8. La princesse Delphine

Delphine's nervousness morphed into a high anxiety throughout the day.

How was she supposed to introduce herself?

Would Cosima introduce her?

What would Cosima say?

What has Cosima said about her or their meeting? Should she text and ask, or would that be too much?

Should she put makeup on, or would that be too much, or would it seem like she didn't care if she didn't put makeup on?

She didn't care, she didn't care if she looked pretty, there would be no reason to care, she's not dressing up for anyone.

She should still look nice, everyone else probably would. She wouldn't want to stand out or embarrass Cosima somehow.

Would Cosima be embarrassed of her? Why would she be embarrassed?

That's stupid, Cosima's not that superficial. But she still wants to make a good impression…

She should cancel. Tell Cosima she was…feeling sick.

No, Cosima would see through that. That would make her sad, she didn't want Cosima to feel sad. Her girlfriend already did enough of that.

She had to go, so she could show Cosima that she was worth being paid attention to. As a person, a friend, not specifically a romantic partner. But especially a romantic partner – for Cosima's sake, of course.

What made this all worse was, after Cosima said good morning and they texted for a couple minutes, she informed Delphine that she wouldn't be able to talk much until after 5:00 p.m. She was supposed to be at the club around 7:30 p.m.

Delphine wasn't antisocial, she just didn't like the uncontrollable atmosphere that surrounded parties and clubbing. She hadn't gone out in so long she was afraid of looking silly somehow. She would look out of place, just her demeanor, she knew it. She hoped Cosima would know not to abandon her.

Delphine couldn't believe she made it all the way to 4:30 p.m. without throwing up. Cosima texted her at random points during the day when she got a chance, which Delphine was grateful for. She wondered if Cosima was aware of how antsy she was getting. She seemed to. It feels like she knows – She's good at that

Finally, around 5:20 p.m., Cosima called her. Delphine felt a large portion of worry drain out of her when she saw the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Bonjour! It's me"

"Bonsoir," Delphine felt her automatic smile start to perk up.

"How are you doing? Are you going to back out on me? Leave me high and dry?" Cosima exaggerated her suffering.

"Never. Where is this club, again?"

"I'll send you the address. It's actually pretty close to your place, and it's more of a bar with an open area for dancing than a club".

"Isn't that what a club is?"

"Shut up. I'll see you in a couple hours, okay?"

"Oui, I will be there".

Delphine started getting ready immediately after they hung up. She took another shower to ease some nerves. Remembering that Cosima had already picked out her outfit made her sigh in relief. One stressful responsibility already out of the way. Choosing underwear and a bra were difficult tasks since Cosima didn't do that part. She was caught between wearing something casual and comfortable, and one of her sets of lacy undergarments. She chose the lace, but only because it went best with her outfit and she wanted to match, of course.

She put some light makeup on to compromise with her earlier dilemma, a spritz of perfume, and black, dress flats. She knew Cosima wasn't thrilled about being short and she didn't want to augment her height. She was ready by 6:20 p.m. and regretted starting so early. She played on her phone for a couple minutes, but eventually got too impatient and decided to start walking. She grabbed her umbrella and coat, then checked the directions one last time before leaving.

Delphine arrived at the bar ten minutes early. She took her time walking and stopped by a market on the way to grab a piece of fruit to have something in her stomach before she drank. Or to stall. She was slightly worried about alcohol but let it slide as she focused her stress-attention on the company she would be keeping.

When she walked in, she immediately spotted Cosima at the bar, occupying a stool on the end and drinking a beer. Her back was to Delphine, so she had the chance to admire the tight fit of the woman's red dress. Cosima looked good in anything – Delphine's extra-large clothing, her flowing, colorful attire – but the way she was dressed now made Delphine's stomach feel odd.

Eventually, after a minute or so of surveying the room – and Cosima while she wasn't aware of her presence yet – she finally moved to the seat next to Cosima, whose face turned into one of extraordinary delight.

"Delphine…"

"Cosima".

"Dude. You are hot," Cosima said as she looked her up and down.

Delphine blushed, but didn't try to hide herself like she typically would for anyone else. With Cosima, she didn't want to hide. She liked it when Cosima looked at her. Probably just some vain streak she had going on. "Are you drunk already?"

"This is my first beer, and look, it's only, like, halfway gone!"

"First beer, darling, but the third drink on your tab tonight," said a friendly-looking blond bartender who seemed like she would treat everyone with such casualness.

"Bobby," Cosima pointed at her, "hush". Bobby ignored her and turned back to her other patrons. "Just met Bobby here. I think she said she owns the place".

"Where, uh…" Delphine started her question, but wasn't able to finish. She hated saying girlfriend, and she and Cosima had some kind of unspoken agreement to not mention anything real about her.

"She dropped me off here so that I could meet you, and then she went to go pick up her friends at one of their houses. She said she'd be back in about half an hour".

"When did she leave?"

"Twenty-three minutes ago," Cosima said, somewhat sadly. Delphine figured that was why she had already been drinking. She was gone long enough for Cosima to have almost three drinks.

"My opinion of her is not improving," Delphine said as she signaled for Bobby to bring her a glass of what Cosima was drinking.

"You haven't even met her," Cosima tried to defend, but Delphine could hear the emptiness in her statement.

"That's exactly the point," Delphine took the glass Bobby brought over. Cosima just sighed in response, resting her chin on her palm.

"Sorry for being such a buzzkill," Cosima tried to perk up, "Let's get a table before it gets busy. Are you hungry?" She started to get up, grabbing her drink and looking around the establishment.

"I, ehm, no not really," Delphine stuttered as she followed Cosima's lead to a table near the back. "But I should probably eat something anyway," she said, thinking about the impending intoxication that a full stomach would help soften.

Delphine liked that their table was a little more out of the way and relatively quiet, but they were also close to the bathrooms so there was a lot of traffic. From the limited list of bar foods on the menu, they ordered the house fries. Cosima's mood improved, but she wasn't back to her energetic, smiling self yet. Conversation was easy, and they kept it light, talking about the kinds of bars or clubs Cosima went to when she lived in San Francisco. They sounded much nicer than their current venue.

A silence fell over them after a few minutes. Cosima didn't really seem sad, but she wasn't happy that it had been another half-hour, and no one had showed up. Delphine thought she saw disappointment and maybe embarrassment in Cosima's expression. She knew she couldn't help the matter the way it needed helping. She picked at their fries, barely able to bring herself to eat a few.

"These are the worst fries I have ever had. I think they used rotten potatoes and fried them in tar," Delphine said after too long of a silence, examining a fry between her fingers that was more off-tan than it was yellow.

Cosima turned her attention to Delphine and then the fry. After a moment of a blank expression, Cosima burst out laughing, making Delphine start to laugh as well. Their enthusiasm was very disproportionate to the comment, but the tension was physically melting away, much to Delphine's pleasure.

"You obviously haven't been in America long enough. These actually aren't that bad as far as bar food goes," Cosima's eyes sparkled from the wetness her laughter brought to them. Delphine thought it was beautiful, like tiny stars, and couldn't stop looking into them, admiring them. "Don't worry, we'll find other places that will make this look gourmet. It's my mission now".

"Oh great," Delphine smiled at her, at the dullness that always seemed to cover Cosima's sparkle when that woman affected her, trying to comfort something she didn't entirely understand. "Do you want to call to make sure she's okay?"

"Oh," Cosima looked like she just realized something, "I hadn't even thought that she may not be okay, I just figured she was being shitty. I guess that makes me the shitty one". Cosima retrieved her phone from her bag and walked over to the short, but quiet hallway leading to the bathrooms.

Delphine felt awful when she heard Cosima blame herself. The woman wasn't even here, and she was making Cosima feel bad about herself. Delphine watched Cosima talk, unable to hear anything over the music and chatter that had picked up over the course of the evening. It was almost 8:45 p.m. at that point. Cosima's expression underwent a variety of emotions before she hung up and returned to their table.

"Let's dance," she said before she emptied the rest of her glass and loudly dropped her phone onto the table, "C'mon". Cosima grabbed Delphine's hand and pulled her out of the booth. Delphine followed reluctantly, suddenly becoming nervous again. She'd had a feeling Cosima wouldn't let her sit out, but she had tried to ignore the thought. Now that it was happening, she wasn't entirely sure of what to do. "Okay," Cosima said, stopping near the edge of where everyone was dancing, "So, what do you know?"

Delphine was a little surprised Cosima even remembered that she couldn't dance, after all the emotions and events that had happened between when she mentioned that and now. "Oh, well um," Delphine tried to think, and then proceeded with the only thing she knew, "Here". She took Cosima's hand in her own and placed her other hand on Cosima's waist.

"Oh, no," Cosima said without moving, but a smile gracing her face, "No, no. You cannot tell me that all you know is ballroom dancing".

"Of course, all the royalty in France had to learn it," Delphine said nonchalantly as they started moving, "You don't know how?"

"Uh, no, I remember some basics from high school gym class," she said thoughtfully, looking confused for a second, "Wait, what? Royalty?" Cosima practically yelled.

Delphine rolled her eyes and shook her head, "Oui, papa always called me princesse when I was a little girl. I just figured…" Delphine winked at Cosima, her wide eyes turning into squinting ones. Delphine tugged her closer and started a poor attempt at what she remembered from her youth. The detail that they were both a bit intoxicated didn't help the elegance of their movements. Delphine was glad she chose flats. Cosima was wearing heals so they were about the same height.

"Delphine, people are looking at us…" Cosima whispered in her ear, sending a few goosebumps down Delphine's neck.

Delphine whispered back, "It's because we are doing so well," Cosima laughed, "They are all jealous of us".

The two of them swirled around, never really using a specific dance technique or certain moves, but more like hugging, occasional twirling, and random foot movements that caused them to trip more often than not. They laughed at their absurdity, which didn't help performance quality. Delphine felt her body warming up from the alcohol and constant closeness with this woman.

After a solid forty-five minutes of flailing around, the two women sat down to hydrate themselves. Bobby brought them two glasses and a pitcher of water.

Cosima drank a generous amount and smiled wickedly, "So, I was thinking…"

"Yes, stop that," Delphine retorted, grinning as she took delicate sips from her glass, "I have a feeling that no good will come from it".

Cosima ignored her and continued, "…that maybe, since we're doing super awesome at your dancing stuff, we both have a shot or two and you learn my dancing…stuff". Cosima was already signaling Bobby for the shots.

"Dancing…stuff? What kind of dancing stuff is your dancing stuff?"

"The dancing stuff that all the other normal people are doing here," she explained as Bobby set a small tray down with four shots, "Obscene and uncomfortable. Look out there, do you know what that dancing is called?" Cosima pointed to a couple in the center of the room.

"It looks like clothed, anal intercourse…" Delphine stated, looking around the bar.

"Exactly. Grinding. Do you know what grinding is?". Cosima swallowed her shot quickly, wincing as she set the glass down.

"It looks familiar. I don't know if I can do that, though," she said nervously. Delphine examined her shot for a moment. She never drank hard alcohol, really only wine. She didn't want Cosima to tease her about it though, so she quickly poured the contents past her lips. Too quickly. She was aware that it was going to burn, but she wasn't fully prepared for it. Her face scrunched up in an expression of disgust and she rinsed her mouth with her water, although it didn't really help much.

"And that's what the shots are for," Cosima got up and offered her hand to Delphine, who took it hesitantly. "Don't worry, dude, I will teach you what you need to know and then you'll look like a pro".

They found a spot near a speaker that wasn't in the middle of everyone and on a side of the bar that was free of tables. Cosima had to yell over the booming speakers and noise of the bar, informing Delphine that they would be learning the 'anal dancing' first and then asked her if she wanted front or back. Delphine decided that having Cosima's body hiding the majority of hers would be best, so she chose back.

Cosima turned her back to Delphine, reached back to claim her hands, and then set them on her hips. Delphine felt the slight roughness from Cosima's dress caused by seams and subtle patterns. Then she felt Cosima's hip bones, her hips, her waist. It was nice. "I'm glad you're getting comfortable," Cosima said, shaking Delphine from her trance. She blushed at her thoughtlessness.

Cosima continued to instruct Delphine about hip movements, keeping the beat, making sure to not be so stiff. Delphine wasn't necessarily quick in learning this, but she caught on eventually and was starting to enjoy herself. She felt like she could blend in with the crowd – the crowd that seemed to have so much confidence. She felt confident, granted Cosima was blocking most of her movements, but still.

Delphine felt Cosima's back slowly getting closer to her front and she wasn't sure if it was Cosima pushing back or if she was pulling her closer. After three songs had gone by, Cosima was flush to her front.

She felt slightly panicked. Not because of their position, but a fear of when Cosima would eventually leave it. She could breath fine before, but now it seemed as though Cosima's presence against her body was the only airway to her lungs, and if she moved, Delphine wouldn't be able to handle the disconnection.

While she was thinking about it, though, she found it odd that she didn't feel weird about dancing so intimately with another woman. On the contrary, she liked it very much. She liked being able to predict the movements Cosima would make, but still not be 100% sure. And it didn't scare her that she couldn't control it. The alcohol was probably making her feel this way. She didn't have a high tolerance for the hard stuff and it was most likely just altering her perception of the situation.

Cosima lazily laid her head back on Delphine's shoulder. She wasn't sure if Cosima was just tired or if she was trying to be sexy. It was sexy anyway. Delphine's hands had moved up to Cosima's midsection, basically hugging her from behind, and Cosima put her hands on top of Delphine's arms. She felt her heart race speed up as her body was flushed with almost-numbing tingling. She was starting to feel concerningly light-headed and she felt like she was gasping for air.

Cosima seemed to notice, turning around in her arms with a worried expression. She walked Delphine backwards a short way until she felt the wall against her back.

"Are you okay, dude?" Cosima asked, backing up only enough to speak.

"I think that just wore me out," she replied, trying to catch her breath and avoiding looking at Cosima.

"Wait here, I'll be right back," Delphine tried to protest but Cosima interrupted, "I'm not done with you. I'll be like two seconds, just chill for a minute".

Delphine watched the woman saunter over to the bar, moving her hips as though she knew Delphine was looking at her. Why was she looking at her? Delphine was glad she didn't need to drive, she was obviously drunk.

Cosima returned with a glass of water and the two shots from their table. "So, now we're moving on to non-anal grinding. And you will need this," Cosima said, handing Delphine a shot. She took it without question and handed Cosima the empty glass. Cosima raised her eyebrow, seemingly surprised by Delphine's newfound recklessness. Delphine smiled, then reached out and moved Cosima's arm up, forcing her to take the other shot. Cosima took it easily and then set the empty glasses on top of the speaker, made both of them down some water, and then set that glass next to the shot glasses.

Cosima clapped her hands together, "Ready?"

"Non," Delphine chuckled, "Do I have a choice, though?"

Cosima reached up and laced her hands behind Delphine's neck, preparing for the next song, "Of course you have a choice," Cosima said, inches from Delphine's face, staring very intently into her eyes, "Tell me if you want to stop".

If Delphine hadn't been leaning against the wall still, she would surely have fallen at that. Cosima started to pull lightly, silently directing Delphine to follow. She automatically brought her hands to Cosima's waist to steady herself.

Cosima, once again, instructed her movements like a professor. Delphine got the hang of it much sooner this time. It could have been from practice or from the easiness the alcohol brought her. She knew she had little grace at this point, but she felt like she was doing well enough. Her attention was not focusing on much else besides instructing her body's movements and wandering over Cosima's body.

Cosima must be very beautiful if a straight girl takes this much notice, she thought. She was beautiful, Delphine wasn't going to deny that just so that people didn't think she was gay. Anyone would love Cosima. Except for that bitch of a girlfriend she had. Delphine's filter was falling apart, she noticed, even in her thoughts. Where was that woman anyway? It was almost midnight and she was supposed to be back before eight.

"Okay, I have an idea," Cosima said, once again dragging Delphine back from her trance, "Let's do both at the same time". She waved her hand between them, indicating their dancing.

Delphine laughed, "You must be insanely drunk, Cosima. How would we do both 'anal' and 'front' grinding at the same time?" Delphine pointed out as the song stopped and they moved back to the wall to rest again.

"Not the grinding," Cosima said as though it was obvious, "My dancing stuff and your dancing stuff".

"You want to combine formal dance and club dance? Like I said, you must be insanely drunk," Delphine took a drink from the water they kept on the speaker.

"We could invent it!" Cosima started getting excited, "We would be famous, Delphine".

Delphine loved seeing the twinkle back in Cosima's eyes, even if it was mostly drunken. She sighed and shrugged her shoulders, passively giving Cosima permission. Cosima grabbed her hand and moved their bodies to the front-grinding position. They moved with the music for a couple of minutes before Cosima got that gleam in her eye.

"Alright," she said, slowing their movements, "Twirl me as grandly as you can. But also make it classy".

Delphine laughed at Cosima, which it seemed like she had been doing all night. She really didn't want to separate herself from Cosima, but she did anyway. Cosima was having so much fun, and when she thought about it, so was she. Cosima instructed her to twirl her back, and Delphine did. Cosima spun around with her eyes closed tight and her hair flying, it made Delphine feel lighter just watching the carefree girl enjoying such a simple activity.

Delphine spun Cosima around a few more times before the woman gave in from the dizziness. She told Delphine it was her turn and Delphine did not agree.

"Cosima, we are stopping because you are too dizzy, you are about to fall over. How am I supposed to trust you to–"

"One".

"Cosima, no, we'll both–"

"Dos".

"And I thought your French was ba–"

"Trois! Go!"

Delphine shrieked as Cosima pushed her side, forcing at least a partial twirl. She was surprised that they were both still standing. She saw that Cosima had her free hand against the wall to ensure her balance. Delphine smirked when Cosima tugged her hand so that she would twirl back. She knew they would probably fall or crash into something, but Delphine wanted to prove her point, so when Cosima tugged a second time, Delphine twirled halfway before she pulled hard on Cosima's hand so that she lost the wall as her source of stability. Cosima's face was in complete shock as Delphine reigned a new malicious dominance over her.

It appeared, however, that Cosima was not going to put up with it. She pulled back on Delphine's hand and they both tipped into the wall. They must have looked absolutely shitfaced, which granted, they weren't far from it. Delphine wasn't expecting to still be upright at the end of her scheme. She also wasn't expecting to be leaning flat against the wall with Cosima leaning flat against her. She could feel Cosima's breath on her ear and neck.

She let out an involuntary sigh of a pleasure that she didn't know the source of. No, she knew the source. It was Cosima, pressed against her, not moving away, chest heaving as she caught her breath. What she couldn't understand was why.

Why is the alcohol affecting me like this? Why am I getting so attached? Why isn't her stupid girlfriend here? Why isn't Cosima moving away? Oh…

Delphine noticed that she had moved her hands to Cosima's lower back, holding her there. It was more intimate than just a hug. She didn't remember moving them, though. Why was she holding Cosima so tightly? Cosima obviously wasn't moving because Delphine wasn't letting her, that was it. She was probably just staying put so she didn't have to confront Delphine about boundaries. Or something. She couldn't think straight enough to reason it out.

Delphine was truly trying to move her hands away but ended up only pulling Cosima closer. She felt Cosima's hands home themselves on her flat stomach. Delphine couldn't pick out what she was feeling. Her body felt like she was terrified, heart racing, full-body waves of internal shivering, and a magnetism that she wasn't sure the direction of. But her mind didn't feel terrified. She didn't know the feeling.

This is alcohol, too much alcohol. Let's see…two…three shots and a beer? She knew she should have eaten more food earlier, but they had been drinking water and the alcohol was spread out over the course of several hours. Maybe I have alcohol poisoning. What is alcohol poisoning? Merde.

Delphine felt movement by her neck. Cosima was taking her head out of the nook of Delphine's neck. Delphine didn't realize how much she liked Cosima's head there until it was gone. Probably just the warmth. It's…cold in here. It wasn't, though.

Delphine's disappointment didn't last long. Cosima's forehead rested on Delphine's and they looked at each other. Delphine had never seen Cosima so serious. It wasn't a scary situation, but she was scared. They looked in each other's eyes for what seemed like an hour, then Cosima moved her gaze down to Delphine's lips.

Delphine wasn't sure if she, herself, was confused or not. What she knew was that her hands were grasping now at the fabric of Cosima's dress, pulling her impossibly closer and holding Cosima, pressed tightly against her body. If the building was quieter, the music wasn't so loud, the bar's phone would stop ringing, the people stopped chattering, Delphine was sure Cosima would be able to hear her weak whimpers.

Curious of what it would be like to look at Cosima's lips in that moment, just look, she did. Delphine looked down at the glossy, slightly parted lips, moving only a minuscule amount with her breath. The breath that Delphine was feeling on her lips. They were so close, and Delphine knew it was probably 99% her doing. She felt like she was taking advantage of Cosima, somehow. The girl was drunk, and so was Delphine. Why couldn't they just stay in this position forever?

Cosima's hands moved slowly to Delphine's sides and she started to tilt her head. Their noses now touching, Delphine knew what was going to happen if she didn't stop it. She didn't want to stop it. It could have been alcohol, plain curiosity, her desperation to be touched after so long. She didn't care, she wanted Cosima to k–

"Cosima?" a female's voice yelled over the bar's symphony.