5. Dialect, Baby
Cosima was showered and dressed in her own clothes within fifteen minutes. They ate their brunch of poorly-made crêpes while discussing Cosima's future in criminal life. Cosima washed their dishes while Delphine stared at her busy hands in a daze. She almost fell asleep but Cosima's voice brought her back to awareness. "Hey, I don't want to sound judge-y or anything," she said, moving to sit next to Delphine on the couch, "but, like, do you have a job or school or something? I know it's the weekend, but am I, like, keeping you from something?" Cosima looked down at her fidgeting fingers. It was the first time either of them had mentioned anything regarding their very unorthodox situation.
Delphine chuckled at the woman's sudden shyness, "You're not keeping me from anything". Her smile fell slightly as she asked, "Am I keeping you…from something…or someone? I am, you were supposed to meet your friend. They must be worried to not hear from you. I'm sorry, Cosima." Delphine felt a wave of guilt and odd sadness wash over her otherwise pleasant mood.
"Nah, you're good," Cosima smiled comfortingly, "She doesn't know I'm here yet. I was supposed to get here on Wednesday but decided to come early." Delphine heard the disappointment in Cosima's voice, her expression sad. She didn't like seeing Cosima like this, but she didn't know how to make it better. Cosima continued, "I had her address in my phone and was just going to surprise her, you know, and then my phone fell to its death and…here I am". Cosima chuckled self-deprecatingly. She had a guilty look, but Delphine couldn't tell why.
"Well, I've done nothing to help," Delphine consoled, "All I've done is encourage procrastination by bribing you with my amazing cooking skills". At that, Cosima smiled. There was a gleam in her eye that Delphine knew was not a good sign.
"Hmmm. Bribing me?" She replied mischievously, hinting at a subject change.
Delphine leaned in to Cosima's personal space, challenging her resolve. "Oui. Is it working?" She smiled at the shudder subtly shaking Cosima.
"Magnificently," Cosima accepted the challenge.
"I'm glad to hear it," closer.
"Happy to say it".
She was too close. They were too close, each of them inching forward with every response, pushing boundaries. Cosima was looking her straight in the eyes, but Delphine's kept retreating to her lips. Why was she looking there? She was probably making Cosima uncomfortable. She doesn't look uncomfortable? Why was her heart racing again? Cosima could surely feel her quickened breathing – they were only a couple inches apart. Cosima licked her lips. Why did Cosima lick her lips? Delphine felt lightheaded as thought after thought raced through her head, gradually becoming more personal than she would ideally allow.
Is she soft? Her lips look soft, smooth, warm, délicieux. She probably tastes like strawberries or maybe like the powdered sugar from our meal. Either way, she must be sweet. I need to…
"Boop!" Cosima tapped the end of her nose with her finger, breaking her daze, "I win". She sat back with a smug look on her face. Despite the flurry of thoughts only moments ago, Delphine couldn't seem to think at all now. Hazily, she felt herself sit back as well, eyes glossed over, lip caught under her teeth. She flipped her hair to its opposite side and saw, peripherally, Cosima drop her head and fidget with her fingers again, the atmosphere taking a drastic turn for some reason. Barely a whisper of a mumble, "I'm sorry…"
The seriousness and apology took Delphine off guard. "What for?" Only then did she look fully at Cosima, coming out of her daze.
"Delphine, it's just…" Cosima seemed to be having a hard time with whatever she wanted to say. Delphine felt bad, as though she caused it. She laid her hand on Cosima's forearm and squeezed it reassuringly. It didn't seem to reassure her though. She continued after a deep breath, "The thing is…I-I have a girlfriend right now, you know, and I just don't want to, like, lead you on or whatever because I really like you, you know? Like, I love hanging out even though it's weird and, I don't know…messy, I guess. It's just all kind of complicated anyway and I don't want to make it more complicated or, like, involve you in my shit. Trust me, you totally don't want to be involved in my shit, especially right now. There's just, like, a lot going on and I totally should have told you and I know I'm, like, a complete idiot for…I don't know…like everything from the last couple days, you know? Like, that's all just–"
"Cosima," Delphine waited far too long to end Cosima's rant, who was obviously freaking out. Delphine was thinking, though, and just couldn't formulate a response. She was staggered by the confession. Had Cosima thought that Delphine wanted a romantic relationship? Admittedly, she was having odd feelings around Cosima, but Delphine knew it was most likely just the proximity and the fact that Cosima was wonderful to have around. Yes, she had some less-platonic thoughts, but that was just natural after not being with someone for so long. She was probably the one leading Cosima on. She cursed her primal thoughtlessness and, for some reason, was trying to think back to her last boyfriend, years ago. "I am, ehm, not…gay, Cosima". She said it like a question.
Cosima's face flickered with relief, confusion, tension, and…disappointment? "Oh, God. I'm more of an idiot than I thought," Cosima covered her face, quickly becoming a shade of red that could surpass Delphine's recent bout of constant blushing.
"Non, non, I'm…ehm," Delphine stuttered, hating the awful feelings she had given Cosima. She moved closer, carefully uncovering Cosima's face, and continuing awkwardly, "I…ah…French! I'm French and so…we're just like that. I'm sorry, this is all my fault. I'm…too French," Delphine cringed internally at her less-than-smooth explanation. However, it made Cosima laugh, which was good enough for her, even if the statement was very inaccurate.
"Well when you put it that way," Cosima teased, "I feel much better". She winked and stuck out her tongue. She is adora–No.
"Hey, my rambling time was half that of yours," Delphine defended herself, playing along. Put two people together for long enough, you could misinterpret feelings, right?
"Yeah, but at least, like, more than half of mine made sense grammatically," Cosima shot back with a cocky grin. And anyone can appreciate beauty…Cosima is just a beautiful person and it's recognizable.
"Relative to the amount of time I have been living here, my English is twice as good". Everyone has curiosity, what different people feel like. Not gay, just…scientific-minded.
"True, however, I said, like, twice as much. So, the amount of correct grammar is equal between the ramblings," Cosima calculated, "Furthermore, I had more quality content. Whereas, I'm pretty sure, you said 'French', like, fifty times". And, of course, there is the fact that Cosima is so fun and energetic and wonderful to talk to. She gets me. Friend…maybe this is a 'best' friend kind of feeling? Yes, that's it. I can deal with best friends. Best friends who touch a lot because it's just how they are.
"You said 'like', like, fifty times". Best friends who spoon while sleeping together? Is that an American thing? A Cosima thing? Does she sleep with other girls, too? Of course, she does, she has a girlfriend. Why is that irritating? Because…she never said anything…that's why.
"It's all dialect, baby," Cosima said nonchalantly, shrugging her shoulders. Baby? That's a friendly nickname…yes? I like it…baby…
"Well," Delphine rolled her eyes sarcastically, "your dialect…is shitty". Oh, excellent comeback, Cormier.
Cosima gasped loudly, her hand brought to her chest in mock offense, "Delphine, how. Dare. You," she said with a huff between each word. God, she's ad–
Before Delphine could think of a witty response, she felt her sides being attacked relentlessly. Since yesterday, they had gotten into more tickling-fights than any adult should be getting into, and Cosima had learned all of Delphine's weak spots.
Fortunately, Delphine learned some of Cosima's. As she writhed with laughter, Delphine reached out toward Cosima's stomach, only to be caught halfway there – Cosima saw it coming.
She shrieked as Cosima rolled them both onto the ground where she trapped Delphine underneath her and dominated the blond's poor sides. They ached from laughter and twisting around, unable to throw the American straddling her. She attempted yelling Cosima's name several times, but the words never made it through the laughter.
"Huh? What's that?" Cosima taunted her, looking far too amused by Delphine's struggles. Cosima paused and leaned down to whisper threateningly, "Do you concede, Delphine?"
Unfortunately, the unexpected friction that the movement, caused between their adjacent groins, forced a small whimper from Delphine's lips. Her eyes widened when she heard the quiet noise, desperately hoping Cosima didn't hear. Cosima didn't appear to notice the noise, only the lack of response from Delphine, "Is that a no? You do not concede?" Friction. Just a bodily reaction. Natural. Nothing to do with anything else. Just friction. Nothing more.
"I–" Nothing more….
"Oookay," she said, straightening back up while Delphine stifled another whimper, "Here comes round two". Hands dove back to Delphine's sides, but she was Nothing more… a little Nothing…more distracted More.
Of course, she could stay another night. Delphine didn't hesitate when Cosima asked. It was raining still (how, she didn't know), and the forecast promised Tuesday would be the best day of the week. Delphine would have called it an awful start to her Spring break, but she knew it wasn't true.
"And, like, you don't have to, you know, sleep on the couch like…however…I can just…" Cosima stumbled awkwardly, "I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, you know?"
"I've been comfortable the last two nights. The couch is the same, the company's the same. Nothing's changed," Delphine assured. She wasn't sure why Cosima would think she would be uncomfortable after spending two nights…like…however. Maybe she was trying to say that she didn't want to sleep on the couch together – it was a bizarre behavior.
"Just, you know, me being all gay and what not," Cosima tried to keep eye-contact but was failing.
"Oh," Delphine remembered that detail, "Well, weren't you gay-and-what-not last night and the night before?"
"Yeah…"
"So…nothing's changed?" Delphine smiled, moving to the kitchen. "What should dinner be…hmmm," she wondered out loud as she browsed the contents of the refrigerator.
Cosima hopped up and bounded over to Delphine, sliding in front of her, facing the open fridge. Reaching up to the freezer section she explained, "Remember when I was getting ice yesterday for lunch?" Delphine nodded. Cosima opened the freezer and continued, "Well, I spotted this thing," pointing, and then retrieving a frozen pizza from underneath all the other contents, barely visible. How Cosima even spotted it, Delphine wasn't sure.
"I believe," Delphine said as she took the box and searched for a tray, "this was a gift or something I was supposed to have with someone. I must have forgotten about it". She started the oven and read through the directions on the back of the box.
"Oh, I didn't know it was, like, a special thing," Cosima rushed, sounding nervous, "If you're saving that to have with whoever got it for–"
"Cosima," Delphine giggled at her panic, "I'm pretty sure it was a last-minute run to the grocery store. Nothing special. Also, I don't even remember who got it".
Cosima looked pointedly at the slim side of the box with messy handwriting covering it, and back at Delphine, "Um, was it Chad?"
Delphine was confused for a moment before she remembered, "Oh, yes. Chad. I totally forgot. I don't think he will be coming to eat pizza with me anytime soon. We're probably safe". Delphine caught a glimpse of an emotion she didn't recognize from Cosima, but she quickly reverted to her playful self.
"Soooo," she prodded, leaning on the counter beside the blond, "who is uh, 'yo home boy Chad'? Ex-lover?"
Delphine snorted. She knew Cosima was trying to embarrass her, but she wasn't affected by it, "We sat by each other in Biochemistry 1, if I remember correctly".
"Love at first sight then?" Cosima kidded, earning a swat on the arm.
"No," she continued, "I actually thought he was gay for the longest time. Looking back, I have no idea why. Anyway, he wanted to come over with a couple other people to work on a project and deemed my place the most suitable. When he arrived, there was no one with him. He said everyone ditched, but we should still work on the project. He put the pizza in the freezer for later if we got hungry and then proceeded to grab my ass and try to kiss me". Delphine laughed.
"Ew," Cosima cringed.
"It's okay, though," Delphine said, putting said pizza in the oven after it preheated, "I think when I said yes to the project, he took it as something else. He mentioned pizza being great for fueling extracurricular activities. I just didn't understand how extracurricular it was," she chuckled at herself.
"I notice the pizza is still here," Cosima pointed out, "find something else to fuel your extracurriculars?"
Delphine laughed, entertained by their banter, "No, actually. I kicked him out and promptly took a shower. Never remembered the pizza".
The two talked in the kitchen while the pizza cooked, eventually giving in and pouring some wine. Cosima was astounded when she asked Delphine about her last boyfriend and she couldn't even remember his name. She had a hard time believing Delphine when she said the encounter with Chad was the closest thing to romance she's had for years. She dated someone for a couple weeks, but he turned out to actually be gay.
The wine was once again helping their conversation flow. Extracurricular-plain-cheese pizza – Cosima's favorite, apparently – was brought to the living room and they ate at the coffee table. The conversation turned to Cosima's past relationships, which she was fairly open about. She had several girlfriends throughout high school and her first two years of college. At the end of her Sophomore year, about a month from finals, she met her current girlfriend and they've been together since. Cosima stayed in San Francisco while her girlfriend moved to Minnesota to be with her family and finish her degree. She would visit occasionally, but it was expensive. It wasn't until recently that she was able to move permanently.
"You two must love each other very much," Delphine said drowsily, the wine proving to be too much.
Cosima laughed in self-deprecation, "Nah, I think we did but it became more of a one-way relationship, you know?"
Delphine finished her glass and turned to Cosima on the couch, her eye brows scrunched with concern and genuine interest. She waited for Cosima to continue, prompting with her fixed stare.
"It just kind of feels like she keeps me around for when she wants, like, 'arm candy', or whatever. But we don't really talk a lot and sometimes it's hard to make a connection, you know, just like she's not paying attention," Cosima's expression was more annoyed than sad, like she had accepted her relationship how it was, but remained unhappy with it.
"Why do you stay with her?" Delphine was losing the grip on her filter, but Cosima didn't seem to mind.
"I don't know, man, we've been together for a long time, even if a lot of that time has been spent miles away from each other. She's a good girlfriend when she's around, you know, it's just…she likes to not be around when things get, like, emotional or whatever," Cosima sighed and laid her head on Delphine's lap. Delphine sifted through her odd hair and listened to her sympathetically, "We have a great physical relationship, just not much of anything else, I guess. She likes to show me off, which isn't bad in itself, but I just feel like an accessory more than a partner".
"I don't like her so far," Delphine stated solemnly. I would treat Cosima much better. As a friend. I will treat her better.
Cosima laughed and looked up at her, "I think we're past the stage of me needing approval to date her. Thanks though, mom".
Delphine scoffed, "Not mom," her speech becoming more accented, she noticed, as she grew sluggish, "as your new best friend – bestie – I disapprove so far. Unless you have evidence to indicate I should think otherwise".
Cosima glanced up at Delphine's now very heavy eyes and stuck out her tongue, "I'll let you know," she replied with a sad smile.
The sentence almost brought a tear to Delphine's eye as she looked down at the poor neglected woman. How could anyone ignore this, she thought. Cosima looked like she was close to crying, too, and Delphine liked the moment of seeing such a vulnerable side. She touched the back of hand to Cosima's cheek, observing the smooth curve of her jaw and radiating warmth. "You deserve to be treated much better than an accessory. You deserve someone who will pay attention to you all the time and wants to be with you when there are emotions," Delphine said softly. She felt her eyelids growing unbelievably heavy.
"You're drunk, Delphine," she heard Cosima say as she let her eyes shut and her head fall to the back of the couch.
"Mmmm, maybe," Delphine admitted, "I don't lie when I'm drunk, though". She sighed and recognized her discomfort on the couch, aware enough to foresee neck pain in the morning if she let herself fall asleep like this. "Can we go to sleep now?" She asked and hoped it was comprehendable.
Cosima nodded and started to move off her lap. Delphine didn't want to sleep on the couch, she missed her bed. However, she didn't want to leave Cosima by herself, and didn't really want to be away from the girl anyway. She stood up, staggering slightly, grabbed some portion of Cosima's hand and towed her to the bedroom. She didn't think of the implications such an invitation provided, like she should have with Chad, but she trusted Cosima.
Cosima looked confused for a moment but didn't fight it. Delphine found a loose top and some shorts for Cosima to change into. Once they were both in their sleepwear, they slipped under the covers, and Delphine was asleep before her head hit the pillow.