AN: So this is chapter 40, I've just finished writing chapter 50, I have 60+epilogue planned. Chances are when I finish writing I'll do a bulk upload so I can move on to the next story, hope that's ok. Thanks again to those reading, whether you're a new reader or someone who has come back to this story I'm really grateful.

Manhattan SVU, 16th Precinct, New York
Monday 27th January 2016
11.12am

"Hey." Olivia smiled as Elliot walked into the conference room. She was sat at a table with a load of files piled in front of her, an empty chair beside her and in front of her.

"Hi." Elliot smiled and he leant down and kissed his wife's cheek. She smiled at him but he sensed the discomfort at his actions. He sighed sadly, he just kissed her cheek which was a lot less than he wanted to do. She was his wife and for over a week now she had been living in another house. He missed her so much and while they had spoken a few times since she'd left, it had been either about the children or work and no mention had been made about their personal relationship. He was hanging on to the hope of a reconciliation by a thread.

"So here is the list of our interviewees in the order they will come in." Olivia said handing Elliot a list as he took a seat beside her. "Fin is going to show them in as they arrive so we're not up and down all the time." She added. Elliot just nodded, he was beyond grateful to her for her help with this.

"How am I going to choose?" Elliot asked as he took the first file from the pile, he could see already Olivia had already put them in order.

"You're going to have to go with your gut." Olivia replied shrugging, she wasn't even looking at him when she spoke, keeping her eyes on the piece of paper in front of her that she was working on. "At the end of the day, professionally, these are all great on paper but we both know SVU is special and not everyone is cut out for it. You're just going to have to ask the questions that you feel are important and at the end, go with your gut instinct, it's rarely wrong." The last three words were quiet, as if she didn't want to compliment him but he smiled to himself anyway, at least she still did have good thoughts about him.

"Ok. So how are you Liv?" He asked, his voice low and uncertain. Olivia looked up from her paper and turned to him, frustration etched on her brow.

"Not now eh?" She tried to smile but her lips barely twitched. She felt bad now, that he cared enough to ask her how she was doing but she was already dating someone else and trying to move on from him if that was even possible.

"Ok." He nodded just as there was a knock on the conference room door. Olivia was relieved that there wasn't going to be time for any awkward silence.

"Come in!" She called getting to her feet. Elliot followed her lead.

"I'm PC Walker." The petite young woman in her uniform said nervously as she approached the table.

"Good morning, I'm Captain Cragen." Olivia said her hand extending, the young woman in front of her seemed to lack confidence, mousy was probably a very good word to describe her. She took off her hat, tucked it under her arm and extended her other hand to Olivia.

"Stabler… uh Captain Stabler." Elliot said as Walker turned to him to shake his hand. Olivia nearly chuckled at her husband's discomfort, it was obvious that he was yet to accept the title of captain.

"Take a seat." Olivia said as she re-took her own.

"Thank you." Weller replied, quickly sitting down and putting her hat on the table.

"So, it's believed that you're ready to be made Detective." Olivia smiled softly at the young girl in front of her.

"That's what I've been told." Weller smiled proudly, as any young officer would do at the brink of a promotion to detective, not everyone made it and it was a competitive field.

"So tell us, why have you put SVU down as a choice?" Olivia reached for the file Elliot had returned to the table, she didn't want to stare the young woman down and felt she needed something to focus on other than the looks Elliot was giving her with those gorgeous sapphire eyes that could turn her to mush.

"Well, SVU is an elite squad that deals with the worst of humanity. I believe I have the characteristics to work in this kind of high pressured environment." Weller replied, some confidence finally coming into her voice. Olivia looked up, it was a very interesting answer.

"Characteristics?" Olivia asked, wanting more information.

"I'm an empathetic person Captain, I think that is one of the core characteristics needed to be an SVU detective, I'm also strong and I've seen an experienced a lot for a young woman too and beyond proven my strength of character. I care about people, I know that being an SVU detective is as much about being a social worker as it is a detective. I want to be that person. I want to be a detective that is as much about being there for people as it is investigating crime. This job, this is a job that requires dedication, not just to the force and your colleagues but to the victims, it requires you to care about them without getting too close and attached. I am that person." The last sentence was said with such strength Olivia's eyes nearly fell out of her head. Ok, this girl was the first in but she was a clear contender.

"Tell me what your understanding is of the kind of work we do here." Olivia wanted to ensure this girl knew it wasn't just he said she said rape cases and family sex crimes, that they saw the worst of the worst through and through, in her career she had seen children who had committed suicide under the guise of an act of God in a religious cult, she had busted into rooms where several children lay battered and bruised, there were cases that still to this day sent chills down her spine and she needed to see if this girl understood that.

"What I know, is the work you do here, is unlike any other unit. You deal directly with people who have experienced things no human should ever experience. Innocent and vulnerable children who have been terrorised, elderly people and disabled people who have been harmed in a way no human should be, women who have been used and abused and forced into all manner of situations that no woman ever should and men who have experienced things no one can imagine men experiencing. If you're asking me do I understand the horror that you Captain and your detectives have had to see, I won't say yes because I am yet to be there in that situation but do I know that it is something that if I get this job I am going to understand one day, then yes I do."

Olivia glanced at Elliot who was absolutely in awe of the young girl in front of him. There was nothing of her, she was about 5ft not even a 100lbs but she was strong in more ways than one and he could see her standing in the worst of the worst and able to keep herself together, to be strong for those around her.

"So tell us a little about you that isn't in your file." Elliot said deciding this girl had to have a story of some kind to be as strong as she was.

"Well I was born right here in Manhattan, I wanted to be a police officer since I was very young and as soon as I could I joined the academy, I was assigned to homicide at first but there was an issue with staffing and so was sent to the transport unit and that's where I've been till now." Olivia held in her chuckle. It was definitely a thing among SVU cops, they liked to keep their personal lives private. Elliot rubbed his chin, it hadn't been the answer he expected but he didn't want to pry too hard to be shut down by the uniformed officer.

"If you were assigned to SVU Bronx would that be a problem?" Olivia asked having picked up on the fact that she'd said she'd been born in Manhattan.

"Not at all, my aim is to be an SVU detective, whether that's here in Manhattan or elsewhere." Weller replied calmly. Olivia nodded, that meant it could be a fight between herself and Elliot if they both wanted this one.

"How well do you think you'd work in a group of mainly men?" Elliot asked, knowing Olivia had been on her own as the lone female for several years at SVU.

"I can handle myself." Weller replied. "I know that women are working their way up in the force but I also know it still seems to be the men who get the promotions over the women because women are still well outnumbered. I have no issue working with men, my partner is a man, most of the team I work in are made up of men. I'm capable of making myself heard in a room of men, I wouldn't have any issue being a lone female in a team even if it wasn't preferable." Well at least she was honest in saying she'd like a woman working with her, making Manhattan her first choice under Olivia as things stood.

"Ok, well I think that's everything unless Captain Cragen has anymore questions." Elliot said looking over at Olivia who was smiling kindly.

"No that's everything." Olivia replied. "Have you any questions?" Olivia asked.

"No, I think I'm happy with everything." Weller replied and they all stood almost simultaneously. "Thank you for seeing me today." Weller added extending her hand to Elliot first. Olivia's heart jumped when she realised the young girl's eyes were widening as they looked into Elliot's sapphire orbs. Did she feel jealous? Elliot was old enough to be her father, there was no way he would be interested in her but Weller clearly was attracted to him.

"You're welcome, we'll be in touch." Elliot said releasing what seemed to be a long handshake. Olivia said nothing, shook the girl's hand and watched her walk out.

"Well I think she likes you." Olivia mumbled as they returned to their seat. Elliot smiled a shit eating grin and rubbed his cheek, his eyes sparkling mischievously. Oh he could have some fun with this.

"Olivia Cragen, are you jealous of a young uni?" He asked, mockingly.

"Not at all, I'm married to you and know that you wouldn't even consider a child you could have fathered." She said trying not to look angry and failing miserably. Elliot just chuckled, he wasn't going to push his luck but he most certainly loved the fact that there was a clear jealousy coming from Olivia. Maybe there was still some hope.

Cragen Household, Manhattan, New York
Monday 27th January 2016
8.34pm

Olivia lifted her glass of wine to her lips and sank into her chair in the living room. It had been a very long day followed by a very long evening as all her kids were now back under one roof for the next two weeks. It had been a struggle to handle them all herself, not wanting to let Eliza do too much as she hadn't seen her two sets of twins in a week.

Lexi and Lili had been a handful, asking a lot of awkward and uncomfortable questions while Ali and Eli had been just clingy and consequently the bedtime routine had taken almost three times longer than normal. She could understand that it was hard on her babies, their whole lives had changed so much in such a small space of time and she knew that would unsettle anyone it made her angry with herself that she'd caused this.

"Tired?" George Huang asked from his seat on the couch. He'd come over to do a bonding session with Olivia and George but that had gone out the window with everything, he'd taken over settling George to sleep for Olivia to focus on her girls, Melissa and Nicole sorting themselves out but still wanting some of their mother's attention.

"Exhausted." Olivia replied. She couldn't believe the day she'd had and the evening had made it feel even worse.

"You spent the day with Elliot, how did that go?" Ever the shrink Huang could feel the tension radiating off Olivia and he knew Elliot was the likely cause.

"It was… ok." Olivia shrugged. "It remained mostly professional."

"Liv…" George started but Olivia put her hand up to stop him.

"Not tonight." She said, it wasn't a request but George didn't care, he was not going to sit back and say nothing when he could see that the weight of the world was upon his best friend's shoulders.

"No, tonight is the perfect time to talk to me about this Olivia… we spoke at length yesterday about Mathew and you said you'd wait to make judgement on whether you were going to see him again on how things went with Elliot today. So tell me what happened." He was not going to let this go, he wanted to support her so much but her holding so much in wasn't going to do that.

"I don't know George, all I know is that he has taken this job to get away from me, yet he comes in and kisses my cheek like we've not spent a day apart. I miss him like crazy but I don't know if that's enough to save my marriage. Jesus I want him so much, my body ached for him all day but I wonder if that's just residual tension from my kiss with Mathew. I love him and I feel that in my heart every time he looks at me but I don't know if that's enough because I don't know if I'm in love with him anymore. All I know is I'm struggling each and every day with this post-natal depression and I need to focus on me and my children before I make any decisions and I know that dating Mathew isn't focusing on me but in another way it is, because he makes me happy, he makes me feel like a woman not just a wife and mother and I like that even though I wonder if I'm stringing him along and I'm going to hurt him. Damn it George." Olivia wiped the tears that spilled down her cheeks as she talked, she was too exhausted for this tonight but George knew exactly which questions to ask her and how to get a rise out of her.

George shook his head and passed Olivia a tissue from the box beside the couch. She looked as exhausted as she was saying she was, deep black bags hung under her sunken eyes that lacked their usual kind and gentle sparkle. Her shoulders were hunched, the weight of her world upon them. It saddened him but also made him determined to help her.

"You need to see someone." He said firmly, for once his voice telling her that he wasn't messing around.

"I'm seeing that grief therapist." She laughed weakly, two sessions she'd had and she didn't feel they were helping any, if anything they were making things worse because she was having to constantly confront the fact she'd lost her parents.

"No I just mean a plain therapist, Olivia you have so much going on and you're struggling to compartmentalise everything the way you need to in order to function in a healthy way. I'm worried about you." His voice dipped into a whisper for the last part. It told Olivia more than his words did too and she hated him for putting it on her.

"You are my therapist." Olivia pointed out her eyes avoiding his, he was treating her for the Post-Partum depression which she believed was the root cause.

"I think you need more than me." He said quietly, knowing he was betraying her like this but knowing it needed to be said, he knew in his heart that she was getting worse and he was running out of ways to help her.

"Then what do you suggest? I'm seeing you, I'm seeing Rose, I don't know what else I can do to try and fix things and god you don't know how much I want to fix things." Olivia chuckled sadly. George was the only one she trusted enough to let in like this and without realising it, just talking was doing her a world of good.

"I have a suggestion but I don't know if you'll like it." George hummed quietly, he was more thinking out loud but Olivia turned sharply to him wanting to know more. "Let me continue to treat the post-partum with counselling and drugs and when we feel you're in a better place and Rose has discharged you from her, we will approach Elliot about couples' therapy."

"Isn't couple's therapy designed to stop people separating?" Olivia asked not sure if she was happy with this idea.

"No, it is a way in which couples of all kinds can work through things, sometimes it does lead to a reconciliation, sometimes it actually causes people to separate. All I know is you and Elliot have so much hanging between you and for your sake and his and your children it needs to be discussed in a controlled environment." He explained honestly, there was no point lying to her because she needed to know the truth to make an informed decision.

"I think your right." Olivia said once again sinking back into her chair, looking up at the ceiling as she tried to process her thoughts. "Whatever happens we have so much we need to talk about in a safe and controlled environment but I am so glad you recognise that I'm not ready for that yet. I'm not in the right mindset."

George smiled sadly, while he needed Olivia to recognise she needed help and she clearly was, she also recognised she needed to get well before seeking further support. He blamed himself to some extent that he had been unable to help her through her grief and that it had taken some time before he'd recognised that she was suffering from postpartum depression too.

"Tell me how you've been feeling with the postpartum." George suggested wanting to give her some counselling now that he was there, there really was no time like the present.

"It's tough to explain George." Olivia said still looking at the ceiling, she couldn't look at him or she'd shut down or break down, neither would help her right now.

"Just try." He suggested softly, his heart hoping that she would open up to him. "I won't judge or read too much into it." Olivia chuckled softly, George was there to read into everything.

"I think the worst thing I feel is impatience." Olivia said. "It's my impatience that's making me depressed."

"Tell me about that." He pushed, this was interesting, he always dealt directly with the depression with Olivia because she never opened up as he would really need her to but to hear there were negative emotions around the depression was going to be the start of being able to really treat her with proper therapy.

"I am impatient with George, he frustrates me. The smallest things like refusing his bottle makes me angry and then I get upset because I know he isn't doing it intentionally. I snap at him which I think probably makes him upset and then I feel so guilty, so so guilty but I can't help it, he frustrates me and I think I'm starting to feel it with the other children too. I don't know how many times I got cross with the girls tonight even though they were just excited to be home here with me. I feel so bad about that and it's how I know I'm depressed because it isn't me George I'm such a patient person…" Olivia wiped away more tears as she finally started to spill her guts about what was going on with her, telling George things she never thought she'd tell a soul.

"Ok, so you're impatient. That's something we can work on." George smiled as Olivia's eyes slowly met his.

"It is?" She asked, unsure if he was being honest and he nodded gently, this was great, this was the most Olivia had opened up to him in a very long time and now he could really see light at the end of this tunnel because he had a way in, he had a way of dealing with what he believed to be one of the core issues of her depression. This was hopefully the breakthrough in her treatment. "How?" She asked after a moment of processing what was clearly George's joy.

"I want you to keep a diary." George said. "I want you to record as many instances where you feel impatient with anyone or in any situation for the next week for me. Then we will look over them and look at ways in which we can deal with the impatience in each scenario, see when it is justified impatience and when it is not justified and when it is not justified we can find ways in which you can deal with it in a more positive and productive way…. How does that sound?" He asked the question even though Olivia's face was saying it all, she was too seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and the silent agreement she gave was enough for him.