Chapter Thirteen
"So.." I mumbled. "You can't leave the house? At all?"
At Jacob's pushing, they were finally filling me in. That same evening.
After telling me all about the wolves, the very same ones I saw in the clearing that day I watched them train, they moved on to tell me that those same wolves weren't happy. The same ones they fought alongside against the newborns had turned on them, which was a big problem.
It was enough to bother me, but it was a huge surprise to find out that Jacob was one of them. I had no idea Jacob could do something like that, but it made a whole lot of sense thinking about the events of the last few months.
"At all." Carlisle confirmed. "Not until this somehow gets sorted out."
"And Sam's not really up for conversation." Jacob added.
"They didn't do anything to me, though." I said, confused. "I didn't even see any stupid wolves."
"That's because you're human." Jacob replied. "You have no part in this. At least, you didn't when they saw you. Now, as much as they hate it, they'll see you as someone standing between them and protecting the tribe."
"What?" I scoffed, frowning. "That's stupid."
"They'll now see you as a willing participant." He paused. "And a vulnerability to the family."
"What's that?" I asked, unfamiliar with the word.
"It means you're a weak point, and a way through."
That made me a little nervous to hear, but I was glad to know this now. Just so I didn't do something stupid. Like go outside.
"This is stupid." I said again, shaking my head.
Bella was awake for once, but not happily so. The baby had managed to crack her rib earlier today, which I hadn't known. She looked sore and pretty miserable.
"They don't mess around when it comes to the safety of the tribe, or the humans in town. The unknown scares them. Especially when dealing with vampires." Jacob explained. "I can see where they're coming from." He paused, glancing to Bella. "But I don't agree with his method. And I damn sure don't believe in guilty by association."
"So.." I sighed, trying to figure it out. "I'm a target now?"
"Yes." Jacob nodded. "And a very easy one. They'll first do what they can to separate you safely, but.. I don't see that working."
Probably not.
"So that means I can't leave the house either." I mumbled and he shook his head. "Well, shit." He smirked again. I just whined. "Ugh! This is so stupid. This can't be legal, can it?"
"To them, it doesn't matter." Jacob repeated.
"Well, to me, it does." I grumbled, sitting back. "Maybe we just need to get really big rolled up newspaper."
"Right." Jacob said at Rosalie's laughter. "I think I'll go let Seth get some sleep." With that, he turned. Leaving the room, and soon the house.
"That wasn't very nice, Leandra." Esme pointed out, and I looked down.
"Sorry." I replied. "I just can't help it. What threat could I be? Really. I'll go talk to them-"
"Leandra." Carlisle didn't like the determination in my voice.
"It's not like I can do anything to them." I reasoned. "If anything happens, I'll-"
"If anything happens, you'll keep your butt out of the way, shorty." Emmett snapped gently. "The last thing we want is for you to get hurt."
I sighed, shrugging again before I suddenly thought of something.
"Wait." I sat up again. "Are they the reason you told me not to go onto the reservation anymore?"
"Yes." Carlisle answered quietly.
"And.. Are they the ones Alice says she can't see?"
"Yes." He replied again.
"I think I get it now." I nodded a little. "And I get why you couldn't tell me before."
I was understanding so much more now, but that didn't make things any easier. This was just a really bad situation, and pieces of it were still coming into focus.
"So.." I just thought of something else, looking up again. "If you can't leave, that means you guys can't hunt."
"We'll be alright, Leandra." Esme assured me. "Don't worry." I was definitely worried. That was something worth worrying about.
"Two humans in the house?" I asked nervously. "Without a way to hunt? I don't wanna hurt anyone."
"We'll be alright." She repeated, sitting on the armrest of the chair I was seated in. "You have enough to worry about, sweetie."
"Not really." I muttered. "I'm fine."
"After the day you've had?" She asked, and I nodded.
"He's not gonna do anything to me." I said. "Remember? He said so himself, and I believe him. I just have to be careful."
"I'm not sure I like how calm you're being about it." Emmett replied, and I looked over. "That's a pretty big deal, shorty."
"I've been through a lot worse." I reminded him. "And it's my fault he's here anyway. I brought this on myself, so I can't really complain about it."
"Sorry?" Emmett asked. "From what I remember, it was me that took out the garbage."
"I don't know how to explain it." I sighed. "I did so many things wrong. If it wasn't for me, Jack never would have been free at all. Remember?"
"Well, if it wasn't for him, you wouldn't have been that way in the first place." He countered.
"I don't know." I sighed again. "In some way, I wish I could just go back and fix everything I did wrong. Since it's not doing me any good, I wanna return this gift now. I hope my mom kept the receipt."
Nobody laughed, least of all me. I felt bad for admitting that I was bothered by it. They really did have enough to worry about without me adding onto it.
"No big deal, though." I murmured, keeping my eyes on my hands.
"You're doing it again." Carlisle said, and I looked up.
"Doing what?"
"Playing it down." He clarified. "Exactly what I said not to do." I hadn't even noticed.
"But I'm not." I replied, shaking my head. "I don't like Ken, but I get why he was mad at me." They were quiet so I went on. "It's the same reason why I was never mad at Josh or Zack for feeling sad about Jack. Ken might have treated Jack like crap, but he was his son. That's a big deal."
"We should have taken more of the smaller details into consideration." I glanced over at Alice's sigh.
"You didn't know anyone would even care." I reasoned. "I get that too."
"Yes, but because of that, you were targeted." She responded, and I shrugged.
"Only because I was stupid enough to get into his car in the first place."
"Will you quit trying to take all the blame?" Emmett asked. "Shorty, it's killing me."
"I can't, because I'm right." I countered.
"No, because you don't deserve any of it." He argued. "You'd already told us you were against the idea of killing Jack-ass, but I did it anyway."
"Because I let him in." I sighed, standing up. "Everything about this comes back to me and something I did. That's why I'm not gonna spend my life whining about how unfair everything is. I might not have deserved the way Jack treated me, or the things he did, but I do deserve blame for the way everything went wrong."
Emmett sighed.
"That's why I didn't just let that other vampire kill him." I went on. "I know to him it wouldn't have been a big deal, but to me, it is. I'm not gonna hide behind excuses like my mom has always done. I think this is something I'm gonna fix on my own when I get the chance. I'm not playing it down. I'm facing it."
"Leandra, some things cannot be fixed." Carlisle replied. "I think even attempting it would be extremely reckless."
Of course he was right.
"I know." I nodded. "I just mean I won't hide from it. I won't go looking for him, but I won't run either. And that's if he even bothers to try again. I probably won't even see him again."
"If Jack-ass was anything like him, you'll be seeing him again." Emmett grumbled, obviously unhappy.
I knew they'd have given anything to protect me from stuff like this, but this time, they couldn't. Ken was the consequence for not thinking ahead. The one I had to face.
The day faded to night, and I found myself pretty reluctant to go to bed, but I was pretty tired. Especially after the eventful day.
My dreams were interesting, though. Equal parts terrifying and comforting. Just glimpses, really, but they were just as bright as the day had been.
I honestly hadn't expected that stranger to make it into my dreams, but he did. Everything about that encounter with the stranger had made it so much easier to sort through the memory of Ken. I had somewhere else to look to make it better.
I woke thinking about that feeling I had. The way I couldn't shake the feeling that I was somehow supposed to meet that stranger. I definitely didn't mind that part, but I was a lot more bummed that I'd probably never see him again. That part was confusing.
I shoved those thoughts to the back of my mind as I finally rolled out of bed.
I was a little surprised to find that Edward and Rosalie were the only ones out in the living room with Bella. Rosalie sat in the chair adjacent to the couch, flipping through a magazine. Edward stood by the window, and Bella was snoozing, so I kept it down. It wasn't uncommon anymore.
"I'm not sure I like what I saw." He told me under his breath, and at first, I frowned.
"My dreams?" I asked just as quietly.
"That too." He replied, and I shrugged.
"Have we met before?" I asked. "Since when has anything good ever been in my head?"
"Although, it is interesting." He went on, but we both fell quiet as Bella stirred a little bit.
He nodded toward the door, and I nodded. He opened the door for me, and I walked out onto the porch. He followed.
"What's interesting?" I asked as soon as he shut the door.
"The level of instant infatuation." He answered, and I frowned again. I didn't know what he meant. "I never would have expected it to affect you like that."
"I'm still confused."
"The stranger?" He prompted, and it became clear. I was only slightly embarrassed, but not enough to get irritated.
"I dunno." I sighed, shrugging a little. "I don't think it's infatu-whatever."
"Infatuation." He chuckled slightly. "I do. I've seen it hundreds of times, and your thoughts don't lie."
"I just think he helped me."
"He was very kind to you." He allowed. "Which isn't very common, even considering the circumstances, but I really don't think seeing him again would be a very good idea."
"I know." I replied, which was true. I did understand that. I looked over. "What does infatuation mean?"
"An intense admiration." He explained. "You were drawn to him. Which is exactly what our kind is designed to do."
"Oh." I muttered. In that case, maybe I was. "Why is it interesting?"
"Because I would have expected you to be a little less susceptible, given who you live with." He smirked again.
"Maybe it's just him." I said, and he considered that for a second. "I don't get it either, but I'm not that worried about it."
I turned, looking back as the door opened behind us and Carlisle walked out.
"I've spoken to Heather." He informed me once the door was closed. "She's taken the precautions needed to ensure your safety there. The police are aware that he's been around, and though they can't exactly make him leave, he isn't allowed within a certain distance of her home or her family."
I nodded.
"She's willing to keep you for as long as it's needed." He went on. "She never even asked questions." My next landing pad was set up.
"I trust her." I nodded again. I looked over. "She might ask me, though. What should I say? I don't think a family emergency excuse is gonna cut it if I have to be there for months."
"She may not." He replied. "If she does, tell her you weren't filled in." I nodded. That was easy enough.
"How long until I have to leave?"
"Hopefully a few days." He replied, and I looked down. I had been gone so often now, that I had no clue it was getting that close. "But there is something else I think we need to consider."
"What?" I asked hesitantly.
"Possibly getting you there early." He answered. "If it's at all possible, I'd like to avoid you needing to witness what might happen regarding Bella."
That really put into perspective his expectation of the way this situation was going to end.
"I don't wanna go until I have to." I muttered. "I wanna stay as long as I can."
"But if the opportunity arises, I think it would be worth it. I want to be sure you're safe, and considering the events of yesterday and the discussion I had with Heather this morning, I believe it would be safer for you there than it is here right now."
"I'm safe here." I argued. "Just because a bunch of wolves are throwing a fit doesn't mean I'm not safe. I'm not scared of them."
"It's not necessarily them I'm worried about, Leandra." Carlisle replied. "We don't know how long they will hold out, and without being able to hunt, I'm genuinely concerned for your safety here."
"I'm not." I grumbled, but I did understand. I whined again. "But what if something happens? W-With me, I mean. I don't wanna be somewhere else if.." I trailed off, looking down.
"I know." He sighed sadly, but it didn't change anything. I really hadn't realized before how badly this would bother me. Now that I was actually faced with having to leave, everything sort of came up at once. Fast enough to take me off guard.
"Or.. What if something else happens?" I whimpered. "To you? I don't wanna be somewhere else." Before he could even try to tell me not to worry about them, I stepped forward and hugged him.
I knew it wasn't the case, but in a way, it really felt like I was losing my place. I didn't want to let that go. He returned my hug easily, and that helped, but it wasn't nearly enough to make it okay.
"You've been so brave throughout all of this." Carlisle told me. "Far more than I have the right to ask of you. I promise everything will be okay."
He couldn't promise that. He was trying to promise way too much and the fact that I immediately knew that bothered me. A lot.
"Just a few more days." I requested, looking up. "Please?"
And I read his response in his expression before he even said it out loud.
"We may not have a few more days."
Well, that was crushing. In such a short time, someone we all cared about might possibly be gone forever. At that thought, it sunk in further. I regretted having that realization, especially as Edward turned and walked inside.
I'd never really been faced with this kind of thing before, and I was confused.
I felt like I'd been confused since this whole thing started. Since the day of the wedding.
"As long as I can, then." I mumbled. "It feels too much like last year. Please don't make me go yet." He couldn't exactly argue with me on that. He just sighed, continuing to hug me securely.
I just needed to come to terms with it again. Finding out that it was so close completely shook me. I knew they weren't going anywhere, but I was. Just like when I had to live with my mom again. It was too similar, because his excuse for making me go then was the same as it was now. For my own safety.
It was "better" this way.
I was "safer" there.
They didn't want to "risk" it.
I started to cry. I'd been hiding the comparisons from myself. Now they were completely front and center, the one thing I was focusing on, and it was so much harder to be brave about this. Not when it was one of my worst fears.
"Please." I begged again, making my emotion known. As often as I'd wanted to leave lately, I always had the option to come back. It wasn't my family I wanted to leave.
"What's wrong?" I jumped a little at Seth's approaching voice. "Is she okay?" I didn't bother to turn or look back.
"She's a little hesitant to leave." Carlisle replied. "Though I can't blame her, this poses something of a problem."
"I don't blame her either." Seth replied. "The whole situation stinks, but that's just it. It's hard on everybody." I finally opened my tearing eyes and looked over at him. "I know how you feel, you know."
"How?" I asked, my voice thick.
"I can't go home either." He replied. "At least not until everything is over."
"I didn't think about it like that." I admitted, sniffling. I finally let go of Carlisle, and he let me step back. Seth smiled a little at me, before he looked at Carlisle.
"I'll talk to her." He assured him. "Maybe I can help."
When I didn't protest, Carlisle nodded. "Thank you, Seth."
"No problem." Seth replied easily before he looked at me. "Wanna go for a walk?" I frowned a little, so he clarified. "Around here."
Sure.
I nodded with a shrug, and he smiled at me. "Come on." He turned and headed down the steps. For some reason, I followed him.
"You don't have to worry." He started as soon as we made it off the steps. We started walking. "I'm not gonna let anything happen to them."
"I know." I mumbled. "But it's not that. I know they can take care of themselves. I just hate being anywhere without them, and it's too much like last year."
"What happened last year?" He asked, looking down at me.
"When they left." I clarified, and he nodded a little.
"I remember a little bit about that." He replied.
"I still remember every second." I sighed. "I'm so scared it's gonna turn out the same way. Them leaving me behind the second they can."
"I'm sure it wasn't like that."
"It felt like it." I admitted. "And now this time feels like it did that time. I don't wanna go, but I know I have to go."
"You feel like they're going to leave?" He asked. "The way you feel things?" He must have been told about my frustratingly undeveloped ability. I didn't really care that he knew.
"I don't know." I mumbled. "I can't tell if it's real or if I'm just freaking myself out, but it's definitely a bad feeling. I was sort of okay with it before, but when he said I should go early, I got scared. I'd give anything just to stay here. I hate that I even have to go somewhere else. Just because I'm the stupid human."
"Hey." He looked over. "Don't say that. Your family loves you just the way you are. Human and all. They only want to make sure you're safe."
"I know all that." I sighed.
"But you don't believe it?"
"I believe it." I argued. "I just.. I dunno. What if?"
"You'll drive yourself nuts thinking about all the what if's." He pointed out. "Nothing changes just because you worry about it."
"But what if?" I pressed. "If anything happens to them, or if they don't want me anymore, what'll I do?"
"I know it's a little rocky right now." He said. "It'll get better. I'll personally make sure they're safe, and even if they wanted to, I wouldn't let them leave you. You're just as much a part of the family as anyone. It sounds like they're gonna let you stay another day or two." Taking a breath, I nodded.
I wanted to let that make me feel better, but it was really hard.
We only circled the house, heading towards the back but we were closer to the river this way, and I jumped at the sound of something running by. It was too fast for me to see, but it sounded huge. I felt each running impact from where I stood.
"That's just Leah." He assured me. I believed that easily.
"She's fast." I forced a small laugh. I looked in the direction she'd gone, but couldn't see her. "Doesn't she need help?"
"Nah." He replied. "I'm technically resting."
"What's it like?" I was curious. "Turning into a giant wolf?"
"I like it." He shrugged. "It's actually pretty cool."
"I wish I could do something like that." I smiled a little, and he looked over.
"I wish I could do what you can do." He countered. "How cool would that be?"
"Not cool at all." I shook my head. "Trust me. This sucks."
"You're still getting the hang of it, right?"
"No." I muttered flatly. "It's not doing anything now. I can't figure it out."
"You will." He nodded.
I wasn't so sure, but I shut up. He was trying to be reassuring.
I spent the rest of the day outside. I even got spend some time in the tree house, but it just made me more sad. I was really going to miss my home, and I wanted to remember everything about it.
So I started noticing things. Things I never imagined I'd notice before. Little things. Tiny things. Sights, sounds, smells, everything I could remember.
I noticed more things about me as well. A freckle I never knew I had on the underside of my toe. Just a small one on the second toe of my left foot, and I thought what an odd place for a freckle to show up.
The slightly irritating way my hair would tickle my face when the breeze blew from the west. How long my hair was getting, falling down passed the center of my back, and as Alice would say, how I needed a trim. The color a dark brownish red, just like it had been my entire life, but it seemed just a little lighter today.
The next day was spent watching my family. I was no longer a worry, most of the time off in my own little world of noticing things, but staying out of trouble just the same, so it wasn't often I interacted with them much. Not to mention the fact that their eyes had grown significantly darker, and that concerned me a bit.
Bella had been sicker today. Just as I knew would happen. Almost overnight, she was worse. So quick. Very quickly now, and she was watched even closer. I could walk through the room without a single glance my way.
Noticing the way that, overnight, my family grew more concerned about Bella, and less concerned about me. As petty as it sounded, that bothered me. I tried to deny it, to refuse to let it bother me, but there was no way.
I had been missing my friends today, but I knew I'd be seeing them soon enough, so I hadn't been tempted to try getting there. I didn't feel like going anywhere. I was going through plenty of things myself, so I didn't want to be anywhere but home. While I still could.
So I sat on the top step of the porch tonight.
"Hey." I looked up and over at Seth's approach. He seemed to be doing better. Behind me, Jacob left the house, walking right by me like I wasn't there. It was easier that way.
"Hey." I replied to Seth.
"Whatcha doing?" He asked, sitting on the step beside me. I was a little surprised he still wanted to talk to me, even when he didn't have to, but I wasn't complaining. I liked him.
"Sitting here." I shrugged a little.
"I see that." He smirked.
"That's all I'm doing." I clarified. I didn't really know how else to answer him.
"Cheer up." He nudged me gently.
"I can't." I sighed, resting my chin on my drawn up knees. "I heard it takes months before a newborn can even start learning how to control themselves."
"Doubt it." Seth offered, and I looked over. "Come on. Months? With this many people keeping her out of trouble?"
I hadn't thought of that.
"They're not going to keep you there for months." He shook his head. "No way. They know all the tricks, and they're gonna teach her. You'll see. I'm gonna say two weeks, tops."
"I can do two weeks." I nodded easily. "I can even do four, but I'm so scared it'll be longer." I sighed again. "My stomach hurts."
"Trust them." He said. "Don't worry so much." I was a little surprised when he reached over and hugged me into his side, but I didn't mind it. It was nice to matter again.
I looked back as the door opened again, and Carlisle stepped outside. I read his expression just as easily as Seth seemed to. He wanted to talk to me.
"I'll be inside." Seth laughed a little, standing up.
It was silent for a moment after he disappeared inside. I lowered my head again, and I knew he was no stranger to my insecure posture. He'd seen it more than anyone else, and that fact wasn't lost on me.
"I understand where you might have gotten confused." He started, sighing as he sat down beside me in Seth's vacated spot. "I'm sorry I haven't kept you as informed as I should have, but until now, we weren't sure which direction this would go." I glanced over at him, so he continued.
"You won't be gone for longer than it takes for us to assess Bella as a newborn." He explained. "We need to get to know her and her behaviors before we dare letting you two around each other. She won't be staying here permanently."
"What about the baby?" I asked quietly.
"That's a different matter entirely." He sighed. I could see the thought still worried him. "It seems it has developed a craving for blood."
I winced. I wasn't sure what I was thinking before, but somehow, that made sense.
"We'll keep closer watch on it and Bella's appetite, but this is a good thing." He added. "Any kind of further understanding is a good thing."
"True." I mumbled. Knowing some things was a whole lot better than not knowing anything. I frowned. "Wait, how did you figure that out?"
"We tested it." He explained. "Upon ingesting it, Bella's situation immediately turned around."
I knew what he meant by ingesting it, but I didn't think about that too much. I looked over, now a little hopeful.
"She's doing better?"
"Already." He confirmed. "I need to keep a close eye on her, to make sure it lasts, but it's a relief."
I nodded. It was a relief.
"Leandra, I know it's been hard the last couple of days." He went on, and I lowered my head again. "I know it's been so hard for you to deal with, and I'm sorry you had to at all."
"You're just doing the best you can." I mumbled, shrugging a little. "Nobody knew this was gonna happen. I just kinda miss it, you know?" I hesitated. "But if I'm not gonna be gone for months, I'll be okay."
"Seth's estimate is about right." He nodded. "Two weeks at the most." I took a deep breath and nodded. That made this a whole lot better.
I was suddenly so glad I stuck around.
"I am worried." He went on, and I looked over. "I'm so worried about you."
"Me?" I frowned.
"Leandra, you've proven lately that your judgement isn't the best." He reminded me, and I looked down.
"I don't know why." I sighed, shrugging a little. I didn't have an answer for him.
"I need to be sure you'll stay out of trouble."
"I'm just a magnet for trouble." I pointed out.
"Show me a child that isn't." He countered, and I shook my head.
"Most parents don't have to worry about the stuff you have to worry about." I countered his counter, giving him a look. I was right, and he knew it.
"You're also not like most children." He murmured, interested now.
"I never said I was. You compared me to them first." I was having fun now. Outsmarting Carlisle really wasn't something easy to do.
"I never compared you to them." He corrected. "I only said that most children find trouble. You, on the other hand, seem to find it more often, and in outrageous quantities."
Well, damn.
"You got me there." I laughed a little, sitting back. It was quiet for a moment as my smile slowly faded, and I looked down. "I've been a little stuck on it too. I'm not trying to be perfect. I just wanna be okay. I just want someone to tell me that I won't grow up, and be someone everybody hates."
"I can guarantee you won't." His tone had me look up. "I guarantee that right now." He was so sure. I smiled a little.
"I'd rather be like you." I admitted. "But that's probably not possible."
"Thank you." He said. "It is possible, Leandra. One day, you'll see the amazing potential in yourself. You're still so young. Give it time."
"I don't feel that young." I sighed. "I swear, I was really born thirty years ago. I just look eleven."
He chuckled. "Sometimes I truly wonder."
"Do I bother you when I ask things?" I asked, curious.
"Definitely not." He smiled. "You're looking for knowledge. Or answers to the many questions you're bound to have. I love to help any way I can."
"You've helped me plenty." I reminded him. "I feel a little bad."
"Why?" He asked, frowning a little.
"Because I can't give anything back." I said. "You give everything, but I can't give anything to you in return."
"You're not expected to." He told me. "And you give plenty."
"Plenty of headaches." I laughed, looking over.
"You've always been the very definition of strength, Leandra." He corrected. "From the very day I met you. By choosing to tolerate us for what we are, you deny your very nature just as much as we attempt to deny ours. By choosing to do so, you allow us to witness what it means to stand strong."
"Tolerate you?" I asked, surprised, and he looked down. "Is that what you think I do?" That made so much sense, I felt like I'd been slapped awake. He didn't reply, so I laughed a little. "Carlisle, I couldn't live without you. When I'm in trouble, out there somewhere, all I can think about is getting back home. That has to mean something. I mean, I know I mess up a lot, but without you, I would never have had the chance to mess up at all."
"That doesn't change the fact that you're human, Leandra." He murmured. "You're not meant to accept us for what we are."
"Yeah, I'm human. So what?" I asked. "I'll be like you one day a long time from now. Then you'll never be able to get rid of me." I smiled a little, trying to ease his obvious worry. "Just because I'm human doesn't mean it's a bad thing that I'm learning to be like you. It's harder for me, but when have I ever picked the easy way?"
That got him to smile a little also, chuckling quietly.
"There's nothing wrong with vampires adopting a human." I insisted, getting more comfortable. "It's just like those shows on TV about a cheetah that adopts a gazelle, or a tiger that adopts a little piggy, or something. It's just like that." I glanced back toward the door at Emmett's laughter, unable to keep from laughing as well. "It's a little weird, but there's nothing wrong with it. The way I see it, all that matters is that you mean the world to me, and I must mean something to you, because you saw something in me that I still don't see in myself. It shouldn't matter that I'm not like you. It doesn't matter to me, anyway. It never has."
"You're definitely wise beyond your years, Leandra." He nodded a little, standing with a slight sighing chuckle. I stood up also, following him as he made his way back into the house. I walked along beside him as we headed in to no doubt check on Bella again.
I got to see for myself that Bella was doing a lot better. She didn't quite look healthy yet, but she didn't look quite dead anymore. She was upright, which had become rare these days.
This was one of those things that I hadn't fully realized how bad it was getting until I noticed that she looked better.
Her having to drink blood did make sense in its own way, because the baby was half vampire, and from what I understood about pregnancy, what the baby wanted went, but the fact that she didn't mind doing it grossed me out to no end. I didn't particularly like the taste of blood, as I'd tasted it on more than one occasion recently, but the thought of actually drinking it straight made me shudder and not stop.
But it was helping her. I was only going to be happy for her.
Carlisle continued through the room, though, once he'd checked on her. To my surprise, and I followed as he made his way into the next room. Where Edward stood waiting. He must have called Carlisle. He glanced to me, but didn't ask. Knowing my attachment.
"There isn't a lot of blood here. Maybe two days worth." Edward sighed, and Carlisle sighed as well.
"She'll need more."
"I can give some." I suggested, and Carlisle smiled a little. Edward following suit.
"No, Leandra." He said. "That's very kind of you, but no."
"I won't miss it." I insisted.
"I think you've lost enough blood in your life." Edward pointed out.
I frowned a little as involuntarily, the memories of all the times I'd lost significant amounts of blood crawled through my head. More specifically, the courthouse where I nearly died. I shivered at the memory, reaching up unconsciously and touching the area of my shoulder that held my scar. I had a matching spot on my back, but that spot was harder to reach.
"True." I mumbled, sighing a little. As much as I wanted to be helpful, I also kind of liked my blood right where it was.
"And the last thing we need is the baby to get a taste for your blood." Edward added, and I shook my head. Yeah, that'd be bad. I couldn't help wondering, though. Didn't all blood types taste the same?
It turned out I was more tired than I thought I was. I fell asleep that evening, long before nightfall, and woke up the next afternoon. Very disoriented. It'd been a very long time since I'd slept that hard.
I'd woken up with a nervous knot in my stomach, and as I climbed out of bed, my hand rubbed my stomach. Trying to ease it. I hated waking up like this.
I sensed the change in Bella and Edward just by looking at them on my way through the living room. I watched Edward and Bella as they sat cuddling on the couch, and the way they seemed close again made me smile a little. Something new had happened, and though I didn't know what it was, I knew it was a good thing. Hopefully it helped her.
It'd been too different for too long. A little bit of normal was really needed.
I found Carlisle and Esme talking to Jacob, and I waited just out of hearing range. Not wanting to be rude. Seconds after the front door closed, Jacob leaving, Carlisle and Esme found me.
"How are you feeling, honey?" Esme asked, pressing her palm to my forehead before I answered. The worry in her eyes told me she was fully aware of how long I'd been sleeping.
"I'm okay. Just kinda out of it, and my head hurts, but I wanna be around right now." I admitted. "I know I'm in the way, but I miss you." Carlisle gave me a soft smile, sighing a little.
"I'll get you something." He finally said, turning toward the stairs. It was difficult to concentrate today.
"Tonight, I want you to get plenty of rest, okay?" Carlisle returned two seconds later. "We won't be here, so just sleep."
"Where are you going?" I asked, taking the pill he offered.
"We are going to attempt a hunt tonight." Esme explained, smoothing her hand over my forehead again. Trying to comfort me, no doubt, after news like that.
"With the wolves still out there?" I asked, worry in my tone now. "You can't do that."
"We'll be okay." Esme told me. "Emmett is coming along, and Jake is willing to help us."
"I don't care." I gasped, shaking my head. "Don't go."
"It'll be alright, honey." She murmured, hugging me into her side. "I don't want you to worry."
"Too late." I was surprised to find I was nervous enough to cry. "Don't go. Find some other way."
"Leandra, we have to." Carlisle finally spoke up. "We have to do everything we can to help Bella. We'd do the same for you."
"I wouldn't want you to." I replied, wiping the few tears that escaped away. Whimpering a little, shaking my head. "Please?"
"I'm sorry." He said. "We'll be alright, Leandra. Please believe that."
"I wouldn't let anything happen to them, shorty." Emmett suddenly stood in the doorway. "You're worrying again."
"I know I am." I sniffled. "I just don't want anyone to go anywhere."
"Alice will keep an eye on you." Carlisle informed me. "So stay inside. Don't go anywhere." I pursed my lips, but didn't reply, so he went on. "Things are going to happen fast. I want to be sure we're ready for anything it takes, but that includes you."
"Me?" I sniffled.
"I want you to be ready to go as soon as you need to be picked up." He clarified.
That gave me a direction. Something else to focus on besides the panic, and I easily recalled that I wouldn't be gone that long. I just needed to pack a bag for two weeks at the most.
That, and I had to believe they knew what they were doing. That wasn't hard for me to do, because they'd proven it time and again.
I sniffled hard this time, breathing in deep. "Okay. I'll be ready."
Without waiting, Carlisle reached out and hugged me. I could tell he didn't like this any more than I did, and that made a big difference.
I worried the entire rest of the day, following Carlisle around the rest of the day. My nervousness only getting worse the closer it came to nightfall.
I refused to tell anyone about how close my nervousness was to dread, only getting more agitated the closer it came to becoming pure dread. It was there, I knew it. I felt it. I couldn't ignore it, so when Carlisle stood to leave the room that night, I reached out and grabbed his wrist.
It immediately struck me how similar that move was to the way I'd done that the day I first met him. Desperation had moved me.
"Don't go." I whined, and he sighed, kneeling in front of me.
"We won't be gone long." He tried to ease my worry. "I'll make sure of it. I want to be as strong as I can for Bella. You know the only way to do that is to hunt."
"I know." I mumbled. "I just.. I don't want you to go."
"We'll be back before you know it." He gave me a smile, which I couldn't return. He stood, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. "Get some rest tonight, Leandra. Please."
I didn't reply, and I kept my eyes down now as he let go of my hand. He turned, leaving the room. It took every ounce of control I had not to follow him.
Standing, I left the room once I heard the front door close downstairs, and I knew it was their only open window. I hated having them already so far away. I headed downstairs into my room.
I rubbed my nervous stomach, turning away from the window. I hoped, prayed this time I was wrong. That I didn't have to be nervous. There really was a lot to be nervous about, and I knew that. Carlisle, Esme and Emmett out there with wolves that would do whatever was necessary to get to Bella. Bella ready to give birth any day now. I knew something was coming, something was going to happen soon.
It might not have been tonight, but in the next few days, at least.
The fact that I felt this dread the moment I was told they were leaving that night worried me. I didn't want anything to happen to them, but I felt the dread plain as day. I felt something would happen, and yet here I was, not saying a word about it and powerless to stop anything from happening.
This feeling scared me, and I'd have given anything to have Carlisle and Esme back home. Them being home meant safety. I recognized that, and I always had. Usually it was me leaving them. Hardly ever did they leave me. It made me uncomfortable, edgy. Nervous.
I returned to my room, and I tried hard to ignore the pounding of my heart as I grabbed a duffel bag from the top of my closet. I hated this thing, and despite how much I tried to, I couldn't calm down.
So I thought, and I thought hard about what I could tell myself to make this situation alright.
Was this really dread I felt? I ignored the truth of that question.
Was my nervousness just a product of my abandonment fears? Whenever he or Esme had gone hunting, I'd always be asleep. Never aware of their absence, in case I needed them. This was what I had to get over. I had to just get over it, and learn how to be apart from Esme and Carlisle. I was probably just working myself up over nothing. Emmett was with them. They were probably perfectly fine.
They were fine, I told myself as I chose clothes to pack into said bag. Nothing was going to happen. Nothing would happen, and they'd be home soon. I still cried, however. It bothered me a great deal to have them leave me like that.
A knock at the door had me turn around.
"Yeah?" I asked quietly. The door opened, and to my surprise Jasper walked in. His eyes were still blacker than the night outside, but I trusted his judgement. If I was honest with myself, I expected him to talk to me.
He lifted his hand, holding a bar of chocolate and a can of soda with a smirk. "I thought you could use some company." I smiled a little, nodding as I sat down on the bed beside my bag. He stepped in and closed the door behind him, sighing as he crossed the room.
"Carlisle wouldn't be happy if he knew I was feeding you candy and soda before bed, but.. I don't care." He sat down on the side of the bed, just on the other side of my bag. I accepted the feel-better bribes with a small smile.
"Thanks." I sighed, crossing my legs. "I still don't feel any better about this. I hate feeling like this so much."
"I know." He replied, and I knew I'd found the main source of his concern. I nibbled on a piece of chocolate, sighing quietly. He looked down at my bag, knowing what it was for.
"Is it bad that I just want everything to be over?" I asked hesitantly. "Not in a bad way, I mean, but.."
"I know what you mean." He said. "No, it's not bad of you. You're craving stability, and nobody can blame you for that."
That was it. I hadn't had the right word for it.
"You've handled this a lot better than we expected." He went on. "Even when it seems like we weren't paying attention, there's no way we couldn't."
"I know." I replied, nodding. "I get it now. I was jealous there for a minute."
"I know." He repeated, nodding. Of course he knew.
"When everything's over, can we just go back to the way things were?" I asked sadly. "Before I made all those stupid choices."
"About that." He sighed. "Leandra, we're taking no chances with Ken."
I hated that thought, looking down.
"If he's brave enough to kidnap you that way, he's stupid enough to try something." He clarified. "If he continues to be a problem.."
"I know." I didn't need him to keep going.
"We're trusting Heather with your safety." He went on. "That means she needs to be able to trust you."
"I'm not gonna be stupid again. I wanna live to come back here eventually." I sighed, shaking my head. "I just don't know."
"Just try-" He cut off, looking quickly over at the door. The intense worry in his eyes had me stand instantly.
"What's wrong?" I asked, watching as he stood as well, his eyes still on the door. When he didn't answer me, I turned.
Heading straight for the door myself.
A/N: Silly, Leandra.
I might have skipped ahead a bit. I wanted to get a move-on, and to avoid sounding like a broken record, I took a lot out.
I also know this chapter was kind of choppy. I hope it was still worth it to read. :{
I've had so much on my mind, and I'm only bound to get more after today, so I wanted to get this out to you guys while I could.
THANK YOU! To those amazing reviewers of last chapter! You guys make my bad days so much better! THANK YOU!
I realize I'm starting to sound like a broken record anyway, but chapter fourteen might be a bit of a wait. I'll be doing my best to get it out sooner. Mainly because of the killer cliffhanger I just left you guys on lol
Until fourteen, my friends! (: