Chapter Nine
All The Things You Are
Esme briefly glanced at the vintage wind up alarm clock on Bella's bedside table as she stroked the sobbing woman's chestnut brown locks. Her newly adopted daughter's anxiety and fear nearly mirrored her own the weeks following transition from mortal to immortal. Esme had never forgotten the feeling of her long term human memories fading with every sunset, and the grief that followed the last drops of blood leaving their transient vessel.
"You know, Bella," she began, her tone comforting and motherly. "I consoled Edward following his transition. Carlisle and I hadn't realised his mind-reading habit immediately, which resulted in Edward learning entirely too much about human expiry." She laughed. "It took months to convince the poor boy he wasn't schizophrenic."
Bella's sobs quieted into small hiccups. Her brown doe eyes smiling at Esme through long, black eyelashes.
"Pretty girl, you don't need to cry. You've won the lottery with our family. Come, come, tell me what's in your head. Has my boy been treating you well?" Esme straightened her tea length skirt and prepared for Bella to lament her innermost turmoil. Esme's energy was infectious, her cheery smile and soft features thawing the iciest of hearts. Bella's punk rock exterior enthusiastically surrendered the minute Esme sashayed into Edward's home.
"He's been... helpful," Bella admitted, thinking of his emerald eyes, his scent, his tall frame. She quickly discarded her X-rated line of thought with a sharp inhale. Bella Swan was seldom smitten. "He explained the whole Volturi situation well. Only minor bloodshed."
"You give him some purpose after all this time," Esme added, pride burning behind her hazel irises. "He's been alone for a very long time, Isabella."
"How long has Alice been alone?" Bella asked, thoughts of Alice and Jasper's exchange flooding her mind. "Does she really expect Jasper to give up everything for her?"
"Oh, Bella. Whoever loved that love not at first sight?" She swooned. Bella's brow furrowed. "Marlowe was rumored to have been stabbed after fraternizing with Vampires. He wrote of our secrets and was deemed blasphemous by the public. I'm partial to calling it love. He'd mated with a Vampire. Or so legend says..."
"Mated?" Bella questioned. She'd only heard the word spoken in the context of Discovery Channel documentaries.
"We're fossilized," Esme explained, her patience unwavering. "As we appeared on our final human day. Our emotions, passions, and fears frozen for eternity. Mate. They called it 'Theia Mania' in ancient greece. Madness from the gods. Vampires harbor the ability to fall irrevocably in love, but only once."
"Is Carlisle your... mate?"
"Heavens yes, dear. My sun in the morning and moon at night. That man hangs the stars for me," she gushed. Esme seemed to glow with thoughts of her partner.
"Are Alice and Jasper...?" Bella's brain seemed to disconnect as another brutal reality set in. The downcast smile on Esme's lips answered confirmed her suspicions. "Does Jasper know?"
Esme silently nodded, her long caramel curls cascading over her shoulders. "He was reluctant to believe until Alice shared her gift. He nearly ran! A very stubborn man, that Jasper Whitlock." She paused, a thoughtful sigh escaped her lips. "Though, I'd choose my husband every time if that is any consolation."
"Must be nice," Bella sighed, burrowing further into the many pillows atop her bed. She wondered if Edward had ever been mated. He'd been alive for over a century. Surely he'd found comfort in some gorgeous Vampire in the past hundred years. The lack of prompt answers surrounding Edward's love life produced physical pain in her chest. She compared it to a cramp or a heart attack. She suddenly wondered if Vampires could suffer from a myocardial infarction.
Esme's laugh chimed like bells. "You'll see, Bella. You're strong and young. The world is your textbook. Everything will work out just fine."
The next morning Bella 'awoke' to Edward softly knocking at her door. She spent the better part of her early morning replaying Alice's vision of their nuptials. She'd learned of the unpredictability of those visions, but she was addicted to the butterflies she felt seeing Edward's tailored tuxedo clad arms wrapped around her waist. The butterflies that preceded seeing Edward in real life proved to be more so debilitating.
"Come in," she called. Her guest shuffled inside, his head low and eyes wary.
"Are you well?" he asked.
"Yes, I'm fine," she responded curtly. She took in his disheveled hair and wrinkled attire. His scent was muddled with pine. He'd been hunting.
"Jasper has made his decision. Please know that I tried my best to persuade him. But I've read his mind, his decision is sound." He ran a dirt coated hand through his bronze curls. "We've decided it's best to push his transition date into next year. Another holiday with his family. Not to mention, both of you disappearing would raise flags with the police; human and Vampire alike."
"Sounds like a plan," she teased. A loaded silence smothered the room. Her mind wandered to Esme's explanation of Vampire mating. Curiosity bested rational thought. "Have you ever been mated?"
Edward choked, an accidental response he thought lost to eternity. His eyebrows raised, a million questions flickered through his brain. A woman had never caught him so entirely off guard. "Uh... no."
"Do you want to find your mate?" Bella's heartache and curiosity battling for dominion. She'd always been a masochist.
"I am content for the moment," he confided. "I know she will find me of her own accord." Edward smiled sadly, his eyes tracing the bold American traditional artwork covering Bella's pale legs.
His answer neither cured nor fractured Bella's heart further, though the electric hum roared to life between them. "I bet Alice is thrilled."
"She's appropriately peachy," he exhaled, absentmindedly tousling his curls. "Jasper's apprehensive. He's bound to Alice by the Volturi sire agreement, but he cares for you deeply. He's troubled by your loneliness. Aware that both you and Alice desire companionship."
"What do you mean? Is there more to it than some epic love story? The only companion I need is my bass."
"It's really nothing, Isabella," his voice was startlingly formal and defensive. His outward signs of anxiety alerted the predator in the heart of his pupil. Her eyes turned flat black. "You shouldn't dwell on it."
She stared Edward in the eye with a smirk, challenging him to divulge the information she'd asked for; or face the wrath of her sharp tongue and trusty bass axe. A rogue wave of rebellion overtook Bella's consciousness, her actions barely her own. Edward instantly recognised the moodswing, having spent many years living amongst the majority of his family as newborns. Bella was not his first rodeo and positively would not be his last. "I'll ask Esme," she threatened.
Edward cringed at the thought of his mother explaining the corporeal workings of Vampire mating to Bella. His turn of the century upbringing forbade such talk outside the traditional marriage bed. The rational, twenty-first century Edward disagreed. He'd become aware knowledge was power in regards to a young woman's sexual pursuits. He body, her choice; as it were. Unfortunately, the rational side of Edward had disappeared the night he'd laid eyes on Bella's junoesque body under the colorful stage lights.
"Can I promise to enlighten you on the subject at a later date?" he smiled; dialing his charm to maximum, succumbing to the whiplash brought on by her shifting temperament. Bella's eyes returned to their usual chocolate brown, her smile illuminating the room. Edward yearned to hear his disciple's thoughts in that moment.
"You better make good on that promise, Cullen," she said, her tone playfully menacing. "Err... What's your real name?"
"Masen," he said. "Edward Anthony Masen the third, of the 'Evanston Masen's,'" He sauntered further into the room, stopping a foot from the bed. Bella tapped the empty space next to her lounging body. He did as she instructed, under the spell of her gaze.
"It suits you," Bella said. Edward beamed. "Will I have to change my name?"
"Bella Swan suits you. Though, you can do whatever you like."
The electric currant snapped, its warmth settling in Bella's stomach. She involuntarily drew herself upward so she would be eye level with Edward, his sated light green gaze replaced with a smoldering virescent hue. Her right hand raised to touch his freckle spattered cheekbones, as if being controlled by an invisible marionette. She held her palm to his deliciously chiseled jaw, tenderly cupping his face. He closed his eyes, a faint growl escaped his lips. This excited Bella further.
"Will you kiss me, Edward? I just want to know what it feels like... um, you know, like this." she breathed, her voice demure. She wasn't sure how long she could stay in the dark about her new nature. As a human she'd been uninhibited after the age of eighteen, a fact that led to her latest demise. Edward inhaled her scent, dizzying waves of lavender clouded his judgement. "Please?"
"Bella," he moaned. Virulent images of his teeth piercing the delicate skin of her throat flickered in his brain like an old horror film. Bella felt a similar impulse, only she desired her fangs deep in his jugular as Edward gave way to his deeply rooted primal urges. The tension in the room wafted like smoke, suffocating both occupants.
She cautiously crawled onto her knees, afraid hasty movement would spook the man responsible for her depraved behaviour. "Stay still." Bella placed her lips on Edward's. His body briefly stilled under her touch, but primal lust overrode rational thought within seconds.
Bella's frenzied hands became lost in Edward's windblown locks; his found purchase on her shapely hips. Edward's mouth tasted like blood, allspice, clove, and cinnamon; Bella's handcrafted drug of choice. Her fangs descended and she suddenly felt the uncontrollable urge to claim her sire once and for all. She bit his lip. Edward paused, he quickly stumbled toward the door. The whole exchange lasted less than five seconds.
A rivulet of blood welled on his lip, the fruits of his latest hunting trip. Bella licked her lips, trace amounts of blood created the illusion of rouge. Edward swallowed, his untamed lust for blood and Bella entering uncharted territory.
"Is it always like that?" Bella asked, referring to generic Vampire relations. Her breathing was laboured despite zero physical requirement to breathe.
"From what I've experienced," Edward responded, misunderstanding the double entendre packed into her question. Bella hoped that Edward would admit her touch was special compared to the rest. Unbeknownst to her, he was swooning because of her kiss. However, he was raised as a gentleman and a scholar first and foremost. He only revealed as much as he was willing to lose and never used a fair lady for his own pleasure. "I apologise if that was improper."
"No, Edward... I'm sorry. Does your lip hurt? I don't know what happened, I couldn't control myself." Bella sat back on her heels, her posture defeated.
"Welcome to being a newborn," Edward sighed. He quickly turned heel and disappeared behind Bella's door as it closed. Visitors had arrived; one possessed a steady heartbeat. The taste of Edward's blood on her tongue revoked any draw to the human houseguest.
After a cold shower in her deluxe en suite, Bella ventured downstairs into the barebones kitchen to greet their guests in her most casual of outfits: forest green coveralls. Unsurprisingly, she was met with Jasper, Alice, Carlisle, and Esme. The Cullens were casually gathered around a pale marble island, the centerpiece of the freshly renovated room.
"She's alive!" Jasper announced, throwing his arms out in true Frankenstein fashion. The motion sent a waft of Jasper's blood in Bella's direction, she stiffened but remained planted in the threshold. Only the burning in her throat threatened her sovereignty, a vast improvement from the evening before.
Bella's eyes briefly flickered to Edward's lips; whether she was inspecting for a wound or chancing a glance at her newest obsession, she couldn't be entirely sure. "Hey," she sighed, managing to perform an awkward curtsy-wave for her new Vampire 'family.' "Can I chat with Jasper alone?" she asked in Edward and Carlisle's general direction, restating Jasper's question from the night before. Her sire's stony gaze shifted to Alice, whose response was an encouraging smile and nod.
"You may, Bella. Shall we?" Carlisle answered. His tone dominant and wise. His youthful and ethereal appearance seemed an odd match for such a commanding presence. The man most certainly had an impeccable bedside manner. "Jasper, we'll only be in the garden." They disappeared with the breeze through the kitchen's french doors.
Jasper's bright blue eyes dropped to his boots. "Bells, I won't be hearin' a lecture," he warned, his twiddling thumbs and racing heartbeat giving away his true feelings to Bella's keen senses. "I can't, in good conscience, abandon my girlfriend and best friend because they're different."
"Different?" Bella scoffed. She couldn't believe Jasper was comparing humans and vampires like apples and oranges. "Jasper Whitlock. I... I'm fuckin' dead, dude. Don't throw away everything for a girl."
Jasper shook his head in disgust, his blonde curls falling over his face. "Alice isn't just a girl, okay? Maybe one day, when you get your fuckin' head out of your ass, you'll understand what I'm talking about."
"What about the House of Dirt?" Bella countered, realising his prized establishment would be a soft spot. Jasper's hunched shoulders dropped further. "What about your 'Ma?"
Jasper's mother was the light of his life. A true Southern Belle, born and raised in Texas, Mary Whitlock instilled responsibility and respect in her eldest son. They remained close despite their coastal difference. "I've got two months to settle my affairs," he replied, his chin quivered at the thought of his elderly mother.
"Must be nice," Bella jeered. "I lost the band, my family, my friends. What I wouldn't give to just have one more human day of sunshine and weed and motherfucking sleep." She slammed her fist onto Edward's white marble countertop. A spiderweb of cracks appeared instantly. "I can't even play guitar."
Jasper's eyes widened at Bella's impressive display of strength, a reality of Vampirism he hadn't yet witnessed. "I'm here for you," Jasper gulped. "I'm not leavin'."
The two friends fell into silence after Jasper's declaration. There wasn't much Bella could do to change his mind, the man had always been steadfast. His relationships, goals, and friends never suffered when Jasper was focused. He'd failed Bella the night of the House of Dirt show and quickly shouldered that guilt. His reparations would be paid in the loss of human life: his own.
"Do you have any weird powers?" Jasper asked, his eyes quietly zippering Bella's impervious body. His question was meant to lighten to mood. "Ali can see the future, your boy can read minds... From the looks of it you have the ability to glare daggers."
Bella scoffed. "He isn't my boy."
"I'm sure he's wounded by your words, darlin'," Jasper drawled, pointing in the direction of Edward's tree filled property line.
"Edward's just keeping me out of trouble. I'm sure Alice explained what'll happen after you're changed," Bella said, referring to the multi year warranty every sire inherited with their fledgling.
Jasper furrowed his brow. "We haven't gotten to the nitty gritty," he admitted.
"I'll be Edward's roommate until I've got a handle on this undead thing. I'm talking years. Apparently these control freak Italian dudes force people like us to stay with our Vampire sire," she explained, her eyes glazed over as she relayed her personal horror story. "Which, in my case, is probably for the best. Self control was never my bag."
It was Jasper's turn to frown. He'd understood immediately that Bella'd been altered physically the night of her change. He could sort of grasp that she craved live blood. Though, he'd yet to fully comprehend the emotional and mental challenges she'd faced as a result. At the very least he had Alice, an unwavering source of love and support, to anchor his transition into the supernatural world. Bella had woken up alone in Jasper's crowded one bedroom alone. She'd been keeping up an impossible facade to assimilate into his life with a massive undead chip on her shoulder. Bella had committed homicide mere hours before hanging out on his couch. The incalculable 'nitty gritty' he'd avoided discussing with Alice the previous evening flooded his mind, his knees buckled slightly.
"Have you been eating?" He gulped, unsure how to delicately poise a question about Bella's dietary needs. "Or drinking, rather?"
"I've only killed two people, if that's what you're asking."
"I guess that's good?"
Silence filled the room once more. Jasper shifted uncomfortably under Bella's intense, unblinking stare.
"I got work at four, kid. Gotta be headin' in soon to set up the bar. Ricky called in sick last night, apparently buying a new PS4 constitutes as an illness," he forced a small chuckle. Bella shot him a one sided smirk. He was trying. "Call me if you need anything, Alice said she put my number in your phone."
"Will do, champ," she joked. Their friendship was mostly effortless, despite the rollercoaster-esque circumstance. "It's not too late to run."
Jasper let a ten watt smile fill the room, simultaneously shrugging and shaking his head. "It's too late for me to turn my back on Alice. Dude, that mating thing they do is intense."
Bella frowned, allowing her long brown locks to cover her the look of sorrow on her face. He'd been drinking the Cullen Kool-Aid.