Chapter Seven
I knew the second I woke up that night that something was wrong.
I still had no memory of a dream, or even tossing or turning, but I was suddenly upright and waking up. I denied it. I didn't want that, but I was up.
I wasn't panicking, or even really that scared. I wasn't upset or sad, but I was anxious. Edgy. It was almost like the same sense of anticipation I always felt when I was stuck in a dark room. That sense that anything can happen.
But my room was just as dimly lit as it always was, and it was enough to wake me up. My heart fluttered, my stomach felt knotted, but again, I wasn't freaking out, so nobody felt the need to come into my room.
I took a few deep breaths, and laid back down. Thankfully, that was the only time I woke up. I barely remembered it the next morning, but I definitely did remember it. I knew they'd want answers to what happened the day before.
I felt sick, though. Too warm to be hungry. That edginess was still there.
I sat there at the dining room table somewhere just before breakfast, my hands around a warm cup of tea. I heard the words Carlisle didn't say as he and Esme sat across from me. Jasper and Alice standing behind them.
I knew they heard it, the nervousness in my heartbeat, but I didn't have much of an explanation.
"I woke up last night." I finally admitted, glancing up.
"We know." Carlisle replied with a sigh.
"But I don't know why." I added quietly. "I wasn't scared or anything. I don't remember dreaming, but I woke up."
"The fact that you woke up after what happened yesterday tells me there's more to it that we need to be prepared for." Alice told me.
"What happened?" Jasper pressed lightly. I was hesitant to answer that. I didn't know what was supposedly going to happen, but I did know who that feeling was about.
"I haven't seen anything going wrong." Alice added. "So I'm curious."
"It wasn't the boys you had to be worried about." I admitted with a sigh, finally looking to Jasper. "I think it was them. Edward and Bella."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Jasper asked, and I shrugged a little bit.
"I thought Alice would say something if it was anything to worry about." I answered. "All I know, is as soon as they turned around, I knew something was going to happen. I still do."
"And you let them leave?" Jasper asked, and I looked down.
"It wasn't that kinda worry." I replied, defensive. "There's so many different ways to worry, remember? If it was anything like that, it would be different."
"I'll keep an eye out." Alice assured me, noticing how I felt. "It's okay, Leandra. You're still learning. Just.. Next time you have a feeling like this, I want you to tell us everything you know about it. It's going to be pretty touch and go until you get the hang of it, and until we learn what your gift entails, but we'll figure it out."
"Do you think it's possible she can see things you can't?" Esme asked quietly.
"It's definitely possible." Alice replied easily. "It's happened before, with her mother."
Esme sighed. "I don't like not knowing the things she sees. That's very dangerous."
I kept my eyes down.
"I agree." Jasper said. "I don't like it. Especially considering Alice gets visions of some not-so-pleasant things that are easily prevented. In her condition, that's not the best situation for her to be in."
"I doubt she would have started developing it if she wasn't ready for it." Alice countered gently. "It just takes practice, and we'll have to learn to deal with it as it happens."
I liked that idea. It made things less overwhelming.
"Shorty will be fine." Emmett joined us in the dining room. Plopping down in the seat beside me. "She's tough."
"She is tough." Jasper allowed. "But she has the potential to see things we don't, and I don't know the first thing about stopping it."
"She always has." Emmett countered. "Have some faith in her. Look at her. She's fine. We've seen her a hell of a lot closer to her lowest. If the shit Jack-ass put her through wasn't enough to keep her down, I think she'll be alright."
"Just in case, I'd like to stay vigilant." Carlisle spoke again. "We need to be available to her at all times, in case a single detail somehow makes it through."
"If it's enough to disrupt her sleep after so long, it's enough to do our best to prepare for." Esme agreed.
I wasn't sure I liked the way they talked about me like I wasn't there, but then again, I didn't have much to add. It was just nice to know they had some kind of plan.
"Leandra." I looked over at Carlisle. "I want to know any information that can help us." I nodded instantly.
"I'll try." I sighed. "It was probably nothing, though."
"Any information." He insisted.
"Okay." I replied, but I was determined not to lose everything I'd made for myself in the last few weeks. In the next breath I took, I spoke again. "Can I go over to Andrew's house today? He wants me to meet his grandma."
They took a few seconds.
"Is that a good idea right now?" Jasper asked hesitantly.
"Chaining her up isn't gonna help her figure anything out." Emmett pointed out.
"He's right." Alice said next. "She's more likely to think straight if she's relaxed. I think it'll be alright."
"Not overnight." Carlisle told me, and I shook my head.
"Just for awhile." I promised. "I probably won't wanna stay that long."
He still seemed hesitant to let me go. I couldn't exactly blame him.
"I'll pick you up at three." He finally said, and I nodded. I agreed to that easily.
He called ahead, and got permission from Richard first before any promises were made to me. I was glad he did that because it made it less awkward for me and ensured I didn't have to just show up.
Carlisle insisted on being the one to drop me off. I didn't mind that either, so I accepted the ride to Andrew's house around ten that morning.
The front door opened before I even reached it, and Andrew came bounding out. I could instantly tell that he was happy. Anyone that could make him happy just by showing up had to be a good person.
As soon as Andrew reached my side, I looked to Carlisle waiting there. He saw that I'd be okay, and drove off.
I smiled at Andrew in return as he met me at the bottom of the porch steps, greeting me with a huff. "Hi."
"Hi." I replied with a little laugh. "You're in a good mood."
"Yeah, you're finally here." He pointed out as if it were obvious. It must have meant a lot to him that I was here. He laughed again and led the way into the house.
The first person I spotted when we walked into the living room was Richard seated on the sofa. In the chair sat a woman. He looked up, bringing the woman's attention to me. She stood up with a smile.
She was an older woman, with very long salt-and-pepper colored hair. She didn't look that old, maybe mid-fifties, but the few lines on her face told me she had seen a lot in her life.
The second thing I noticed about her was her open expression. Her warm smile seemed just as warm as the sun, and I immediately liked her. I could easily tell that she was a good person. Her skin was a little lighter than I was used to seeing on people from the reservation, but her face had the features.
"You must be Leandra." She approached slowly, probably as not to make me nervous. She was warmer, more open than even Heather was. She seemed overjoyed to meet me, greeting me with as much enthusiasm as anyone would greet a long lost loved one.
"Hi." I muttered, a bit unsure. She laughed warmly, the sound as comforting as her features were.
"Andrew has told me so much about you, sweetheart." She smiled. "Call me Denise." I offered my hand first, unable to help returning her smile. I was already really liking her. I looked over at Andrew, and his knowing smile told me he understood. He'd been right. He knew I'd like her.
"Oh." Denise laughed. "Please, come sit down. Are you hungry? Thirsty?" I spluttered a bit at her questions, laughing as she gestured to open spot on the sofa beside Richard.
She was pretty friendly. A little overwhelmingly friendly, but it wasn't in a bad way.
"I'm fine." I laughed again as I sat down. "Thank you, though."
"I'm so glad Andrew finally let me meet you." She sat back down as well as Andrew sat to my other side. "I was always so disappointed when he never had many friends."
"That's kinda what made us friends." I smiled over at him, hoping to ease the sting of that slightly embarrassing comment. "I didn't either."
Which was true. I'd hated every second of school, but Andrew made it easier. Even in the beginning when I wasn't very fond of him either.
"Well, you're beautiful." She said. "Just beautiful." She gave compliments like it was the easiest thing in the world, and weirdly, I didn't feel awkward when she said them. "So tell me a little bit about you, baby doll."
"Um.." I hesitated, looking over at Andrew. I really wasn't sure where to start. I wasn't the best at answering questions like this. There wasn't much to me.
"Andrew tells me you were recently adopted?" She prompted.
"I didn't tell her why." Andrew murmured in his defense. I wasn't upset with him. I let him know that with a small smile.
"Yeah." I replied to Denise. "A few months ago. I got pretty lucky when I found my family."
"I'm so glad it worked out." She nodded. "Don't worry, sweetie. I'm not going to pry. That would be weird." I laughed a little.
"The Cullens have helped her a lot." Andrew added for me, and she actually fell quiet for several seconds. Looking over at him.
"Cullens, you say?" She asked, and there was a tension there I knew she tried to hide. He must never have mentioned their name before, but that didn't explain her reaction much.
"Yeah." He replied, and like me, he seemed to notice her reaction.
"Carlisle took me in when I didn't have anywhere else to go."
"I wasn't aware they were taking in children." She forced a smile. "Well, that's.. That's just.. Wonderful."
"You know them?" I asked, mostly curious to know why she felt this way.
"Oh, I've heard of them." She replied gently. "They have something of a reputation on the reservation."
"If it's a bad one, it's not true." I said, and she forced another smile.
"No, no." She murmured. "I never meant to imply-"
"You got worried when Andrew said their name." I pointed out. "It's okay, but I hope you'll meet them before you believe any kinda rumors."
"Leandra has a reputation here, too." Andrew explained for me with a small laugh. "Even though hers is a little bit earned."
"A bad one, I'm assuming?" She asked. "Oh, dear. I do apologize. You're absolutely right. I shouldn't assume anything about anyone before personally meeting them." I nodded.
But what kind of reputation could they have? It seemed like Andrew wondered the same thing as I looked over at him.
"So what was it?" I asked quietly.
"A disagreement a long time ago." She answered. "But I'm sure it's only a rumor."
I wasn't satisfied with that answer, but I let it go.
"Grandma," Andrew spoke up. "Do you think Leandra can come with us?"
She smiled. "Well, I don't see why not."
"Come with you?" I asked, looking over at him.
"My grandma needs to go back to her house to get something." Andrew explained. "And I wanted to go too."
"I don't think I should." I replied hesitantly. "At least not without asking first." That would be stupid.
"It's alright, honey." She laughed. "I'll just run home and come right back. Andrew, you can stay here with your friend."
Andrew's disappointment was clear in his whine, and I immediately bent that rule. I hated letting him down, and I wanted him to be happy. It was the least I could do, and I'd deal with whatever scolding I got for running off again without permission if it meant making him happy.
"Well, if you'll be coming right back, I guess I can just go." I quickly said. "I think it'll be okay. As long as I'm back before three, when I need to go home."
That was all the agreement Andrew needed, standing up.
"Oh, I see he's ready to go now." Denise laughed.
"I wanna have time to show her around a little." He said, and I had to admit. I was curious. My entire life was a long time to go without seeing a place a half hour away from where I grew up.
She laughed again and stood up as well.
Andrew followed her out the door, and I followed him. He sat in the back seat of Denise's car with me. It wasn't that long of a trip, which made it easier not to feel bad for just deciding to go. I comforted myself with the thought that I would be back before they even knew I had gone.
Denise's house was just an older, but regular home. On a regular street, a few minute walk from the beach. That was the first place he started leading me.
"Don't go too far." Denise called after us.
"We won't." Andrew called back, his hand clasping mine.
I really had to admit. It was so pretty here. Even though it was even smaller than Forks, it had even more of a homey feel to it. I'd only seen part of it so far, and I liked it.
We walked slowly along this mostly empty street. It was the safest way to the beach just a little ways away. I could hear it from where we were.
We hadn't made it very far when I jumped at a sudden arrival at my other side.
"Hey." I looked over and up at Seth. "I thought that was you." I wondered about his sanity. It was pretty chilly out today, and all he wore was a pair of shorts. No shoes, or shirt. How was he not cold?
"Where did you come from?" Andrew asked, surprised as well as he looked behind us for a source. I looked back as well, easily spotting the main street back in the other direction. I assumed he'd come from there when we rounded the end of his grandma's street, but it would take some serious skill to spot us from that far away.
I chose not to comment on that when I realized Andrew had never met him. Only I had.
"Andrew, this is Seth." I filled him in. "He was at the wedding last night."
"Oh, hi." Andrew laughed a little. He returned it.
"What brings you guys here?" Seth asked.
"His grandma." I replied. "He wanted to show me around really quick before we go back." Seth nodded.
"Well, mind if I hang out with you guys while you're here?" He asked easily. "I'm pretty bored." There was something more to it, and I picked that up.
"Sure." Andrew answered just as easily. "You can help me show her around." Seth laughed.
"I know all the best spots." He grinned. "But this is the long way."
"Well, we can't go through there." Andrew frowned a little, looking toward the trees. The only thing standing between us and the beach. We'd been trying to go around them.
"Sure you can." He said. "Just be careful where you step. Come on."
So we let him lead. Through the trees, down the somewhat steep rocky incline before we were suddenly at the beach. Driftwood littered the sand, but we got around that rather easily.
I'd never seen the ocean before. As long as I'd lived here, I'd never been close enough to see it, so this was a pretty neat little adventure. There were some high cliffs further out, but beyond that, there was nothing but ocean.
I knew we'd spent far too long exploring and looking at things along the beach. Climbing on rocks, just for the view and just because I could. Even without actually swimming, I was damp from head to toe just by the wind and ocean spray off the rocks.
"I seriously have to come back here." I laughed, shaking out my wet sleeve. We followed Seth from the beach, back the way we'd come. This time into the trees and up the incline. It was a bit harder to get up than it was to get down, especially while wet.
"Just let me know." Andrew offered. "I can bring you here whenever you want."
"Careful, guys." Seth brought our attention back to climbing. Right. Pay attention.
We made it back to the road without an issue, and to my surprise, Seth continued to follow us toward Denise's house. I didn't mind that. He'd shown us a pretty nice time while we were here, and he really didn't remind me of Jacob at all. What was a cool guy like Seth doing with a friend like Jacob?
"Uh-oh." Andrew's attention was caught by something up ahead. I spotted it too.
"Uh-oh." I repeated. Denise was at her car in the driveway, but her car's hood was up. The universal sign of car trouble.
"What's wrong, grandma?" Andrew asked as we approached.
"Oh, this darned old thing." She grumbled. "It throws a tantrum any time it gets a little cold."
"Let me see." Seth offered, stepping around the front of the car.
"If you guys are hungry, feel free to go inside to eat something and warm up a little bit." Denise told us. "It could be a minute."
That made me a little nervous. It could be a minute. How many minutes? I could have asked for a phone to call home, but it wasn't absolutely necessary yet. I wouldn't admit to running off until I absolutely had to. It was barely noon.
Warming up did sound nice, though, so I allowed Andrew to lead the way inside. The inside of her house was warm, but not overwhelming. It was calm and cozy. Some pictures hung on the walls, and I glanced at them as we walked by them.
"This is what she came back for." Andrew laughed, picking up an old photo album from the kitchen table. He flipped through it briefly before settling on one page in particular. He pointed to a picture, so I leaned over to look.
"That's my mom." He smiled a little, and I could barely believe it. She was beautiful, and in this photo, I could see exactly where Andrew got his smile from. Looking at this picture, and all the surrounding ones, I suddenly felt sad that I couldn't meet her.
I sat down while Andrew got to work gathering stuff for sandwiches.
"She's so pretty." I said, looking at him.
"I know." He replied. "We don't have that picture at home, and all the ones we do have, my dad keeps because he thinks it makes me sad to see them."
"Tell him to stop it." I muttered, looking back down at the album. "It's better to remember her than try to protect you by hiding her away."
He laughed, but didn't reply. I could sense his sadness from across the kitchen, but I knew I was right. I set the album to the side. Only long enough to throw my own sandwich together. I was a lot hungrier than I thought.
After that, we looked at more pictures, just to pass the time.
I'd already been here a few hours, and the longer it took, the closer I got to getting into trouble. They'd be mad, sure, but I hadn't gone far. I wasn't in any danger here.
By the time we went back outside to check on progress, I was surprised to see someone familiar leaning over the car's engine.
"Oh god." I snapped, and Jacob looked over at me. He smirked, looking back down at the car.
"I had to call him in." Seth admitted with a nervous laugh. "Sorry."
"So do those Cullens know you're here?" Jacob asked, and I hesitated.
"No." I finally muttered.
He snorted. "I'm sure they do." I didn't reply. "Maybe now they'll get what it's like to worry about someone they care so much about."
I pursed my lips, grumbled to myself and sat on a stump in the middle of the front yard. I might not have liked him much, but he had somehow helped with the newborns a few months back. I didn't want to give him a hard time.
But I didn't know what he meant by that.
"When was the last time the oil was changed in this thing?" Jacob asked, looking at Denise. Ignoring me.
And so we waited. It really did seem like Jacob was taking his time, but eventually, we were surprised to see Richard's car pulling up instead. It'd been a few hours by now, and the afternoon had been long.
He sighed as he stood from the car.
"I'll give you guys a few minutes." He said. "Leandra, your parents are quite upset. They asked me to come pick you up. I did what I could, but-"
"Nah." I said. "It's okay. I shouldn't have gone without asking first." Jacob snorted off to the side. Seth nudged him hard enough to make him drop his wrench. I looked over at him, annoyed now. "What?"
"It's freaking weird." He replied. He didn't go on, but he didn't need to. I knew what he was getting at.
"Okay." I snapped. I looked at Richard. "Give me a minute?" He nodded, seeing I needed it.
I walked over to Jacob and firmly grabbed his wrist. Immediately noting the temperature difference, I pulled him as hard as I could. He took the hint, and laughed, allowing me to pull him away.
Once we were far enough away, I faced him and glared hard.
"Whatever this thing is you have against my family, drop it." I snapped in a whisper this time.
"It's weird." He repeated. "Vampires don't raise humans."
"Yeah, they do, because that's who I'm being raised by." I replied. "My family is more human than any human I've ever met. Especially more than you."
He scoffed again. "Do you even hear yourself?"
"Do you?" I countered. "You don't even know them. I know them." He shook his head. "Emmett is my best friend and he keeps me safe. He catches me if I fall, but lets me keep going. Edward listens to me better than anyone I've ever talked to, and he helps me figure out what I'm doing wrong. Jasper and Alice are like my second parents.
"Esme is my mom, and yes, Carlisle is my dad. I never once in my life thought I'd ever be able to say that about anyone. They're teaching me the things I was never taught. They're giving me a reason to still be around, and they gave me a chance to grow up. They're the only ones I have that don't look at me like a lost cause or like my past is written on my forehead. Until you actually get to know them, you have no reason to talk, so shut up."
I shoved him roughly on that last word, much to his surprise. I wasn't interested in hearing anything he had to say to that, so I turned in an attempt to walk away. He gripped my arm and turned me back around. I yelped a little, but he wasn't hurting me. I'd just been startled.
"A family doesn't do what they're doing." He hissed. "You're blinded by some false sense of heroism or something. I wouldn't be surprised if they were just keeping you to turn you later."
"Shut up." I snapped again, jerking my arm out of his hand.
"No, I'm serious." He said. "I don't know what it is about them that makes you and Bella so infatuated, but it's disgusting."
I jumped as Seth suddenly appeared at Jacob's side. Offering me a small, nervous smile as he pulled Jacob away a few steps. I was glad he did that, because I was fully prepared to punch Jacob in the mouth. Instead, I had some things I needed to say.
"You're disgusting." I barked after him. "I don't see you helping anyone."
"You don't know what you're talking about." Jacob argued in return. I looked at him around Seth when he decided to stand between Jacob and me.
"Neither do you." I replied as if Seth wasn't standing there. "I owe them my life. I don't know what your problem is, but I really think you should work on that." With that, I turned again.
"Go home, Cullen." Jacob called after me. "You're trespassing."
Seth immediately spoke. "No she's not." He looked at me. "No you're not."
I glared back at Jacob, but this time, I managed to walk away. I hated the way my anger at him brought tears forward.
Andrew approached my side, concerned.
"What was that about?"
"I don't know." I replied shakily, taking deep breaths. My attempts to hide my emotion failed, and I was in tears before I could get into Richard's car. I was so mad. Andrew climbed into the back seat with me, closing the door after him.
Andrew apologized almost non-stop all the way back to Forks, and all the way back home. Richard was dropping me off at home, instead of making it harder.
I felt tired as I got out of the car. I wasn't sure when that had started, but I was so suddenly mentally and physically exhausted. I was sure it showed as I was met at the front door by Esme first and Carlisle behind her. I could tell just by looking at them that they had actually been worried.
Esme kneeled as soon as I approached, hugging me.
"You scared me half to death." She scolded. "Do you know how worried we were?"
I looked down. "I'm sorry."
The second Richard was gone, I was taken inside instantly, hardly given a chance to linger.
"I was fine." I was so confused at their urgency. "Couldn't Alice see that? Why are you so mad?"
"All I saw was you getting into a stranger's car, being taken somewhere, and your future disappeared." She answered tensely.
I didn't know what to say or ask first, sitting down.
"But I'm fine." I pointed out. "I was fine the whole time. Why would my future disappear when I'm fine?"
"I don't see the details and circumstances you do, Leandra." She replied. "Remember? When I can't see you, it worries us. You need to stay away from the reservation."
"Why?"
"Because we can't go there looking for you if you disappear again."
"I'm so confused." I sighed. "And it wasn't some stranger. Andrew was with me."
"That doesn't mean much." She countered. "Josh and Zack were with you the night you ran off to Seattle to get Jack." She had a point. "Just stay away from the reservation, Leandra. Please."
"Okay." I muttered. "But why can't you go there?"
"It's complicated, sweetheart." Esme answered before Alice could.
"Do you think this will upset things?" Emmett asked, still tense. "It does say if 'a Cullen' crosses lines.."
"Bella went there all the time." Alice pointed out.
"She wasn't officially a Cullen yet." Emmett countered. "She wasn't being raised by us, either."
"I don't believe it'll be an issue." Carlisle replied. "Sam was aware of her before, and knows she's human. He also knows we haven't exactly told her everything. I think he'll understand."
"Is that what Jacob meant?" I asked, somehow having forgotten until now. "He said I was trespassing, but Seth said I wasn't."
"You were with them?" Alice asked, and I nodded.
"They were there." I shrugged. "But Jacob pissed me off so bad. Why does he hate you guys so much?"
"Sore loser." Emmett answered first. It seemed like way more than that, but they clearly didn't want to tell me.
Shaking her head, Rosalie turned and headed up the stairs. I couldn't blame her much. That was exactly what I felt like doing. Esme followed her first, Emmett next.
"Can I go get a snack?" I asked, and Carlisle nodded with a sigh. I was still hungry, surprisingly not still full from the sandwich I had awhile ago.
I stood back up and left the room. Toward the kitchen. I grabbed an apple from the bowl sitting there, bringing it around to the counter. I pulled the smallest knife I could from its place in the block sitting there.
"Leandra." Jasper had followed me. "I know it seems like that rule doesn't make much sense, but trust me. It's for a good reason." I was quiet, making the first cut into the apple in front of me.
"Andrew's grandma said there was a disagreement a long time ago." I replied. "What happened? It's just a stupid rumor, right?"
"All Carlisle did was hunt on their land." Jasper assured me. "They didn't feel comfortable knowing there were vampires around, so they made an agreement with Carlisle that his family could stay in peace, as long as we respected the boundary of their land."
"But that doesn't say anything about why Alice couldn't see that I was perfectly fine." I shook my head. "I mean, you could just ask Seth. He was there right from the start."
"That actually explains a lot." Alice came wandering in.
"No it doesn't." I sighed, irritated. "What aren't you telling me? And why aren't you telling me it?"
"Sometimes, there are things I can't see." She said. "There are limitations on my ability, and sometimes, something.. Or someone.. Can get in the way."
"So.." I frowned. "Seth got in the way?"
"You could say that."
"Why didn't you just say that?"
I was agitated, it was true. I was frustrated, because there was something I wasn't understanding, and I wasn't being as careful as I clearly should have been with my task of cutting this apple.
I brought the knife down a whole lot harder than I meant to, slicing through the apple a lot faster than I had time to react to, catching the skin of my thumb as it slid forward. The sudden shock of pain made me drop the knife I was using, but it was already too late.
Before I could even fully process the feeling of my skin being split, a sound froze me still, sending ice through me at the very same time.
"No!"
I never wanted to hear that tone of Carlisle's voice again. I heard his shout the split second before my back hit the wall behind me. Off my feet, pinned there by solid stone clasping my upper arms.
I had only enough time to look into Jasper's intensely black, violent eyes, my heart pounding and my stomach turning in sudden terror.
Alice tried to back him down. I heard the urgency in her quiet murmurs, but I couldn't hear what she was saying. I couldn't breathe, and I didn't even try. I literally felt my own heartbeat, and through the panic, I knew that Jasper heard it too. Alice was as ineffective as she would have been had she not even been there.
I hadn't even noticed Carlisle arrive, but he was there too.
Carlisle stood to Jasper's other side, the look on his face as terrifying as Jasper's was, but he wasn't looking at me. It took me another second to realize that the only reason I wasn't dead yet was because Carlisle had his arm stretched out firmly against Jasper's neck, stopping him from the side. He couldn't budge an inch.
But I was still stuck. It'd only been seconds, but I was still stuck.
"Jasper." I sobbed, unable to even cry. I couldn't even move enough to try to pry his hands open. I attempted to struggle, but I already knew I wasn't going anywhere.
Carlisle was muttering things to him that I couldn't hear over my own heartbeat. Of course, he could have been shouting them for all I could hear.
I quaked in his hands, and Carlisle's talk wasn't helping. Staring into Jasper's eyes, I could see as well as feel the war he was in the middle of, but he was losing. Carlisle was just strong enough to hold him back by himself. To keep him from reaching me, but pulling him away was a whole different thing. I could only imagine the amount of strength it took to keep him from me.
Alice was there, and she was still talking to him as well. She couldn't get to me from where she stood. He was blocking her, and he wasn't budging either.
His grip was hurting me so badly. I was literally inches from death, and I couldn't do anything. Instead of continuing to try getting away, though, I flattened myself back against the wall. Putting as much distance between me and his teeth as I could.
"Jasper." Carlisle's warning was angry, as was his growl of effort. To my shocked mind, I'd been here for hours, but it'd only been seconds. Not even half a minute.
Out of absolutely nowhere, everything on the counter hit the floor as Emmett literally leaped over it and tackled Jasper with all his weight. The floor thudded alarmingly as Emmett landed right on him. His knees firmly on his back, forcing him to the floor with a growl that matched the intensity of Jasper's anger.
I hadn't even made it to my feet after being dropped before Carlisle was wrapping me up into his arms, carrying me quickly passed Esme from the kitchen. Never in my entire time here had I ever been held so tightly or so protectively. By any of them, but that was a detail that didn't stick right then.
Through the suddenly closed door of his office upstairs, I still heard Jasper's fight. I couldn't help it. Covering my ears and hiding my face closer to Carlisle's chest, gasping out a sob as my tears finally caught up to me, and Carlisle sat down. Probably to hold me a little more securely, and so I could breathe easier.
"I'm sorry." I whispered to myself. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"Don't be." I heard Carlisle reply firmly, but that was another thing that barely made it through.
I wasn't sure how long I stayed right where I was. Several minutes had passed since Jasper's growls had faded, but I knew Carlisle needed that time to calm down as much as I did. I felt the tension leave from his arms around me, just enough to notice. His chin eventually rested on the top of my head, probably in relief, given his sigh.
I eventually did uncover my ears but I kept my head down, hidden as I cried. By now, the fear had faded, but my guilt took its place.
"I'm sorry." I said a little louder. "I-I didn't know-"
"It's okay, Leandra." Carlisle insisted. "Please don't apologize."
"I keep messing up."
"I wasn't going to let anything happen to you." He told me. I knew that, but that was the problem. I didn't want to come between anyone.
He pulled me back just enough to carefully lift the sleeve of my shirt. I didn't need to look to know that my arm was bruising. The shape of Jasper's hand ached to the bone. There was no way I couldn't bruise, and the other arm was the same way. He sighed, releasing my sleeve and hugging me again.
I never wanted to admit it, but I was still terrified, and I could still hear the sound of Carlisle's panic. I was mostly scared by the fact that he was scared. Whether I realized it or not, I'd begun looking to Carlisle in an unsure situation. His reaction usually calmed my own, but today, he was terrified, and that told me to be.
"You were so scared." I whimpered. I wanted him to know I noticed. His arm had been the only thing keeping me from instant death. I knew that fact wasn't lost on him either. I'd faced death before. It wasn't fun, and it did things that no other scenario could.
"Of course I was." He replied after a few seconds. "I came so close to losing you, and that was unacceptable to me. Leandra, I would have done whatever it took."
I closed my eyes.
"I don't want that."
"Neither do I." He sighed. "Jasper is as much my son as you are my daughter."
I suddenly couldn't imagine how hard of a decision that would have been. Just trying made my tears restart. I reached up and hugged his neck, resting my cheek against his shoulder. He returned it just as tightly.
Honestly, as bad as the situation had been, I felt something in that hug that I probably never would have had it never happened. It reached a part of me I hadn't realized still existed until now. Allowing him to hold me like this reached the part of me that still needed this safety. The safety of hugging my father like I was. How could I ever have been so stupid?
Like something had moved aside, and let me feel it. Like it finally made sense. All the times I was so afraid of letting him down. This was all he was offering me, and I'd turned it down every time. No matter what I believed before, or how hard I fought it, this feeling mattered. Not only just as much as all the others, but probably even more than all the others.
It was this connection that I needed more than I needed anything else. To believe without a doubt that I was loved, and protected, but above everything else, to believe that I was safe.
I was just sorry it took this happening before I'd let it in. Even Jack couldn't make it happen, as stupid as that sounded. It took Jasper nearly killing me before I would let myself see it.
My emotion couldn't last. I eventually just rested there, fighting to catch my breath.
"I need to talk to him." I whimpered, but still, I didn't move.
"He may need some time." Carlisle replied gently. That made me so sad. I knew pretty much from the start that my being here was tempting fate. I'd been made fully aware of the risks and as terrified as I'd been today, I knew it hadn't been his fault.
I held on as Carlisle stood back up, lifting me with him. I took the hint, though, and allowed him to sit me on his desk while he gathered supplies. Within a minute, he had the blood covering my thumb and part of my hand cleared away enough to take a look at the cut that had started everything. It was big. Definitely more than a paper cut, but it wasn't even that bad. He covered it with a thick bandage.
"It wasn't his fault." I mumbled as he cleared the bandage wrapper.
"He may not see it that way." He sighed. "I'll talk to him." I nodded, allowing that.
"Tell him I'm sorry." I requested quietly. "Tell him I didn't mean to be so scared."
"Leandra, you had every right to be frightened." He said. "The situation certainly called for it."
"I know, but I don't want him to feel bad. He did everything he could."
"How do you know that?" I wasn't wrong, but he was curious.
"I saw it." I admitted. "He was trying so hard to stop himself, but he was hurting so bad. All he wanted was to make the pain stop." He still seemed surprised, so I explained. "I told you I'm good at reading people. I used to have to be. You can find out a lot about someone just by the look in their eyes, even when they can't look at you. That, and I remember what he told me when you guys came back. He said that.. Any little break in my skin makes you guys hurt worse than usual."
"How is it, after all this time, you still can't seem to understand how amazing you are?" He finally asked. I shrugged a little. "I mean it, Leandra. You say these things, and you take us all off guard. Anyone else in your situation wouldn't be nearly as understanding or forgiving."
"It's the least I can do." I replied easily. "I've been given so much here. I can't hold it against him, or any of you, for being who you are. It's not gonna be perfect and easy all the time. Sometimes crap happens, and sometimes, it's gonna be messy and really hard, but that doesn't mean that everything else is pointless. It just means I gotta be more careful, and he can't be so hard on himself when I do something stupid." I sat in silence for a few seconds before I went on. "I'm more worried about him right now than I am about me."
"Esme is talking with him." He assured me. "And I will as well." I nodded, but I hesitated.
"Before you go.." I mumbled, keeping my eyes down. "Can I have another hug?" I couldn't help asking. I wasn't ready for that to end yet. In response, he lifted me up into his arms again and I hugged him. As tightly as I could.
I couldn't help it. My heart broke as I held onto him.
"Does this mean you're gonna leave again?"
I hadn't realized yet how much that fear still existed, but just asking that question brought forward just as much fear as Jasper had. I was so scared that because I was stupid, I was going to lose them. Absolutely terrified.
He seemed to be reminded as well. My silent but trembling sobs only emphasized that fear. I kept them silent, but my whole body shook with them.
"No." He replied gently, but firmly. "No, Leandra. We're not going anywhere." I was so afraid to believe him. I hurt in the worst way at the memory, but this time, I wasn't letting him go. I held onto him so tight it hurt me, but I didn't care. I would hold on as tightly as I could for as long as I could. They'd need a crowbar to get me to let go.
But he wasn't trying to make me let go. He was holding onto me in return.
I didn't see Jasper again the rest of the day. I didn't see much of anyone. I did get a huge bear hug from Emmett, though. Just before bedtime.
"You scared the hell out of me, shorty." He told me. "What were you thinking?"
"I wasn't paying attention." I whimpered into his shoulder. "It was my fault. I'm sorry." Stupidly, I started to cry.
I felt so horrible. One split second of time was enough to cause sickening guilt to crush me, and I just wanted a chance to apologize to Jasper. I'd never forget the pain I saw in his eyes, and knowing I caused it by one slip just made it worse.
I wasn't afraid anymore. It'd been explained to me over and over again, and by being told repeatedly, I'd had a chance to prepare myself. Just in case. It sure came in handy tonight when it came to understanding exactly what went wrong, but at the same time, it did nothing to prevent it.
That only got worse when I didn't see Jasper the entire next day either. Esme tried to tell me that it wasn't my fault either, but that wasn't how it felt. Nothing around the house really changed, except the knives were now kept up. I couldn't even use a butter knife until further notice. Scissors were off limits too. That was fair.
When I finally did see Jasper, the next morning, I hesitated in approaching him. He looked like he'd been beating himself up the entire time he'd spent away. Especially when he looked at me.
I knew he could feel just how heavily the guilt outweighed any fear I might have still had. Alice stood with him, beside the chair he sat in.
"I'm so sorry." I spoke first, and he looked down.
"Accidents happen, Leandra." He replied at the floor. "What happened wasn't your fault."
"I should have been more careful." I argued. "But I was mad-"
"Leandra, that doesn't matter." He nearly snapped. "It's my responsibility to stay in control at all times. With you, I can't afford not to be."
"You're still getting used to it, right? Just like me. What happened wasn't your fault either."
"It's not just about what happened." He replied, a little gentler. "It's about what could have happened, and the thoughts going through my head while I had you. I can't stand the thought. The way you felt, the emotions I was getting hit with, you were terrified." He shook his head.
"I couldn't help it." I admitted sadly. "But it's not all on you, and I'm not scared now." I knew he knew that. He was quiet so I went on. "I know what it's like to think things you don't wanna think, but I had to learn how to shut those up so they don't ruin things for me now." He looked at me. "Just means we try harder. Either we try harder, or you run away from it and nothing ever changes."
He finally took a breath.
"That cannot be allowed to happen again." He sighed. "Leandra, if Carlisle hadn't been exactly where he was-"
"I don't care." I mumbled.
"I do. I can't allow it."
Suddenly, I worried he was considering leaving the family.
"I'm only afraid you'll choose to run away." I admitted, and I knew he felt the way my heart broke again at just mentioning it. "I can't lose any of you guys again."
I looked down in the following silence, unable to properly hide the tears that refused to stay back. I honestly hadn't known how big of an issue this still was until I was faced with the possibility again.
I was more afraid of losing them than I was of losing my own life. My family had always worked perfectly when everyone was together. The thought of losing even a single one of them, for any reason, was impossible to comprehend.
"I suppose I don't have much choice, do I?" He finally sighed. I opened my mouth to reply, but all I could do was fight a sob.
"No." Alice replied for me. "We don't have a choice. There's no way we're leaving you, Leandra."
"Well, at least now we know what that feeling was all about." I looked over as Emmett walked into the room. He was wrong, but I didn't feel like arguing. I was actually afraid of bringing it up again. He smiled a little. "Cheer up, shorty. Like any of us could leave you."
I was trying to stop crying, but it wasn't working that well. Just the memory of what my life was like when they left me behind irritated the old wounds I still had, and I couldn't stop.
I just had to wait for the feeling to pass, so I looked back down, biting my lip in an attempt to stop its trembling.
"Do we have some unresolved feelings, shorty?" Emmett was the one to ask. Holding my breath for a few seconds, I sighed heavily and nodded. How could I not? Being abandoned that way was something I would probably never get over. He sighed as well. "We'll just need to work on that."
"I don't think it'll ever stop hurting." I mumbled when I could. "And I guess just thinking about it made it hurt again."
I didn't feel much better. I was hesitant to believe that everything was okay, but because of this, they now knew my priorities. How important they were to me, versus how important I was to myself. I would throw everything away if it meant I never had to face their absence again. Any of them.
"I know that what happened was bad." I added, my voice quieter. "But that doesn't scare me as much as losing someone. I'm more afraid of being alone, or making someone leaving than I am of dying."
"Well, you don't have to worry about that." Emmett assured me. "If Jasper tries to leave, I'll just drag him right back." I appreciated that. "Okay? So relax. None of us are going anywhere."
I took another, deeper breath and sighed it out with yet another nod.
"Now we have an even more pressing issue to talk about." He went on, and I looked over at him. "School."
I immediately groaned.
"Shorty, you've had the entire summer." He pointed out. "You're damn lucky they're even willing to let you come back."
Truthfully, that had been the longest summer of my life.
"I don't want to go back." I said. "I can't. Do you want everything to get bad again?"
"Hey." He frowned. "You're not a quitter, shorty. This isn't something you can just give up."
"He's right." Alice murmured from where she stood.
"I can't." I repeated. "Find another way, but I can't do that."
"What's worrying you about it?" Emmett asked, sitting down. I stood up.
"Oh gee, I don't know." I replied tensely. I crossed my arms insecurely. Something I hadn't had to do in quite awhile. I forced the sarcasm out of my voice as I spoke again. "I don't like hurting people."
"So don't."
"It's not that easy for me." I countered. "I'm not like them, remember? They know it, and I know it. Plus the more I hurt people, the worse it looks for you."
"You can learn." Emmett replied. "Come on, shorty. I know you can. Just try again."
"No I can't." I shook my head. "Please just find another way. I'm begging you."
I might have changed in so many ways during the summer, but I could feel that I was nowhere near being okay in that aspect. I just plain wasn't ready for that, and I probably never would be.
"Just a try." Emmett pressed, and I shook my head again.
"I won't." I changed my answer, but I was still quiet. "You can drag me out of bed, and you can even drag me there, but I'm not moving from where you put me."
I didn't miss the glance between Alice and Jasper.
"If you care about those humans at all, then keep me away from them." I muttered, sitting back down in a chair situated further away. I was literally drawing away, and I only realized it then, but I chose not to think about it. "I'm not safe."
"One week." I looked over at Esme's arrival in the room. "Give it a week, and if you still believe it's against your best interests, we can try plan 'B'."
"Can't I just try plan 'B' now?" I whimpered.
I rarely threw a fit about anything anymore. I rarely flat out refused to do something they asked of me. I'd done everything asked of me, including going to Jack's trial, and moving back in with my mom. I risked my own life to follow their lead, and I forgave them their mistakes, but this was something I'd always flat out refuse to do. That was probably why they were hesitant to push it harder, but I knew they were right. I had to at least try.
I needed to find normal again.
But what was my normal anymore?
Something was wrong. It wasn't what had happened with Jasper. It wasn't the fact that I'd upset them so much by going to the reservation. It wasn't even really the wedding. Something was wrong. Everything felt off. Like there was something moved or missing, but whatever that something was, it should be avoided.
I couldn't tell if it was me, or if it hadn't even happened yet, which was why I kept it to myself this time.
A/N: I'm SO sorry this chapter took so long. I'm so depressed lately. My stupid USB drive (holding every single back up of my earlier stories; including the two stories that would have followed this one) has died and I don't know how to get the stuff off there besides forking out $659 to get it recovered professionally. If anyone has any tips, it'd be appreciated. I've tried every Google option there is, but it's just not getting read by any computer I plug it into.
I managed to save the back up I have of this story because it was open when the drive died. I got to save it to my desktop, so we're okay there, but everything else has been lost. It's a huge hit to me.
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and I apologize again if it seems choppy or jumpy in places. Eight might take a bit, but it'll come.
THANK YOU to my awesome reviewers. I love you guys so much! THANK YOU!
:'(