Chapter Twenty-One
My first few days here weren't that bad, but around the fourth day mark, it was starting to grate on me. It was quiet. The kind of quiet that made me uneasy, because I had nothing to distract me from my own mind.
There were four rooms to this little house, and really not much to look at. A small kitchen, of course the living room, and bedroom, with an attached bathroom. No air conditioning, or even a fan, so that along with the squeezing humidity and heat only made it worse. So much worse.
If I thought the last place was humid, I was mistaken. This place felt like constantly being in a steamed-up room. It drained me even faster than the boredom or the quiet. I never thought I'd miss being too cold, but I was far from acclimated to the weather here.
On top of everything else, Alice reminded me of my impending 'monthly' visitor when she returned, and I wasn't looking forward to that. My emotions were already all over the place, and this would only add to it.
If I ever thought myself lonely before, that was an extreme understatement as to how I felt now.
Boxed in. Claustrophobic at times, and endlessly restless. I'd pace the entire length of the house, probably over a hundred rounds a day. Just for something to do besides be stuck alone with my thoughts.
There were moments when I couldn't take the silence, so I'd go outside to listen to the birds and animals out there. The humidity was the same inside or outside the house, so going outside where the sunlight managed to reach me through the thick vegetation in this area was almost too much, but I had to do something to get away from the silence inside.
On the plus side, I was getting pretty tan. My usually light skin was darkening. Not by much, and I burned pretty decently the first day or so being there, but after that faded, I got used to it.
It rained here nearly every night, so that was almost familiar.
Except these rains weren't like the rains at home. Even on its worst day, the rains in Washington were never as strong as the rains were here. A drenching downpour that soaked everything in its path until it finally lost steam around midnight, and was gone as quickly as it started. Leaving the sky open to suffocating sunlight the next morning.
As scary as those rains sometimes were, it was a welcome event after the baking heat of the day. Unless it had thunder in it, I was okay through the night.
It was during the day that I had the most trouble.
Often barefoot on my trips outside, as I never bothered with shoes anymore, I learned quickly to look before I stepped. The ants here weren't fucking around, given the new torn skin in the bottom of my left foot from their bites.
The ground was very firm, but it was all dirt between the house and the trees. An occasional stick or rock, but nothing sharp or uncomfortable. Besides the stupid ants.
I never told Alice about those bites. As relieved as I was to see her, she always seemed like she was miles away, and I didn't want to make that harder for her, despite everything I was going through too.
Inside, it was too quiet, everything too still. I'd spend hours sitting there, remembering every single time when I was too cold. The silence while they were gone was enough to physically hurt, and the migraines were debilitating. I worried, though, that these migraines were an indication of something else.
Outside, everything moved, and there was never a moment without some kind of sound. The house being surrounded by trees I'd never seen before, which moved in the slight hot breeze that blew. Insects and birds. It was much easier to bear being outside than inside.
I still hated it, because I was alone. Nobody to talk to but myself, and I often worried myself by how often I would answer my own questions out loud.
I'd cry as loud as I felt like, knowing no one was around to hear. The knowledge of just how alone I was way out here only made that heartbreak worse, but I was beginning to see the benefits of letting myself cry like that. Though it always built back up, I always felt better after crying with no restraint.
I cried during the day, only to snooze, but wake just before night fell completely to the storms just starting. So I'd open a window, and someone would return soon to check on me and bring me something to eat. I wanted nothing more than to beg them through sobs to just stay one night, but I knew I couldn't do that, so I kept it to myself.
I ate a lot of fresh fruit, and drank a lot of bottled water. Nothing but, actually. I was beginning to hate both options, and often chose to go without.
I was just starting to learn how to control my emotions again, but it was hard. Especially with the crushing loneliness and the never-ending depression I often faded to after my usual waking sobs.
Only a week had passed, and I was already losing it.
The first day of the next week brought me a visitor I could have done without. Teaching me the hard way to leave the windows closed in the morning. Jasper returned, thankfully earlier than usual that afternoon to find me locked in the tiny bathroom, armed with only the hairbrush I rarely used and a towel blocking the bottom of the door.
Somehow, a rather huge bright green snake had found its way into the bedroom and was busy investigating the dresser across the room when I managed to catch sight of it. This snake was probably longer in length than I was tall, but I didn't exactly stop to measure it. It seemed more curious than anything, not even bothering to look at me as I proceeded to screech and sprint from the room.
I left the windows closed and locked after that. I would deal with the baking heat inside if it meant not getting eaten. That mattered at first. It changed as I did.
And I snoozed, barely aware that December had been progressing.
I learned that week after stinking myself into it that a cold shower did wonders for cooling off. I'd avoided the shower like the plague after learning that the house had no water heater, so cold was the only way to go. I refused. Not after being forced to endure nothing but cold showers for more than half of my life, but here, it wasn't that bad. It was more of a relief here.
I'd shower just to cool off in the afternoon, and head outside still soaking wet. The breeze wasn't hot when I was wet, so it made everything just a little more bearable. Not by much, but it was a big difference.
My routine evened out, and I found myself adapting, but one thing remained horrible.
Sleep brought me no relief anymore. Not even a little bit. From the time I left the hotel, I'd only gotten fifteen minutes, at most, of sleep a night or day. I was constantly so tired, cranky, and very emotionally unstable.
This place was messing with my head, and my visions. It pressed me hard whether I was awake or asleep now. There was no chance of peace, and I felt like I was getting squeezed. Strangled. Boxed in even more. Closed in, even outside.
My routine soon became sitting in the dirt outside until the afternoon. After the usual spray-off, now clothes and all, I'd climb a tree to reach the breeze easier, and cry. Usually staying there, watching what I could of the rain clouds rolling in until someone came back in the evening. I'd jump down from the tree, and I'd go back inside. Sleep for fifteen minutes, and be up the rest of the night.
I got no news about how their mission was going, and I didn't ask. I did ask, however, about one thing.
"When can I be around people again?" I asked, trying to dust the permanent dirt stains off my jean shorts. I never thought I'd miss them.
"I really don't know." Alice sighed. "I know this is hard on you, Leandra." That was the same answer I got every time I dared complain. So I gave the same answer I always gave.
"You have no idea." I mumbled, drawing my legs up to my chest. That was the only way I sat now. An outer reflection of how I was feeling inside when Jasper wasn't around to give me just a few minutes of relief.
"Actually, I do." She said. "I can see it as plainly as you feel it. We're only keeping you isolated for your own good, Leandra."
"Yeah, yeah." I replied. "Because I can't sleep anymore."
"What would make this easier on you?" She asked, sitting beside me.
"People." I said simply. "It's hard here. Here, I have no choice but to think, and you know what that does."
"I know." She nodded. "Humans really aren't good with isolation, but you especially. I know what this has to be doing, but all we ask is to hang on a little longer."
How much longer? I was losing my mind here, and I missed so much being able to just talk and have someone listen. I missed my family, and I could only be strong for so long.
My breath caught on a sob shaking free, despite how I tried to hide it as I looked over at her. I couldn't stop the tears scattering free as she read my expression.
"I wanna go home."
She immediately hugged me into her side, but that just made it harder not to cry. I wanted to see my family more than any word could describe, but even without Jasper there, I knew I wasn't alone in feeling it. She wanted to go home too.
Nearly two weeks had passed since I'd been there, and I had yet to take off the key around my neck.
The first day of the third week there, I spent crying. I missed everyone.
I laid in bed for the better part of half the day, until finally moving to the floor at the foot of the bed. I never bothered to take the cooling shower, so my stiff clothes clung uncomfortably to me.
I didn't know where Alice and Jasper would take me from here, but I missed the hotel. Very much. I missed air conditioning, and the option to stay cool without having to go outside. I missed how the sheets of the bed there managed to stay cool, and were comfortable. Not hot and clingy.
I missed however little sleep I did manage to get before. It wasn't eight hours, but it was more than fifteen minutes every now and then. If something didn't give soon, I'd probably finally fully crack, and just lay down to die.
My entire body constantly hurt so bad, aching almost unbearably, and I knew that was because I hadn't hardly slept. If I didn't know before, I knew now how important sleep really was.
The hotel wasn't an option until I could keep myself from screaming in my sleep, or bawling like I'd been stabbed. Isolation was the safest way to keep people from asking questions, and with each passing second, I hated myself. I hated how I had no control, and I hated how I couldn't even begin to figure out how to gain that control.
Somehow, the silence started to help me.
The fourth day of the third week there was spent entirely up in a tree, and somehow, I knew they wouldn't be back that night as I waited for the normal rain clouds. Again, I hadn't bothered to take the cooling shower, so my newly tanned skin was as filthy as my clothes were.
When the rains never came, I spent that night staring up. I hadn't been out here at night before, surprisingly, and unless an animal ate me, I was staying to look at the rare sight of stars all night.
I would figure this out.
Thinking, as I did non-stop nowadays, I thought harder than I had in my life. Reflecting, remembering, reconsidering. One part of my mind working overtime, the other listening for any signs I was about to be eaten or bitten by something that would kill me. I was left alone, thankfully, so I continued to think.
Every memory I had, every thought, every half or full vision, every emotion led to one single question. A question I kept having to tear myself away from, because I was so very close to finding the answer to it, and just the thought of finding out that answer used to scare me.
What was I capable of?
What could I do?
What did I give?
I knew that fighting being here was only making it harder on myself. This place wasn't so bad. Sure, it was lonely, and sure, it was hot and miserable, but there was a limit to the suffering here. It was pretty, and it was predictable. Sure, there were things here that could kill me, but that was everywhere, and I had a talent for finding such things.
I missed everyone at home, but they wouldn't want me to be so unhappy. I could miss them, and learn to like it here. There was nothing wrong with that. The night sounds around me were so different than those at home. Focusing on that made it easier to focus on my thoughts.
What would my family tell me, if they knew what was on my mind?
Emmett would tell me to cheer up, and stop being such a wuss. He'd grin, and tell me that what I lived through was way worse than this place was. Rosalie would roll her eyes. I'd give anything to fight with her again, I smirked.
Edward would try to translate how miserable I was, and give me a long winded explanation about what it meant, just to attempt to make it alright.
Esme would tell me to smile more. She'd tell me that I deserved to be happy, and Carlisle would agree. He'd tell me to try to look on the bright side. He'd tell me that it wasn't as bad as it seemed, and I just had to choose to see it differently.
Man, I was such a pain in the ass. If I ever saw them again, I would be the perfect child. Or at least, try to be. I would take their advice.
If I just accepted it, I would stop being so miserable, and I would actually not hate it anymore. That was sorted, and I hated it less. Just like that. All it was, was how I looked at it. I was only making myself miserable by choosing to be.
Just like that, I could think clearer.
Through the night, I had found multiple answers to questions I didn't even know I had about myself. I understood more about myself than I had ever expected to understand. Sure, I was a handful. I was messed up, and I made mistakes, but I was braver than any other human I'd ever met. That bravery sometimes did border insanity, but who else could say that about themselves? I didn't think being described as 'too brave' was a bad thing.
And it didn't just involve certain points in my life, that bravery. By choosing to keep breathing, and keep moving forward despite everything I'd left behind, I could consider myself brave. I was brave everyday. Every time I recovered from a dream, every time I cried instead of holding it back, every time I looked back and realized how lucky I was now, I was brave.
That's what they were all trying to tell me. Bravery like that wasn't something that could be learned. It could only be earned. It came from pain, and from learning how to heal. It came from struggling, and learning to let go. It came from trusting, despite being burned by it so many times before, and since.
If there was one thing, one major thing, I'd learned since meeting my family, it was trust. There were so many other things they'd taught me, but the one major lesson I learned was trust, and that was from Carlisle.
From the second I met him, Carlisle had shown me what it was like to trust someone, and not have it end in pain. Not even just finding it in me to tell him my most guarded secret. The second he held his hand up to me, and I believed he wouldn't hit me, it started that slow build-up of trust.
The first time I'd ever made the decision to trust someone enough to tell them what I hid so fiercely, it was Carlisle that had shown me how. Patiently waiting for me to fight the fear aside enough to tell him.
That was exactly why he meant so much to me. He was the very source of my bravery. If he believed in me, who was I to argue?
It was more than trust, it was more than knowing he'd never hurt me. It was the fact that the only thing he expected of me, was to do my best. Take one day at a time, and learn the things I never got to when I was a kid. To just keep going. That was all he wanted from me.
Carlisle was trust, and he was safety. Bottom line.
Carlisle was everything I'd ever wanted growing up. The dad I never had, and the very definition of strength, but patience. He was who I looked up to most, even as I struggled with my own impatience and quick temper. He was ultimately the person I knew I should strive to be.
I looked down, lifting the key enough to look at it. I'd had my share of struggles, and I'd had my share of doubts, but just because I was troubled didn't make me worthless.
That realization had me smile a little.
Still looking over the key, and the crest on it, I brought it closer. The silver key glinted in the dim light of the night around me. It meant more to me than just a piece of jewelry. It was everything I'd ever wanted.
I might not have been born into the family, but none of the others had been either. Well, most of them had been, in a sense, but I was just waiting for my turn. Just because I hadn't been born into the family didn't mean that I didn't belong there.
I did belong there. I'd always known it, and I'd always been accepted, but now I knew it. It was a fact. I belonged there.
Standing again, this time I let go of the tree. Looking up again at the stars, and still holding the key in my hands.
Nothing mattered anymore. Jack, the memories, the horrible things I would always remember. Nothing. My mom, my dad, my fear of abandonment. Nothing. My struggles, my fights, my doubts. My scars, both physically and mentally, even emotionally. My less than pleasant traits. Nothing. It didn't matter.
The only thing that mattered to me now, was what I held in my hands, and the way forward.
My past no longer mattered, and for the first time in my life, I was truly ready to let it go. To look up, to see beyond it. I didn't understand what that meant before, but now I did. I figured out what it meant to just let it go. To accept myself the way I was, and move forward. For the first time in my life, I was ready to move on.
I was ready now to prove to Carlisle that he hadn't wasted his time, and that I could be the person he saw in me that day. I was ready now to prove to Carlisle that I was ready to accept the fact that yes, my past and my childhood had been a shame, and it had been very painful, but I could take strength and comfort from it. Knowing I had lived through that gave me strength, bravery, and courage like I'd never known.
I was done being defined by what happened then. I would make my own definition of myself. I was sick of hurting my family by feeling that way. I was sick of making them watch me let Jack win.
I wouldn't let Jack hurt me anymore. I just had to decide to take comfort in the fact that I had my family for the rest of my life. That they would always be there to teach me where I'm getting it wrong, and to forgive my mistakes, as I was bound to make many more.
That was the key. My family. I smiled a little, letting go of the key around my neck, and feeling it drop and hang there gently. Alice couldn't have chosen a better pendant for me. There was nothing more fitting, than the key to letting go being my family.
The moment I let go, I felt a thousand times better. It wasn't so strange when I thought about it. I was choosing to live for what I had now, instead of die for the things I lost. As long as I had my family, I could keep going. I would keep going. No matter what.
The weight of my past lessened drastically, and I took a deep breath. Holding it for a second, I let go. Of my burden, and my doubts.
I still had this vision to work through, but I knew that the moment that was through, I would have nothing left to fear. I knew now, by thinking hard about it, what I could do. Instead of shying away from it, I inspected it. The gift itself, not the vision.
By looking closer at my gift, I knew for a fact that it had grown. I inspected everything about what my own mind was telling me. Without me hardly realizing it, it was much more developed than I thought it was. By sitting so often in the silence by myself, I was able to focus. Mostly without my knowledge, but I focused nonetheless on my gift and what it meant. In the back of my mind, I worked through my gift, finding the many layers that went with it.
While staring at the patterns in the floor, listening to the silence and hating how uncomfortable I was, by passing the time sitting in the morning shade outside, I had been learning.
What was I capable of?
So much. Much more than anyone had thought before.
I made the decision that night. That very long night, that the moment I saw Alice or Jasper again, I would tell them to take me back. I didn't care about the risks, or what could happen. Which was a lot. I didn't care anymore. I needed to go back. It felt so wrong to me not to be there. This wasn't where I was meant to be. I had to be there with them.
Jasper and Alice were gone the entire next day, and I found I didn't worry too much about it. I managed to sleep for three hours this time, and though the pieces of the vision had yet to show themselves, I was able to calm myself much easier than before. The emotions weren't any less suffocating, but I'd given myself the tools I needed to calm them.
The part of the vision I still couldn't see still hurt me, and I woke up as upset as I always was, but I no longer needed Jasper to take my emotions. I'd learned, without his help, that the trick was to just hold on. To breathe and bear it. Eventually, it would stop, and that knowledge was enough to give me a firmer grasp on the process.
I chose to use that time to hand-wash my jean shorts and the light gray tank top I had, and go back outside to sit in the afternoon sun. It didn't bother me anymore. I felt better about being there, even though I missed my family. I felt confident that I'd be going home soon. I felt sure that Alice would listen to me this time about wanting to go back.
I knew we would go back.
While outside, my skin warming with the sun, I was debating whether or not to go back inside and wet my clothes again, when something caught my eye. I watched it in the tree for a few minutes, idly moving down the branches, curiously smelling where I'd been the night before.
By the time Alice came back that evening, I was still outside. Still covered in dirt, especially thanks to my earlier wet clothes and skin, but I still felt much better. There was still about an hour of daylight left, and it seemed that the rains would hold off again tonight.
She found me sitting there, holding a very curious thin red, black and white banded snake I'd found. Its smaller size didn't worry me, and it only smelled me. All it did was wrap itself around my hand and wrist just tight enough to hold on as we looked at each other. It didn't look like it was upset, and it didn't look like it wanted to be left alone.
"Leandra." Alice seemed worried now, her voice carefully controlled. "You shouldn't be holding that." Knowing my moods the last few weeks, I could easily understand why she was worried. This snake was probably very highly venomous, and I had even considered that when I picked it up, but I liked it and it seemed to like me.
But she seemed uncomfortable, so without a fuss, I carefully kneeled up and leaned over to the tree I'd plucked it from. I held it out and it willingly slithered up the branches. Back on its way to do snake stuff.
"How long are you staying this time?" I asked curiously, watching my snake friend leave. "How did it go?"
I couldn't help wondering to myself how to go about telling her I was ready to go back. I still felt confident that she would listen, but I didn't know how to actually approach the subject.
"We found it, Leandra." She told me, and I looked to her. "We finally got the information we were looking for. I'm sorry we couldn't come back last night. See, we had a very small window of opportunity, and needed to-"
"It's okay." I shook my head. "I lived. The house didn't burn down, and some tiger didn't eat me."
"Are you hungry?" She asked, and I sighed.
"I'm hungry, yes." I admitted. "But am I hungry enough for fruit? No." I stepped passed her into the house, turning the lamp on beside the couch.
"Go get your shoes." She said. "I'll take you into town." That was certainly unexpected. She hadn't done that before.
"Really?"
She laughed a little at my disbelief. "Yes. We need to talk a little."
I couldn't help smiling and running off. Grabbing my shoes before she could change her mind.
We had to walk through town to get there, but I didn't mind. It was so very relieving to be around others again. Even though I stuck close to her side, it was such a very pleasant change.
Somehow, she managed to find a place that served pizza. I thought I'd have to be eating some weird food that I'd never had before, but I was wrong. I wanted nothing healthy about the pizza, so I specified no veggies. Whatso-freaking-ever.
Of course, I got looks for my appearance, but I didn't care. I was bound to get some, because I looked like I'd just gotten done rolling in a dirt pile somewhere. My hair messily braided.
She sat with me, making small talk until my pizza got there. When the real conversation started as I ate. The pizza was really hot, but I didn't care. It was real food for once, and I would eat through the pain.
"You seem to be in a better mood." She pointed out. "What changed?"
"I have pizza now." I replied as soon as my mouth was clear, and she laughed.
"But before." She clarified and I smiled a little.
"I just figured some stuff out." I explained. "Last night. I sat outside in that tree, and I did nothing but think. About so many things." I paused for another scalding bite. Deciding then to let it cool a little bit.
"What kind of stuff?" She asked curiously.
"That's really hot." I pointed out, setting the piece down.
"Leandra?" She asked and I laughed a little.
"Just some stuff that I've been told over and over, and I guess I never got before." I shrugged, choosing to sip on the soda instead. "Which reminds me." I knew now was as good a time as any to bring it up. "I want to go back." She seemed a little surprised. "I mean, I know being there is a risk, but I want to. After how many risks they took for me, I think I owe them more than running away."
"You didn't run away." She reminded me. "We stole you."
"Kidnapped." I specified. "But that's not the point. The point is, I'm here when they're there. I want to be there. I have to be there."
"Leandra, you know they'd prefer you be safe." She pointed out, and I sighed, looking down. I pinched the straw in my soda glass between my fingers. "That's what matters to them."
"I know." I said, not knowing what else to say. "I can't help it, though. I have to be there."
She was quiet for a moment, watching me. I began to get a little nervous. Hoping the answer wasn't flat out no. I really didn't want to argue with her, or worse, have to find my way back myself. Somehow.
"What I was saying before," She said finally. "We found it. What we were looking for. It took a bit of convincing, but we found them. They agreed to come back with us."
"You were looking for a person?" I asked, interested.
"Sort of." She replied. "We were looking for someone who would know anything about the legends here, and we finally found them."
"Legends?"
"They have legends here about.. Our kind." She explained. "Very long story short, the one with the answers led us to Nahuel."
"What's that?" I asked, not understanding.
"He's a hybrid." Her voice lowered. "Like Ness."
That was big. Like, really big. My eyes widened in understanding.
"Wow." I muttered. "That would really help."
"It will." She said. "If I can put this together right, I can help them, Leandra. Everything has to be perfect, though, and I need your cooperation." I frowned a little. "If you move from the spot I put you, it'll change everything that needs to stay the same. I know better than to leave you here without us, and I know better than to expect you to stay away safely, but I know you're capable of at least staying in one spot."
"I can stay in one spot." I agreed, lifting my pizza slice again. It was cooler now, so I could take a bigger bite.
"If I can do this right, I can get them out of this." That made me smile. "We'll stay here until tomorrow night, and head back."
"We're going back?" Somehow, that just then registered to me. My mouth was full, and I quickly swallowed the bite I'd taken.
"We're going back." She assured me. "I only told you we weren't going back because I knew if you'd known we would be, you'd want to shorten the trip." I nodded in understanding. She did know me. It irritated me that she would lie to me like that, but I was too relieved to argue. She was quiet for a second.
When she spoke again, her tone had softened and quieted. "Leandra, I'm sorry. What you'll eventually see in that vision is going to hurt you. I wish I could prepare you somehow, but the best I can do is be there when you finally see it."
"How do you know I haven't seen it already?" I asked curiously.
"Because you're talking to me right now." She said. "I don't know when you'll see the rest of it, but I do know that you will soon. You've been trying to see this for quite some time now, and it's slowly coming to you, but I worry about what the rest will do to you."
"It's bad." I muttered, already knowing.
"It's worse." She replied, and I looked up. "You'll be dropped off at home. To wait for us there-"
"You can't do that." I told her instantly, shaking my head.
"Leandra, that's the safest place-"
"No it's not." I insisted firmly.
"It's safer than where we'll be."
"No it's not." I repeated, looking up. "It's not. I have to be there."
"By being there, you'll only be proving that they've broken yet another rule." She explained. "You don't want to make it worse for them, do you?"
"Aro will know anyway." I replied. "He'll know everything everyone else knows about me." She didn't know how to reply to that.
"Leandra-" Alice started.
"Would you rather me be protected, or would you rather me be a sitting duck at home?" I asked quietly. "It really wouldn't take much. Aro leaves a few of his hoard behind, closer to home than you will be." She was quiet now, and I looked down briefly. "They know exactly where we live, Alice. They're not stupid."
"How much do you know?" She asked, surprised. I glanced around, making sure no one was listening in, but she seemed more interested in the answer to that than she was in any potential listeners. "Leandra?"
"I've seen more." I admitted quietly. "It's not.. Whole yet, but more pieces are clearer. I know.." I sighed. "That there's a reason they chose to meet so far from home. They wanted everyone.. Away from the spot they're most comfortable. It had nothing to do with the humans, like you thought. Out in the open, sort of thing."
"Why haven't you said anything?" Alice muttered disappointedly. "I told you not to try to keep this hidden. What all do you know?"
"I've done everything else you've told me to do." I murmured. "And you're mad about that?"
"I'm not mad." True.
"I wasn't going to say anything, because it's so confusing."
"Why is it confusing?" She asked, and I shrugged a little.
"Because." I replied. "There's a lot to it."
She frowned a little, before understanding came to her eyes. "You know more about your gift."
"I guess it took being left so alone to solve that little problem." I muttered. "I know the.. Basics, I guess, of what I can do. I had like nothing else to focus on. It was always there, just way underneath everything else. I worked on everything else too."
"And you just know?" She asked.
"I just know." She knew.
"Tell me." She said, leaning forward. She was fascinated now, and I laughed a little.
"Wouldn't it be more fun to let you try to figure it out?" I asked smugly, and she sighed.
"Come on." She prompted and I smiled, nodding. It was hard to figure out how to word it right. She waited patiently.
"There's still more I don't really understand about it yet, but.." I trailed off, pinching the straw again and glancing around again. "I see.. Everything at once. You were right about that, but it's more than that. I see.. Decisions, too. Like you do, but I see the decisions everyone involved makes, and all of the reasons behind them. Not just one person, or the main decision."
She was surprised at that piece of information, so I continued. "I see their reasons, and I see what could go wrong, along with what actually happens. While knowing the difference. I can't explain that any more than you can."
"So you've seen what happens?" She asked, and I shook my head.
"Not yet. Up to a certain spot, it's pretty clear." I admitted. "I'm still waiting for that part. I was right, though. There is so much more to this vision that I thought, which is why I still haven't seen how it turns out. There are so many ways it could go wrong."
"That's.. Actually really amazing, Leandra." Alice admitted, laughing a little.
"There's still more I can see." I said. "But I can't tell what that is yet."
"So," Alice murmured. "You can see visions. In those visions, you see every possible outcome, including ways things can go wrong." I nodded. "You see the decisions that lead to those visions. Every single one of them?" I nodded again. "And the reasons behind those decisions?"
"Yeah." I sighed. "It's like.. Seeing the blueprints to the vision itself. Everything behind it, everything underneath it, in front of it, and every possibility of it. Before the decision is even made."
"You found all this out on your own?" She asked, and I smiled slightly, nodding a little.
"I still have trouble." I admitted. "I can't make myself have a vision yet. It's there, though." I nodded. "I can feel it there, but if I try to look for it, it gets blurry again, and it hurts a little. Like.. Trying to see underwater. I know it's there, but I just can't see it yet because I'm not close enough." I frowned, trying to describe it. "Like at the point where it starts getting blurry, so many things can happen. Trying to show me everything at once, so it hurts to try, and it overwhelms me. I can't sort through it yet."
"Don't try." Alice insisted firmly. "Leandra, don't. I mean it."
"I'll try not to try, but no promises." I said. "I don't have control over it yet. Do you remember how I described my memories?" She nodded. "It's like that. It comes forward whether I want it to or not. It decides when it wants me to work on it. Not me."
"Okay." Alice sighed. "Just.. Talk to us about these things, okay?"
"I will when I have the chance to." I said. "When you're not off hunting hybrids." She smirked, looking down. I sighed. "I can't wait to go home. What are you going to do with me if I can't wait at home?"
"I'll figure that part out." She assured. "Don't worry. When Jasper gets back, we'll talk about it while you try to get some rest." I nodded, grabbing a second slice of pizza.
"And you'll talk about me." I muttered confidently. We both laughed at that, and I looked down. I was quiet for a minute while I ate. Until I thought of something.
"You know." I mumbled, looking back up. "There's something I never asked you."
"What's that?" She asked.
"That day.. The day I met you.. You chose me." I said, and she smiled. "Did you see me coming?"
"No." She answered. "But I saw you when you got there."
"There were four of us there." I reasoned. "You could have chosen one of them."
"I wanted to choose one of the girls, and I've never really liked blondes." She replied easily, and I snorted. Choking a little on the soda I'd just sipped.
"You dodged a bullet there." I laughed when I recovered. "Rachel was such a bitch."
"I could tell." She nodded confidently.
"As many problems as I cause you and the family," I murmured. "I'm so glad I punched her stupid face in that day." It was her turn to laugh.
"Leandra." She scolded lightly.
"What?" I asked. "She deserved it, and man, it felt good."
She was quiet for a moment, just watching me.
"I chose you that day because you needed to be chosen." She finally admitted.
"More than you even know." I replied quietly, glancing up. She smiled a little at me. "Can we go back tonight?"
"Sorry." She laughed. "Tomorrow night, because you need to rest." Was it that obvious? "And they need to prepare."
"I'd be a distraction." I guessed, and she nodded. "I can't help it, though. It feels so wrong to be here."
"Believe me. I know." She replied. "But don't worry so much. I'm on this, and I know what I'm doing."
"I trust you." I mumbled. "Just impatient. It feels like I've been here for years. I need to tell them that they're right. About everything, and I need to tell them that they don't have to worry about me anymore. I need to tell them I'm okay."
"You will." She assured me. "You'll get your chance to tell them that. All of that." She seemed sad about that, though. I caught that.
We returned to the house not long later to find Jasper had gotten back. This was where I met Nahuel and Huilen. The hybrid, and his aunt. They seemed fascinated by me instantly, but I needed to get some sleep. Three hours definitely wasn't enough to hold me.
"Remember." Alice muttered to me as I hugged her. "Don't try to be brave about it. If you recall anything tonight while you sleep, we'll be here all night."
I nodded a little, turning without another word. Her continuously warning me about the vision worried me. I'd known before that it was bad, but I worried about how bad it really could be.
I lay in bed for some time, thinking about what I'd thought about the night before. I was suddenly a little grateful for being kidnapped. If I had stayed, I probably never would have been forced to think about these things, and I never would have learned all I had about myself.
I fell asleep, feeling like I'd grown more in the last few weeks than I had in the last year of my life. It was always easier to sleep when I knew they were here. Even if they had brought new people by.
The following day, the boat ride back was delayed until later in the night, just after evening fell, which was bad, but Alice assured us we'd get there in time. A little late, but not too late. They'd chosen a more comfortable boat this time, one that didn't need to be towed, but I was still tense. The closer we got to home, the more I felt it.
Jasper and Alice spoke quietly to each other, but I was a bit distracted. Nahuel and Huilen chose to speak to me instead of them.
"It has to scare you." Nahuel prompted, and I looked up. "Being the only human."
"It doesn't." I replied. "Because they're all I have."
"You're.. A pet?" Huilen asked, trying to make some sense of it. "Forgive me, because I don't understand."
"It's okay." I smirked a little. "I'm not a pet. My family lives like humans live. I met Alice first, then I met Carlisle."
"Your coven leader." Nahuel nodded, and I looked to him again.
"My dad." I corrected quietly. "He and Esme have been trying for almost two years to raise me."
"Raise you?" Nahuel asked. "Are you not already raised?"
"Not yet." I said. "I still have a lot to learn and a long way to go. They're my family."
"It is a great risk to keep you with them." Huilen pointed out. "Yet they choose to keep you anyway."
"I don't get it either." I smiled a little. "But there's nowhere else I'd rather be. Maybe I'm crazy, but it's how I feel."
"It's not often humans choose the company of our kind." Huilen smiled a little, and I nodded.
"I've been told." I laughed a little. "I'm not like other humans. I never have been. Maybe that's what made Carlisle look closer that day. I can't say for sure why he thought that I deserved to be saved, but I've known all along, I guess, that I belonged there. Even before I met him. Sometimes it feels like I always knew that I wasn't where I should have been."
"You're special." Nahuel nodded. "You have a gift."
"We didn't know that before." I explained. "I've only known about it for a couple of months now. I've hated it this whole time."
"Would it not be a gift to see what has yet to happen?" Huilen asked curiously.
"It's.. Trickier than that." I tried to explain. "I don't have the hang of it yet, so it sort of runs my life. At least, it did until recently."
It was getting colder. I felt the change in the air, but I was the only one affected. Nobody else even seemed to notice.
It was first light. Just before dawn, the snowy sky just barely beginning to lighten when we reached shore, so we had just a short amount of time to make it to where we needed to be. I was taken on Jasper's back once again, Alice trailing behind us. Leading Huilen and Nahuel behind her.
For a moment, we stopped. It was much colder here. Having acclimated to the humidity and temperature of Brazil, I shivered hard. Not used to the snow anymore.
"I'll take her." Alice volunteered, and I looked over.
"I'm not going anywhere." I spoke from Jasper's back. "But to Carlisle and Esme."
"Relax." She said. "I'll wait there with you while you get a change of clothes, so you don't freeze to death." My sweater wasn't enough.
"Promise me." I said through my trembles, narrowing my eyes.
"I swear, Leandra." She responded, taking me from Jasper's back. "With what you told me, I'm not letting you out of my sight."
"We'll all go, just in case." Jasper commented. "It's safer that way. We need to be careful." I had an easier time believing that. Having them all there, for some reason, made it easier to believe that they wouldn't leave me.
I was shivering roughly by the time we got to the empty house. It was snowing here too, but it was as much a relief to see it as it always was. It still meant the same to me as it always did. I had been missing my family this whole time, but didn't often think about how much I missed the house too.
Inside was a lot warmer than I expected. The moment I stepped in, I sighed heavily, and flopped face down on the couch. Every inch of me just wanted to stay there, and never leave the relief of being home. It was physical.
"They're not here." I mumbled into the cushion.
"We should hurry." Jasper said, looking around.
"We're already running late." Alice told me. "They're already there. It's already started."
That had me hopping up. Darting as quickly as I could to my room. I didn't want to be the reason we were too late. I didn't know it was going to be so soon.
"Don't leave without me." I called back.
"Wouldn't dream of it." Jasper assured me, and he was telling the truth. I knew that immediately. Alice had filled him in, obviously.
I'd missed home more than I thought. Almost a month away from it. Now seeing the familiar sights, knowing my way around. It was a little bittersweet, but it would have been better if my family had been there.
I still missed them more than anything.
Opening my bedroom door, I could see instantly that it was just the same as when I'd left it. Nobody had messed with a thing, only added to it. My bed still sat unmade, and as badly as I ached to fall into it and just pretend the last several months had been a bad dream, I couldn't do that.
I had to take a minute, standing there in my bedroom as I saw the pile of wrapped Christmas gifts sitting by the lightening window. There were so many there, the pile almost reached the ceiling. It'd barely even registered to me how Christmas had already passed by two days now, but this was a painful reminder.
They didn't believe we'd ever be back.
I wondered what they'd told my dad. I was sure he'd wanted to see me for Christmas. What excuses they'd given Josh or Andrew. I wondered what made them possibly think I'd ever have that much stuff to ask for.
The year before, they hadn't been around. Two Christmases in a row we were apart. It was getting ridiculous.
I pulled on my warmest set of clothes quickly. Not bothering to shower first, though I was sure I had to be filthy. It felt weird being completely covered again, but I knew better than to think I'd be fine without being bundled up. The thinnest clothes I owned wouldn't be a good outfit here.
I sniffled as I turned, fighting the tears as I turned off my bedroom light, and scooted from the room. I missed my family, and it was pretty disappointing that they weren't here, but I would see them again. I had to.
I came back out, to my relief, spotting the small group easily right where I'd walked away from them.
"I feel like a marshmallow." I grumbled, pulling gloves on.
"You can wait there with us in the trees, but you won't move. Not for anything." Jasper told me. I nodded, letting him know I understood. "That's as close as you're allowed to get."
I sighed, looking around again. "I just got back. I don't want to leave the house again."
"I'm sorry." He said, lifting me quickly and easily. "There's no time. We need to get there now."
"Good point." I mumbled, sighing nervously as he turned and left the house. Alice and the two others following closely.
It took us about five minutes to get to where we needed to be, and we stopped somewhere in the middle of the snowy forest once more. Opening my eyes, it took them a moment to adjust to the brightness. The bright white of the snow was a huge change from the dark greens and browns of the surroundings of the Brazil house.
Jasper set me on my feet, and I looked around myself, realizing this was different. This was much different than where we were before. We stood behind the treeline, being completely hidden now.
I looked forward, however, through the trees and saw clearly the open clearing. The bright reflection of the snow was very, very familiar to me, and though it hurt my eyes, I didn't want to look away from those I saw standing out there.
I realized then that I had a front row seat to the entire clearing, and those standing in it. My eyes on a few people in particular.
"Stay." Alice whispered, gently squeezing my flushed cheeks in her hands as she regained my attention. "Don't go out there. Don't even move. No matter what, until I tell you it's safe."
"They're just right there." I plead in a whisper. "I've missed them so much."
"I know." She murmured, hugging me. "But please. Do this for me. The best thing you can do is stay put."
There were so many others standing with my family, and I knew every single one of them were there because they wanted to help. Whatever way they could. That was probably another reason why it was so confusing for me. I hadn't known this many vampires would show up. It was a little strange knowing so much about everyone, especially never having met any of them before.
The wolf packs, not just Jacob's, stood with them as well. Spread out through the group, and I started to hope, until I heard the very faint sound of a voice. It wasn't one I recognized, so I knew it belonged to someone in the much larger group standing across from my family and their group.
That had to be them. They were talking.
Just seeing the size of the opposing group compared to my family's smashed that faint little glimmer of hope into little tiny pieces.
"Stay." Alice told me. "No matter what happens."
I spluttered for a moment, suddenly deeply terrified, watching as Alice gave Nahuel a look, and turned with Jasper. Both walking away. Leaving us behind in the trees.
I tried to follow as they started from the trees, but Nahuel's hands on my shoulders held me back.
Jasper and Alice had meant safety to me for the last month. Relying on them for everything, and they'd come through. For food, and shelter. For company and comfort. I owed them, big time, for taking me away and keeping me with them.
I owed them, big time, for isolating me for just long enough to sort through so many things in my mind and keeping me from any distractions, as to figure out my gift. Had it not been for them, it would have taken me so much longer to figure everything out.
Not scurrying after them felt so very wrong to me.
I watched tensely, watching them get further and further. Stepping easily across the snow with purpose. Not seeming afraid in the slightest. It confused me, though, when they didn't go to our family's group, but headed straight for the other, larger opposing group. The Volturi. I assumed the one further ahead than the others was Aro.
What were they doing?
I feared for them. Giving Nahuel a brief struggle, he made a small noise that took my attention briefly. Like scolding an animal. It worked, and I stopped. Just watching now. The distance between me and my family really bothered me, but he was right. I needed to stop.
Alice and Jasper were stopped forcefully in front of Aro's group, and Alice offered him her hand. I faintly heard her voice carrying back over the snow. It wasn't enough for me to hear any specific words, as I was too far away, but it worried me even more.
She was let through, but it looked like Jasper was held back as she stepped closer to Aro.
What was she doing? She knew full well I was here in the trees, waiting. Because of that, Aro now knew. She was giving me away.
A few seconds passed, and she pulled back.
I watched, wide eyed as she spoke harshly to him, knowing that this was probably it. I could clearly hear her anger toward him in her voice. It carried further than her voice had before. I held my breath.
Alice turned and looked at the group. At the family. What was she doing? Weren't we supposed to be trying not to piss him off?
Jake turned, and carried Renesmee off toward the trees behind our group. My eyes were wide, and I took everything in fearfully. Alice looked toward me now, and I knew she was meaning for her eyes to find mine.
I met her eyes, through the trees, even from this distance, and in that moment, I knew what was coming wasn't good. Just like the day she first had her vision of this, she told me with just a look. I knew to dread the rest of what happened. I knew something was coming that would shatter me. I let out a sob, and my legs threatened to give out.
The rest. This was the rest. This was what happened, and this was what I couldn't see before. Would it blur to blackness like it had every other time? I knew it wouldn't. I was going to watch this, because this was the main decision. This was what happened, and it was firm.
Someone, any one of the ones behind the decision that made up the situation before me had been undecided before. Now, they weren't. Now they'd decided, and now it set this in stone.
I sensed what was coming, sobbing harder and flinching, even before it happened, because I'd been seeing it happen almost nightly for months. Without warning, Alice kicked Aro, flinging him back several feet.
I gave a quiet whimper, and fear roared through me, knowing the consequences of that would be devastating. My stomach went cold first, my entire body following. I gasped in a breath, and I watched as Aro landed, slid to a stop on his feet, and gave a growl. I could hear that growl from where I was, tensing under Nahuel's hands.
"No." I whimpered, giving a small fight.
Alice was restrained, pulled back, and our group took a step forward in response. I couldn't help wondering, though. Did she do that for me? To make sure Aro took her instead of me? Didn't she know that that wouldn't work? She had to know what that would do.
I didn't know what was happening, but I tried a step forward also. It didn't work as well. My breathing was racing, and I felt seconds away from losing it. My throat felt closed off, like I couldn't get enough breath. It scared me, making me sob harder.
Aro's firm voice said something that I struggled to hear, but yet I still couldn't. I couldn't hear what was going on from so far away! This was torture. A murmur rumbled through our group as Alice was grabbed, being tugged backwards.
It was happening. What I knew to fear was going to happen in the next few split seconds.
"Let her go!" Carlisle snarled, his voice holding an edge I'd never heard, or even imagined before. It scared me, speared me to the spot, and I watched, horrified as he ran forward. I fought in Nahuel's grip, watching desperately. He held tight, refusing to let me go.
"You can't help them right now, child." Nahuel reminded me sadly, but I wasn't listening.
Carlisle growled a threatening sound that for a second, speared me to the snow in terror as he rushed forward. Knocking quite a number of others out of the way, and Aro rushed forward to meet him. It was happening so quickly, it was difficult for my eyes to follow.
He and Aro seemed to meet in midair. My struggles stopped when everything stilled again, Carlisle's body hitting the snow, Aro landing as well. Unmoving. I held my breath, waiting for him to get up. My eyes were wide, and I stood stock still.
Then I looked in Aro's hand, seeing something I refused to make sense of.
Once I realized what it was I saw, that I wasn't mistaken, my heart stopped. I counted ten heartbeats, and three shallow, struggling breaths in my own ears until I finally could no longer stand. Falling numbly, stricken to the snow at Nahuel's feet. Nahuel released me in his surprise, allowing me to fall. My head spun, and I stared in horror.
There was no swallowing this back. It felt as if the earth were no longer solid, like a weight had just crushed me to the ground. My eyes were still wide, and I struggled to take another breath in, but my throat was closed. I literally couldn't.
I could see everything just fine now, but now, I wished I was blind. I wished I'd never been able to see anything. I wished I'd never see anything ever again. It was impossible.
At first, it didn't register, my shocked mind couldn't comprehend what had just happened. Only seconds had passed, but it felt like years.
Nobody moved at first, probably just as shocked as I was, watching as Aro just stood there, and I swore I saw a smile on his face. My entire world had just shattered, and he was happy about it. He had just taken the very most important person in my life away from me, and he was smiling. The one person I trusted most, the one person I always thought would be there. He was gone. Taken from us just like that. That easily.
When it did register to me, several pounding heartbeats later, it only happened at the same time as I remembered how to breathe. For a brief moment, I could take in a breath, and I could cry. A sound came from my mouth that would put any wounded animal to shame, and I gave no thought to the fact that they had to have heard me.
I attempted to jump up, to run forward, but Nahuel's hand caught my arm and pulled me back. I struggled hard in his hands, and I flinched as they set fire to Carlisle's body, it erupting in flames. I sobbed all the air out of me, unable to make a sound. Sobbing harder than I ever had before in my life.
Jack's trial didn't even come close to the amount of pain in my tears. My most recent breakdown could only begin to compare. My knees gave out again as I watched the black smoke rise toward the sky. Nahuel let me down, probably sensing the fact that I couldn't move anymore.
All of a sudden, everyone got moving. Running forward, they didn't even hesitate. Ready to kill by the noises they were making. I rolled to the side, wishing I could just take one breath, or die where I laid. Laying in the freezing snow, I felt so very alone, it hardly mattered.
They collided with a deafening sound, even from where I was, and I covered my ears, squeezing my eyes tight. Everything was falling apart around me, and it seemed as if there were no end in sight. Or the very worst end for me.
My emotions chose that time to renew. A hundred fold.
There was no comparable pain, none whatsoever. Nothing in my life had ever hurt this much. I thought I knew pain? I was so deeply mistaken. I was so wrong, so blind before. The instant shattering of my heart physically hurt me, like it had been torn out of me. I'd never known before what that would feel like.
I'd never, not once, felt as small as I did in that moment. Not with Jack, or Ken, or anyone that ever meant me harm. Not the moment they left, not being made to leave them. This was the worst moment of my life, and I could still physically feel the damage it did to me. I folded forward, curling upright over my knees, sobbing into them the best I could, choking on the breath I needed, but couldn't take.
He was gone.
I knew enough about vampires to know that once that happened, there was no coming back.
"You can't be gone." I sobbed silently to myself. More of mouthing the words, as I couldn't make a sound now if I wanted to. "Please.." I didn't know what I was begging for. There was nothing he could do about it now. Pain-filled tears coated my cheeks.
I felt like I was drowning again. My lungs refused to work. No breath, whatsoever, could leave me anymore. Now that I needed him so much more, he should be there. Was I not enough? I stopped my thoughts right there.
It wasn't his fault.
Who would be there to correct me? Who would always be there when I messed up, or as I grew up? My entire world had just ended, shattered onto unrecognizable pieces, and if I hadn't known before, this would have proven just how much Carlisle meant to me. Losing him this way, any way, was so impossible, I'd never even imagined it happening. Never.
He'd been there. Always. Never failing, he was there. He always knew what to do when I needed someone to know what to do. He had always been there, he'd protected me. When he couldn't protect me, he found some way to help me help myself. He always made it right.
Always! How would anything ever be right again, now that he was gone?
The fighting.. The snarling, growling and violence in the clearing wasn't right. It wasn't how it should be. It wasn't supposed to end this way! He would know that! He had to know what would happen! They all had to know!
I sobbed, crying desperately on my side on the cold ground. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe or even bother to lift myself up out of the snow. The pain I was in, my heart shattering right there in the snow, crushing me under the weight of the pieces.
My arms holding my sides, my fists clenching in my coat. My heart pounding painfully in my chest, reminding me that I was still alive despite the horrific scene I'd just witnessed.
The pain was so deep, so resonating that there were no words for it. I couldn't even fully comprehend yet how harshly that had just cut me. I felt as if I should be dead, I shouldn't be alive anymore, like I should be bleeding heavily into the snow until there was no life left in me, yet there I was. Despite how badly I didn't want to be.
Somehow, I knew, though, that I had to be strong. To find strength in times I really didn't want to. I couldn't give up, no matter how much pain I was in. How badly I wanted to just lay there and die, I couldn't. I had to get up. I had to do something, or I would just lay there for the rest of my life.
I was suddenly angry. Undeniably angry. I was filled to the brim with a rage I'd never once felt before. I understood the noises my family made now. I was just slower to get to that point. I was at that point now, and though I had no idea what I was going to do once I got there, I decided then that I had to try.
My teeth clenched in my anger, and I finally managed to take in a breath. Though I still sobbed, louder now, I was literally trembling in my anger. Aro had taken the one person who was always supposed to be there from me. From everyone that cared about him.
I didn't know what I was supposed to do about it, but I wouldn't just lay there anymore.
I shoved myself up, tear streaked cheeks stinging in the cold, and more tears rolling from my eyes as Nahuel managed one more grip on me. Stopping me from running right to my death.
I was tired of being pulled to a stop, so I spun. Biting into his forearm as hard as I could without physical injury. I wasn't nice about it, either. I bit, as any angry creature would bite. With meaning, with purpose. Intent on freedom.
I was that wounded animal again, and I wasn't sorry about it.
I was angrier now than I had been then, though. The pain I was in only intensified that anger. I almost didn't care if I hurt myself with the fury with which I attacked him. His skin gave, but not like a human's would, and it startled him. Letting me go, I ran. Nahuel murmuring something behind me in sadness.
I almost tripped, nearly stumbling in my haste through the snow on the other side of the treeline, but I picked up speed as I recovered, running as fast as I could. It took me awhile to get anywhere close to the group, but once I did, I was seen easily. By both sides.
"Shorty?" Emmett was shocked to see me coming. His voice thundered over every other sound. Gaining quite a few other's attention as I continued to run toward them. "No! Go back! Turn around!"
In my confusion and pain, it didn't occur to me that I would have to somehow make it through the the group until I looked around, somehow living again and noticing that I was right in the middle of it.
Fear stabbed through me, and I looked around myself. Frightened beyond measure, knowing I was in trouble, but also still filled with an anger I'd never known. Nobody able to save me. Not while they were fighting for their lives.
I was fully aware of the fact that there was absolutely no sense in doing what I was doing, but I couldn't help it. My eyes landed on Aro, his eyes on me with a small grin, and I glared. I knew every reason behind his smile. He recognized me.
His eyes never leaving me, I watched tensely as he leaned over slowly, and muttered something to the one standing to his left. He, in return, turned and muttered something to a group standing behind them.
"Leandra." My name was called somewhere off to my right, and I didn't look.
Half a second later, I was plowed into by someone, giving a quiet cough of pain. This wasn't an accident, as they wrapped their arms around me. Lifting me up off my feet, and out of the snow. I knew by the way they held me that this wasn't one of my family. I kicked, glancing over my shoulder to see their black cloak.
I wasn't in the right hands.
"Leandra." I heard Esme's voice from the middle of the fight. My hair was gathered in his hand, and my head yanked back. Far from gently, I was squeezed. I grunted loudly, what breath I could take forcefully leaving me.
"We have a place for you." The one that held me growled into my ear. I squealed in protest, screaming my defiance, fighting as hard as I could both for freedom and a breath, sobbing heavily. This had my attention now. This made it through the anger. I should have thought about this before, but there had been no thinking. There was still no thinking.
I knew for a fact this had been one of the ones the left hand guy had spoken to. Though I hadn't even seen him move, I knew I wouldn't. Not with me being human.
My arms were pinned, and no amount of kicking would get me free. I turned my head, through the tearing of my hair and managed a very brief bite into the thick material of his cloak at the shoulder. He only laughed, pulled me loose, and readjusted his hold.
"Cute."
All of a sudden, I was released, thrown to the ground. I rolled, tumbling through the snow, but unharmed. I looked up, slightly dizzily as Jasper stood fighting with him. It had been Jasper that had gotten me released, I noted and I scurried away. I dodged feet the best I could, trying to avoid being stepped on or crushed. I ducked, half running, half crawling around people and wolves.
Everywhere was fighting, the sounds around me deafening and dangerous. Telling me I really shouldn't be anywhere near there. I felt the reaction, the fight or flight, and I warred with it. I searched for safety, but I still couldn't feel any kind of regret. Yet.
I looked back up at Alice's desperate scream, in time to see Jasper's head hit the snow. I gave a cry of my own, sobbing on my hands and knees. Not him, too! I couldn't handle this. This was too much. I spun on the spot, looking around quickly in every direction I could look.
I was soaking wet, shivering and cold, but I could hardly feel it. I kneeled there, looking all around me. Trying so hard to fight through the panic and anger in my mind to figure out something to do.
I was overwhelmed, frightened, and unable to hardly move. I was lifted yet again by the same one. Held uncomfortably. One of his arms across my stomach, just under my ribs as he pinned my arms yet again, and my neck pinned back against him. Ceasing any struggles I might have given with force that nearly felt like too much.
Literally, in the blink of an eye, I was through the fighting crowd. Straight in front of Aro himself. I panted in my fear, and the exertion it took to breathe in the position I was in. Looking up at him, I noticed that up close, he was far more intimidating than across the clearing, but I also noticed that this close to him, I hated him even more. He looked down at me, studying me closely. Recognizing me, and watching me with amusement in his eyes as I gave a brief fight. I clenched my teeth, and spat in his direction.
"Take her to the back." Aro instructed the one holding me. I kicked, struggling as hard as I possibly could when I suddenly wound up beside where Alice stood restrained as well. Handed off to someone else, I fought again. Looking over, I met Alice's eyes in time to sob once more through my clenched teeth, and give a much harder struggle. As hard as I possibly could, gaining nothing but a light slap to the head.
Just as when I hit Rosalie, it felt exactly like getting hit with a rock. The instant pain radiated through my head, as did the ringing in my ears, and for a moment, I had no fight left. I could barely see straight.
I ached everywhere. My entire body in so much pain from the cold and exertion, but I managed to watch as Alice freed herself.
She took out the one holding me easily, and I fell heavily to the snow. I struggled briefly to right myself, and crawled forward again, trying to find some sort of safety. Searching for somewhere I could go.
Every direction I looked was just as dangerous as the last.
I had honestly never been more frightened in my life, never been in that much pain. I had never felt so alone, so completely on my own. Never so angry and wounded at the same time.
I was lifted briefly yet again, by another member of the Volturi once they noticed I was free. That one lasted less than a few seconds before I was released again. This time literally tossed, spending several seconds in the air before I hit the ground, rolling through the snow again. I watched as Emmett dealt with that one, panting audibly for breath as I looked up at him desperately.
"Get somewhere safe!" He snarled at me, pointing back toward the trees. I started forward as quickly as I could. My head spun, and everything I heard or saw just added to it. Overwhelming every single one of my senses. I tasted the blood in my mouth, smelling it as well. The fighting I heard and saw mingled with the physical pain in my head and the emotional wounds I knew would never close. It made thinking impossible.
A deep rumble caught my attention. I looked over and saw a crack, a canyon opening very quickly across the frozen ground headed straight for me. I crawled faster, trying to shield my head as I scurried.
The crack in the ground, the earth falling away into it on either side, nearly caught me in it. Catching countless others. I didn't stop to see who was falling into it. I didn't stop, scrambling harder, faster. Having to jump once to get over a piece that very easily could have taken me with it. My lungs had never worked so hard in my life.
When I was passed the canyon's edge, and sure I wouldn't have to keep moving, I looked up, across the canyon and spotted Esme struggling with someone. I crumbled, watching her desperately clinging to the edge of it. Seconds away from falling into it, and never returning.
"Mom!" I cried as loud as I could, sobbing hard. I didn't even stop to realize what I'd just called her. It didn't matter to me. She was my mom, plain and simple. I needed her, and I was seconds away from losing her too. I couldn't handle that either.
With that tearing cry, I'd gained Leah's attention and she looked up, spotting what I saw. Without hesitation, she ran forward, and launched herself across the canyon. She pulled the one Esme was struggling with off of her, and they both fell. Esme clung on, watching sadly.
"Mom." I called again, my voice breaking with terror and emotion, and she looked back to me, meeting my eyes. I sobbed there, kneeling on the snow. Shaking with what I was sure was shock, as I didn't feel the cold anymore. She climbed up, leaping out of the canyon to get to me.
I watched her dodge the fighting pairs and groups, dropping a few of the black cloaks on her way by. Closing the distance, before she finally reached me. I reached for her at the last possible second, before I was gathered up into her arms, lifted out of the snow.
Securely wrapped in her arms, and we held onto each other. The relief I felt when it was her that lifted me first had my sobs renewing. I continued to shake, struggling to hold her tighter and breathe at the same time. She turned around, looking around desperately. She was just as overwhelmed as I was, that was clear.
Everything she'd fought to keep was falling apart around her, just as much as it was falling apart around me. Words would forever fail to describe the way I felt then. Angry and grieving at the same time. Scared and heartbroken, it felt like I'd been physically struck with the pain of my emotions. It physically hurt me to keep breathing, yet I couldn't stop. I was breathing as fast as I could, yet it felt like I couldn't breathe at all.
I knew she was afraid too. I started to sob again, holding tighter to her neck. Tears flowing freely once again as I held onto her.
"Please.." I cried hard into her shoulder, clutching her jacket in my fists. "Tell me he's not really gone." She gave a sob of her own, holding me tighter.
"I've got you now." She told me. "I've got you. I'll never let you go." I opened my eyes, looking behind her at Aro watching us closely. Yet again, my eyes met his. He gave me another small smile, seeing the pure unbridled pain in my eyes. I let out a sob, several more tears falling from my eyes, glaring his way with teeth clenched. I hated him.
I was suddenly moved, on my feet behind her with her back to me, and I saw why when I managed to peek around her. Three others, all focused on her.
Though her arm came behind her, holding both my hands firmly in her own. I held on, looking around us. I jumped, turning sharply to look behind me at the feeling of someone behind us. Esme didn't look. She didn't have to, because it was Rosalie. Helping to protect us. She backed up, sort of sandwiching me in between them. Facing the opposite direction, and four opponents of her own.
It wanted to surprise me for a brief second how Rosalie stood with Esme to protect me, but I chose not to focus on that.
Out of all the movement around us, we were the only still ones. I stepped closer to Esme, holding as tight as I could to her arms. This wouldn't end in our favor, I realized in a choking sob. Trembling violently, and sobbing with the fear now. As scared as I was, I could also feel how determined they both were.
I closed my eyes, squeezing them tight just for a second. Burying them into Esme's back. I couldn't watch this. I couldn't. I was so scared. Overwhelmed. I needed it to be over.
Opening my eyes a second later, just one second, I looked around myself in panic at how dark and calm it suddenly was. There was no snow around me. No fighting, no sound at all. I still felt the cold, still smelled the snow and smoke.
Seconds passed before I even blinked again, and I suddenly realized that I hadn't even left Brazil yet. I was in bed alone.
I panted hard, as if I'd just been actually running for my life. Panting hard, as if I hadn't been sleeping. Panting hard as if I were actually just about to lose my mom and my sister and possibly my own life so soon after losing my dad and my brother. My heart sprinting as I looked around the single bedroom in the tiny house in Brazil.
A/N: Well, this one sucked to write. Though most of it was already written, there were a few places that needed touching up. Badly.
I hope this one was decent. In other words, please forgive any spelling mistakes or typos lol I cringe every time I re-read a chapter and find something that shouldn't be there.
THANK YOU! To those AMAZING REVIEWERS that decided to bless me with their feedback! I do this for you guys!
Twenty-Two will be the last in this story. Depending on me and my shitty state of mind, there is a possibility that there will be a follow-up story coming shortly after this one.
Until Twenty-Two, my friends! (: