16. Honestly

Cosima left sometime after nine. To Delphine's delight and relief, they watched a movie and ordered takeout. She realized that, in addition to being depressed, Cosima was also feeling a lot of tension because of Delphine's mood lately. It wasn't all gone, but it was at least brought into the light.

When she woke up Thursday morning, the agitation she caused her hands yesterday was showing itself clearly. Some skin must have torn, Delphine figured, because of how much worse it hurt than the day before. She was thinking about going in for a full day at the lab, but after finishing her morning routines she decided to just take some painkillers and do a quick checkup on her samples.

After seeing Cosima sob yesterday, Delphine knew she would have a hard time seeing Shay today, let alone working with her for the rest of the summer. She just had to make it through another month before summer session finished and then she could spend fall semester in class with Cosima. She took an extra pill just so she could push through for half an hour or so.

Walking to campus proved to be a bit too much to handle. She had only ever taken her painkillers at home and usually fell asleep afterward. Delphine wondered if she should still attempt to go in, even just to glance at her samples through the glass. She continued on into the biology wing regardless. She figured that, if Shay was there, she didn't have too much to worry about in terms of further injury.

Delphine kept her hand on the wall as a guide, slightly paranoid that she'd end up lost in a wing with one hallway. The drowsiness was making her feel high, but she knew she'd be able to think straight enough to write some notes. It would just take longer. As she approached their assigned lab near the end of the hall, she noticed that the door was closed, which only really happened when no one was in there. She would have to be extra careful if Shay wasn't around.

Delphine took a breath and pushed open the door, only to see two people already inside, "Shay?"

"Delphine!" Shay, who had her back to Delphine, turned and pulled her hand out the other girl's pants quickly. The dark-skinned girl looked more irritated than surprised. "You're supposed to be home".

"I came to take some notes and check on my half of the project…What are you doing?" she glanced at the other girl.

"I was taking a break. I've been working without you for the week, don't I deserve a break?" Shay defended weakly. Delphine had spent most of their project working alone anyway, but that wasn't the issue.

"Doesn't Cosima deserve respect from you?" The anger building inside was only making her more fatigued rather than amping her up. "Why do you date her if you're going to fuck everyone else on campus?"

The girl paused in the middle of zipping her jeans back up to scoff. "It's okay babe, she's just a bitch," Shay consoled the woman. "How do you even know Cosima doesn't know about it or that she's not cool with it? Not everyone is so closed minded like you, Del".

Delphine remembered when Cosima said, just yesterday, that her girlfriend cheats on her. So, Cosima knows that Shay is sleeping with other people…but she still called it cheating. It made it very hard for Delphine's barely-functioning mind to sort out. Does Cosima tell Shay it's alright, but she's actually not fine with it or does Cosima just know about it and lets it happen or they both agree it's fine and Cosima just sounded upset yesterday for a different reason or maybe something else? I need to ask Cosima.

Delphine mumbled 'Cosima' and turned to leave. "Where do you think you're going?" Shay looked like she was going to attack.

"Cosima?" Delphine said like she was confirming her answer rather than presenting it.

"What, to tell her about this? I don't think so. You just want to do that because you want to fuck her, Delphine. And don't fucking act innocent and deny it. I'm not fucking stupid, I see the way you look at her. You accuse me of being a whore when you're all over someone else's girlfriend? You even fucking kissed her!" Shay unloaded on Delphine, the girl behind her now looking more entertained.

"What?" Delphine couldn't bring herself to deny her feelings, but she wasn't ready to admit them either.

"You think you'll break us up and then you can be with her? Fuck you. We've been together for years. Plus, you're just some arrogant foreigner. Cosima isn't into that". Shay wouldn't stop staring at Delphine and it was making it harder for her to think.

"If I want to be with Cosima, I don't think it would be too hard to convince her that I'm better than you," she was proud she got the whole thing out.

Shay smiled a biting smile and squinted her eyes at Delphine. She pulled something up on her phone and handed it to the girl behind her, pointing at the screen and nodding. When she looked back at Delphine, her expression was much harder to place. "We'll see about that," she said calmly as she sauntered over to Delphine. She had the feeling Shay was going to punch her, but it didn't seem to fit the situation logically.

When Shay made it across the lab to Delphine, she grabbed the edge of her jacket and pulled hard. Delphine's limp body was moved easily and, if Shay hadn't moved to the side, she would have run right into her. Instead, Shay swung her around by her jacket until Delphine was forced to put her arms up to keep from crashing into the wall. Shay was sandwiched between herself and the wall, clinging to Delphine's jacket still. She couldn't help but remember the night with Cosima at the bar. She should have kissed her then.

Shay, however, didn't hesitate. Before Delphine could catch her breath, Shay pulled her in further and kissed her with force. She tasted synthetically sweet, like a strawberry flavoring that tastes nothing like a strawberry. When Shay pushed Delphine away and walked back to her work area, Delphine realized that she had kissed her back. She was thinking about Cosima, but she was kissing Shay. She didn't pull away or even just stay still. She closed her eyes and participated like she wanted it.

"What do you think she'll make of this?" She heard Shay approach her and turned to lean back on the wall. Shay held up her smartphone for Delphine to see. It was a paused frame of a video. All she could see was Shay against the wall and Delphine's arms trapping her there. Out of context, it would look like Delphine attacked Shay and forced the kiss.

Delphine was speechless, still trying to process the first half of these events. She watched Shay take a screenshot and move her finger over the screen for a moment. The cellphone in her own pocket vibrated. "Do you think Cosima is going to want to date a hypocrite who calls other people sluts but still goes around jumping on whoever she wants?"

Delphine just stared, half of her wishing she never came in the first place, and the other half wishing she came in earlier. "What's wrong with you?"

"Maybe I just don't like my shit being stolen from me," Shay spat back, unwavering. All Delphine could think to do was leave. She walked out of the building in a haze. She walked the sidewalks back to her apartment in a haze. She spent the rest of the day and the remainder of the week in a haze.

Delphine desperately wanted to skip lab on Tuesday, but she knew she was well enough to attend. To her relief, Shay didn't show up until her typical time – ten minutes before their lab time ended. No words were exchanged until Cosima showed up. Shay said goodbye with a chipper tone and an evil undertone.

Delphine didn't know how to deal with the situation. She wanted to tell Cosima, but she wasn't sure how to explain it. Shay kissed me because she knows I like you? Shay kissed me and I kissed her back because I wanted it to be you? Shay was fingering some other girl and then we kissed because she doesn't want you to date me? Would you date me? You know I'm more than just an arrogant foreigner, right? Would you ever like me that way? I'm nothing like Shay…

She found herself conflicted on what she wanted to be now. She wanted to be Cosima's type, but Cosima's type included Shay. If Cosima did prefer an open relationship, would she be able to handle that? Would she ever even break up with Shay?

Delphine had to explain it as best she could, in person, and soon. It was Tuesday night, so she could do it Wednesday when she usually hung out with Cosima. She settled on that and tried to sleep.

DC: Do you want to watch that movie today? I can get popcorn?

Cosima: sorry dude shays taking me out today or something so well wait till next week…have a chill day tho ttyl

Shay knew exactly what she was doing, and so did Delphine. The longer Delphine waited to tell Cosima, the worse it would be. Nearly two weeks would be shitty, but she didn't want to text her either. Maybe it would be better to wait so she could think of what she wanted to say. It wasn't her fault, after all. Cosima had to believe that. Delphine would never try to kiss someone with a girlfriend, especially Cosima's. She did intend on kissing Cosima, though, so long ago at the bar. She kissed Cosima in her sleep, she dreamt about kissing her, she thought about kissing her and so much more. Was she any better than Shay? She had to be.

Friday's lab was Shay-free for the first half, and Delphine worked efficiently. An hour and a half in, though, Shay showed up with the same girl from the week before. Delphine put in headphones to drown out their giggling and whispers. She turned her back for the rest of the period – Shay probably didn't even work at all. Delphine felt guilty for turning a blind eye when Cosima was her friend, but she had too much on her plate right now. She knew that wasn't a stellar excuse, but it was the one she was using to avoid the situation and the confrontation it required.

The next week went the same. A different girl came in on Friday though. It seemed like Shay was going out of her way to show Delphine what she had over her. She knew better than Delphine how much Cosima's opinion mattered to her. Cosima was occupied on Wednesday again. Shay was a cunning asshole.

The next week went the same. Again. A boy came in on Tuesday and Friday, though. For some reason, it made Delphine more uncomfortable than the two girls who came in. How did Shay just find people who were willing to go make out with her in a lab while someone else worked? Delphine recognized no one who came in with her.

The last week of lab started today, Delphine's last Tuesday with Shay. She hoped to God that Shay decided to keep the last week sacred and just work without extra company. The first half hour went by with only Delphine in the lab. Shay was usually late, but after fifteen minutes or so she would show up – on the days that she showed up. Delphine thought that maybe lab would be even better without Shay's guest or Shay. She would have been more thorough if it was just her.

The last Friday was what she was really not looking forward to. Today they had to finish up notes and anything to do with the samples they used or data they collected, but Friday was dedicated to collaborating to write their summary. It would be the first time during the summer they would talk more than a few idle words to each other.

Even though the summer was mostly awful, Delphine still felt a bit sad about it ending – the trials she worked hard on, the samples that made it to the final stages. She was thinking about this when Shay finally walked in. Delphine breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that Shay came alone. "Bonjour," she greeted to ease the tense silence Shay brought with her.

"Bonjour," she said back in a mocking tone. She seemed mad, but not at Delphine at least.

"I'm almost done with the first two sections of the samples, then after we clean up and put them away, we can look at some data".

"Sounds great," Shay set her bag on the table and got out her phone. She didn't seem to have intentions of going through her half of the samples. Delphine sighed – she knew she'd have to do the whole thing by herself. "Do you have a fucking problem?"

Delphine was taken aback by the abrasiveness that Shay usually saved for more personal matters. "Euh, no? I just want to get this done and it would have been nice to have some help, but if you want to just sit there then whatever," she was starting to feel pissed, too.

"Excuse me?" she put her phone down. "Do I have to just come in and get straight to work? Can't I get settled first? Jesus, I'm not a fucking machine. Give me minute and I'll do things at my own fucking pace, Delphine".

"Yeah, your pace is usually at a standstill on the occasion you actually look at your work instead of giving the random person you bring in here a hickey. So, it's fine, sit there the whole time if you want. I'm used to it," Delphine didn't know where the intense anger was coming from, maybe built up from the weeks of shit she had to deal with around Shay.

"I don't think I'm the person you want to be fucking with right now, Delphine. I still have the evidence that will destroy your pathetic friendship with Cosima. I'm sure you talk shit about me all the time and tell her to break up with me. I think you kissing me will give that a different light, don't you?" Shay kicked the chair next to her so she could move to the refrigerators. Delphine expected more of a fight, but Shay got to work. It was unusual.

Another hour and a half went by in silence. There was half an hour before their lab time ended and Delphine wanted to leave early so she worked as fast as she could. There was a light knock at the door. "Hello, I just wanted to checkup on your last day with your samples. Did everything go well?"

Delphine, sitting at the back again, partially hidden from view, watched as the supervising instructor for Independent Study Lab walked over to Shay – presumably because he didn't see Delphine. He was a newer instructor, but he was in his forties. Shay smiled up at him, "Yes sir. Thanks to your supervision, it was quite enjoyable".

Delphine saw the instructor smile back in a suspicious way and lean on the counter next to Shay. "I like to hear that. Not everyone finds these projects so interesting – people get bored easily".

"Well," Shay replied, turning toward him on her chair, "Not everyone is as open-minded as me. Things that others may find boring, I find quite intriguing". Delphine was starting to feel sick from being exposed to Shay's bullshit. She coughed lightly and went back to her work.

"Ah, well, I suppose I'll get going. Let me know if you ladies have any questions or need something," the man sounded flustered now.

"I'm sure you'd be able to answer burning questions during your office hours, sir?"

"Of course, anyone is welcome," he left quickly. Delphine smiled at what she interpreted as a small victory.

"You did that on purpose," Shay turned to Delphine, sweetness completely gone.

"Yes, I had an itch in my throat, so I purposely cleared it. Problem?" Delphine was feeling feisty for some reason.

Shay glared at her, finished a text, and threw her phone back in her bag. "Yeah. I have a stereotypical, pretentious, know-it-all, closet-lesbian problem and she doesn't seem to be getting the hint to back off. Do you want to know what the issue is with you, Delphine? It's that you are so fucking sure that you are the good guy, the stand-up, genius, gorgeous, French woman that you don't see any of your faults as faults – just other people's mistakes and flaws. At least I act on my desires. All you do is stay in your comfortable bubble and call yourself the victim when things don't just go your way. I'm honest, at least".

"Like hell you're honest! Does Cosima actually know about everyone you bring in here, or anyone else you may be fucking elsewhere? Because I think you try to be as dishonest as possible about that, Shay".

"Yeah, not unlike your dishonesty to Cosima. Does she know how you feel about her? Does she know that her 'friend' probably thinks about fucking her? She's my girlfriend – you don't have the right to fantasize about her. Anything you want to do, I guarantee I do it every fucking weekend".

"You don't have the right to claim her as your girlfriend! How is she anything special if you fuck anything else that moves?" Delphine's fists were balled, and she could feel the soreness from her healed injuries.

"You know why she's special, Del? It's because I can fuck anything else that moves, and she'll stay with me. You don't understand. She wants to be controlled and taken advantage of – that's what gets her off. Could you do that to her? I don't think so. If she didn't like it, she'd leave".

"Why can't you just screw everyone without her being in the picture? What is it about Cosima – it has to be more than the sexual freedom you have. Why do you even want her, Shay? Why don't you break up with her if you don't need her?"

"You want me to break up with her?" Shay asked calmly.

"Yes! Break up with her, Shay! Leave Cosima!" Delphine was yelling louder than she ever remembered yelling. She was angrier than she ever remembered being. She was more hurt than she thought she could be. Shay was using these unfamiliar grounds against Delphine, she was aware, but she just needed to get it all out.

"This is why you sent me that picture just now, then," Delphine turned to see Cosima standing at the door. She held up her phone and Delphine knew what picture she was talking about without needing to look at the screen.