AN: Hey y'all! Can't believe anyone actually came back to read this, I feel so honoured. It's so inspiring! So, where I'm at with this story; I have 61 chapters planned, I'm currently writing chapter 45, I am going to upload quite quick and get this story finished to move on to one of the other unfinished. I read one of my fifty stories yesterday, one I was surprised to find a bunch of messages begging me to finish and I re-read it couldn't remember a thing about it then got angry with myself that it wasn't finished! I'm sorry I left so much unfinished works, maybe I should have archived them or something as so many new readers have come along over the past few years and read a bunch of unfinished works.

Anyway thank you again for coming back on this journey, means more to me than you'll ever know.

Cragen Household, Manhattan, New York
Friday 24th January 2016
7.03pm

Melissa watched as her mother stood in the living room mirror desperately trying to get a pair of earrings into her ears and put her shoes on at the same time. She looked incredible. She wore a simple navy wrap front shift day dress, but had dressed it up with a sparkly necklace and her earrings. She was clearly dressing to impress and Melissa wasn't sure how to feel about it.

"Well?" Olivia asked turning around to show her daughter. She really did look incredible with her hair in loose waves and a light dusting of make up on her face.

"Beautiful." Melissa smiled, hoping her hesitation about her mother going on a date wasn't showing.

"You ok?" Olivia asked, a frown etched on her brow. Busted! Melissa thought.

"Of course!" She grinned hoping not to let Olivia know that she was nervous, she knew if Olivia sensed it she'd find an excuse not to go. "So where are you going?" Melissa enquired, quickly changing the subject.

"No idea, Mathew is just picking me up… in about ten minutes." Olivia smiled, she was really excited to go even though she was apprehensive too.

"Does Elliot know?" Melissa enquired trying not to sound as if it was an issue.

"Not that I know but it's not a problem if he did, he encouraged me to date Mathew." Olivia responded, she probably wouldn't have considered it without his encouragement as it was really too soon, she'd only just separated from Elliot and she knew that truth was she didn't need to be jumping into any other sort of relationship, especially not with her superior.

"So what's Mathew like?" Melissa questioned, she could see Olivia becoming nervous and she didn't want there to be a reason for her not to go, she just hoped it went disastrously so that this Mathew didn't chase her again. She knew if Olivia cancelled he'd continue trying to get her.

"He's… a good guy." Olivia replied. "A bit older than me, previously married and divorced."

"Oh does he have kids?" Melissa questioned, more kids would not be a good thing in her book, she already had way too many siblings when the Stabler four was thrown in the mix.

"Yes, three I think he said." Olivia replied checking herself in the mirror once more which meant she couldn't see Melissa grimace, she didn't want to have to share her mother any more than she had to already.

"You know… I've been thinking…" Melissa started as she tried to think on her feet.

"Oh yeah?" Olivia turned back in her direction, a playful smile on her lips and an eyebrow raised to the ceiling questioningly.

"I think maybe I should stay with Elliot sometime, not for me or him but for Nicole… I know she knows that our Dad is Cole… but Elliot has been her father hasn't he, since the moment she was born. He's been there for me too and I care about him but not like Nicole does." Melissa really hoped her mother wouldn't see through her façade, she didn't want to have a relationship with Elliot if Olivia was going to divorce him, while she cared deeply for him she'd never really let him in close enough to be a dad but she wanted Olivia and Elliot together, Olivia loved Elliot and she knew no one would love Olivia the way Elliot did and for her siblings sake she wanted to bring their parents back together so they wouldn't spend their rest of their childhood back and forward between the two.

This hadn't crossed her mind before she heard Olivia was dating again but the thought of another man coming in and stirring up their family again terrified her. What if there were more babies, more siblings from another man. She didn't know how she'd cope because it was already draining to explain her family dynamics to people who were nosy enough to ask.

"That is a really grown up thing to do Melissa." Olivia smiled at her daughter, so wise and mature and she wondered where her terrified little blonde-haired baby had gone.

"I just know Nicole will resent me when she's older if she misses out on a relationship with Elliot because she copies everything I do… I know she misses him so much and is being a brat whenever you're not around because of it. She doesn't really understand what making that decision not to see him means." Melissa shrugged, trying not to make too much of a big deal about it.

Olivia went over to hug her daughter tight just as there was a knock on the door. Olivia pecked Melissa's head and headed out, with George and Nicole already in bed and Eliza cleaning the dishes from dinner in the kitchen she didn't have to stress about saying goodbye to anyone.

"I'll let Eliza know you've gone." Melissa nodded as Olivia hesitated at the front door. "Go mom, you look great and he'll leave if you don't open that door soon!" Melissa chuckled while she really didn't want Olivia to be dating anyone she also didn't want her mother to know there was any sort of resentment about her going on a date either.

"I love you, behave." Olivia said just before swinging the door open trying not to look to enthusiastic in the process.

"Wow…" Mathew felt as though the wind had been knocked out him. He couldn't believe how incredible Olivia looked all dressed up for their evening, she'd gone to that effort for him and he couldn't believe his luck.

"Hi." Olivia smiled shyly as brown eyes swept along every inch of her body. It made her squirm but not in the good way that she squirmed when Elliot looked at her the same.

"Ready to go?" He asked his eyes returning to hers, he didn't want to spend too long admiring her, it would be creepy and inappropriate, he didn't want to freak her out.

"Yeah" she smiled. She turned to close the door and gave Melissa a nervous smile to which she received two thumbs up and a cheesy grin in return.

Mathew struggled not to stare at Olivia as she spoke. She looked younger tonight, she glowed with joy and comfort. It made him happy to know she could relax and be herself around him.

"So that's my childhood." Olivia sighed trying not to appear sad, Mathew had sat quietly and listened while she had told him about her alcoholic mother, the story of how she'd fought back, the brief engagement with her mother's student and her days as a uni. He loved watching her talk, the way her plump lips moved and articulated every word and how her eyes betrayed her, giving away emotions that her voice and words did not.

Olivia smiled and reached for her wine, times had changed so much. Once upon a time she had been frightened of opening up to people, sharing her past. Now, it didn't faze her, it didn't matter who it was who was sitting in front of her, she had grown out of the shame she felt at her upbringing and instead embraced it as something that had made her the strong individual she had become and she felt blessed for it because it had given her the opportunity to have the adulthood she had had, her children, her parents and even her husband.

"You've had it rough." Mathew commented as he watched her swallow her wine. "I don't mean to offend you." He added quickly. "I'm not pitying you." He added hurriedly as he didn't want her to think that at all, that would have been embarrassing for him and hurtful to her. "I just mean so many people allow their pasts to define them, but you didn't."

"Oh I did." Olivia smirked. "But my life change completely after Cole's death. And I now let that define me, the amazing father I had in Don Cragen, the loving and supportive Mother I had. It changed how I defined myself, I was no longer the daughter of an alcoholic rape victim and the product of a rape, I am the daughter of a decorate police captain and a loving mother, I went from being a mistake to being wanted." Olivia explained her finger rolling around the rim of her glass as she tried to hide the grief that continued to ache within her chest.

"That's understandable." Mathew smiled, and he felt a surge of emotion in his chest for the woman in front of him. At first he thought it was empathy, or sympathy but as he continued to look at her he realised it was so much more than that.

"So what about you?" Olivia asked before clearing her throat a little. "You've heard my story so what about yours?" Mathew grimaced, the woman in front of him was so strong and had experienced a life no human should have to experience, his story was nothing similar.

"Well my dad was a politician, served as mayor of the city for 7 years." Mathew explained, a sadness filling his eyes.

"Only 7?" Olivia asked, knowing that two terms was a totally of 8 years.

"Yeah he had a stroke just as his final year started. He lost the use of his right side completely. Then a year later, heart attack." He explained while Olivia watched him with the empathy she displayed only to those who were vulnerable.

"I'm sorry." Olivia replied quietly reaching for his hand across the table.

"Thank you." Mathew replied. "I was always destined for politics." He continued, clearing his throat so that he could continue with a stronger voice. "I mean when you're born into a family like mine, politics is the only way to go. However, I didn't want politics. Not really. So after I graduated from Harvard with a degree in political science I did a stint in the marines as was expected of me, almost all members of my family have served in one way or another. I then joined the force. I was assigned to the housing authority from the Academy, back when the housing authority was in the infancy of what it's become today." Olivia smirked, he was hinting towards his age now as even though she knew she could have googled him for that sort of information she had decided against that and to get to know him personally not by a web search. "I became Captain in 1995 when the unit merged with the NYPD, and continued to work my way through the ranks and then three years ago I became chief of department before the current Mayor chose me to be his Commissioner." He smiled, it was clear to Olivia that he was very proud of his achievements. "So even though never really intended to go into politics when I joined the force and worked my way through the ranks somehow everything has gone full circle." He shrugged, in other words he thought he'd reached the top of his game when he had made chief of d's now he was the police commissioner, hand chosen by the incumbent mayor to be the Commissioner.

"I have a question for you." Olivia started hoping that he would understand that this probably wasn't going to be the most comfortable topic of conversation but it had been something that had bothered her for some time.

"Go on." Mathew encouraged now reaching for his wine glass, he felt the discomfort in Olivia's voice, she clearly was curious about something but unsure whether it was appropriate.

"Well… Why did you take such an interest in SVU?" Olivia asked, knowing as the Police Commissioner for the City he had a lot of things to be doing yet he seemed to have taken a special interest in SVU and she wasn't sure that was necessarily a good thing.

"There are loads of reasons. First the fact that you unseated my predecessor, the Mayor was very impressed by the fact that you and your department had been able to find out that he was a child molester and took a personal interest in SVU and what the department was about, who ran it and all that. Secondly, when I was an officer, SVU was an elite squad that no one seem to want to join, that always intrigued me. Thirdly, the dynamics of the squad and the fact that after I took office, everything with your family was on going. I knew it was up to me to ensure you survived as an officer of the NYPD. I wanted to ensure you had the right support to continue your father's great work." He blushed as he admitted that he had wanted to take care of her. "And in the process, I learned that you were an incredible and attractive woman and I couldn't seem to keep away from you." He added with a charming young man look on his face. It was Olivia's turn to blush as Mathew said out loud that he found her attractive.

"So it was just to keep me in my job then." Olivia laughed an eyebrow raised questioningly.

"Oh of course." Mathew teased. Olivia laughed, he was so charming and gave her a look as though butter wouldn't melt. "Your cards are marked you know?" Mathew said, returning to a more serious look. "And I don't mean that in the negative way." He added quickly knowing it sounded like a threat and not something positive.

"Oh yeah?" Olivia's eyebrow raised again, she was puzzled as to what he meant by that.

"Your Dad was never going to reach higher than the position he was, he had too much of a past for that. But you have a very bright future still ahead of you Olivia, the Mayor himself told me that when he asked me to be around for you after your Dad died. The NYPD respect you as an individual, as an officer. You have been with the same unit, you have not faltered in your work and yes while you still have some marks in your jacket like every officer does when they've put in as many years as you have, you have had such a positive effect on your area of crime that you're looked at as a future police commissioner material."

Olivia couldn't even begin to talk. She'd made that much of an effect on those on the political side of their work that they were taking a personal interest in her?

"If I was to even consider the slightest possibility of that, I still have a very long way to go and by the time I would be worth considering, I'd probably be pushed into retirement, not to the commissioner's office." Olivia sniggered, she wasn't exactly a spring chicken and had no intention of continuing up the promotions ladder even if it was offered to her.

"Maybe." Mathew nodded. "But I think there are too many people rooting for you to leave you sitting where you are for too long."

"Look Mathew, while I appreciate the thought, SVU is my life. It's where I belong. I don't know anything about politics in the force and even less about politics in general. While I would love to consider the possibility of taking the next step on the ladder I am having to find my feet as a captain all on my very own. I wouldn't even begin to think of being an Inspector let alone becoming a chief of department and some day the police commissioner. Firstly time isn't on my side, secondly I don't have anyone helping me in my corner." Olivia explained frustrated that it had even been said now. She didn't want to consider the position of Police Commissioner, she was a long way from being eligible for that role and she didn't want to think of it either. She would be happy being Captain until the day of her retirement, as long as she stayed at SVU. While she knew she could become an Inspector and continue to remain at SVU after that it was one police plaza and that was something she had never and would never aspire to so why even consider the highest political role within the force.

"Why do you think the Mayor wanted me so deeply involved with SVU? He wants to give you the opportunity to learn." Mathew frowned, it was clear to him that Olivia didn't seem excited at the possibility of becoming Police Commissioner someday.

"Oh what so dating me is to advance my political career?" Olivia snapped not liking where this conversation was going, it made her feel cheap.

"Woah! No!" Mathew replied horrified that she had even thought that. "Not at all, dating you is me, all me." Mathew said hurriedly because he could sense the anger building in Olivia as she stared him down like she would a perp. "I like you Olivia, I think you're gorgeous and an incredible woman, I was told to guide you as an officer and in all honesty I don't think the Mayor would approve of my pursuing a more personal relationship." He blushed.

"Then why are you pursuing one?" Olivia asked ignoring the fact he'd called her gorgeous.

"Because I want one." He replied as if it was just that simple. "Do you know how attractive you are Olivia? How easy it is to want you?" Olivia blushed this time, he was saying these words and it was obvious that he was sincere and disgusted that she thought that his pursuing of her was for political purposes only. "Jesus I know I haven't been the best man in the whole wide world but I think I deserve a little bit more than you thinking I'm doing this because I've been asked to." He sighed and rubbed his hand across his face just like Elliot would do. Olivia swallowed hard, maybe learning that this was all politics would have been easier for her, she could forget about him but now she was thinking of her husband while on a date with a man who was clearly attracted to her and she didn't know how she was supposed to feel about that.

"I'm sorry I asked." Olivia chuckled, she realised this all stemmed from her curiosity and she now regretted her decision to ask about it.

"It's ok." Mathew smiled, glad she was letting it go. "Now we've long finished dinner, drank two bottles of wine… shall we get a cab?" He knew it was late and Olivia had her children to get up for in the morning.

"I think that would be a great idea." Olivia smiled.

After paying the check, helping Olivia into her coat, and taking her out of the restaurant on his arm, Mathew knew he would have to take Olivia to her door. In the cab they sat hand in hand, silent, thoughtful. They had talked so much over dinner it was nice just to sit there and contemplate in each other's company. Olivia wondered if this was a good idea. She'd had such a lovely time, felt safe and happy in Mathew's company and enjoyed his time and company too. It was more than she'd felt with Elliot in a long time. She was attracted to him, he was very good looking with salt and pepper hair, clean shaven square shaped face and deep dark brown eyes. But she wasn't sure if she felt more for him. Did more really happen in an instant? Or did more grow out of mutual attraction. She tried desperately to remember how she had felt at the very beginning with Cole, because it was different with Elliot; there had always been something with Elliot.

As the pulled to the curb outside Olivia's house Mathew quickly got out and helped Olivia out, he told the cabby to wait while he walked her to the door. He hoped that this was the start of something more. He really liked Olivia in the way he'd not felt for anyone since his ex-wife and that was some time ago. Olivia was beautiful, smart and funny. Clearly someone who loved hard and he was attracted to that but he knew that it wasn't going to be easy with her either, he knew she still had daemons and that getting her wouldn't ever be simple.

"Well I guess this is it then." Olivia said as they reached her door. She turned to him smiling in the dim light of the porch.

"I had a wonderful time Olivia." Mathew said, taking a small step towards her and reaching up to brush his finger down her face, he just needed to touch her.

Olivia sighed into his touch, it felt so gentle and loving, it made her heart skip a beat but she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not because a part of her heart was screaming that he wasn't Elliot.

"Me too. I really enjoyed myself." Olivia whispered, her eyes fluttering closed as Mathew stroked her cheek once more before tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. His hand opened, his palm cupped her cheek and he leant in and brushed his lips gently against hers. She jumped a little when she felt the plumpness of his lips touch hers but she quickly regained her composure and pushed her lips back into his. He took this as a sign that she liked it and gently put his hand round to the back of her head, the other hand going to the small of her back. She grabbed his shoulders, her breasts and stomach pressing into his chest while he continued to kiss her over and over with a gentleness that told her he was not willing to go any further, she had to instigate it. She bent her neck slightly, her tongue slowly searching for the opportunity to make their kiss deeper, her instincts kicking in and her body reacting. He let her, and before they could stop themselves their tongues tangoed naturally with each other. Her hands traveled up to his head, her fingers brushed through his hair. Their breaths became faster, sweat started to form on their skin even in the cold night air. It lasted several minutes and neither one was sure who broke it off first but they both knew they had to stop.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow." Mathew said, taking a tiny step back trying to compose himself because his body wanted him to grab her and take her to bed.

"Please." Olivia smiled, her wet and swollen lips forming the very quiet word. "Thank you." She said again as Mathew continued to take small steps back to ensure he couldn't act on his feelings again.

"No, thank you." He grinned like a schoolboy before turning his back and walking to the cab. Olivia slumped back against the front door and her fingers went straight to her lips as her brain tried to catch up with what had just happened.

Her eyes followed the cab as it drove off down the street but she didn't move. She had felt something, clearly, but what had it been? She had wanted that kiss, she knew she'd instigated the real kissing as he had only pecked her repeatedly and gently. It was crazy, she'd have invited him in if she didn't have the children in the house, she'd have taken his clothes off and been quite happy to have had sex with him.

But was it just sexual attraction or did she feel more for Mathew? It didn't feel like it did with Elliot, with Elliot whenever they kissed like that there was a feeling in her chest that was more than just primal need for sex. There was always something special there, they always made love not simply have sex… was it just too soon to feel like that with Mathew? Sighing she turned around and entered the house. She felt so lost and alone. She had no one she could ask about all of this because she didn't want any of it getting back to Elliot and she knew that their friends were rooting for them to reconcile. This was one of those times she wished she had a life outside the force. She needed something other than work and her family, she needed something else to focus on and something that could lead her to meet other women her own age that she could become friends with, go for a drink with and meet for coffee who was separate from Elliot and SVU… she needed a hobby.

As she climbed into bed, her mind replaying the incredible date she'd had and that earth-shattering yet empty kiss she'd shared with Mathew she decided that following day she was going to have George Huang over, she needed a friend and she knew that he could compartmentalise for whatever she needed from him and he could be somewhat impartial even if he didn't want to be. As she fell to sleep her mind questioned what the hell the future held for her and her family.