Chapter 19

Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York

Monday, December 15th 2015

8.27 am

"Ok listen up!" Olivia called as she came out of the office with determination in her bloodshot eyes.

It was obvious she'd barely stopped crying in the past three days but she had been determined to come back to work and she wasn't going to let the fact she had lost her father or that she was thirty weeks pregnant stop her.

"Thanks to the folks at One Police Plaza we have a grief councillor coming in this morning and it is not up for debate, everyone will speak with him and he will decide if anyone needs ongoing classes, on top of that they want adequate defences from Fin and Munch and myself to be presented on January fifth without fail so make sure you get that done. Your appointments for the sex therapist has been made for next week and Munch, Fin and Nick I've made appointments for you to see Doctor Olivet at the end of the week, none of this is optional so I don't want to hear any arguments. Until then Elliot and Fin, I want the two of you to revisit Dawn Cooper and find out what she's hiding so we can catch her rapist and Munch and Nick I want you to see O'Hallaran he says he might have something for us on the Fielding case." With that she turned on her heels and went back into the office letting everyone get on with their tasks.

A knock on the door had her squirming, she wasn't in the mood to argue with any of her team.

"Come in!" She called.

She was surprised to see George walking in looking as bad as she felt.

"Hey I thought I told you to take the week." Olivia smiled gently.

"Well I was bored and knew you wouldn't take anytime off so thought I'd come hang here with you." He smiled weakly back.

"You're right but that's because I'm a stubborn son of a bitch." Olivia laughed. "This grief councillor one police plaza has got coming in, will you do me a favour and sit down with him?" Olivia asked gently.

"Yeah sure. For you." He smiled and Olivia nodded gratefully.

"Then when we're both done we're hitting the shops because I am in dire need of some retail therapy."

Both of them laughed even though there was no happiness behind it, they needed to laugh about something or they'd just cry.

Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York

Monday, December 15th 2015

8.49 am

When the grief councillor arrived Olivia showed her to a room which had been set up for Huang's sessions. He wasn't pleased to see someone else sitting his arm chair but he'd made a joke of it by putting four boxes of Kleenex from his desk drawer on the small coffee table in front of the couch which had Olivia in stitches of laughter especially at the face of the grief counsellor who looked at them angrily because this was a serious matter.

It was Olivia who would be going first so she was glad George was giving her something to laugh about before she went to talk to Doctor Foster the very young and attractive grief councillor.

When it was time she winked at George playfully who was going to wait in her office while she sat and talked about her feelings armed with only a Kleenex.

"Hi Olivia." He smiled gently.

"Hey Doctor Foster." She replied.

"Please call me Tobias." He smiled at her.

"Tobias." She replied as she sat on the couch and brought her legs up crossing them in front of her which she had found a relatively comfortable position with her bump.

"How far along are you?" He asked softly and Olivia knew he was just getting her to open up a little bit before he hit her with the hard questions.

"Thirty weeks." She replied as she rested her hands on her stomach. "He's active today." She added when her face contorted as she received a hearty kick in the ribs.

"You're expecting a boy?" He asked.

"Yeah my first little boy." She smiled happily as she lightly stroked her stomach with the tips of her fingers.

"Have you chosen a name?" He asked.

"Yes Donald Andrew." Olivia replied straight not realising that she was giving Tobias the gateway into the hard questions.

"Donald after Donald Cragen?" He asked very softly which was just to coax her into talking.

"Yes and Andrew after Anne Cragen his wife." Olivia replied straight as she had promised herself she'd be open with Tobias in the hopes of regaining some control on her emotions.

"So you and Don were close?" He asked the intrigue etched on his brow.

"You don't know anything do you?" She asked in suprise.

"All I know is that I was asked by the Morris Commission to come and help the staff of the Special Victims Unit cope with the loss of their former CO, I know nothing of how close you were as a unit except that it's obvious that you were close to need a grief councillor." He explained and Olivia let out a laugh and a sigh at the same time, she knew that this man had no idea what he had let himself in for. "So you and Don Cragen were close?"

"Do you only know my first name?" Olivia frowned.

"It's all I need to know and you're deflecting." He smiled.

"You obviously didn't read any of the papers this morning that had the funeral splashed across every page." She sighed again, she really wasn't in the mood to explain how complicated all of this was going to be to the young man in front of her, he'd let himself into a very complicated web of a squad where the relationships had many points to it.

"No I wanted to come in here with an open mind so I avoided the papers, I bought them so I could look at them when I left here." He explained further.

"Oh." Olivia replied.

"So I'll ask again were you and Don Cragen close Captain?"

"Wow from Olivia to Captain in five questions, that's shocking." Olivia replied.

"And you're still deflecting." He sighed as he scribbled something on the legal pad in his lap.

"Wow George Huang would have already given me a detailed explanation to why I was deflecting yet you've told me twice why I'm deflecting without an explanation." Olivia smirked, she wasn't sure what was going through her mind but being co-operative had definitely left the equation.

"Would you prefer to talk to George Huang?" He asked her simply with no emotion to show if he was offended by what she said or not.

"I've spoken with George every single day, he's grieving too." Olivia replied solemnly.

"Right, why don't you want to tell me whether you and Don were close?" He asked her his voice soft and soothing again, he was worse than George at trying to coax.

"It's complicated." Olivia sighed as she felt another hearty kick in her gut.

"What makes it so complicated?" He continued but Olivia had other ideas.

"You knew my name was Olivia and you knew I was Captain how come you don't know my surname?" She asked him.

"I didn't look or if I did I can't remember, I prefer working with first names and I remembered that the Captain was female and you're the only female I'm going to see today." He replied. "Now what made your relationship complicated?"

"My name is Olivia Cragen-Stabler." Olivia told him as she watched the confusion fill Tobias' face. "I'm Don Cragen's daughter." She explained.

"Oh." He said in surprise. "I didn't know he had any children, there was nothing in the information given to me by the Morris Commission."

"I was adopted." Olivia replied. "So biologically he didn't have any children."

"Right I think I'm with you. So you and Don were close then?" He asked.

"Yes." Olivia nodded.

"Many father and daughters don't have close relationships were you only close because of work?" He asked.

"No he lived with us until a few days after my Mom's funeral." Olivia sighed as the memory of what she did filled her mind and tears filled her chocolate eyes. "Sorry." She sniffed grabbing at a Kleenex and dabbing beneath her bloodshot eyes.

"When did your Mom die?" He asked gently.

"Twentieth of November." Olivia replied.

"This year?" He asked in surprise.

"Yeah, and Dad died on the second of December." Olivia replied weakly, she was still in disbelief that there had been so little time between her parents death.

"It must be tough trying to deal with your parents dying within such a short space of time." He noted.

"Of course." Olivia sniffed, she didn't have much to say on the matter.

"How did your Mom die?" He asked her as he peered at her softly with gentle grey eyes.

"Heart attack, my husband Elliot, Dad and I came home from work and found her at the bottom of the stairs, it's what killed my father." Olivia explained.

"Elliot? As in the Sergeant?"

"Yeah Elliot Cragen-Stabler, my husband and my Sergeant." Olivia replied.

"What do you mean by it's what killed your father?" He asked and Olivia frowned and rolled her eyes.

"My father started drinking again after my Mom died, and his cause of death was heart failure due to alcohol poisoning, losing my Mom killed my Dad." She replied again as she willed herself not to cry.

"And how does that affect you? Knowing that losing your Mom caused your Father's death?"

"Are you asking if I blame my Mom?" She asked him her eyebrows raised questioningly.

"Why do you blame your Mom?" He asked back.

"Do you always answer questions with questions?" She asked.

"You did it first." He smiled and Olivia laughed softly.

"No I don't blame my Mom." Olivia replied.

"Do you blame anything? Anyone? Or do you believe it was just an accident as the ME ruled it?"

"It wasn't an accident it was suicide and I blame myself." The tears cascaded like a waterfall as Olivia talked and Tobias could only listen as she finally opened up her mind to him. "I knew he was drinking again and when I caught him I was so mad that I told him he had to leave, I couldn't let my kids grow up around an alcoholic not like I had so I told him he couldn't live with us anymore, two days later and he's dead and it's my fault because I didn't help him, I didn't check the cupboards for the bottles that I knew were there, no one is to blame for his death other than me." Olivia was yelling and sobbing hard by the end and Tobias had to just let her rant.

"I'm not going to tell you it's not your fault Olivia." Tobias sighed.

"Because you agree with me." She sniffed as she dabbed her wet cheeks.

"No because you won't believe me if I told you anyway so I don't see the point in wasting my breath but what I do see is a heartbroken daughter who isn't grieving properly because she's too busy blaming herself. Do you have children Olivia?"

"Seven." Olivia replied.

"All girls?" He asked remembering she had said that this baby would be her first boy.

"No, Michael, my adopted son died seven years ago." Olivia explained weakly.

"Oh I'm sorry." He frowned, he should have done some research because it was obvious the woman in front of him had been through a lot.

"Do you and his father talk about him much?" He asked.

"That's impossible." Olivia frowned.

"Oh is Elliot not Michael's Father?" He asked getting more confused by the second.

"No Cole my ex fiancé is Michael's father and he's dead too." Olivia explained the anguish obvious on her face.

"My, Olivia I'm sorry." He apologised desperately.

"It's ok I grieved for them seven years ago and moved on with my life, they're in my thoughts almost daily but I dealt with their deaths, it's not the same as losing Mom and Dad." Olivia explained. "Michael died from a heart condition and Cole was shot in line of duty a couple of weeks later." Olivia was fed up of explaining to people about Cole and Michael, this was the reason she preferred talking to George because he knew her history so she didn't have to explain it to him.

"Maybe we should leave this session here." Tobias suggested gently.

"Why?" Olivia asked knowing she'd allocated an hour and a half for each of them.

"I think you require something more than just councilling Olivia, I think you'd benefit from some bereavement therapy." He explained.

"Are you serious?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, I think it would do you some good." Tobias replied.

"No." Olivia stood up and scrunched up the tissue in her hand. "No I don't need any form of therapy I just need to deal with this in my own way and you're not going to change my mind on the matter and you can report whatever you want to one pp because I'm going on Maternity leave soon and I won't have to bow down to their every orders." Olivia explained before marching out and down to her office with fury running through her veins.

When she got into her office George could see the anger in her face and decided to say nothing for a moment.

"Fucking hell." Olivia spat as she flicked through the phone book on her desk.

"What are you doing Olivia?" He asked her with a warning in his voice that he would stop her from doing something she might regret.

"Giving Commissioner Rockwell a piece of my mind." Olivia replied through gritted teeth.

"Liv think about this..." He told her gently.

"I already have." She replied as she punched in the numbers and held the phone to her ear.

"Commissioner Rockwell please, it's Captain Cragen Manhattan SVU." She was trying to keep the anger out of her voice.

Olivia, how are you?

"Oh I'm fine but I would like to let you know that any therapy offered by this grief councillor is going to be made optional for my squad as well as the sex therapy that was made mandatory." Olivia failed to hide how angry she was.

What did the grief councillor say to upset you Captain?

"To upset me?" She hissed angrily. "Upset me I've just lost my parents it doesn't take a grief councillor to upset me Sir." He spat.

I think we should talk about this in person, I'll be in your office in thirty minutes.

The line went dead and Olivia looked at George as the reality of what she had just done sunk in.

"Shit." She breathed.

"I told you to think about it, what did he say?"

"He's coming here." She replied her eyes wide in complete shock at what she had done.

"Well you better prepare some sort of apology to him or something but it's my turn with the big bad doctor so I'll see you in a bit and come get me if you need me." He smiled and gave her a reassuring wink before leaving her to process everything that she'd just done and said.

Manhattan SVU, Manhattan, New York

Monday, December 15th 2015

10.04 am

Olivia paced the office nervously as she waited for the commissioner to arrive, she was wondering what on earth made her think she could put one of the highest men in the NYPD in his place without some form of retribution.

The knock on her door startled her from her thoughts and she took a deep shuddering breath as he Superior walked in.

"Captain." He said nodding his head and closing the door.

"Commissioner." She breathed. "Uh I've uh been thinking and I'm really sorry ..."

"Don't apologise Captain." He said cutting her off.

She stared at him wondering if she was about to be suspended for what had said because there was no way she would get away with the way she spoke to him.

"Why don't we sit down?" He signalled to the couch underneath the window and Olivia nodded and sat trying to hide all trace evidence of nerves from her face.

"Again..."

"Don't even try and apologise Olivia, I understand." He told her softly.

Olivia wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry, this was her superior officer, he was supposed to make sure she made her squad followed the rules and that she toed the line and if she didn't he was the one that was supposed to punish her but as he took her trembling hand into his own she wondered what on earth was going through his mind.

"This hasn't been an easy time for you or your family or your squad and I understand that, I've already pulled the plug on the compulsory sex therapy and if you don't want to go to grief therapy then that is your choice unless it begins to affect how you do your job." He smiled as a tear trickled down Olivia's cheek, she'd been a crumbling mess lately, crying at the slightest thing and she wasn't putting it down to hormones.

He leant into her and cupped her chin, using his thumb to wipe her tear. She didn't even know what was happening until she felt his lips on hers. It took her a moment to regain herself from the shock as she flapped her hands then pushed his broad chest and job to her feet.

"I... I..." She stuttered before running out of the office, pulling so hard on the door the glass shuddered grasping everyone's attention.

"Liv?" Elliot asked jumping to his feet as he saw his wife's face, she was obviously shaken up about something.

"He kissed me." She said as the commissioner came out of the office.

"He did what?" Elliot he growled the anger in his voice unmistakable. "He kissed you?"

"Yeah." Olivia nodded as she wiped her sleeve across her mouth trying to remove any remnants of Commissioner Rockwell.

Elliot flew towards the commissioner and pinned him up against the door frame of Olivia's office.

"El!" She yelled in shock as Fin, Munch and Nick all dove at him and grabbed his shoulders.

"You ever. Lay a hand. On my wife. Ever again. I will make sure that you won't be able to touch another woman again, you're lucky I don't arrest you for Sexual Assault." He hissed viciously as he gripped tight onto the front of the Commissioner's uniform.

The Commissioner looked scared, he's obviously expected Olivia to kiss him back not run out to her husband.

"El come on man he isn't worth it." Fin whispered as he continued to hold Elliot's shoulder.

"Get out of here." Elliot spat. "And don't come back without a reason." He let go of the Commissioner but didn't move as he wanted to shoot the man.

The Commissioner glanced apologetically at Olivia as he rushed out of the bullpen. Olivia let out the breath that had been hitched in her throat as Elliot rushed towards her and wrapped her up in an embrace.

"Are you ok?" He asked as he held her tight to him.

"Yeah, ugh I feel so disgusting." She whispered.

"I know baby, I don't think he'll come here again in a hurry." Elliot chuckled, he'd seen how shaken the Commissioner looked it was why he didn't punch him.

"I can't believe he kissed me, what possessed him?" Olivia asked into her sleeve as she wiped her mouth desperately.

"I don't know, but he won't be doing it again." Elliot smirked.

"No." Olivia smiled. "Right Munch you're in charge of setting up the Christmas gift exchange this year so get started, we're having this party this year even if it kills me in Memory of Don Cragen." She called and everyone grinned, Olivia had obviously started to accept this and was trying to make something positive come out of it.

Yeah I kinda changed my mind about the coming Chapters so a bit of a jump to the next one, let's get Christmas and birthdays out the way and then