Dear Fanfiction Writers,
What? You don't get tongue-tied around your crushes? I can't believe all of you either laugh at me, or think I'm just a punchline that doesn't work. Every time one of you writes about me, I can't even talk properly. Well, I'm writing this down, so if any of you want to be my girlfriend, I won't know and I don't need to find my words straightaway, because you won't see me hesitating.
I've read your stories. I mean, I wouldn't be writing if I hadn't. There isn't much of me in them, though. All you let me do is think I'm dating some girl and then thinking I've broken up with her when they aren't aware of it at all. I don't get it! I know I get tongue-tied, but I don't get so tongue-tied that they don't even realize we're dating, right? There was a fanfic where one of the girls told me to think twice when a girl did something that gave me the idea she was interested in me, just in case she wasn't. I guess maybe she was right and whoever wrote her saying that really thought it was good advice. So whoever wrote that story, thanks! Are you a girl? I'm sure you must have been.
And yeah, I am the kind of person who's in charge when it's all guys. It's easy for me to work with them. So please, stop treating me as a punchline! I'm a person, and my feelings run deep, as do my skills. It's not funny when I have my heart broken, any more than it is when yours is. And believe it or not, I will find love one day.
Goddess Venus, bring my destiny,
Rodney