An: I know a lot of this is Olivia being in therapy, I'm trying to put as much other stuff in as possible but I have a plan to end it and the therapy is just a huge part of the story and bringing it to a close. :) Thank you to everyone who has picked this story back up, means so much!

Cragen Household, Manhattan, New York
Sunday 9th February 2016
4.23pm

"I'm coming!" Olivia shouted towards the front door as she wiped her hands on a tea towel. Her girls were home and she was so excited to see them, she'd missed them a lot while they'd been with Elliot for the weekend but she was really glad they'd gone to stay with him too, they deserved a break from her and he deserved to see them too.

Olivia opened the door with a huge smile on her face which quickly vanished when she saw an apprehensive looking Elliot standing there with Melissa and Nichole.

"Girls go to your rooms ok?" Elliot said his sapphire orbs hooked onto Olivia's fearful eyes. She knew something was wrong and her heart was already hammering inside her chest because she knew she couldn't take anymore heartache.

"Come in." Olivia said turning from the door and making her way into the study, this had replaced the library at home, it was her space where the kids were not allowed to go.

Elliot followed her through hoping he was doing the right thing. He knew Olivia had it tough but he had to think of their children especially if she was failing to do that. It was his responsibility to them.

"What is it?" Olivia asked as soon as he'd shut the study door, he had a feeling this would get out of hand and he didn't want the little ones to hear them. Olivia stayed standing in the middle of the room knowing it wasn't a good idea to sit, she needed to face whatever Elliot was about to say head on.

"Melissa said some things…" He broke off trying to get a read of her, he knew she probably wouldn't appreciate him coming to her like this but at the moment all he saw was her worry that something was seriously wrong. "… she said you've been short tempered…" Olivia's hand shot up stopping him in his tracks.

"Elliot…" She warned but he shook his head while he stepped forward telling her without a word that he wasn't backing down from this.

"Empty bottle of wine every night?" He questioned before Olivia burst out laughing. "It isn't funny Olivia!" He yelled but Olivia just continued to laugh, she couldn't believe what he was coming out with and that he had it all wrong.

"El…" She said through her giggles. "I'm not drinking…" she was struggling to compose herself and Elliot wasn't sure whether to explode or listen to her. "Come sit?" She asked signalling to the couch. Elliot knew he had to just let her speak, if he thought she was misleading him then he would just demand the kids leave with him.

"Now, please let me explain." She said now a bit more composed. "Elliot, I'm in therapy." She sighed and scratched at her eyebrow, a sure sign she was nervous. "With George, here, almost every night." She shook her head and smiled slightly as realisation dawned on Elliot. It wasn't Olivia that was drinking the wine, it was George. "I can't drink right now because of the meds I'm on anyway." Olivia thought now was as good a time as any to come clean with Elliot.

"Meds?"

"Yep… Anti-depressants." Olivia replied awkwardly. "I need it." She replied trying to avoid the sympathetic gaze of Elliot's eyes.

"Are you ok?" He asked softly, wanting nothing more than to reach out and grab her.

"I will be." She replied her arms folding across her chest as she became more and more uncomfortable. She wasn't going to lie to Elliot but she didn't want him to starting caring now.

"Liv…" Her head snapped up and started shaking madly. She knew he was going somewhere she would rather he didn't.

"Elliot, I'm taking care of me right now. I think it's something I've neglected for so long that I've forgotten how to do it. But I'll get there and I'll be ok."

"What about us?" He asked awkwardly, this separation was never supposed to be forever, or so he'd always believed.

"I've got to take care of me first." She replied sadly. "That doesn't mean that we don't have to confront us because we do need to deal with that, but not right now, not while I'm not ok…" Her voice tailed off as she once again admitted that as things were she wasn't ok.

"How are the kids?" He asked tactfully changing the subject but Olivia knew he meant in relation to her and the fact she was where she was right now.

"They're ok… I'm not hurting them El… not on purpose anyway." He could see the twinkle of tears in her eyes and again fought the urge to pull her into his arms. "George is helping me." She added looking at the floor.

"Good. I'm glad someone is Liv… are you accepting that help though?" He knew her inside and out, he knew if she didn't think she needed it she would rebel against any help offered to her and that wouldn't get her anywhere, not with this.

"I'm doing CBT with George, I think it's working." She said a small shine coming into her eye.

"That's all that matters." Elliot said with a painful smile.

Olivia couldn't help herself, she walked up to him and threw her arms around him. Elliot grabbed her and squeezed her tight. They both spoke a million words with their embrace without opening their mouths. They knew they would have a lot of work ahead of them if they were going to figure out what was best for them, but now was not the time, now was the time to focus on themselves.

Later that evening, after Elliot had gone and the kids had all gone to sleep Olivia sat in the study with George. She had just filled him in about what had happened and was hoping for some support with it because it had shaken her to her core.

"Olivia, I'm not going to suggest anything more about how you and Elliot should proceed, I think you need proper couples' therapy and I can't be the one to do that." George replied this time playing with his still full glass of wine, Elliot's accusation about Olivia had made him realise he was drinking far more wine than he should have been.

"It just feels like he's made me take a dozen steps back." Olivia sighed angrily. She really did feel like all the progress she'd made with George was back to square one.

"Why?" He asked.

"Because Melissa obviously told him a lot more than the fact there's an empty bottle of wine here each morning, she's told him how I've been behaving, how I've been hurting her, and I just felt this need to confront her about it, she shouldn't be carrying tales about me to Elliot…" Olivia explained the frustration etched in each syllable.

"And did you?" George asked. "Confront her?" He explained when he saw the questioning look on her face. She shook her head, she'd managed to control her temper just enough. "So how did you cope with feeling like you wanted to?" Olivia couldn't see the twinkle that had just appeared in George's eye.

"I'll be honest, I just avoided her the best I could till I'd calmed down enough to wait till I could speak to you about it." She replied sighing, she'd felt awful for doing it but she knew she'd have just felt worse if she had confronted Melissa.

"Why do you think she spoke to Elliot?" George asked.

"I don't know." Olivia shrugged. "Maybe because she's fed up of me being so cross with her?"

"What about the fact she's probably worried about you?" George questioned. Olivia looked at him, she hadn't thought about it like that, she'd just felt like Melissa was tattling to Elliot about her.

"Maybe…"

"Do you know something Liv?" George had a soft smile on his face that Olivia couldn't read.

"What?"

"I think that having to deal with this tonight with Elliot is showing how far you've come in such a short space of time having accepted the need for CBT." He was grinning now and Olivia was frowning. "Liv, look at how you dealt with it. You ignored Melissa instead of confronting her!"

"But I still feel like shit for ignoring her." Olivia replied not seeing what George was saying.

"But do you feel guilty?"

"No… I just feel… annoyed with myself."

"It's better than feeling guilty for shouting at her, for confronting her?" This wasn't really a question but Olivia nodded softly. "It's progress Olivia can't you see that?"

"I guess…" Olivia replied. "But is this the goal? To avoid one negative reaction with another? Because ignoring her has been just as negative without the raised voices. I don't know if she realised I was ignoring her but if she did it's still going to have hurt her feelings."

"Yes but not in the same way, now you can positively approach the situation, apologise for ignoring her if you think that's necessary but you can deal with the incident that hurt you far more positively without raised voices, and in time Liv, in time you will be able to go straight from the negative emotions to positively dealing with issues. Not yet, but in time."

Olivia stared at George, was he right? He was the shrink, the expert in this situation but while she had been working so hard at not acting on the negative emotions she felt she still didn't see how replacing it with a slightly less negative one was supposed to help. And anyway, how long was it supposed to take to go from ignoring a situation to dealing with it positively?

After George left Olivia made her way upstairs to see Melissa who was still awake and reading a book.

"Hey can we talk?" Olivia asked softly. She knew she needed to deal with this now as positively as she could and she hoped that George had prepared her enough to do this.

"Sure." Melissa replied putting her book down and shifting over so her mom could sit on the side of the bed.

"Listen Mel… I know you've been worried about me." Olivia started looking at the comforter rather than at her daughter. "You don't need to be worried about me drinking. I explained to your Dad that it's actually Uncle George that's been drinking the wine when he's been helping Mommy with stuff." Olivia couldn't see the relief on Melissa's face as she still couldn't lifted her head to look at her daughter.

"Is he helping?" Melissa asked, not wanting to force her mother to tell her things that she didn't want to but she wanted to know that her mother is ok.

"I don't know Mel." Olivia sighed. "I'm trying." She finally allowed her eyes to meet her daughter's, all she saw was concern and her heart cracked knowing that she was causing that. "Listen Melly, I am not going to try and justify my behaviour recently because I can't, but I can say that I am trying to change and get better and to be a better Mom to you guys. I just want you to know that and that I love you so much and I'm so sorry that I've been so awful lately." Olivia struggled to speak, the penetrating lump in her throat making it so hard but she knew she had to explain herself before her relationship with her daughter became so damaged that it would never be repaired.

"Mommy, I know you're trying, I can see that." Melissa said softly. "I know I've not been helping either."

"Mel you do… you do so much to help me!" Olivia replied hurriedly, she didn't want Melissa to blame herself.

"I try but I know I can be a brat too, I don't listen, don't do as I'm told all the time and I can make things difficult for you. I'm sorry I told Dad that I thought you were drinking. I just didn't want you to end up like Grandpa." Melissa explained softly, she was so grateful to her mum for opening up to her, now at least she didn't think her Mom hated her.

"You're wise beyond your years Melly." Olivia said reaching for her daughter. Melissa fell into her mother's embrace and for the first time since before Olivia and Elliot separated, she felt like things might eventually be ok.