Chapter Fifteen
Waking up the following morning, I felt the difference. I wasn't sure if it was left over from the day before, but that sense of impending something was getting worse. It could have meant anything, though, which made it harder to figure out what it was.
It could have been my own doing, or that stupid gift coming back, trying to torture me. Either option had a ton of options with them, and I just couldn't afford to feel that right then, so I did the stupid thing and ignored it.
"You snore a little." I jumped as Zack suddenly leaned over the edge of the top bunk to look at me.
"No I don't." I grumbled, curling tighter in the blanket. Josh was already up and in the shower.
"Yup." He replied. "But it's okay. It's just a little, and you talked last night too."
"Wait." My stomach dropped. "I did?" That was new.
"Yeah." He confirmed, pausing long enough to drop down and land on Josh's bed to sit with me.
"What did I say?"
"It was really hard to hear you." He replied. "It was more like under your breath, but you sounded really scared."
I hid my face. My first thought went to one of my familiar memory nightmares. That was the last thing I needed.
"Who's Aro?" He asked, and that confused me enough to look up.
"Why?"
"Because you mentioned someone named Aro." He explained.
I'd heard about him a few times, very few details, but I didn't know that much. Definitely not enough to know why I'd dream about him or if he could even be the reason behind that worry.
"My dad's cat." I mumbled that excuse, but I was lost in thought. This was more than enough to mention to my family, though. This was a new thing, and I knew at very least Alice would want to know about it. They would know more about it than I did, considering I only heard about him from them.
"Cats are mean." He shrugged, and he seemed to buy it. I laid there as he sat beside me cross-legged. Oddly, it wasn't often I got to talk to Zack alone. He always seemed like a natural background side-kick. Someone supportive, but just fine with someone else calling all the shots.
"So." He spoke again, and I looked up. "What do you think?"
"About?" I asked, a little cautious.
"Andrew." He clarified, and I understood.
"I dunno what to think." I sighed. "It seems like he's hiding something."
"Right?" Zack asked in agreement. "He was acting weird all day yesterday."
"Maybe he's just not ready to tell anyone yet." I suggested, and he shook his head.
"I've known him awhile." He argued. "That was weird for him. I've seen what he's like when he doesn't wanna talk about something, and that was more."
"I know what you mean." I admitted sadly. "I hate pushing him about it, though."
"Think we should?" He asked, wincing a little.
"Maybe a little." I muttered, and he nodded. We both looked over as Josh returned to the room, effectively ending the conversation. He was already mostly dressed, his hair damp but brushed back.
"Your turn." He gestured to Zack. "And use deodorant today, or sit by yourself on the freaking bus." Zack immediately rolled away off the bed. He grabbed a pile of his clothes and shed his pajama shirt on the way out the door. I stayed.
"What were you two talking about?" Josh asked, only mildly curious as he fished a pair of socks out of the top drawer of the dresser.
"Andrew." I answered. I didn't see a reason he shouldn't know that.
"Ah." He nodded, sitting on the side of his bed. "Yeah." He didn't seem to have a lot to say about it. He was quiet as he pulled his socks on. I let it go.
Instead, I chose to finally sit up and stretch. A huge yawn followed.
"Tired?" Josh laughed a little. "Seemed like a hell of a dream."
"Aw." I slouched. "I woke you up too?"
"You kicked me like three different times." He informed me. "Hard too, like.. How many of your toes are broken?"
What did that tell me?
"I don't remember any of that." I admitted. "I'm sorry."
"I thought people were paralyzed when they slept, to stop them from doing that kind of stuff." He was more confused than upset.
"They are?"
"That's what we were taught in class." He said. "It's part of some big process or whatever. It's pretty cool."
"Maybe I dream from a different part." I shrugged.
"Anyway, it's okay." He laughed again. "I would have woken you up, but I wasn't sure if you'd punch me."
"Probably a good idea." I mumbled, concerned.
The morning went on, and I was stupidly lonely the second they left for school. I found it a little weird that Carlisle or Esme hadn't called me since I left, but then I thought about it. They were probably really busy and dealing with a lot.
It was nice to think rationally once in awhile.
I spent all morning in the boys' room. Seated on the window sill, pretending to read a book.
All the things I'd noticed about home, only a few days ago, were scrolling through my mind. I missed everything about it. I'd fallen in love with the isolation of it. Every little breeze through the miles of trees in every direction, and the birds in those trees. The sound of the river spoke to me far more than the streets and cars of town did.
I missed my tree house too, just as much as I missed the people that built it for me. I stared out the window, spacing out as I thought about how much I wanted to just be there.
I wanted my family back. The ones I had in the beginning.
Lunch was silent between Mark and I. He mentioned that Heather was working through lunch, so she wouldn't be home until later, but that was about it. I knew he could tell I had a lot on my mind, but he never pressed it. Even when I didn't eat much.
I knew it. I hated it, and I fought it, but I sensed it. A bad night was coming. I could tell by the way my heart was a little more broken than usual. The fear was stronger, the sadness more painful. Everything was raw, and that was how I knew I was going to have a bad night.
I wondered, numbly, what I'd dream about that night.
I spent the few hours after lunch beating it back. I had a face to put on. I couldn't not be okay. Not because I didn't trust them, but because I hated myself for it.
I was standing by the door, waiting impatiently for the boys to get home from school. I needed distraction so badly, but I knew waiting outside would just get me in trouble. I briefly noted how clearer boundaries needed to be set.
The second the door opened, and I saw that Andrew wasn't with them, I caught Zack by the wrist and pulled him along with me right back out the front door. He laughed, barely managing to throw his backpack through the front door.
Josh did a little double-take.
"We'll be back, dad." Josh called into the house. "We're taking Leandra for a walk." I knew he meant that as a joke, but it was more than a little true.
We caught up to Andrew right as he was reaching his front door.
"Hey." I called, running ahead. He looked back, smiled a little and shook his head, but he waited.
"I think you should start going to school again." He told me as I reached his side. "You're going nuts by yourself all day."
"You said." I reminded him in a whisper, and his smile faded a little in hesitation. He really wasn't looking forward to this.
He sighed. "I guess I should tell you. You're gonna find out eventually, anyway, because she's coming over tonight." I bounced a little in my impatience. He looked to Josh and Zack lingering on the sidewalk. "Can you guys wait out here for a minute?"
"Sure." Zack agreed easily.
I walked in first, and Andrew followed me.
"I don't mean to be pushy about it." I was so afraid he was going to hate me.
"No, it's okay." He sighed as he closed the door. "I would be too. It's taken me awhile to even be okay with it."
That surprised me.
"Just promise me you won't take it out on me." He started up the stairs. "I did everything I could to reason with him."
I walked into his room first. Crossing the room toward the window before turning and facing him.
"Just tell me who it is." I whined. "I hate this. I hate not knowing."
He closed his bedroom door behind him, turning to face me, hesitation in his every feature. He braced himself for a second before answering.
"Um.." He looked down. "It's.. Your mom."
I lost my breath for a second.
"What?" I asked flatly when I could. "I really hope you didn't just say-"
"It's your mom." He nodded. "She's my dad's new girlfriend. Um.. Yeah, I just-"
"No." I held my hands up. "Ew. No."
"I said the same thing at first." He shook his head. "I told him I knew you wouldn't like it, but he says it's not up to me."
"It's up to me, and I say no." I shook my head. "What's he even thinking? I thought he was smart."
"I don't know." He sighed. "He said he just likes her, and since they're both single-"
"Gross!" I snapped, turning away. I had no idea how I felt about that, but strangely, I wanted to pull my hair out. "No. Ew. This is way too weird." I covered my face.
I shuddered. It was bad enough when her new boyfriend was some stranger. Now it was my best friend's dad.
"Ew!" I whined, the disgust renewing. "Ew, ew, ew!"
"Why's she freaking out?" We both looked over at Josh's arrival in the doorway. So much for waiting.
"Should we tell him?" Andrew asked, but I still had my face covered. I doubled over, trying not to imagine stuff.
"Tell me what?"
"My dad and her mom are dating each other." Andrew explained, and I whined through a sob.
"Gross." Josh laughed. "That's funny."
"What's funny?" Zack arrived behind him.
"Her mom and his dad are going out." Josh explained with another laugh. Zack joining in.
"It's not funny." I snapped, standing upright again and looking at them. "It's weird."
"Why?" Josh asked. "It's not that big of a deal."
"Because I don't need a new mom." Andrew replied before I could figure out how to word my complaint.
"Especially not her." I gasped. I hadn't even thought of that yet.
"Maybe he'll be good for her." Zack shrugged, walking in and parking himself in the desk chair. "Weirder things happen all the time."
"Okay, you're fired." I grumbled. He laughed.
"Seriously, though." Josh added. "If they get married, what's that make you guys?" He pointed to me and Andrew.
"Shut up." I snapped at him again. "They won't get married."
"They wouldn't be anything." Zack replied. "She was adopted, remember? That means she doesn't belong to her anymore."
"True." Josh allowed, sitting down on his bed. He shook his head with another laugh. "All that just seems kinda messy." I ignored that.
"I'll talk to her." I vowed.
"No, wait." Andrew's reply surprised me.
"Why?" I asked flatly.
"Zack might be right." He pointed out. "He might be good for her. Think about it. She's had the worst luck with guys." I pursed my lips and rolled my eyes. I knew that better than anyone. He went on. "I know my dad's a good guy. Why shouldn't we just let them be happy? It's been a really long time since I've seen my dad happy. It's weird, sure, but.." He trailed off with a shrug.
"I'm still gonna talk to her." I muttered bitterly.
I felt oddly betrayed. He was okay with it? It was too weird.
I took a minute to really think about it, watching out the window. From Zack's point of view. A different angle, just like I always thought I was good at doing.
My mom had definitely had the worst luck. Maybe she just needed someone good. Richard was one of the best human men I'd ever met.
Or so I thought. I'd sorely underestimated Ken. How was I supposed to know who was good anymore? But that was beside the point.
Maybe all my mom needed was some support, but ultimately, I knew why Andrew was telling me this. Day in and day out, he'd been mostly alone. Andrew's mother had passed away a long time ago, and since then, it'd just been him and his dad. He had to have been pretty lonely.
If anyone was going to see a change in that man, it was Andrew. If he thought my mom brought out a better side of his dad, then who was I to stand in the way?
I felt protective of them both.
When she wasn't drinking, she was a pretty normal person. Funny sometimes. Sweet in a way. When she wasn't drinking, the thought of her finding someone better than the pieces of crap she had was entirely possible.
But they needed my permission.
Obviously not literally. They'd do what they would do, but I knew they were only worried about me.
But it was weird!
I took a breath and turned back around.
"I really don't know about this."
"I know." Andrew replied. "I was the same way."
"And she'll be coming over tonight?" I asked, but he seemed hesitant to confirm. "So I'll be here too."
"I wasn't supposed to tell you yet, remember?" He asked.
"Just say I heard it somewhere else." I suggested. "Small town. I have to see this for myself."
"You'll be staying here?" Josh asked, and I nodded. He nodded too. "I'll let mom and dad know you're here."
"Thanks." I sighed, and he nodded again with a small smile.
"We have to get back." He said. "Don't set anyone on fire."
"No promises." I replied, crossing my arms tightly over my chest. Zack laughed and stood up. I was silent as they left the room.
"I don't know why it bugs me so bad." I spoke first as soon as we were alone. "I think I'm just scared. I think about what I know about her, and it scares me that she's trying to be in your life."
"You don't need to worry about us, Leandra." He frowned a little. "Like you said. My dad's smart."
That was true. I looked down.
I remembered the visit I had with my mom. What seemed like so long ago. Shouldn't I want what was best for her?
Andrew spoke again. "He said it wasn't just a random thing. I don't know why he thinks that would matter, but.. Yeah. He asked me not to tell you yet because he was worried you'd flip out, but I really had to. Y'Know?"
He was rambling.
"No." I replied, still in thought. "Don't worry. I'm just.." I trailed off briefly before I groaned a whine and stomped my foot a little. "It's weird."
This time, he laughed. Inevitably, his laughter made me laugh.
"Just.." He started. "Stick around. See them together. Maybe that'll make it less weird."
That was true. Maybe it was only really weird because I couldn't imagine them in the same place. The only time I'd ever really seen them see each other was the night I was found before Christmas last year. Out on my mom's front lawn in the heavily-falling snow.
Maybe the brief meeting that night was more significant than I thought. Maybe they ran into each other somewhere.
"Okay." I finally sighed. "I'll look, but I won't like it."
He laughed again, but I could only hope his dad knew what he was getting himself into.
Richard got home at about 4, and I wondered whether we should let him know I was here or not. We decided to be straight forward about it. The last thing the poor guy needed was me surprising him.
"Hey dad." Andrew greeted him in the kitchen, and Richard turned to look. Spotting me instantly. He was stunned at first, but before he could try to play it off, Andrew spoke again. "Um.. She knows."
Richard sighed. "Andrew-"
"I made him tell me." I added quietly. "He didn't want to at first, but I wouldn't quit bugging him."
"I'm sorry, sweetie." Richard told me. "We wanted you to find out in a better way."
"You know she drinks, right?" I had to ask. He nodded.
"I'm aware." He answered, slowly sitting at the kitchen table. "I'm quite familiar with her past." I slowly sat down too, across the table from him. "I also understand that even though she's not your legal guardian anymore, it would still bother you."
"It doesn't bother me." I shook my head. "It's weird, but I'm not really bothered. I just don't want you guys to have to deal with her like I've had to deal with her. I don't think it's a good idea."
"Leandra, Gina is a person." He pointed out gently. "I've done a lot of listening, and I really think she deserves one more shot. With the right people around her, I really think she can do it."
I looked down. I hated this situation.
"Okay." I finally relented. "It's up to you. I really hope you know what you're doing, but if I have to say 'I told you so', I'm punching you both in the face."
He held his hand out. "Deal."
I laughed, reaching out and shaking his hand.
"Now." He continued. "Are you willing to stay for dinner?"
I smiled again, and nodded.
"Good. You can help." He chuckled, standing up.
Of course, I didn't have to. I mostly stayed in the kitchen with him and Andrew to keep him company. Laughing was an okay way to spend the afternoon.
Only briefly did my thoughts stray, and that was to keep tabs on that feeling I had. I still felt worried about the looming bad night, but for right then, I'd put it off as long as I could.
My mom arrived about an hour later, and the look on her face when she walked into the kitchen and saw me told me she hadn't been updated. I couldn't even pretend to be mad at her.
"We had a talk." Richard assured her as he came to stand behind her. I knew that wouldn't mean much until I said something, but what could I even say? Instead of saying something, I just shrugged and smirked.
"Cheering you on, right?" I asked, and she smiled. There were worse things she could do. I still hated how weird it was, but I had a strong feeling that this was a good move for her.
I looked over at Andrew, and even he was surprised. I gave him a look that clearly stated, 'I know, right?'
He smiled, and his expression clearly thanked me. It was hard, but I knew they needed the kind of person I knew she could be. I just really hoped I wasn't wrong.
Ultimately, it was a good idea to stick around. Andrew had been right. It was significantly less weird now that I'd seen them together. I recognized my mom's behavior, so I knew she was only being herself. She wasn't pretending to be someone she wasn't.
I could tell Andrew felt a lot better about it too. He walked me back up the street that night, and though not much was said, I sensed his lighter mood. I was glad he felt better, and that made me feel better.
He hugged me tightly when we reached the porch, and of course I returned it.
"Thank you." He said, confirming my thoughts.
"For what?" I asked, laughing a little.
"Not talking her out of it." He replied, and I shook my head.
"Last time I talked to her, we made an agreement." I explained. "She would always be there to cheer me on when I'm doing good, and she asked me to do the same for her. I like your dad, so I think she's doing something good. I'm actually kind of glad she found someone that won't beat her up."
He smiled, and we said goodnight.
I walked into the house, right into the middle of a loud discussion between Heather and Zack. It wasn't an argument, but more long distance talking. Zack was upstairs, and Heather was in the living room.
"Fifty bucks." She called.
"Not a chance, mom." Zack called back.
"For what?" I asked, curious as I walked into the living room.
"Hey, honey." She laughed, setting the newspaper she'd been looking at down. "I heard. How'd it go?"
I shrugged. "I'm okay." I sat down next to her. "What's the fifty bucks for?"
"She's trying to get me to cut my hair." Zack grumbled from halfway down the stairs.
"Just a little bit." Heather defended herself. "You're getting shaggy, and I just want to clean it up."
"No." Zack argued, running back up the stairs.
Heather sighed, laughing. "It's so hard to get him a haircut."
I looked down at my own dark auburn hair draped over my shoulders, resting on my chest. Maybe I could help with that, I decided, so when it was time to get ready for bed, I approached Zack standing in his room.
"I'll cut my hair right now if you do it too." I challenged, and Josh started laughing. Zack started to shake his head again, laughing, so I pressed. "Come on. Don't be a baby."
"That's tempting, but what if I screw it up?" He asked, crossing his arms.
"I'll fix it for you if it's messed up." I offered. "I'm probably gonna screw mine up too, but I don't care. I can just put it up."
He was a little more tempted now. Probably just to see me do it.
"You go first." He smirked, and I laughed.
"No, 'cause then you won't do it." I said. "We'll do it at the same time."
And that was how we found ourselves. Both of us kneeled up on the hall bathroom counter in front of the double mirrors. I wasn't willing to go too short, just to the tops of my shoulders, but I'd be losing a significant amount of hair. I was losing way more than he was, and I knew he knew it.
Josh stood behind Zack, watching with an amused smirk.
I had taken my hair and put it in loose pigtails, while Zack had gathered his up into a ponytail under his chin. I was afraid to chop first, and he was stalling.
"Just do it." I told him with another laugh. He laughed as well.
"Someone do it." Josh was getting impatient.
"Okay, on three." I was firm this time. "We'll both do it."
"One." Josh counted for us. I could see Zack brace himself as he brought his pair of scissors up as I did, so I knew he was going for it. "Two. Three."
We both seemed to take a deep breath at the same time, and the sound of two different snips followed.
Mine was only halfway through, but Zack had gotten his. I wasn't usually like this, but I'd just cut my hair. For some reason, that felt like a big deal. Zack looked over at my mirror, laughing at how half-done I was.
"Can't go back now." Josh pointed out. "You're committed." I laughed, and snipped the rest off. I hurried and snipped the other side with a nervous, whining laugh.
I looked over at Zack's mirror, and laughed, because he'd looked over at mine again at the same time. I read the instant regret in his eyes, but he was laughing about it.
"Why is no one in bed?"
I jumped with a yelp at Heather's arrival in the doorway. I met her eyes in the mirror. She took one look at us and started to laugh.
"Oh no!" She gasped when she could. "No, honey!" I'd probably just chopped off close to six inches of hair. There was no way nobody would notice. She seemed sad, but very amused as she smoothed my hair back over my shoulders.
"I would have done it anyway." Zack finally admitted with a laugh, and I looked over at him. "I just wanted to see you do it."
I gave him a look which was all the more amusing.
"Sorry." Josh laughed. "I should have told you that it's an argument they have every time. He knows he doesn't really have a choice."
"Oh well." I said after a moment. "I like it better this way anyway."
Heather was actually the one to fix any uneven spots. All she was doing was making the length match all the way around, which I didn't know she could do. I was quite fine with that, but she got what she wanted. Zack had agreed to trim his hair. He stood in the bathroom with us, waiting his turn when Josh came back in.
"Leandra?" He tried to take my attention, but I couldn't exactly turn around and look.
"Yeah?" I asked, laughing a little through the section of hair in my face.
"Here." He said, stepping around Zack. I reached my hand out, and he placed something in my hand. I looked down, spotting Heather's phone. It was open, so I assumed it meant there was a call.
I brought it up, staying as still as I could.
"Hello?" I greeted, keeping my head down.
"Leandra." Carlisle sounded relieved. "I tried calling your phone."
"Oh." I laughed again. "Sorry. It's in Josh's room. I've been kinda busy all afternoon."
"Doing what, may I ask?" I heard the frown there.
"I went over to Andrew's." I answered easily. "Had dinner there, and as soon as I came back here.." I trailed off, laughing as Zack laughed.
"She cut her hair." Heather told on me, grasping the gist of the conversation. "Just chopped all of her beautiful hair off."
"Not all of it." I argued, amused. "Heather's fixing it for me." I admitted. It was nice to hear Carlisle chuckle for once. He wasn't upset with me. I was sure he was happy to hear I was doing okay. "How's.. Everyone?"
"I only wanted to check in." He explained.
"I'm really glad you did." I admitted, trying to keep the sudden homesickness out of my voice. "I have so much stuff I have to talk to you about."
"It should be any time now." He replied, and I knew what he meant. "I'll call again tomorrow, and we can discuss it then if you want."
"Okay, but I think I should tell you in person." I replied. "I don't know what it means." I moved my head up as Heather directed me.
"Are you okay?" He asked, now concerned.
"I'm fine. Right now, anyway." I threw that afterthought in there because he and I both knew that could change at any time. "I just miss everyone."
"You'll be home soon." He assured me, and I took a breath.
"I hope so." I mumbled.
"All done." Heather informed me, and I stood up as she brushed my shoulders and back off. I stood up so Zack could take my spot.
I was the one that had to end the conversation. Surprisingly. I felt the homesickness getting worse the longer I talked to him, and I needed to keep my nerve if I was going to have to stay here for another week and a half.
I crawled over Josh to get into bed as soon as I'd placed Heather's phone in a spot she could find it, laughing a little at the amused look on Josh's face as I plopped down. The bedroom light was still on as we waited for Zack to finish getting his hair fixed.
"Sit up." Josh requested. "Lemmie see."
I did, turning in my spot to face him. My head felt lighter, because my hair only brushed the tops of my shoulders now. It'd been a little more than mid-back length before.
I laughed a little, trying to gather it up like I could before, but it was more difficult.
"It's weird."
"It's not weird." He said. "I think it looks nice."
"Thanks." I laughed again.
"It was nice of you to do that, you know." He went on, laying back down. I did too. Our arms touched when we were both laying on our back.
"I guess I'm just in a helping mood today." I replied, sighing a little. "But I kinda really miss home."
"I can tell." He nodded a little. "But I think you're getting better." That meant a lot.
"It's not easy for me to be without them." I admitted, looking over at him. "For any reason."
"Well, no matter what, we've got you." He assured me, and I smiled a little.
"Doesn't it bug you to share your bed with me?" I asked, and he immediately shook his head.
"No." He replied. "I dunno. I just like knowing you're not over there across the room all alone."
That was probably the nicest thing he'd ever said. He'd said a lot of nice things to me, but that was one of the nicest things.
"Guess it's a good thing Zack popped the bed, huh?" I muttered, laughing a little. He laughed as well, nodding.
We were quiet for probably a solid minute, and I yawned before he spoke again.
"Can I ask you something?" He asked, and I looked over at him.
"Sure." I whispered. I was hesitant, and a little too nervous to make a joke.
"Have you thought about it?" He asked, and I had to take a second to think. "That kiss?"
That, I remembered clearly. In his defense, it'd been quite awhile since my birthday. I didn't think he was trying to pressure me with that question. He was only curious.
"I haven't really gotten a chance to think about it." I admitted. "But.. I don't think it was bad. Just new."
He laughed quietly.
"Are you okay with it?" He asked next, and I thought about it for only a second or two before I nodded.
"I mean, I don't hate you for it or anything."
"Can.. I try it again?" He asked next, and my stomach tumbled a little and I bit my lip in nervousness.
It was a weird feeling, but I could identify more about it. I wasn't scared by that question. It wasn't fear I felt, but my heart reacted like it was.
Would I be okay with that? He did ask first, but would it be a good idea with the bad night I was undoubtedly about to have?
"Sure." I replied softly, trying to hide the fact that I was nervous.
He waited a second before he pushed himself up on his elbow. He sort of leaned over, and though I had given permission, the most I did was look over.
I held my breath as he pressed a kiss to my lips. It wasn't rushed this time, because he wasn't scared either. It lasted maybe a second or two longer than the first kiss he'd given me, but it was entirely different this time.
The butterflies were still there along with the breathlessness, but I wasn't freaked out by them like I had been before. I could definitely see now how this would be an okay feeling, and I could get used to it.
"Better?" He asked after a few silent seconds. I wasn't sure, but my head nodded anyway.
"Better." I finally remembered to breathe, and he laughed again as my voice reflected that.
When my next thought was wishing he would do it again, I rolled over onto my side. That part was a little scary. I hadn't expected that part.
"Are you okay?" He asked, probably reading that action as something else. "If it bugs you, I won't do it anymore."
As badly as I wanted to just tell him I was fine and leave it at that, I thought first. I at least owed it to him to be honest, and I didn't want him to think I wasn't okay. I slowly rolled back over onto my back.
"It's not that."
"Then what's wrong?"
"Um.." I mumbled. "I need to see something. Can you do that again? Just one more time." His worry faded and he smiled.
"Yeah." He agreed, and he did. When he leaned over again, I lifted my head and kissed him this time instead of waiting for him to get to me, but because of that, more of our lips touched than before. It didn't feel like just a peck this time. That must have surprised him because the arm he was supporting himself with jumped slightly, but he didn't back away.
I laid my head back down when I was sure. He was surprised, but smiling when I remembered to open my eyes.
"Better." He finally admitted, and he sounded like I must have sounded. It was my turn to laugh. I wasn't sure why I felt like laughing, but this was brand new territory for me. I just went with it. It wasn't a bad feeling, so I accepted it easily. It was way better than the way I normally felt.
I was relieved when he laughed too, but I was also a little embarrassed, as Zack chose that moment to walk in. Heather not far behind him. I felt the blush stinging my face, and I really didn't want him to see it. I turned my face, hiding it in my pillow.
The whole bunk bed shook a little as Zack hauled himself up onto the top bunk.
Josh continued to laugh, halfway hugging me in an awkward way. I felt lighter, and incredibly eased by the fact that he did too.
"What's so funny?" Heather inquired, amused. I didn't know how to answer her.
"Nothing." Josh replied, scooting and rolling over to lay on his stomach and look over at her. I looked up, and I knew my stupid blush was still there. She raised an eyebrow.
"I was telling him about something funny that Andrew said earlier." I lied, and she immediately believed me. I felt a little bad for lying to her, but I honestly didn't want to tell her the truth. It felt weird.
"Okay." She said. "Well, get some sleep, guys. It's late." I nodded along with Josh, and I pulled the blanket up higher.
She turned off the light for us when she left, and we were quiet for a minute or two. I noticed Josh never rolled over to get comfortable, staying on his stomach.
He eventually pushed himself up and climbed out of bed.
"I'll be right back." He assured me. I assumed he was just going to the bathroom, so I just nodded and rolled over onto my side, facing the wall again.
My mind was busy, though. No part of that had been bad. I had no possible way of knowing exactly what, but that had just changed so many things. My eyes were closed, but I'd never felt more awake than I was right then.
It took him several minutes before he returned, but I just pretended to be asleep. It wasn't exactly an awkward feeling, but I did have a lot on my mind.
Was that something that was going to happen a lot? I wasn't sure. I was pretty sure I liked him. If I didn't, why would I let him kiss me? He was nice to me, he watched out for me. I was glad, though, that I asked for that second kiss. It helped.
I decided, smiling as I was falling asleep, that this would be something I wouldn't want to rush into understanding. Weirdly, not knowing was the best part.
I slept deeply, and though I remembered dreaming, I couldn't remember what it was about. I didn't feel like I'd been crying when I opened my eyes the following morning, which was a very surprising thing. Especially after anticipating the bad night all day the day before.
It was very early, just barely enough daylight making it in through the window.
I knew by his breathing that Josh was still asleep, but I really needed the bathroom, so I did what I could to make it off the bed without waking him up. I did a pretty good job.
I still felt tired, though, which told me I slept deeper than I though. I always felt this way when I did that, but my mind was busy. Part of it was was stuck at home.
I hoped everything was fine at home, and I anticipated Carlisle's call later.
I was surprised to find Heather was already awake when I descended the stairs for some water. Finding her just starting to make breakfast gave me an excuse to stay up.
"Good morning, honey." She greeted me with a smile as I walked in. I returned it. "You're up early."
"Morning." I mumbled, half tiredly. "You're up early, too."
"I always am." She replied, reaching into the fridge.
I chose a seat at the kitchen table, yawning again. I'd forgotten for a second that my hair was now half the length it used to be, and I smiled at remembering the night before. Especially the kiss.
"You're in a good mood." Heather commented happily.
"I am." I agreed, looking down.
She studied me for a moment, and I looked over right as she smiled. Mostly to herself, and it was knowing.
"Oh, dear." She sighed, and I laughed a little too. "I'd be lying though if I didn't expect something like this."
"What?" I had to ask.
"Honey, I'm not blind." She laughed. "I know you've taken a particular liking to Josh."
I blinked in surprise.
"How?"
"Baby, I know that look." She explained. "I was seventeen when I had him. I've known him a very long time, better than anyone on the planet. I know he likes you too. I'm not trying to embarrass you, but as a mom, it's my job to let you know I know."
"I'm not embarrassed."
Maybe a little.
"Crushes are perfectly fine." She went on, opening the carton of eggs in front of her. "And I won't lie. I think it's so exciting that you're growing into your own like that. I just want you to be careful." I looked over, waiting for her to elaborate. "Josh is my son, but he's also thirteen and quite the flirt just like his father. You're so sweet. I'm not that worried, because I'm confident we've raised him right so far, but I just want to be sure you know that you're worth so much."
I wasn't quite getting it, but I nodded anyway. She smiled.
"Okay, enough of that." She laughed, reaching for a bowl. "You'll understand what I mean in time. For now, don't let it become something bad."
I did know what she meant by that. My mind had a bad habit of turning good things against me. The fact that she knew that told me she had the same bad habit.
Nothing was different all through breakfast, aside from a few knowing glances and smiles between Josh and I. That certainly didn't go unnoticed by Heather, but Mark and Zack were both oblivious.
I didn't want anything to change, but if it had to change, this wasn't a bad way to do it.
Heather and the boys all left at around the same time, and Mark disappeared upstairs with an apology after I helped him clean up the kitchen. I wished he'd stop apologizing. I understood he needed to work.
The loneliness was stronger today, and I wondered if that had anything to do with the fact that I knew that Bella was probably finished being turned by then. I wondered what was happening. How that whole thing worked. Did she just wake up? More importantly, was she a threat?
Making sure I had my phone with me, I sat slouched in the recliner for most of the morning. The TV was off, but I didn't need it. My mind was busy enough.
Something about yesterday had obviously stopped that bad night in its tracks. There was something to it that I needed to figure out because that was such a relief. I had a feeling it was the feeling I felt before falling asleep. It was a warm feeling, like it thawed me out a little, and I liked it.
I wondered if I'd chase after Andrew today like I did yesterday, or if I'd choose to stay here this time. If I could get a little bit more of that feeling just by staying around Josh, I really wasn't sure. As much as I really liked Andrew, he sure never gave me that feeling. Warm. What was that?
Mark came downstairs for lunch just after noon, and I still hadn't figured out a damn thing, but I was okay with that this time. I knew I had to get moving doing something after lunch because I was starting to get edgy.
Mark disappeared back upstairs almost immediately after we ate, so I took it upon myself to clean up the whole two new dishes.
I relocated to the boys room, gathering up my clothes I'd worn so far to wash. Once that was going, I wandered around looking for trash to take out. I hadn't really anticipated doing all that, but it was better than sitting around doing nothing all day.
Why was I so edgy? I really hoped everything was okay at home. I checked my phone in my pocket for the thousandth time that day, and nothing had come up yet.
I wondered if I should just call myself, just to end the waiting game. Maybe no call was a good thing? I doubted that.
Taking a deep breath to calm myself once my clothes were in the dryer, I chose that time to take the trash out. The half-full bag from the boys room and the bathroom was just enough to fill the bag in the kitchen, so I put them together and wandered out the front door.
It was a little colder out today, especially on my bare feet, but it felt nice to just really breathe in outside air for the first time in days.
I found a seat on the front porch swing situated at the other end of the porch, bracing my arms on either side of me as I perched on the edge. I was ready to jump up if Mark decided to come check on me, but I wasn't sure he would. He seemed really distracted today.
I'd been lost in thought for quite awhile out here, but I looked up just in time to see that a car had pulled up to the curb by the mailbox, and the door was opening. I recognized that car instantly, and through the initial surprise, I remembered that I should probably just get inside. I stood up quick enough to sway the swing a little.
"Wait." Ken's voice made me pause, half a step back toward the front door. I stupidly did wait, watching as he got out. I was just about to get moving again when he spoke up. "Take a walk with me."
I couldn't believe how confident he was. His bravery was a little shocking.
"Yeah right." I scoffed. "I don't think so."
"You have questions." He pointed out firmly. "I know you do. There are a lot of answers you're looking for. More specifically, why you. Right?"
Even more stupidly, I continued to hesitate.
"Come on, then." He insisted. "Let's talk." He started off up the street on foot, and I quickly thought about it. I knew I could outrun him. I might not have been much, but I was fast.
Although, I thought that last time, too. This time, though, I wouldn't let him get a hold of me like that again. He was walking slowly, giving me enough time to make up my mind.
I groaned to myself before giving in and running down the driveway. I recalled my bare feet right then, but he wasn't waiting.
I caught up, coming to his side and walking along with him up the sidewalk.
"I'll tell you everything I know." He didn't even look at me. "If you do the same. I've come a long way to leave here without what I came here for. You give me what I came here to find, you'll never have to see me again."
I really wasn't sure if I even wanted to hear what he had to say, but at the same time, part of me needed to know more than I'd been told, and that deal was one I couldn't pass up.
"I'll try." I agreed quietly. He accepted that, nodding a little. He kept his hands in his jacket pockets, where they weren't a threat to me. Until he pulled one hand out. I jumped a little, but he had only pulled out his wallet.
"This might answer you." He murmured, opening the wallet. He pulled a few things out, and held one out to me. I hesitantly took it, looking down at it. I came to a stop on the sidewalk, just around the corner of the next block, and he did as well.
It was a photo. It was an old photo. I started at it, studying it in surprise. In the center of the picture was a girl. Her eyes were squinted a little in the bright sunlight that reflected off of her long brown hair and the bright white shirt she wore.
In the background, a boy was crouched as if he'd been looking at something on the ground, but looking up as well. Both kids were young. The girl couldn't have been more than five. It took me a minute before I understood. I knew who those kids were, and it made me rather uncomfortable.
I looked up at him, tearing my eyes away from the picture.
"What does this answer?" I had to ask. Without a word, he handed me the second thing. Another picture. I recognized this one a lot easier.
This picture also featured a girl. Roughly five years old, and her long brown hair fell into her eyes. Indoors, the reddish hue to her hair didn't show up that much.
It was me.
I took the hint and brought the first picture up as well. Comparing. Focusing more on the faces. Aside from the obvious differences, a lot of the details were the same. Long brownish hair, light colored eyes, small noses. I hadn't even noticed the similarities between me and Heather before.
I couldn't help it, though. I looked at the boy just as much. Jack looked so normal in this picture. Scrawny, almost. If Heather was about five, that would have made Jack about seven in this picture. Even with the grainy quality of the photo itself, I couldn't help noticing how similar the boys looked to Jack in this picture. I knew it was because Heather had the same genes as Jack, but it was still a little unnerving.
"My son was sick." Ken spoke quietly now. "I know full well I made him that way, but he hated you for more than no reason."
I couldn't look up yet. I was stuck. Piecing it together, but he went on anyway.
"He took out his hatred on you." He started walking again, and I followed carefully. "Because you reminded him of his past. There's nothing you could have done or said to change that, because it was in your face. He wanted you because to him, you were rightfully his."
I couldn't reply, far too confused. I had no clue which emotion I needed to feel first. It was a tie between disbelief and disgust. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't find the room.
Shaking slightly, I attempted to hand him the pictures back. He refused them both.
"Keep those." He said. "I don't need them. Those were with his things."
I didn't know what to say.
"Does that answer some questions?" He asked, and I swallowed hard around these emotions and nodded. He took a breath and sighed. "I never wanted kids. I hate them, but if I didn't marry the bitch that I knocked up, I'd be the bad guy. Can't have that, can we?" He chuckled.
"From the start, Jack was an asshole." He went on. "But I raised that little fucker the only way I knew how. When that bitch told me she was pregnant again, I was furious enough, but then she had to have a girl."
I was quiet as we started up the next street.
"I raised them both." He sighed. "At least one of them made something of themselves." I didn't know what to say this time, so I just looked back up at him.
"You reminded Jack of Heather when she was young." He repeated. "It was nothing you did, but your face that kept him at it. He made it his mission to tear you down and destroy you. Heather moved out when she was sixteen, and he saw that as her leaving him. He wanted you as a second chance. He was righting a wrong."
How damaged, how broken would a person have to be to even think that way? I'd known for awhile that Jack was extremely dangerous, and very unpredictable, but this was beyond my comprehension. I couldn't even begin to imagine it, which brought me to my next question.
"What did you do?" I asked breathlessly, looking over at him. "Heather said that Jack learned everything he did to me from you."
He didn't reply, looking down at me. His stormy, icy blue eyes were unblinking as he smiled slowly. Not a lot, not a huge smile, but enough to tell me he was amused by my question.
Yet again, I was shown just a glimpse of the mind behind his eyes, and it made my blood run cold.
"Does that scare you?" He asked. Truthfully, I was terrified by that response, and by the way he held my gaze, there was no way he couldn't see that. "I could tell you all about how I ruined them both. I could tell you things that would scar you for life."
"I already am, I think." I mumbled nervously.
"No doubt." He replied. "But let's continue. I don't have all day." I knew what he meant. I took a breath.
"I told you the truth before." I answered. "The last time I saw Jack, he had come over to.. I don't even know. To get back at me for something-"
"For running your mouth." He cut me off.
"Okay." I sighed. "For.. Running my mouth. He made sure I was home alone before he tried to beat me up."
"How?" He asked. "In what way?" I wasn't sure how to answer that, so he clarified. "Was it just a smack around?"
"No." I replied. "I'm pretty sure he was trying to kill me."
"Pretty sure isn't sure enough for a man to lose his life."
"I didn't-"
"I'm not stupid." He cut me off quietly. "Am I really supposed to believe that family of yours found him roughing you up, and they didn't do something to him?" I was quiet.
"Just the truth." He grumbled. "I just need to know."
"All I remember.." I hesitated. "The last time I saw Jack, he was leaving, and my brother was going with him. I don't know anything about what happened after that, because I passed out, but I know he wouldn't have hurt him that bad." Lie. "And how would he even get away with something like that?"
He was quiet this time, so I went on.
"The next day, Jack was dead, but I didn't know how until you showed me. All I was told was that he'd been in an accident." I sighed. "Maybe he was drinking. I know he was so mad. Mad enough to try to kill me, so who even knows how bad he let it get to him. It was an accident."
I heard the difference. I was far more convincing this time.
"If you hated him so much.." I added. "Why does it matter to you?"
"You know, I've asked myself that same question." He replied. "I put a lot of effort into him. I made Jack into what he was, and aside from a few.. Flaws.." He paused, looking right at me. "I'm not letting it go that easily."
"He used to say the same thing about me." I muttered, looking down.
"I can definitely see the draw." He nodded, and I glanced over at him. "It's in those eyes of yours. You're gonna be quite the looker when you grow up. Forgive me.."
I bit my lip, blushing a little as he reached over and gently smoothed my hair. Tugging lightly on a few thick strands in the back. Twirling them in his fingers before he let his hand fall. It took all I had not to cringe away, but not doing so seemed to be the right move.
We continued walking slowly, falling quiet. It was so weird to be as okay with walking next to him as I was. Knowing everything I knew about him, I should have been running in the other direction, but I felt confident that he wasn't going to pull anything. He was relaxed.
"Excuse me." I jumped roughly, a startled yelp escaping me at Alice's loud demand behind us. Ken spun just as quickly as I did. Creating a space between us large enough for Alice to glide into. I actually wasn't that surprised to see Jasper standing directly beside her. I took a step to the side, just to see her face.
"Where the hell did you two come from?" Ken chuckled, amused.
"I don't think that matters." Alice snapped back. "Let's get one thing straight right now. If you ever even so much as look at my little sister again, we're going to have some problems. I very highly suggest you get back into your car, and leave while you're still breathing without medical intervention."
I didn't know what to say to that. Biting my lip when the look on Ken's face made me a little nervous. She had just killed that relaxed mood.
"Now listen here-"
"No." She shut him up. "You listen. You heard me, asshole. I've had it with people like you."
"I would listen to her." Jasper growled, giving him a firm nod.
Ken gave her a look that withered me, but she stood firm, daring him with her eyes. He looked down at me, and I stepped back. He was about to speak, but Alice stopped that in its tracks as well.
"Uh." She barked. "No. Walk away. Last chance."
I was stunned when he actually did. Shaking his head and continuing on. He glanced back at me once and smiled before he rounded the corner up ahead.
"And you." She turned on me. "I've never been so disappointed in you, Leandra. You just broke every. Single. Promise you made before you left home. Without a care in the world. You are so lucky we're in public, because I have a lot more to say about this."
As she scolded, she had taken my hand and started back in the direction I'd just come with Ken. I knew they had to have heard some things, but how much?
"Did you know?" I asked quietly, and she stopped.
"Know what?" She sighed, frustrated. I reached up and handed her the photos. I watched the frustration fade from her eyes as she inspected each one. I was quiet for a second as Jasper leaned over to get a look as well. "Jack picked me because I reminded him of Heather when she was young."
"Leandra, this doesn't change anything." She said. "His reasons hardly matter."
"But they do matter." I replied. "To me, it matters, because I never knew why. No matter how hard I tried, I could never figure out why he hated me so much. I couldn't think of anything I did or said to him, but now I know. Ken helped me just now by giving me the answer I've been looking for pretty much my whole life."
When I put it like that, she didn't have much to say at first.
"How does knowing this help you?" Jasper asked, and I looked down briefly.
"Because now I don't have to feel so guilty." I explained. "Now I know that there's nothing I ever could have done to fix the way Jack felt. I grew up wishing so much that I could just.." I trailed off with a sigh. "I dunno. It's stupid." Shaking my head, I looked down again.
"It's not stupid." Jasper replied. "Don't say that."
"Just because we don't quite understand it doesn't mean it's stupid, Leandra." Alice added with a calming sigh. "I'm sorry I was short with you."
"I get that too." I replied. "I was going to go inside, but he said he could help me. He said he could give me some answers if I could give him some answers. He said if I just gave him what he came here to find, I'd never have to see him again. I took the chance."
She sighed again and pulled me into a hug. I returned it tightly.
"I'm sorry." She said again. "I saw him with you, and I lost it for a second."
"It's okay." I mumbled. "I would have too, probably." I'd missed hugs like these. It lasted for several more seconds before she pulled back.
"Just promise me no more life-threatening field trips, okay?" She asked, and I sighed as she reached up, gently inspecting my now-much-shorter hair with her fingers. I knew she'd noticed, but she didn't seem like she was going to say anything.
"I'll try." I offered instead and she laughed. I took a breath, looking around us on the street. "So.. Not that I'm not really happy to see you guys, but.."
"We just wanted to come check on you." She explained, and I smiled a little. It surprised me that I was surprised by that. "Bella is doing great. It's only a matter of time now before you get to come home."
I nodded, easily understanding that.
But I suddenly remembered.
"I should probably get back before Mark finds out I'm not there." I sighed. "If he calls Heather, she'll be pissed."
With a laugh, she nodded, and we started walking back. By the time we got there, Ken and his car were gone, which was a huge relief.
"There you are." Sure enough, Mark had already noticed. He sighed heavily as he descended the porch steps. "You scared the hell out of me."
"I poof." I shrugged. "That's kinda what I do, but I was fine. They came to see me." I smiled over at Jasper, and he chuckled in response. Mark waved a little to them in greeting.
"I was this close to calling the cavalry." Mark added, coming to stand beside me. "I got to the door right as Ken was driving away, so I thought-"
I shook my head. "I'm not that dumb, but you probably shouldn't tell Heather about it."
"I don't see a reason to bother her with it either." He winced, and I laughed. Mark looked down, briefly checking the watch on his wrist. "The boys should be home from school any minute." He looked to Alice. "You two are welcome to stay for dinner."
"Oh, thank you." Alice smiled. "But we should get back. We just had to check on her." She hugged me into her side, and I smiled again.
"Feel free to come by anytime you get the chance." Mark replied. "I know it'll make her feel better." I had to nod. It was true.
"Thank you." Jasper replied this time, and Mark nodded.
"Well, I'll be inside." Mark sighed. "I'm a little behind. It was nice to see you two."
"Same." Alice replied. "Thanks again."
I looked up at them as Mark turned and walked away. My attention was briefly taken up the street as the school bus pulled to a stop just in front of the big tree. I smiled in that direction, before looking at Alice again.
"Give everyone a huge hug for me?" I requested sadly. "Even Rosalie." It was a little funny that I threw that in there. As if she didn't already apply to 'everyone'.
"We will." Alice assured me, hugging me again. I was pretty sure they were just relieved I wasn't begging them to take me with them. Truthfully, I was doing okay here. I was quickly getting used to it.
As if reminded, Alice attempted to hand me the two small photos.
"Keep those." I mumbled. "I don't need them." I'd gotten all I needed from them.
As they walked away, I ran to meet the boys as they crossed the street, heading in this direction. Still barefoot. I paused mid-step, though, looking back as I suddenly remembered about the dream I probably should have talked to them about. They were already too far away to make it a comfortable conversation, so I waved it off and started running again.
I'd talk to them next time I could.
Zack smiled when he spotted me nearing.
"Hey." I huffed, jogging to a stop and rounding to follow them.
"Hey." Josh greeted me with a smile. "Long day?"
"Very." I sighed. "But I'm glad you guys are finally back."
"Seriously, Leandra." Zack replied. "School would suck a million times less if you were there."
"Don't start." I shoved him a little, and he laughed, taking a swipe at me. I dodged it, and he started to chase me. I led the chase right back to the house. With his backpack on, it was harder for him to catch me.
"Ha!" I barked, jumping up the last two porch steps onto the porch. "Safe!"
That didn't stop him, though. He made it up there with me, reaching out and wrapping his arm around my neck. I screamed jokingly, doubling over as he pulled me down and started tickling my side, but I was laughing, so he knew I was okay with it.
Josh walked right passed us into the house as I dropped down and broke Zack's hold. I shoved him back, and he landed on his butt. He was laughing too, so I knew he was okay with it.
I helped him up with my own laugh, shoving him lightly through the still open front door.
A/N: As much as many of you guys hate Ken, imagine what it's like for me with that bastard in my head lol
If this is a little jumbled, I apologize as well. I wrote most of this while being awake twenty-two hours lol
Hey, but it's a longer chapter! I'm happy about that! I didn't want to just breeze right through her stay with Heather, so I'm quite happy I was able to devote a whole chapter to it. :)
THANK YOU! To all my reviewers! THANK YOU! Days have been difficult for me, so having reviews pop up really help. THANK YOU!
Sixteen might take a little time, but what else is new? Lol.
Until next chapter, my beautiful readers! (: