Dear Fanfiction Writers
I will find you. And when I find you, you are not going to like it.
I mean, seriously, what is your problem with me? Just because I'm bad doesn't mean I'm heartless. First of all, I really did care about Courtney. Why do you think I put up with her so long? I gave her a lot of chances before I finally chose to break up with her once and for all. If you really want to know why I cheated on her before I could dump her...well, you've seen the show. I knew how she would react.
And I know a lot of you are saying I didn't love Gwen. That's not true, either. I liked her, even back in Season One. And then by Season Three, I discovered my feelings for her were getting stronger, and my feelings towards Courtney were fading. Seriously, what does a guy have to do to prove that he really cares about a girl, marry her?
Also, here's something I need to clarify: Yes, while I was in juvie my first time, Mal was there. But we were NOT cellmates. He didn't recognize me on All-Stars because I did my best to stay away from him. Well, and because he was Mike part of the time, but my point is, everything that a certain writer has written involving Mal and I is a lie. I'm straight, and he barely knows I exist. Got that?
I guess that's about it, except for the stories I actually like. That is, very few. Just...you know, keep on pairing me with Courtney if you want. It gives me something to say to her.
One, two, he's coming for you,
Duncan