Chapter 24

Doctor Rosie's office, Manhattan, New York

Friday, January 10th 2016

5.26 pm

Olivia sat in a small office facing the woman she'd been told to call Rosie. She was a psychologist and grief councillor. It was obvious to Doctor Rosie that Olivia was pissed off, she was sat back in her seat staring intensely at the doctor almost as if trying to read her, or trying to get inside her head as if she was a perp.

"So Olivia why are you here?" Rosie asked shaking her hand through her short black hair.

"Because the men in the Morris Commission seemed to think that I haven't grieved for my parents." Olivia replied sounding bored already.

"It says here that they asked you come after your psych evaluation said you hadn't grieved for you parents and when asked to present a defence you failed to do so." Rosie explained looking at the manila file that Olivia had to hand over to her as requested by one pp.

"Yeah well I thought telling them that I had grieved for them would be enough obviously I was wrong." Olivia sighed.

"Ok well why don't you tell me a little about your parents?" Rosie suggested sitting back in her arm chair with her legal pad on her lap, pen in hand and her eyes transfixed upon Olivia.

"What do you wanna know?" Olivia shrugged, she really wasn't in the mood for any of this and just wanted to get it over and done with.

"Well let's start with your Dad, what kind of relationship did you have with him?" Rosie smiled softly, she knew Olivia had no desire to be here so she was going to make it as painless as she possibly could.

"Dad and me were close." Olivia replied thinking that was enough.

"What made you so close?" Rosie asked making Olivia sigh.

"What makes a child close to their parent? I don't know all I know is I had a close relationship with my Dad." Olivia replied frustration etched into her voice.

"Ok why don't you tell me how you and your Dad spent time together?" Rosie asked understanding Olivia's agitation, the questions she was asking weren't easy, they were often interpreted in different manners by clients but Olivia was a cop who didn't interpret questions well, she wanted someone to be direct with her.

"Uhh…" Olivia sighed, she really didn't want to get into all this now.

"Ok did you and your Dad talk often, just the two of you away from the rest of your family?" Rosie asked trying to make it easier on the woman in front of her.

"Yeah, often at three in the morning in the study." Olivia replied, she'd spent hours with Don in the study drinking coffee or hot chocolate or her with a glass of wine when she wasn't pregnant.

"Ok and what did you talk about?" Rosie asked.

"Often it was something that had happened at work, victims, perps, Elliot." Olivia explained.

"Who's Elliot?"

"My husband." Olivia replied.

"Ok so you said you and your Dad talked at three in the morning, did this happen because he lived with you?" Rosie asked trying to clarify everything.

"Yeah, my Mom and Dad lived we me and my family." Olivia replied.

"And who is your family?" Rosie asked understanding that this was an easier topic for Olivia, they could get back to the hard questions.

"My daughters, Melissa, Nicole, Alexandra, Liliana, Alyah and Elysah." Olivia replied. "My son was born after my parents died."

"Ok so tell me something interesting about Melissa." Rosie smiled, this was going to be an easy way of building a conversation with Olivia.

"Melissa Jasmine Cragen-Stabler, she's thirteen, she has blonde hair and brown eyes." Olivia replied.

Rosie nodded and scribbled in her legal pad. Prefers talking about cold hard facts, appearance not likes and dislikes.

"And what about Nicole?" Rosie continued.

"Nicole Anne Cragen-Stabler, She turned seven on the first of January, she has brown hair, brown eyes and olive skin." Olivia replied without even batting an eyelid, this was harmless she thought.

"Ok and Alexandra?"

"Alexandra Rose Cragen-Stabler, brown hair brown eyes, identical twin of Liliana age six." Olivia replied.

"Liliana?" Rosie asked knowing exactly where she was going now.

"Liliana Casey Cragen-Stabler, brown hair and brown eyes, identical twin age six." Olivia didn't know what Rosie was doing but kept going anyway.

"Alyah?"

"Alyah Ruby Cragen-Stabler age three brown hair brown eyes identical twin of Elysah." Olivia replied. "Elysah Sapphire Cragen-Stabler age three identical twin of Alyah brown hair and blue eyes." Olivia smirked she hadn't bothered waiting for Rosie knowing what would come out of her mouth.

"And your son?"

"George Donald Columbus Cragen-Stabler age sixteen days blue eyes and brown hair but eye colour could still change." Olivia shrugged.

"Ok so did you have any reason to choose your children's names?" Rosie asked and Olivia stared at her intrigued at where this was going but she decided not to.

"Nicole Anne was named after her father Cole and her grandmother Anne." Olivia replied and she watched as Rosie began to scribble ferociously in her notebook. "Alexandra Rose was named after her godmother, the woman who delivered her Alexandra Cabot, Liliana Casey was named after her godmother Casey Novak, Alyah and Elysah was just because we like the names and George Donald Columbus was named after the man who delivered him and my best friend and shrink, his grandfather and the street on which he was born." Olivia explained and she waited as Rosie continued to scribble, waiting for the next question.

"You didn't say anything about Melissa." Rosie noted.

"I didn't name her." Olivia explained.

"I don't understand." Rosie frowned, of course, it wasn't in Olivia's file that she hadn't given birth to Melissa.

"I adopted Melissa and her twin brother Michael when they were six." Olivia replied.

"Ok what happened to Michael?" Rosie asked.

"He died of a heart condition when he was six." Olivia replied glumly, she knew this would happen eventually but she hadn't expected to mention Michael so soon.

"Ok and Nicole's father is different from the rest?" Rosie asked.

"Yeah Cole." Olivia nodded.

"Who is he?" Rosie asked and Olivia let out a frustrated sigh.

"My ex fiancé."

"Didn't work out between you?" She asked gently.

"No he was killed." Olivia replied. "Shot in the line of duty actually." Olivia explained.

"Ok." Rosie nodded. "When did Michael die?"

"When he was six that's seven years ago now." Olivia replied. "Nearly eight."

"Did you deal well with his death?" Rosie continued.

"Yes, Cole and Melissa got me through it." Olivia sighed, Michael's death had been hard to deal with, she remembered the pain as if it was yesterday.

"And Cole's death?" Rosie asked.

"Was harder to deal with but I had to survive for Melissa." Olivia replied.

"When Cole die how did you cope?" Rosie asked softly, her voice coaxing Olivia to open up to her.

Olivia's hands clutched her thighs tightly, she hated talking about death and dying in general considering her line of work, talking about her loved ones was much harder.

"Elliot got me through it." Olivia replied.

"Your husband?" Rosie asked to clarify.

"Yes, he and I got together not long after Cole's death, he was there for me and Cole's Mom… my Mom told me that he was in love with me, told me that I should go for it and I did." Olivia replied. "I think the feelings for Elliot were always there, but he was married with kids and was off limits so I found someone else and that someone was Cole." Olivia explained.

"Ok when you said Cole's mom you changed it to your Mom can you explain that to me?" Rosie asked her voice still soft and coaxing.

Olivia groaned, she hated having to explain her family relations to anyone, that's why she preferred talking to George Huang, he already knew so she didn't have to explain.

"Anne, Cole's Mom married Don Cragen and then they adopted me, I already called them Mom and Dad, when Cole died Anne and I got very close, I think we had to in some ways, I had called Don Dad for years and when Anne and Don started dating it was really strange the woman I called Mom because she was like my Mother in Law and then the man I called Dad … ugh it was really strange after they got married they asked me if I would allow them to adopt me so it was official, they said they were oo old to have any real kids of their own but they already had me and wanted it legal and I wanted that too so I went ahead and let them adopt me." Olivia explained best she could.

"I think I'm with you." Rosie smiled. "So Don and Anne your parents adopted you how long ago?"

"Seven and a half years ago." Olivia replied, it sounded so stupid now, she had been all for the adoption then and she had been for the past seven and a half years but hearing it now just made her wonder why on earth she had done it, it was just pointless.

"How did you know Don Cragen?" Rosie asked.

"He was my Captain." Olivia sighed. "He was my boss but we were always close, from the day I started working at the one six I think he wanted to look out for me, to protect me in any way he could and we bonded you know, I never had a father figure in my life and I know that is in the file so I am not going into it, but Don was a father figure to me and we just got so close, the whole calling him Dad thing started out as a joke at first, I'd get in trouble and you know how kids go 'Daaad' in a whiny voice well I would do it but I did it once and my co-worker at the time John Munch pointed out that Don looked proud and his eyes would light up when I did it so the next time we were talking in his office I said 'thanks Dad.' And watched as his eyes lit up and then I would continue to do it in privet or in front of my coworkers and the more I used it the more natural it became until he adopted me and really was my Dad." Olivia had a gleam in her eyes that showed Rosie how much the man she was talking about meant to her, she wasn't sure what feelings where behind the eyes though, was it sadness or sorrow or love and devotion? She couldn't be sure but all she knew was that the feeling was powerful.

"Can you tell me any special memories that you have of your parents? Maybe your dad in particular?" Rosie asked softly.

"Their wedding day." Olivia answered as soon as the question was asked which made Rosie smile, it was obviously a strong memory containing a lot of emotion.

"Ok tell me about that day Olivia." Rosie smiled.

"Well it was just as special day you know? My Mom … before she married … was this upper class trust fund child but she still loved me you know but my Dad changed all that, when I walked her down the aisle … she was shaking on my arm, I had never seen her like that, but she was so happy and you could see the love in her eyes from the second we arrived outside the Church and then when we were walking down the aisle I looked over at Dad and his eyes were transfixed on Mom and I had never seen him looking like that, the next time I saw him looking like that was at my wedding, except at my wedding there was that hint of sadness there you know but not with Mom, just love." Olivia smiled softly as she spoke, the memory was powerful, more powerful than any other at that moment.

"Tell me something about your husband." Rosie smiled, she saw a flicker in Olivia's eyes when she mentioned her own wedding and she wanted to see what it was.

"Elliot is …. Elliot, he's my best friend, my only love he's … he's my soul mate." Olivia smiled as did Rosie, she'd never heard someone talk about their husband like that before.

"So you believe you were meant to end up with Elliot?" Rosie asked.

"What after Cole died?" She waited for Rosie's nod. "Yeah, I do."

"How is your relationship with your husband since your parents death?" Rosie asked deciding to take an alternate route to the grief.

"It's … ugh it's complicated." Olivia sighed. "We … I don't know I just don't think he understands how much it hurts you know but he's hurting too I mean they lived with us, he's seen them almost every day for seven and a half years and when Dad died, Elliot was a mess because he was like a Dad to Elliot too, for years, even before I joined SVU Dad was a father figure to Elliot and Elliot … I don't know, I don't think he has been able to deal with his own grief very well when Dad died he didn't know if it was ok for him to cry sometimes but you had four of us and we needed each other when Dad died, we'd all worked under him and the days after the funeral we were splashed across every page of the newspapers and it was tough none of us knew what to make of it all."

"So you had no one to talk to about your feelings regarding your father's death?" Rosie asked.

"No, everyone I talked to were grieving too." Olivia sighed as the realisation hit her, she hadn't talked to anyone about her feelings surrounding her father's death, ok she talked to George a little but not much as he was grieving too he was close to her Dad too.

"I watched your Father's funeral Olivia…" Rosie began and Olivia's eyes flickered nervously, she'd almost freaked out when one pp said the funeral would be televised, it was stupid but it was for a pilot project by the government to stop cops, marines and soldiers from turning to drugs and alcohol when things got too much, they wanted to use Don't funeral to show the effects on everyone involved in the person's life.

"And?" Olivia sighed raising her eyebrow.

"I wanted to talk about your speech." Rosie informed her and she nodded weakly. "You called him your hero."

"He was … is my hero, always has and always will be." Olivia replied tears stinging her eyes but she wasn't going to let them fall.

"What made him your hero Olivia?" Rosie asked.

"He was there, whenever I needed him Rosie he was there, he saved me in so many ways and he was just there for me when I needed him and that makes him my hero. I know he achieved a lot in his life, especially as a cop but none of that mattered to me none of it matters it was just that he was there. You know he was there every time I gave birth to my kids? I never asked him to be there, I never asked him the first time when I gave birth to Nicole, he just came to let me know they were at the hospital and I took his hand and I couldn't let go, even though Elliot was there I wanted my dad there too and he was and he was there every single time except with George." Olivia replied.

"Tell me about George's birth." Rosie said softly as she continued to watch Olivia closely her grey eyes hooked onto Olivia.

"It was … traumatic." Olivia sighed. "I gave birth to him after being in a car crash, he was supposedly nine weeks early but the doctors are convinced they had my due date wrong by about four or five weeks because he was born healthy."

"You named him George Donald Columbus, it's a nice name, full of meaning." Rosie pointed out.

"Yeah, George was in the car with me when we were hit and he probably no he did save both of our lives, mine and baby Georgie's, then I had to name my first biological son after my Dad and it was Elliot's idea to name him Columbus as that's where he was born." Olivia replied already feeling like she was missing having her son around.

"We'll leave it there for today Olivia, same time next week?"

"Yeah I guess." Olivia nodded. "Thanks." She said hurriedly before rushing out, she hated any form of counselling but hated having to talk about her dead parents even more.

I have some ideas now thanks for those who sent me some they're good and I don't know if I'll use any but this chapter is just for the sake of it really I'm going on with the story in the next chapter.