Chapter Four

I went back upstairs after too long of sitting up and talking to Heather.

I crawled back onto the bed behind Josh. I knew by his breathing that I'd accidentally woken him up on my return. I thought he'd ignore it, but about a minute after I laid down, he spoke.

"Hey." He whispered, and I looked over at him in the dark. "Aren't you cold?" A little, but I felt weird sharing his blanket. At my lack of response, he fought the blanket out from under me. "Here."

I sighed, but scooted under it. I wasn't sure why it bugged me. I'd shared a blanket with Andrew before. Maybe I just trusted him in a different way.

Josh plopped the blanket over me, and I curled up on my side. I knew he noticed, as he stayed propped up until after I was settled into place and I felt him watching me.

I waited until I felt him lay back down before I sighed, and he rolled back onto his side, facing away from me.

I nervously let my eyes close. I hated the dark so much. It was just enough to bring out my insecurities and really showed my lack of trust. I hated that people saw it.

But at least I was warming up.

I forced my thoughts to move in the direction of falling asleep. That usually didn't work, but tonight, it seemed to.

Unfortunately for me, I dreamed. I dreamed about a time so long ago now, it felt like forever. A whole different life, but I still had those emotions buried in me. The overwhelming sadness I refused to face.

I couldn't remember exactly how old I was in this dream, but I knew I was really young. I was so much younger than I was now, but I still heard my quiet cries that night as I sat kneeled beside the couch in the living room, holding my mom's hand as she laid there passed out. The smell of alcohol very prominent, like perfume.

How I sat awake in the dark. How I hated the dark even back then, even before Jack had really given me a reason to. Feeling the soft tickling against my cheeks as tears would scatter down them, and how my heart hurt as I attempted to keep my cries quiet. I didn't want to wake him. The monster sleeping in just the next room.

How hard I had cried for just one person to tell me that I wasn't worthless. I wasn't unlovable, or stupid. How I cried for one kind word, one supportive hug. Someone to help me. Someone to take and hold my hand the way that Carlisle had done.

This was a memory I thought I'd forgotten. One I thought I'd stored away for good of little me, alone and scared. So scared, and so sad. Impossibly alone against something so much bigger than I was, but at the time, I had no idea how much worse it would get. Now I knew.

I was back there, watching someone I loved destroying themselves so completely, and though it wasn't a scary nightmare, it still hurt. It was a reminder of the fragile part of me, which was bigger than I used to think.

Even while I slept, I felt the sudden sharp, stabbing pain in my head. Even in the middle of seeing that memory, my head hurt so unbelievably bad. I'd never felt this kind of pain before, but right at the moment I would have woken up, my dream suddenly changed.

Suddenly, I wasn't looking at a memory anymore. I was at home. I was in my room at home, and Carlisle was sitting with me. It took me a second to see, because of the tears. I was so blinded by tears that it was taking me too long to recognize anything.

The pain was so bad, the tears just kept coming but physically, I was fine. It didn't make any sense to me, but even while I slept, even through the pain in my head, that pain in my heart overshadowed everything. That shock and that disbelief. The fear, and God, the confusion..

Before I could make any more sense of it than that, I was suddenly awake. I wasn't home. I was in Josh's bed, and it was the middle of the night. What the hell had that been?

I was so suddenly overwhelmingly homesick, I wished that cell phone was closer.

I had to think though. Carlisle had said not to hesitate. All I needed was to talk to someone, but I really didn't want to wake anybody up by getting up again. I didn't want to wake anyone up, but I was told not to hesitate. So I didn't.

I carefully crawled out of bed again, my breathing tight and trembling lightly with the pain I was still in. My head still hurt, but it was more of a memory of the pain.

I found my bag in the pitch darkness by feeling along the side of the dresser. I pulled out the phone and left the room again as silently as I had the first time. I wasn't sure where to go to talk, though. I didn't trust the bathroom to keep my voice quiet, so I descended the stairs again. This time, the kitchen was vacant.

I sat at the kitchen table, covering my tearing eyes as I called the first person I thought of.

Carlisle answered on the second ring.

"Leandra?" He was concerned. My heartbreak answered for me.

"Jack was abused too." I cried quietly. "Just like he did to me."

Carlisle was quiet for a second before he replied.

"I know."

"He never got away from it. Even when he grew up."

"I know."

"I'm so scared." I had no idea how I was making any sense. "Why does it still hurt so bad? What if that never goes away? I just want it to go away."

"It will never go away." Carlisle replied gently, and I sobbed. "But you will overcome it."

"How?" I whimpered, my voice shaking.

"That's our job." He said. "Times like now, when you feel like it's too overwhelming, just like this, all you have to do is reach out. Never stop reaching out, Leandra. Especially when it seems impossible to do." I knew what he meant. The second I stopped reaching out and drew in instead, like I used to do, it was time to worry.

He spoke again.

"What was the dream about?"

I stifled a sob. The dream.

"I was so little." I replied without pausing to think about it. "I was so lonely, but I was so scared. I remembered how I used to sit up at night, watch my mom, and cry. I still remember what that was like. I still feel like that. Like that part of me doesn't know that I don't have to anymore."

"We'll get there." He said confidently. "It takes time, Leandra, and things like this will come up all the time, but it's okay. They need to. Expecting nothing but constant progress puts far too much pressure on you. It's not fair, and I understand how distressing it is, but everything you feel is perfectly natural. Even when it feels like you're not going anywhere, I assure you, you've already come so far."

I took a few seconds to cry. I couldn't reply if I wanted to, but I knew he was right.

"You'll get through this." He added gently. "I know the things you live with are so hard to accept, but as I said before. Our job is to help you do that, and we're happy to. That's why it's so important for you to know not to hesitate to call in this situation. During times like this, it's so important to focus on the fact that you do have support any time you need it. I don't ever want you to feel like you can't share something with us, or feel like you have to hide anything."

I held a deep breath.

"Okay." I eventually murmured. Truthfully, I was so happy to hear everything he was saying. It meant he understood right where I was emotionally. Just knowing that really did make me feel less alone. That was all I needed.

But there was more. More I knew I needed to tell him. My sobs restarted.

"I'm so scared." I sobbed as quietly as I could. "Something's gonna go wrong." He was quiet.

"What makes you say that, Leandra?"

"I don't know." I replied in a whisper. "I don't know, but I know."

"Did you see something?" He asked firmly.

"I-I.." I whimpered. I fell quiet as I thought about it. I really didn't know. I couldn't tell. All I could remember was the feeling of it, and it broke my heart all over again.

"It could just be the nervousness about the party tomorrow." He said. "But just in case, we'll be there. I'm sending Jasper and Alice to stand watch outside that house tonight and tomorrow."

As badly as I wanted to tell him not to, and as badly as I wanted to stay tough, I just took a breath.

"Okay."

"You'll be safe." He added. "They're coming. They'll be there in just a few minutes." I sniffled again, trying to force myself to calm down. His calm once again helped me. "Tomorrow, depending on how you feel, we can pick you up earlier. It's up to you. Just say the word."

"Okay." I said again, calmer now. His calm made it possible for me to calm down. I couldn't tell him how much it helped me. Just by listening, and believing me. Even when I couldn't exactly explain it.

I felt the second Jasper showed up. My pain eased. My headache stayed, but the lack of emotion made it hurt just a little less. I was able to breathe again.

"Carlisle?" I mumbled.

"Yes, Leandra?"

"Can you.." I hesitated. "Can you check on my mom, too?"

He was quiet. "It's late where she is. I'll call her in the morning-"

"No." I said. "Now. Please. Please."

"Alright." He agreed, and I nodded.

Even that, though, didn't make sleeping seem any more appealing. Once I'd hung up the call, I retrieved a glass in the cupboard and filled it with some water before sitting back down at the table. I knew I'd have to go back upstairs eventually, but for right then, I just wanted to sit there.

I hadn't been sitting there long, though, before I was joined. Yet again.

"Leandra?" I jumped a little, looking over at Mark's voice coming from the kitchen doorway. I hadn't heard him come downstairs. "Is something wrong?"

"Can't sleep." I mumbled, and he smiled a little.

"Well, you shouldn't have to sit here all alone." He replied. "Mind if I sit here with you?"

I wasn't sure if I minded or not. I'd never been alone with Mark before. I liked him just fine when we were surrounded by people, but I'd never had to make conversation with him before. Certainly never in a dimly lit kitchen in the middle of the night while everyone else was asleep upstairs.

Certainly never after waking up with a feeling like I'd woken up with. Something was going to go wrong. Was Mark that something? I didn't know if that was a possibility or not.

"I don't mind." I shook my head a little. "Sorry I woke you up."

I knew full well that it was stupid, but that didn't stop my instincts from realizing the very real threat settling himself across the table. I looked down at the table, and the cell phone sitting there. I'd keep it close. It helped that I knew Jasper and Alice were right outside, and probably listening to every word exchanged in here, but there wasn't much they could do from out there if they needed to.

I needed to stop preparing for the worst.

"Nah." Mark waved it off. "You didn't. I was already awake." I doubted that. "So tell me. Why no sleep?"

"New place, I think." I sighed. "Or new bed."

"I see." He nodded. "Yeah, I'm the same way, but you know what this calls for?"

"What?" I asked almost hesitant.

"Hot chocolate." He replied, standing up. "You want some?" I'd just had some tea, and honestly, I wasn't sure my nervous stomach could handle anything besides water right then.

"No thanks."

"Well, I'll make enough for you too, just in case you change your mind." He said, and I nodded.

He got started on making it while I sat there watching him. I really hated the way I was sometimes. I didn't want to be afraid of every man I came across. There were a lot of men in the world, but even knowing that, my instincts vehemently disagreed. Until proven otherwise, they were all bad. I'd been hurt by them too badly to ignore that instinct yet. Especially after a dream like that, where I'd been sitting in my room just crying and especially not knowing why. It could have just been a dream, but it didn't feel that way.

It was quiet for a minute or two, until he spoke again.

"I used to make this for the boys all the time." He finally ended the silence, looking back at me from the stove. "When they were younger. Not so much recently, as they almost never get up in the middle of the night anymore, but that was our time. I used to love being kicked out of bed to take care of them."

I smiled a little, picturing that. That was pretty okay.

"So really." He added. "You're doing me a favor here."

"I'm glad." I replied. "You seem like you're pretty good at this dad thing."

"Oh, I'm the best." He laughed, looking back at me. "You kidding? I should have like.. A hundred medals lining the walls." I smiled. "But the thing they don't tell you when you sign up for this whole daddy thing, is how much you miss it when they get old enough to not need you anymore. It's not just the mamas that have a hard time with that, you know."

"They'll always need you." I told him. "You're their dad. Do you know how important that is?" He smiled in response, looking back down at what he was doing.

"I wouldn't mind it, though." He spoke again. "Doing the whole baby thing again. At least one more time before I'm too old to chase them around."

"Might wanna talk to Heather about that, then." I mumbled, and he gave a real chuckle. "I don't think she'd like it if you chose for her."

"No?" He asked. "Well, dang. I guess the one I have on lay-away is a bad idea?"

"A little." I laughed again. I had to admit, he was pretty funny. I spoke again. "But I know where babies come from."

He glanced back. "You do?" He shook his head. "I guess it's not much of a surprise. You are about that age to start figuring stuff out."

"I've always known it." I shrugged a little, which was true. I'd known that for quite a few years already. I knew that before I even knew anything about myself, and the recent experience I'd had just solved a little bit of the mystery.

"How long is always?" He prompted with a small laugh. He obviously doubted.

"Couple years." I replied quietly. He looked back again, but I looked down.

"Well, that settles that then, huh?" He studied me. "Can I ask you something? I've been curious for awhile."

"Sure." I mumbled.

"That day in Seattle.." He started, and my heart dropped. "It wasn't car sickness, was it?"

I debated, but my tired mind was sluggish. I didn't have it in me to lie.

"No." I admitted.

"Honey, I'm not blind." He explained in the following silence. "I've seen car sickness. Everyone's different, but I know that wasn't it. I'll admit there's a lot I don't know about you, but lately, I've been discovering a lot about people I never thought I would. I saw that change in you the second you saw Jack. That wasn't the first time you'd met him, was it?"

I didn't reply. Instead, I focused on the table. Letting my silence protect me.

He went on with a sigh. "I now know some things about Jack that I didn't before, so that reaction of yours.. It would only make sense if you had known him before."

"I knew him before." I finally confirmed quietly. "He was married to my mom." I suddenly hated that word. 'Stepdad' was something I refused to say anymore. It made me cringe, but what I said instead bothered me just as bad. I wasn't sure why.

"I've had many, many long talks with that man." He replied. "Many, many long talks over many, many years, but he'd never once mentioned anything about you. It's downright creepy the way he hid you away from all of us.

"He didn't want anyone to know about me." I explained, keeping my eyes down. "Especially his family."

"Well, Heather seems pretty attached to you, so I guess he failed there."

"I didn't know who they were when I met Josh and Zack." I replied, feeling a little better. He actually wasn't that hard to talk to. "That's why I freaked out so bad when I found out who Heather's brother was."

"That was freaking out?" He asked. "Darling, you barely said a word."

"I know." I mumbled. I must have been better at hiding it than I thought.

"So you were stuck next to Jack the entire way back here, when you two had a bad history?" He asked. I watched him turn off the fire on the stove. He must have been done. "God, I can't even imagine that. I'm so sorry."

"You didn't know."

"Still." He said with a sigh. He reached for two cups. "Change your mind?"

"Sure." I relented. Maybe it would make me sleep.

"I'm not going to ask what kind of history you had with him." He went on. "That's not my place, but from what Heather has told me about him, I don't think I have to."

He handed me a cup and sat down with his own.

"Be careful." He said. "It's pretty hot." I nodded. I sat quietly, really thinking. I could just tell. Mark wasn't the one behind that dream. That realization comforted me. I'd just carefully studied every little tone of every word during that talk. Nothing stood out to me or raised a field of red flags.

"Well, I'm sorry you can't sleep." He ended the silence again. "Bummer."

"I'm like this at home, too." I admitted. "It's nothing anybody's doing here."

"Anxiety?" He asked, and I shrugged. I didn't know. "Anxiety keeps your brain from shutting off." That sounded familiar. "It wouldn't surprise me."

"Mark?" Heather had come downstairs, saving me from having to reply. "What are you two doing?"

"We're just making some hot chocolate." Mark answered, giving her a smile. "Well, I made. She's keeping me company. Would you like some? There's plenty."

"Sure." She agreed. "Thank you." He stood, returning to the cupboard. She smiled at me, finding the seat next to me. "Still can't sleep?" I shook my head. "I'm sorry, honey."

"I didn't mean to wake anybody up." I muttered.

"You didn't." Heather replied. "I just wondered where he'd run off to. I should have known it was only to make hot chocolate at almost three in the morning when he should be sleeping." I laughed a little at his innocent grin her way.

The conversation was lighter from there. I listened to their light bickering, knowing neither one felt the need to actually argue. Statements and responses tossed back and forth across the table like a verbal game of catch. It entertained me to watch.

About the fifth yawn in a row, though, Heather really started insisting that I get my butt back to bed. Even willing to walk me back upstairs herself. I felt bad, but I probably would have felt even worse had I refused. I thanked Mark for the hot chocolate, and he thanked me for the company. Thankfully, not bringing up the conversation we'd been having again.

It was different with Heather, but she reminded me a lot of Esme. Natural at what she does. How easy it came to her to just care about someone. The feeling of comfort she gave without even trying. She was what I'd always imagined a mom would be like.

It made me wonder. I'd asked these questions before, but it still confused me. How could Heather turn out so different than the rest of her family? With all she had to look up to were parents like hers, and Jack, how the hell did she learn how to step away from all that? How did she get off that path laid for her?

If I could just figure out how she did that, maybe I could too. I knew full well that my years spent with Jack had left their mark on me, and if I didn't figure out how to follow in Heather's footsteps, instead of Jack's, I'd probably turn out just like him. That scared me to realize that I could go either way.

I just had to believe that my family would never let me turn into someone like that. I loved them enough to care about what they thought. Maybe just how much they meant to me would be enough to keep me from straying too far Jack's direction.

Heather stood in the doorway, providing hallway light for me to see by as I tip-toed through the room. Around Zack to make it to the bed. I crawled back into bed as silently as I'd left it.

I made sure to scoot under the blanket first this time, just so Josh didn't have to wake all the way up to do so. My heart still hurt, and my throat still swelled with emotion I was holding back, but it felt a little easier to tend to.

"Good night, sweetheart." Heather whispered in the doorway once I was settled.

"Night." I whispered back, and she slowly shut the door.

Focusing on my breathing, it was almost easy to fall back to sleep.

I jumped awake only a few hours later to Josh rolling over onto his back. His shoulder pressed into my back, and I was instantly awake, but it took my mind a second to remember where I was. By the time it did, I'd already started panicking.

I rolled onto my back as well and sat up sharply. Taking a lot of the blanket with me as I fought to catch my breath. The frame of the bottom bunk squeaked with the quick shifting of my weight, but I was more focused on getting my breathing back under control.

"You okay?" Josh whispered, pushing himself to sit up beside me. His voice was still heavy with sleep, so I felt bad for waking him up again.

I couldn't answer yet.

"Breathe." He saw anyway, rubbing my back. I nodded, letting him know I was working on it. While I focused on calming down, he focused on waking up. I hated this feeling, but I knew I caught it in time to keep it from getting bad. Thankfully.

"Sorry." I whispered when I could.

"No, don't be." He replied easily. "You're fine. I'm just glad I could be the one to help, instead of Andrew for once." He threw a little laugh in there, so I knew he wasn't upset.

"You shouldn't have to." I replied, laying back down. Now that I could breathe again, I could focus on waking up.

"Don't be too hard on yourself." He laid back down as well and stretched. "It's not your fault what happens when your brain shuts off." He sighed and rolled onto his side to face me. "It's not like you choose to react like that. Nobody would."

I forced a small smile.

"Nobody would." I confirmed. "It sucks so bad." Even though it had been really mild compared to other reactions I'd had to waking up suddenly. "It's usually worse."

"It is?" He asked sadly.

"I hit Emmett once." I looked over at him, and he laughed.

"If I had a dollar for every time I hit my brother, I could buy a car."

"Same." Zack muttered, half asleep on the floor. "My car would be better."

"It's different when you're still asleep." I admitted. "I didn't mean to do it."

"He knows that, Leandra." Andrew's voice came from the top bunk. It was confirmed. I'd woken everybody up. At least I didn't have to whisper anymore.

"So what woke you up?" Josh asked.

"Which time?" I asked, looking over at him.

"This time."

"You bumped my back." I replied apologetically.

"That's it?" He asked, surprised.

"She's really sensitive to that." Andrew confirmed for me, a stretch in his voice. "She doesn't like being touched."

"It's different when I'm awake." I explained. "But asleep, I can't tell myself that it's okay."

Josh nodded, clearly noting that. I could understand why. If this continued to go as well as it was going, I could easily see myself spending the night here more often. It surprised me to find I'd taken such an instant liking to Mark. Heather obviously liked him, and now I could kind of see why.

It was quiet for a minute, while I thought. I wondered if Alice and Jasper were still hiding outside somewhere. I doubted they would leave me while I slept. I felt bad for ruining their hunt, but it comforted me that I knew they were there.

"It's your birthday." Zack mumbled into his pillow. "You get the first shower."

Josh looked over at me.

"Ladies first?" He asked, and I shook my head.

"I don't wanna take my clothes off yet. I'm cold." I admitted, and he nodded, prying himself out of bed while I drew the covers in on me a little tighter. I knew I'd eventually have to. I hated going days between showers.

I wound up going third, after the hot water returned from Zack's shower. I didn't take my time, though, knowing Andrew still needed his. It was weird being in line for something like taking a shower. At home, I could just take a shower whenever I wanted to.

My hair was still damp, so I left it down when I descended the stairs to the amazing smell of breakfast. Heather must have been awake.

I was surprised, actually, to see that it was Mark making breakfast. He smiled at my arrival from his place at the stove. It was a little weird seeing an adult still in pajamas, even after last night. It was just something I never saw.

"Pancakes are over there, sweetie." He pointed to the counter with a spatula. "Grab as many as you want, and there's more bacon on its way." I nodded.

"Thank you." I replied, reaching for a plate. I was surprised at how hungry I was.

I sat in the open seat to Josh's left. He was already well into his pancake stack, and I started to see why the first shower was a good thing. He got to eat first.

"Feel better?" He asked as I sat down, scooting the jug of orange juice toward me.

"Yeah." I replied honestly. I took a cup from the stack on the table, taking his hint and pouring some juice. I did feel a little better, but I also still remembered the feeling that dream gave me. It made me feel cold. I wasn't sure how cold could be an emotion, but it was.

Andrew wasn't long either, but when Heather came downstairs last, breakfast was already almost over. I smiled a little as Mark handed her an already-made but warm plate and kissed her forehead. He was so kind to her, I couldn't help but smile. I liked seeing that.

"What?" Josh asked with a small laugh.

"Nothing." I laughed as well. I couldn't believe I was ever afraid of Mark.

"Good morning." Heather greeted us with a smile as she sat down.

"Guess what day it is." Josh grinned over at her.

"Hmm.. Sunday?" She guessed, and he gave her a look. "Like I'm going to forget your birthday, Joshua. I was there."

"So was I." He replied easily. "When do I get my presents?"

I nudged him, giving him a look. "That's rude."

He laughed.

"Okay, okay. When do I get my presents please."

"Never, if you keep up that attitude, young man." Mark corrected, and we laughed. I knew Josh was just joking. He wouldn't talk to his mom like that.

"Later." Heather answered. "Let your friends get here first."

Oh right. The party.

"How many people are gonna be here?" I asked nervously.

"Not counting us, like seven or eight." Josh answered.

"People?" I couldn't help being surprised.

"No. Goats." Zack replied with a little sarcastic smile.

"Don't worry, honey." Heather laughed. "If it gets too stressful, just come find me. I'll keep you company, and I'll be keeping an eye on you. I won't let anything go wrong, even if it wanted to." I liked her a lot more suddenly. I nodded easily, already planning my escape.

"And I'll be here too." Andrew assured me. "Plus I've met some of these guys too. They're okay."

"Are any of them people I've pissed off?" I had to ask. Josh hummed in thought.

Not that long ago, I had most of the town hating me. That many people greatly increased my chances of finding someone who had revenge on the mind for what I did to a few other girls at school. What if this was what went wrong?

"No, I don't think so." Josh finally replied. "If any of them start trouble, though, just tell me."

"Or me." Zack added.

"Or me." Andrew smiled. I smiled as well, unable to help it.

It was weird knowing I was the only girl attending this party. I wasn't sure why. It never bothered me before. They were just boys.

Though I really wanted to be here for Josh, I couldn't help eagerly anticipating the moment someone would show up to take me home.

The first of the guests to arrive were three boys from up the street. Around noon, the doorbell rang, and Josh jumped up to get it. He led those boys in, and I forced a small smile in greeting.

I met a whole bunch of new people in such a short amount of time, I couldn't remember more than a few names. It didn't take long for the "party" to be moved out front. It didn't feel much like a party, but a gathering of friends with a lot of food and really loud music.

I went outside with them, just for some fresh air and to look for any hints that we were still being watched.

Up the street, parked against the curb really inconspicuously, was a very familiar black car. It blended in so well, nobody would even know to look for it. I was comforted instantly, knowing I was still being taken seriously.

So I sat with Andrew on the top porch step, watching the huge group of boys attempt a game of football or something, but really using it as an excuse to try to hurt each other. I'd sit out of that.

"You okay?" Andrew asked, and I sighed.

"Yeah." I replied quietly. "Just a little homesick."

He nodded and stood up. I followed, walking along beside him as he started walking toward the other side of the yard. In this far corner of the front yard, there was a huge tree with a somewhat long board swing from one of the higher branches.

"So what was the dream about?" He asked, and I looked over at him as we approached the swing. He smiled a little. "I heard you leave last night."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake anybody up."

"Stop saying that." He sighed dramatically, shaking me a little. I laughed, sitting down on the swing. I scooted over as he squished himself onto the swing with me. It wasn't weird for me being pressed against his side, or him against mine. He was equally as pressed, and it was fine for him. Easy.

I didn't think it was weird. It just made me think of a wild animal and the one human person that could control it. He knew I was dangerous, but he also knew I wasn't dangerous for him.

"Seriously, though." He said. He started swinging slowly. "What was it?"

"Nothing that bad." I replied, lifting my feet. "Long, long time ago."

"Yeah?" He prompted.

"I don't wanna tell you here."

"Oh, right." He replied. "One of those sixty other kids might hear." I laughed a little, looking across the yard at the group arguing over the rules of the game. Rather loudly. All talking over each other like their voice was more important.

"I'll tell you later."

"'Kay."

We swung in silence for a few seconds.

"Is it later yet?" He whispered.

"Stop." I laughed again, bumping my shoulder into his. He laughed as well, swaying the swing a little bit. The air was warm as a slight breeze took my hair behind me, so I suspected the sun would make an appearance today.

I looked up at the sky, squinting a little as I did so.

"What's bugging you?" He asked, and I looked over at him. "You've been acting weird since your house."

"Weird how?"

"I dunno." He replied. "I can just tell. You don't look like that when you just wake up from sleeping on the floor. You looked like you wanted to cry. 'Til you fixed it."

Damn, he was good.

"So what happened?" He pressed when I didn't deny it. I sighed. I would have rather had more time to think about telling him, but at the same time, I felt kind of ready to tell him. I had to think, though. What if this was the part that went wrong?

"Just tell me." He laughed a little.

"Josh. He kissed me." I mumbled, glancing over. He looked at me, a little surprised. My heart pounded as I waited for his reaction. I literally got to watch him as it sank in.

"Well.." He finally frowned a little. "Was it okay? I mean, with you?" I hesitated.

"What do you mean?"

"Did he make you kiss him?"

"No." I replied. "I was more surprised than anything."

"Then what's wrong?" He still seemed concerned.

"I didn't hit him." I admitted.

"And that's a bad thing?"

"I don't know." I sighed, a little frustrated as I looked back down. "I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. You know me. I've hit people for way less."

"Maybe.." He whispered. "You finally figured out that you like him too."

"No I don't." I frowned. He gave me a look.

"Please." He smiled a little. "You look at him like you look at me, and you like me." There was no way on earth I could just outright deny that. I wasn't even sure if I did or not. I didn't even know what 'liking' someone meant or even felt like. He looked over in my silence, reading my expression. "You really don't know?"

I didn't know, but I didn't want to keep on that track yet.

"You're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad?" He leaned away to look at me easier. "I'd be kinda mad if he made you or something like that, but it's.. It's not like that. You're allowed to like whoever you like, Leandra. I don't have any reason to be mad at you."

"But.."

"Yeah, I do like you." He added. "I don't think that's a secret, but I wouldn't be a very good friend if I got mad at you for Josh kissing you. I'm not even mad at Josh." He laughed a little. "A little jealous, but I'm not mad. Really, it's okay. Please don't be sad."

I kept my eyes down as he reached his arm out and placed it around my shoulders.

"I don't need to kiss you to be your friend." He said. "I kinda like it how it is. Makes me feel important."

"You are important." I replied, looking over. "You're really important to me." He really had no idea. "That's why I was afraid to tell you."

He smiled. "You thought I'd be mad that I didn't get to do it first?" I nodded. "So you think I should, then?"

"Maybe not right now." I replied hesitantly. He laughed and shook his head.

"Not right now." He agreed, and that relieved me. Nothing had to change.

It was amazing to me how emotions could change so much just because of one stupid kiss. I was worrying over nothing, but at the same time, everything. I just wanted things to stay the same, but it had gotten weird so fast. It relieved me to hear that he wasn't going to change anything, when yesterday, that would have just been a given.

I was glad I talked to him about it. I hated keeping secrets. I felt better, so I knew this wasn't what I had to be sad about, but then what was?

"What does liking someone feel like?" I asked quietly. "I've never liked anybody before." What if I liked him all this time, and didn't even know it? He hummed a little in thought, swinging higher.

"I don't know about you.." He started. "But for me, it's like.. You know that feeling of missing someone who's sitting right next to you?" I nodded a little. It was just one example, and I already knew what he was talking about. "I just like you. I don't care what we do, as long as it's with you. I know how corny that sounds, but it's true. I like listening to you, and you never get boring." He smiled. "It means not wanting to hit them, even after they kiss you."

I laughed, finding the humor in that now.

Our attention was taken to the front door as Heather stepped out.

"Presents." She called, and immediately, the stampede started toward the door. I wasn't that eager to move, but I was supposed to be here to support Josh. Heather's gaze found us, and she smiled as she paused for a second. She eventually waved us in, so Andrew stopped the swing.

We stood up together, and I let Andrew lead the way to the porch.

The wrapped present Alice had dropped into my bag was actually three gifts. Three video games, and he went absolutely nuts over them. As did the other boys.

"How did you even get these?" Josh asked, amazed. "Seriously, Leandra. One of these wasn't even supposed to be released until Christmas. You're amazing. Thank you so much!"

"I had a little help." I admitted, laughing. "But I'm glad you like them."

"You're kidding, right? I love them. This is amazing. Really." He shook his head, laughing as well. It made me happy to see him so happy. It nearly made up for waking him up so often the night before.

Only a few minutes after all of the gifts were open, though, I jumped at the sound of the doorbell. I watched Heather cross the room and open it, surprised at who she saw.

"Leandra?" Heather called for me. I frowned a little, looking at Andrew before I stood up. He followed, just as confused. I understood as Carlisle walked in. It wasn't even four o'clock yet.

He didn't look happy. He wasn't mad, but something was weighing on him, so I knew to be on edge anyway.

"Get your things, please." He murmured before I even made it to his side. My stomach dropped at the sound of his tone.

"What's wrong?" I had to ask. He didn't reply, only gesturing at the stairs. Andrew and I glanced at each other again before we turned around and headed up the stairs.

Josh was waiting to tell me goodbye as we descended the stairs again. He smiled, hugging me.

"Don't disappear, okay?" He asked, knowing my pattern.

"I'll try not to." I laughed a little, returning his hug. I really hoped it wouldn't be forever before I saw them again.

We didn't stay long after that. Just long enough to thank Heather for letting me stay, wish Josh a happy birthday, and we left. It was confusing to me, but I wouldn't ask again until he brought it up.

I was incredibly relieved to be home, but Carlisle followed me into my room when I went to put my things away. My heart reacted in nervousness while I studied him, watching him close the door.

"What's wrong?" I had to ask again. "Please tell me."

"Have a seat." He sighed, gesturing to the bed. "There's something I need to tell you."

So I did. I was too scared to argue. He sat down as well, another heavy sigh telling me to prepare for something.

"It's about your mother." He started, and I waited. "I couldn't reach her at first, but I knew how worried you were about her, so I visited her instead. Apparently, she.. She's okay. She'll be okay, but.. Had you not asked me to contact her last night, there is a very good probability that she wouldn't have been."

I was quiet, unsure. So what did that mean?

"Leandra, you saved her life." He said, and I sighed. I was oddly glad to hear that she was okay. "By paying attention to what your gift was telling you, you've saved not only your father's life, as well as his entire family, but you've also saved your mother's life."

He sighed.

"Here's the problem, though." He went on. "Alice didn't even see anything going wrong last night. You picked it up on your own. That could be because of the tie you have to her. I'm not sure, but I want you to start working with Alice. I want you to learn how to be comfortable with your developing gift. It seems to be coming on faster than any of us could have anticipated."

"And that's bad?"

"No." He replied. "But if you're picking things up that Alice doesn't, I'm worried about what that could mean for you."

I nodded.

"How come you had to get me early?" I hadn't requested it, so I was a little curious. I wasn't mad about it. Relieved, actually, but still curious.

"I only wanted to give you more time at home before you had to sleep."

"I had a bad night." I sighed, allowing that.

"I know." He replied with a nod. "But at least you slept. Any amount of sleep is good. It's up to you what you want to do tonight." I nodded again. I appreciated that.

I was quiet for a second.

"Why were you so sad?" I asked. "Before I left yesterday." He seemed hesitant to answer, looking down instead.

"I'm only worried." He finally admitted. "So much is happening now that I don't believe you're completely ready for."

"Josh?" I guessed. "Or my gift?"

"Both." He replied, and I nodded. I understood that. "I suppose I may be a bit protective."

"You just know me." I shrugged a little. "I think I've noticed it too. It's a little scary."

"I don't want you to be scared of these things, Leandra." He said. "These are amazing things. I only want you to be prepared for the changes they bring to your life."

"I think I'll be okay. As long as I have you guys."

He nodded.

I appreciated his talk with me. I was glad he did it the way he did it, instead of out in the open. I wasn't sure why, but I liked believing it was just between us. Of course Jasper and Alice already knew all about it. I felt bad for making them stand around outside all night, but I was just glad I hadn't needed their help.

I wasn't surprised when Alice wanted to talk to me only a little while later. I allowed her to lead me upstairs just before dinner, and though I hesitated in actually going into her room, I relented quite easily at her insistence. I sighed as she sat me down on the side of her bed and she sat with me.

"I want to know the second you start finding these things out while you're awake."

Just jumping right into it.

"You said I can't." I frowned.

"I don't know what to expect anymore." She laughed a little. "Now, tell me every detail of what you saw."

So I did. I even started with the dream of me when I was little. I told her about the pain I felt in my head right before, and all through the next dream of my mom. I told her about waking up with it, and with the emotion I did. I told her what the dream even looked like. Fuzzy, spotted. Not quite a full picture, but glimpses of things.

She understood all of it. She didn't even have to tell me that it was way more than the dream I'd had of Jack. The most I could remember of the dream I had of Jack was his eyes. The insanity in them, and the way his face was not even an inch away from mine.

I still felt suffocated by that dream.

This dream, of my mom, there was more. I saw more details. I knew enough to know to be worried, just by the emotional pain I felt. I just knew that that emotional pain was hers. Not quite like Jasper's gift, but more of an understanding. Just knowing. No human could possibly feel that much heartbreak without someone needing to worry about them.

I knew she didn't have anyone else to worry about her.

Besides me, of course. I felt that kind of pain all the time, but hers was different in some way. So I asked Carlisle to check on her, and I turned out to be right.

"Okay." She murmured after a minute of silence. "I can already tell you that your ability is going to be stronger than mine ever was."

"How?"

"I don't get all that from my visions now." She pointed out. "I don't have the kind of understanding that you seem to have. All I see is what's happening at the time, not the reasoning behind it or the circumstances surrounding it."

"So what's that mean?"

"I don't know." She replied. "But I do know that whatever it is, you're preparing yourself for it, and doing a darn good job of it." I frowned. "Leandra, anyone even the least bit unprepared would have lost their minds with that first vision. Even what it was should have been enough to break you. Then that moment on the porch, and then last night.. You're preparing yourself. All I ask is to slow down a little bit."

"It's nothing I'm trying to do." I replied. "It's just doing it on its own."

She hummed in thought, looking away for a second.

"Tell me about that pain again." She said. "Where was it?"

"Kinda everywhere." I frowned, just remembering it. "It felt sharp, but I didn't even wake up from it. The dream changed before I could."

"How is it now?"

"It's gone."

"Did you take anything for it?" Like Tylenol or something.

"No." I shook my head a little. "I had it for a little while after I woke up, but it was gone when I woke up the next time." She nodded.

"Carlisle's going to keep an eye on that." She informed me. "Just to rule out anything medical, so make sure you tell us if or when you feel it again so we can keep track of it." I nodded this time.

"Ruling out anything medical." Carlisle joined us, standing in the doorway. "I know I've asked this question before, but I want to make sure you were truthful. Did you lose consciousness at any point during that fight with Jack?"

I looked down.

"For any length of time?" He prompted. I sighed.

"That was like forever ago-"

"It doesn't matter." He stressed. "Head injuries can hide. Did you?"

"Yeah." I mumbled shamefully. "I don't know how long. Maybe a minute? After he hit my head on the floor."

"Why didn't you tell me that sooner?" He seemed upset.

"I didn't think it mattered." I admitted, defensive. "Plus this is the first time it's been brought up since."

"What about when I asked you the first three times?" He had moved on to scolding me now. "Of course it mattered. It matters. I ask you those questions for a reason."

"I don't like talking about it."

"I understand that, Leandra." He replied firmly. "I do, but when your reluctance to talk about something leads you to lie and interfere with my ability to make sure you're safe, things like this happen. I want you to tell me the second any pain comes back. I'm very disappointed. Do you understand me?"

"Yes." I muttered instantly. The last person to use a tone like this toward me had been Jasper. I didn't like it coming from him, but I especially hated it coming from Carlisle. Especially after the talk we'd just had.

"And from this point on, I never want to find out you've kept any details like that back." He went on. "Even if you believe it doesn't matter, I want the truth. No more lies."

"Okay." I whimpered, reaching over and rubbing my arm insecurely. "I'm sorry.." He sighed heavily, shaking his head and leaving the room.

I sat quietly beside Alice, who stayed quiet as well. I wasn't exactly nervous, but I hated that I was the one to disappoint him so much.

"He's right." Alice murmured gently. "Things like that can hide, so it's important to tell him everything. He knows what he's doing."

I nodded, biting my lip.

"He's only worried." She added. "As strong as he is, it bothers him that he might have missed something important. He can only protect you as far as you let him."

I nodded again. I swallowed back my emotion, looking over at her.

"Does he really think all this is because I hit my head?"

"Even if you don't show any symptoms initially, injuries like that can be very dangerous." She replied quietly. "Sometimes issues can come up several weeks after it happened, so it's.. A possibility that your gift is being pushed forward because of it. The fact that the pain is gone now is a good sign, though."

I nodded once more, looking back down. I felt sore after that scolding, but Alice was right. He was only worried.

"I know what will cheer you up." She smiled, hugging me briefly. I watched her stand up and cross the room. She pawed through her closet, finding what she was after rather easily. She looked back at me. "Your dress came in. For the wedding next month."

I slapped my palm to my face, laying to the side.

"No arguing." She insisted before I could protest out loud. "It's Edward and Bella's wedding. I at least get to make you look like a girl for formal events. That's the rule."

I sighed heavily. She had a point. If she had her way, I'd be in a dress every day.

"Okay." I grumbled, uncovering my face. "Show me."

A/N: So much happens in this chapter, in such a short space. Holy crap. I'm sorry it took so long. This whole chapter was a little complicated. I hope it made sense and didn't seem too busy.
THANK YOU TO MY REVIEWERS! I love you guys so much!
Chapter Five might take a few days. I have to proceed cautiously from here or risk ruining the whole thing. Bear with me. (:
Until Five, my friends!