Dear Fanfiction Writers,
I have currently hired a team of hackers to make sure I can find you when I sue you for every untrue thing you've written and circulated across the internet! Slander is against the law, and I will make sure that every one of you who have written about me will pay!
First of all, a shocking amount of you seem to think that I'm a criminal. I am NOT a murderer. Yes, I still despise Duncan. Yes, Gwen deserves a lot of pain for everything she put me through. But I would not kill them! I would never stoop to something so low. Everyone knows that I'm the kind of person who would take the high road. And on that note – STOP pairing me with Duncan! I know for a fact he's reading all of your stories, and he keeps teasing me about them.
Another thing – I don't appreciate you pairing me with Scott, either. I've tried to talk to him, but he won't listen to me. I don't know what his problem is – I mean, I was going to take him to the finale, wasn't I? And I didn't draw the tail – someone else did. It was probably Mal (and yes, I know who he is now) just so he could turn Scott against me, as well as Gwen and Zoey.
See that? I'm the victim, and yet everyone on this site seems to hate me for no reason! My hackers are getting very close, and once they find out where you've been uploading from, my lawyers will find you.
Just so I can close on a positive note, there are a few of you who have been defending me, showing me as the truthful strategic person I really am. Those instances are few and far between, but they are there. Once I get all the compensation paid, I will be sure to give you credit.
You will be hearing from my lawyers very soon,
Courtney