sarah and Jareth had been right, he did care. And yes eventually they would have to have a long talk about what their options were, if there even were any. But for right now, they were here together, and nothing could change that.

. . .

There was light and soft shadows as he raced headlong through the thick growth of ancient trees. He had to find her, he had to before the veil ate everything, and all turned into a pit of darkness and Titania found them. He had to or he would lose her like he had lost Lace. Frost covered the ground and everything around him in a pale white, that crunched as he wove through the trees. Only they were not trees, but false alarms and they were screaming at him, their deep gravelly voices reverberating around him.

"You are too late she will not survive. "

" Her demise is on your head. ."

" Run, run but it will still lead to your utter destruction. .."

" Failed, you have failed her..."

"No ": he screamed : "No I will reach her, I will not fail her. "

He had to, because if he didn't... No

Terror and fear constricted his throat stealing his breath away making his chest feel heavy and hot. Breath, he needed to breathe, but he couldn't. Blood filled his mouth, spilling from his lips in torrents and flowing around him in a deep river.

A river that swelled and swallowed all on it's way, and swept him off his feet. The current pulled him down filling his armour with scalding pewter green heart blood and howling voices that screamed his name again and again as his entire body shook.

Batting desperately at the claws that gripped his shoulders Shiver fought with a single minded focus. He had to find her because the shadows that coalesced around him was going to kill her if he didn't.

" Lilly."

The name tore away from him like a supplication, a prayer, a plea to some uncaring deity not to rip her away from him, not to shatter his heart again. But there was no answer as he hurtled through the cloyingly hot darkness towards the fiery pit of flames that opened beneath him with a screeching roar.

He was on a field of war, surrounded by warriors. Armoured bodies clashing in a cacophony of screams and pleas. Death and terror swirled in an ancient dance that he knew too well.

His hands reached for his weapons expecting to find steel but gripping nothing but air. The sudden realization that he was unarmed, causing him to glance down and see that he was unarmoured as well, dressed as he was in nothing but dark trousers and boots. Blood welled from the tear in his shoulder and soaked through the leg of his trousers as the swirling struggling shadows began to merge, revealing the forest clearing where he and Lilly had first hunted together. And in that clearing he saw her stand frozen. Pale face serene and raised to the sky as the gentle breeze stirred her long pastel silk gown and unbound hair. Bushing through the thick undergrowth, he fought to reach her as an enormous shadow rose behind her flashing teeth and claws of flames and steel. Screaming at the top of his lungs, Shiver struggled with all his might but the branches had foot long thorns that pierced him, and he could not reach her as the shadow became the white blade...

"No": he screamed: "No Lilly..."

The scene burst as the gleaming blade of the enormous grinning orc erupted from Lilly chest in a shower ebony red summer moths. Red covered her face as she turned dead eyes to him and whispered: "You cannot stop this, you cannot save me... Yr wyf ond yn farwol..."

(I am but mortal.)

The words carved a screaming bloody maw in his heart but before he could do anything, the dream shattered into a cloud of screaming faces.

Screaming in an echo of the dream, he vaulted upright, gripping the sheets with desperate strength, he panted for breath as Lilly's soft hands cradled his face.

"Shiver, Shiver look at me it was a dream, you are safe here, you're safe. Shiver look at me."

His eyes blinked slowly as his fever dulled mind struggled to catch up with reality. Lilly, Lilly sat beside him on the bed looking bleary eyed and exhausted as she leaned over him, and tried to catch his attention. Puffy dark circles surrounded her red veined eyes as she stroked his dreads back with a gentle hand.

"Hey there you are, It was just a bad dream, nothing more, just a dream. "

His thoughts flittered to and from like splendour moths as he tried to focus on her eyes and words. Just a dream she said, just a dream, letting those soothing words cover his reeling mind like a balm, Shiver licked dry scabby lips and groaned: "I saw you... I saw you die... Lilly... never... never come between me and the white blade... please...promise me."

"White blade? Shiver you aren't making a hell of lot of sense right now. But sure I'll stay away from any white blades okay. Whatever they are any ways. .. "

Relief flooded through him, washing the lingering terror of the nightmare away. Reaching out he gently stroked her smooth cheek, stroking away the dry tear trails with his thumb. Her skin was so soft, like the skin of a freshly picked peach, only far warmer as she smiled.

"Thank you... Lilly... I... I..."

"Sssch, no more nonsense now, close your eyes and sleep Shiver, cause I need to change the dressing and I don't want you awake for that, so."

Holding a cool glass against his scalding lips, Lilly smiled soothingly as she watched him drink it all down in just a few quick swallows, before letting her tuck the thick blankets tightly around him.

Sleep came easily, as the potion began to work, relaxing him, and stealing the burn of the wounds away, replacing it with numbness.

Sitting quietly on the edge of the bed, Lilly felt saddened, as she soothed his hair back and watched the last vestiges of his worried frown vanish. It had just been a nightmare, nothing more. Only it was the same nightmare that he had had every night for the last five nights, and each night he had woken up just like now scared witless, screaming and begging her not to go between him and this mysterious white blade. Sure it was easy enough to lie and promise not to do it. But Lilly was beginning to get a foreboding feeling that it wouldn't be up to her.

Swallowing back her rising sense of dread, Lilly forced herself to release his now relaxed hand and go get the basket of clean bandages and ointments that cooled the inflamed flesh, and were, according to both Didymus and Jareth, just what Shiver needed.

Her hands moved on their own accord as she undid the dressing, cleaned the accumulated gunk away, and redressed the once again gaping wound. Somehow the thought of dying didn't scare her, not on it's own anyway. She was only human and being human meant being mortal. But leaving Shiver to live with the pain of her death. Now that scared her.

Smoothing down the ends of the bandage, Lilly sighed and simple sat quietly for a moment, just watching his sweat glistening chest rise and fall slowly. It just wasn't fair, here they were divided by not just culture, but bloody species! And god damn worlds. It just wasn't fair, but that was the way it was. Lilly knew that and she also knew that no matter what came she would not give in without a fight. If there was a way for Sarah to cheat death and live ever after in happiness with her king, well then there had to be a way for Lilly to do the same the with her knight. All she needed to do was find it.