Chapter 6: Gendry
Gendry's phone buzzed and roused him from his nap.
Arya Stark: Is Jon there?
Gendry Waters: Why in bloody fuck are you asking me?
Arya Stark: I asked him first, but he didn't answer.
Gendry Waters: He's probably at work then.
Arya Stark: His job's a night job, moron.
Gendry Waters: He's also a TA. He might just be in section.
Arya Stark: He doesn't teach today.
Gendry Waters: I killed him and threw him into the bay. Is that a problem for your plans?
Arya Stark: It'll be a bigger problem for you when I sic the fencing team on you. I have a plan all worked out. Admittedly, it was for Joffrey, but you can be a test scenario.
Gendry Waters: Maybe he's balls deep in some Forestry School hippie.
Arya Stark: EWWWWWWWW.
Gendry Waters: I think I won that.
Arya Stark: EWWWWWWWW.
Gendry Waters: Yep. Definitely won that.
Arya Stark: You're an awful human being.
Gendry Waters: I've heard that before. To be fair, it usually when I am uncaffeinated, which, ooh! Look! I am.
Arya Stark: Well, use your shiny coffee maker and stop making offensive comments about my brother, the Forestry School, women, and hippies.
Gendry glanced at his watch. She had a point about the coffee. He set some to brew before replying.
Gendry Waters: But hippies are fun to make fun of.
Arya Stark: Point.
Arya Stark: Do you know where Jon is. For real?
Gendry Waters: Fraid not. The hippie is literally my best guess. That or he's on his bike.
Arya Stark: Ignoring first guess. Bike still does not answer the question.
Gendry Waters: True. It just explains why he hasn't answered your message.
Arya Stark: Maybe he got abducted by aliens?
Gendry Waters: Grumkins and Snarks are more likely.
Arya Stark: That would be amusing.
Gendry Waters: It would indeed.
Arya Stark: How many do you think Jon could take before they got him?
Gendry took a sip of his coffee.
Gendry Waters: Four.
Arya Stark: Four? Definitely at least 10. He's more with it than he looks.
Gendry Waters: Yeah, but he's kind of scrawny.
Arya Stark: He is not. You're freakishly big.
Gendry Waters: Not freakishly. Above averagely.
Arya Stark: Yeah, so he could take 10 because he's average. And you could take sixty seven because you're a freak.
Gendry Waters. Am not a freak. And thought you'd get in a snit over "averagely."
Arya Stark: Meh. Seen it. Used it, actually. You're not as clever as you think.
Gendry Waters: You wound me, my lady.
Arya Stark: DON'T CALL ME MY LADY.
Gendry Waters: As M'lady commands.
Arya Stark: Oh, fuck you.
Gendry Waters: That would be inappropriate.
Arya Stark: That's not what I meant. Why am I still talking to you?
Gendry Waters: Boredom, I imagine.
Arya Stark: Go die in a fire.
Gendry Waters: Boring. I liked the idea of the fencing team better.
Arya Stark: Off to text them to plan your demise.
Gendry Waters: Let me know how it goes.
Arya Stark: Not bloody likely. Surprise is key to this plan of mine.
Gendry Waters: How can I be surprised if I know it's coming?
Arya Stark: You'll be surprised.
Ten minutes later, Gendry decided to ask her,
Gendry Waters: How surprised?
Arya Stark: You'll shit yourself, have a heart attack and wish you'd never been born, all in the space of 13 seconds. But since you're not Joffrey, you should feel free to deviate from that plan.
Gendry Waters: I might. The shit part sounds unpleasant.
Arya Stark: Good. It's supposed to.
Gendry Waters: Could I maybe fart in panic instead? A lot easier to clean up after the thirteen seconds are over.
Arya Stark: I suppose. I don't really care how you react to be honest. How Joffrey will react is important.
Gendry Waters: Got it. Will there be a feedback form I should fill out? Levels of surprise and all that? Customer service?
Arya Stark: If you like. It's up to you. Of course, if you do have a heart attack, you'll have to convince the nurses to do it for you.
Gendry Waters: Can they be sexy nurses?
Arya Stark: That is beyond my power.
Gendry Waters: I bet you could make it happen.
Arya Stark: True. But I don't feel like looking into it. What if I do it for you, and then when it's Joffrey's turn he also gets sexy nurses because they think it's part of the routine.
Gendry Waters: Good point, that.
Arya Stark: Yeah. I'm a vengeful little bitch.
Gendry Waters: Truth. Jon's downstairs by the way. He just got in.
Arya Stark: I know. I'm here too. Reading all your texts aloud to him. Jon asks whether big burly nurses of dubious gender might suffice.
Gendry stared at the screen of his phone, mortified. How much had she been reading to Jon? When had that started?
He supposed it didn't matter. Even if Arya wasn't aware of it, Jon knew him well enough to know when he was flirting. And he was flirting with Jon's sister.
This couldn't end well.
Gendry Waters: It might. I'll get back to him upon further reflection.
Gendry put his phone down after that and refused to look at it for the rest of the night. When he woke up the next morning, there were three new messages from Arya.
Arya Stark: Come down and eat with us.
Arya Stark: Are you pouting?
Arya Stark: Goodnight, Gendry.