12. Bon débarras

Delphine indeed received a text the next day, and every day that followed. Any time that Shay had to work for the evening, Cosima would come over and they would enjoy either a movie or a flow of the Hallmark channel. Delphine wasn't aware Shay even had a job. She would only ever heard of the most recent rendezvous she'd participated in.

Cosima never ended up telling Shay that Delphine was the girl she had been hanging out with. Not necessarily on purpose, but she didn't make an effort to explain. Shay was under the impression that she and Cosima had just hit it off when Shay introduced them. Delphine wasn't sure if she should read any further into Shay's comfort with Cosima and herself spending time together compared to her discomfort with Cosima spending time with some other straight girl. A stranger is automatically a "whore" even though her sexuality reportedly doesn't align with Cosima's, but Delphine was just fine? Delphine knew she should feel good about that dynamic, but she didn't, and she didn't know why.

It means Shay trusts me, doesn't it? Or could it mean that Shay trusts that Cosima wouldn't be tempted by me? Does she think I am a prude? Who is she to decide who is appropriate for Cosima to befriend? Cosima seems to like me well enough, and I know I'm not unattractive. Why wouldn't she be tempted by me? …Don't think that. How would Shay even know if Delphine was heterosexual or not? What if she wasn't? Does Shay think that I don't have the sexual capacity to pursue someone? Shay's a bitch anyway, who cares.

"Ahem," Delphine's attention was brought back to the lab room where she was attempting to study for spring finals. She looked over to the source of her attention, Scott. "Who's a bitch?"

"Quoi-" Delphine panicked. Did she say all of that aloud?

"You've been mumbling for the last couple minutes then all of a sudden… 'a bitch anyway'," Scott did his best impersonation of what he heard from Delphine. "I thought you were just super into whatever is on your laptop, studying, being a bigger nerd than me…but then you spout that off". Scott had a look between entertainment, concern, and guilt for being slightly more entertained than concerned.

Delphine chuckled self-deprecatingly, "Ah, well, it was you who I was talking about".

"Kwuh?" Scott attempted.

"Quoi. You are the bitchiest bitch I know, Scott".

Scott took the statement in for a moment, a pondering expression, then finally, "Fair enough". As the clock neared the end of the hour, signaling the end of open lab, Delphine and Scott started to pack their things and clear their areas. Delphine was sliding her laptop into her bag when Scott asked, "So, where's your girlfriend?"

Delphine almost choked on the air that seemed to have just been knocked out of her chest with the force of Scott's simple inquiry. "My…m–"

"Cosima," Scott didn't turn around, but Delphine could sense the smile on his face.

"Oh, ehm, she…Cosima…she's not my girlfriend," Delphine stuttered. The last words of her sentence brought a dull heat to the back of her neck.

"I know Delphine," Scott turned to swing his backpack over his shoulder, rolling his eyes playfully. "She's just usually here on days Shay is out for the evening".

"How do you know Shay is out? Does she normally work today?"

"Oh, well I figured you already knew," Scott casually explained. "I mean, I know you and Shay aren't really close friends, but you're closer than I am with her and she told me she was out this evening".

Delphine thought it over for a moment before replying, "I actually haven't seen Shay in more than passing since Cosima arrived. She always seems busy, which is fine because then I get to see Cosima". Delphine regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. She was thinking out loud and didn't realize until too late that Scott was in the room, listening.

"And that, my dear lab buddy, is why I said girlfriend"

"Who has a girlfriend?" A chipper voice rang through the room, making both Delphine and Scott jump.

"No one!" Delphine responded automatically as Shay walked further into the lab, Cosima trailing behind her, being pulled by her hand. It was an unnerving sight. "Scott, actually!" Delphine decided to deflect the attention she brought to herself, "Scott was just telling me about his new girlfriend".

Scott looked a tad confused, understandably, but after Delphine gave him a subtle look that said 'just go with it' he just went with it, "Uh, yeah. She's…cool". Delphine internally rolled her eyes, but she couldn't really blame him for his lack of improvisation skills.

"Well well Scotty. Finally moving on from Delphine, huh?" Delphine knew it was meant as a tease, but the way Shay said it made it sound more malicious than playful.

"Shay, c'mon," Delphine tilted her head, lightly disapproving. Shay then turned to her, a smile growing on her lips.

"What about you Del? How are you and your boyfriend doing?" Shay wore a face of sincerity and interest, but her words were full of venom. Was she mad at Delphine for some reason? "What was his name again?"

"Oh," Delphine was about to deny that she had a boyfriend at all, but promptly remembered that she had told Scott about her 'boyfriend' to let him down, weeks ago before Spring break. With a quick glance at Cosima, who had been uncharacteristically silent this entire time, looking fatigued, she replied, "Jean-Pierre Devereux". She said it with more confidence than she would've expected. Jean-Pierre was her first boyfriend, so she always remembered his name. The few boyfriends that followed over the years, she would have to try very hard to remember.

"Oh, French?"

"Oui, uh, yes," Delphine wanted to end this conversation as soon as possible. She dared a glance at Cosima but was met with an expressionless face looking down at the floor. She would explain it all to Cosima later – she is probably just disappointed because she thinks I was lying to her this whole time. That's all.

"Okay, well," Scott caught everyone's attention, "I'm going to head home now… to hang out with my girlfriend, so uh, you ladies have…fun?" He said as he walked past everyone and out the door.

A few seconds passed with none of the women moving until Shay finally spoke up, "I guess we can get right to it then, can't we?" She turned toward Cosima, who, Delphine was now noticing, looked more tired than she first thought. Maybe high. "How about we start with–"

"Shay, don't," Cosima finally made a noise, although it was quiet and raspy, "I told you she doesn't even know". Delphine could tell that Cosima was trying to keep the words just between herself and Shay, so she turned and finished collecting her things awkwardly.

"You said that she probably doesn't even know," Shay emphasized with no regard to Cosima's preferred volume level. "It's different, dear. I just don't know that I can believe such a shit story. Not everyone is gullible, Cos". Delphine could feel the anger building up inside of her. The way Shay talked to Cosima was like she was talking to a child rather than someone who was nearly a doctor.

"Shay, seriously," Cosima tried once more, but Shay didn't seem to care.

"So, Del," Shay addressed loud enough to be undoubtedly heard across the lab. She waited until Delphine was completely turned around, facing her, before she continued. "What makes you think you can just go making out with other people's girlfriends?"

Delphine was stunned. She thought maybe Shay would be mad about how much time she was spending with Cosima, but this accusation, she had no idea where it came from. "What?"

"I get the appeal, obviously – Cosima is hot – but, what? Do you think that you're the straight girl, so you can pass it off like it's some college experimenting?" This whole time, Cosima was weakly attempting to pull Shay back toward the door and hush her, but to no avail.

"What are you talking about, Shay?" Delphine asked assertively. She didn't like being yelled at and accused of something she didn't do. What was Shay accusing her of anyway? Making out with people's girlfriends? Her girlfriend? Cosima? She never kissed Cosima. Maybe Shay saw them at the club weeks ago – but she was the one who didn't show up to see her and Cosima…damnit. Delphine meant to think the event over to try and understand why her drunk self would act in such a way – why she still wasn't irked by her behavior – why she still felt the same as she did in that moment. She thought the event over many times actually. Just in a less analytic way and in a more….what? A more replaying-the-memory-over-a-million-times-during-the-day-during-the-evening-during-the-night-in-her-dreams kind of way?

"I'm talking about–"

"Shay stop–"

"Shut up for once Cosima!"

"What the Hell, Shay?" Delphine yelled over the both of them, "Why are you being like this? Cosima is your partner and you're treating her like a kid".

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were such an expert on relationships, Delphine!" She turned to Cosima, "Yeah, fine, do whatever you want Cosima, don't think about anybody else. The world does revolve around you, y'know. I'm leaving". Shay spat and shoving a cellphone in Cosima's chest before stomping out to the hall.

"Bon débarras," Delphine mumbled to herself, covering her face with her hands in exasperation.

"What's that mean?" Cosima said in a low voice, slowly walking in Delphine's direction.

"You'll just have to learn French," Delphine's exhausted face cracked the smallest of smiles. She lowered her hands from her face to see Cosima about a foot in front of her. Delphine examined the woman for a second before asking, "Are you high?"

Cosima chuckled sadly, "I wouldn't really call it high anymore, but I am under the influence of a certain plant". The tired smile wore off within seconds and Delphine found Cosima's eyes once again looking to the ground. "We probably wouldn't be in this situation if I weren't".

"Yeah, euh," Delphine was still a little dumbfounded, "What exactly just happened?"

"It's kind of a long story. Do you want to get some dinner?" Cosima asked with an insecure tone, for some reason.

Delphine agreed and finished gathering her belongings. She worried slightly about what Shay might do, but aggressively ignored the sentiment.

"Just a house salad and…water is fine, thank you".

"Yeah, me too," Cosima answered, handing the menus back to the waitress. She was avoiding eye-contact and spinning the rings on her fingers anxiously.

"Cosima," Delphine prompted, seizing her attention, her hand firmly covering Cosima's.

Cosima finally looked to Delphine. "Right. So, as you may be able to tell, I had a joint or two earlier," she started. "Been super stressed lately".

"Yes, I caught on," Delphine tried to lighten the mood, but it didn't seem to take effect.

"Well, Shay was putting her makeup on or something before she went to work, and she was randomly talking about how cute you and Scott would be together". Delphine cringed slightly at the thought that Shay gossiped about her. "I said something like he didn't seem like he'd be a good kisser cause he's awkward and skittish – in the most endearing of ways.

"Anyway, Shay agreed. And, keep in mind, I was like half asleep at that time and at the peak of my high. So, then Shay said she thought you might be a bad kisser because sometimes you're kind of stand-offish and tense, like you'd probably just be stiff".

Delphine's expression was growing more uncomfortable as she listened to Cosima explain. Their waters were brought to the table and Cosima downed half of it right away. She should at least be grateful that Cosima was sharing this with her honestly, but she could only really focus on Shay's judgements. "Okay…"

"And my high-self, basically asleep on the couch said something really stupid and Shay got mad and dragged me to campus".

"I think you skipped over a little section of your story," Delphine said playfully, but in a way that let Cosima know she wasn't planning on letting it go.

"Ah, yeah, so um," Cosima stuttered for a second, looking around the dim diner they chose. "I didn't really think about what I was saying, it just kind of came out, you know? Not at all on purpose or–".

"Cosima"

"Sorry…um, I said that you were actually a pretty good kisser considering the not-so-ideal state you were in when…we kissed," after that, Cosima's eyes were pinned to the table, folding and refolding the napkin in front of her.

Did she mean when they were so close at the bar after dancing? Did Delphine actually kiss her and just not remember it? "Were…" Delphine didn't even know what to ask.

"And I was telling the truth," Cosima glanced up at Delphine quickly, guilt and some form of fear in her eyes. "How mad are you?"

Was she supposed to be mad? "I, ehm, I don't think I am. I'm just confused…"

"Oh right – backstory," Cosima almost shouted in realization. "So, remember the night I stayed over at your place when we slept in your bed? I think it was the third night I was there…"

"I do remember that," Delphine loved the memory, but it made her sad to think about since they weren't still cuddling in bed. In a friendly way.

"Okay, well, in the middle of the night you were making odd noises. I wasn't sure if it was a normal thing for you, it was mostly just mumbling. So, I tried to wake you up, I think I just shook your shoulder or something. You did wake up, but I think it was the kind of waking up where your eyes are open but you're still in dreamland, y'know?" Delphine nodded. She in fact did not remember waking up at all that night. "Well, you said my name when you opened your eyes and I was about to ask if you were alright, but then you kind of pulled me down and…you know…"

No, she did not know. Delphine's expression must have said as much.

"You, uh, kissed me a little bit".

Delphine's jaw dropped at the new information. She thought back to that night. She remembered having a dream about her and Cosima being…intimately involved…and the dream did start out with her kissing Cosima… "Oh…merde". How much of that was actually a dream then? Was that why Cosima was acting strange in the morning? "I thought that was just a part of an odd dream I had that night," Delphine flipped her hair to the other side, biting her lip with concern. "Did it…go any further?"

"We went on to make sweet, passionate love," Cosima responded with all seriousness, thanking the poor waitress who decided to deliver their food at an unfortunate point in their conversation. The waitress set the bill on the table while Delphine stared at her water, and left them, still a little wide-eyed.

"Was any of it a dream?" she asked herself more than anyone else. "What was I thinking?".

"Firstly," Cosima interrupted her very vocal thoughts, "You were a bit drunk that night". Delphine groaned and covered her face. She wasn't very familiar with her intoxicated behavior, so all of this was becoming more and more plausible. "Secondly," Cosima continued, "I was kidding about that last part which is starting to make me pretty curious about this dream". She winked as Delphine's eyes widen.

Suddenly she felt very stupid. How could she have not picked up on that? Stupide! How could she play this off? "Ah, well I've never been great with sarcasm," she lied, pushing her skimpy salad leaves around with her fork. That was weak, Delphine, even for you.

"That was weak," Cosima smirked, seeming to enjoy the discomfort she was bringing the Frenchwoman.

"Wait," Delphine nearly shouted, "Did you tell Shay that you stayed with me before you contacted her?" She used this as a distraction but was genuinely curious.

"Oh, no I was quickly brought back to awareness once she started going nuts. I told her it happened like a week ago and that you were raging drunk, so you probably didn't even remember it, which wasn't entirely a lie…"

Delphine's fingertips went to her lips unconsciously.