Author Notes: This chapter contains minor spoilers for CJ's The Heart of Everything.
The Spinning Wheel Bar and Grille
Juno Beach, Florida
"….You want your daughter, Cora. Come and get her!"
Rum Strogoff waved his hand over the seeing globe and the image of Rumple and the daughter of his heart vanished. A large crowd had gathered on the back lawn of the club, all of them armed; some with swords, some with pickaxes and others with guns. Jiminy moved to the front of the crowd with Azkadellia.
"Pongo! Demon form!" he commanded.
"Perdy! Demon form!" Az ordered.
The two Dalmatians ran out of their kennel and transformed into mobat demons flying above them. The crowd parted again, and another couple stepped forward and a cloud of blue smoke surrounded the man, a blue scaled dragon in his place when the smoke cleared. The woman hopped onto his back and he took flight.
"Okay, Tin Man, let's roast some pirates!" DG Ozopov Cain cried.
Another puff of grey smoke appeared revealing Henry Strogoff Gold, a silver dragon's head staff in his hand. He slammed the tip of the staff into the ground and a swirling blue portal appeared before them. Wyatt Cain let out a roar in his dragon form and flew through the portal with his wife still riding on his back, the mobat demons flying behind him. Jiminy turned to his wife and kissed her passionately.
"I love you Dellia. Wait up for me and sculpt us like one of those French girls."
"Always," she whispered and kissed him back. A few feet away his twin was bidding his wife farewell.
"This isn't a bunch of crazy teenagers shooting up a bus David. These are pirates," Beth Molk reminded her husband.
"Remind me to ask your father to tell you about the time he and I sent a crew of them screaming back to the ocean the day they tried to break into your grandfather Hubert's castle. And I was a cricket then. Besides, you know who always has my back." He glanced over to where his fellow former police officers waited, all of them wearing bulletproof vests they'd kept from their years with the SFPD. "This Storybrooke may not be our home but these people are our family too and we need to protect them. They'd do the same for us." He kissed her. "Wait up for me Sleeping Beauty…and wear something nice."
She grinned. "Hmmm…a visit from your favorite cheerleader may be in order."
"Oh boy!"
"It's time to go David," said his father-in-law Prince Phillip, his wife Aurora and friend Mulan at his side, both carrying swords.
"You're going in Mama?"
"I do know how to fight Elizabeth," Aurora said testily. "And you can thank Philip, Mulan and Snow for that."
Snow Nolan laughed. "Just like old times, isn't Emma."
"Yeah but thank God we don't have Captain Guyliner to deal with," Emma Strogoff Gold muttered. "Remind me if I ever go to Storybrooke Two to beat some sense into my counterpart there. Marrying that dick. Hey Bae. I thought you were staying behind with your dad."
Bae shook his head. "I go where you go Swan. Papa understands."
"You bring my son back in one piece dearie!" Rum ordered.
"Don't I always. I…oh my God!" She doubled over with laughter as Rum's cousin Zelena flew past them on a broom. "Zee's going in?"
"She's part of our air support," Snow explained and pointed to Blue and her coven of fairies shrinking themselves before they followed Zelena through the portal. "Let's go!"
Archie stood on the sidewalk, his arm around Lilly and a hand on his granddaughter's shoulder while they watched the survivors of Nonestica marching into battle for people most of them had never met but felt a kinship with. Little Regina stood beside them holding Princess's leash with one hand and her mother's hand in the other. They were terrified for the safety of those who stayed behind in Storybrooke yet grateful that so many people were willing to help, heroes and former villains yet that day they would all be heroes.
Storybrooke Five
"Well where the hell is the bitch! I wanna get this done already!" Gina Hood grouched. Rumple scowled at her. "What?"
"You want to taste Ivory, dearie?"
"Hey, I'm a grown woman an you can't wash my mouth out with soap."
"You're not one right now and yes I can."
She snorted. "Bring it."
In Storybrooke's cemetery Cora stood in the center of a row of graves holding a medallion. She dropped it onto the ground and a swirl of black smoke billowed out of it revealing a creature screeching as it floated before her.
"Zorinda Strogoff summons thee…bring me the soul of Rumplestiltskin!" she commanded.
It will be done, the creature sent and flew off.
Loki was having difficulty controlling his laughter watching the heated exchange between his great-grandson and Regina's deaged counterpart, but his laughter turned to dread when he sensed the presence of a dark and deadly force summoned from the boughs of Hel itself.
"Cora, you bitch!" he sneered.
Jiminy and his brother had just stepped out of the portal when a screech made him freeze in horror.
"Ephesian Wraith!" he shouted.
"Not that damn thing again!" Phillip groaned.
"But who summoned it?" Mulan asked.
"Someone on this side and I'd be willing to bet its after Rumple. Everyone, whatever you do…DO NOT go anywhere near that medallion it wears. If you get the mark you're its next target!"
"Can it target a god?" Loki queried.
"Yes!" Jiminy shouted. "It was created by Hades himself, his little secret weapon against all the pantheons."
It was also how his daughter had killed Persephone.
Loki swore in Old Norse. "Fool! I need to have a talk with him about creating weapons like that."
"We gotta get a portal an throw it in it. That's how we got rid of it last time," Gina spoke up.
'And it killed me in case you've forgotten!" Phillip snapped.
"Yeah well you're not dead now are ya?"
"That's because I got my soul back from the Keeper of Souls, Queenie. And Ozmalita's not here."
"Will you stop bloody fighting and let us do something here!" Robert yelled.
"Portals are my specialty, darling." Loki drawled.
The wraith flew over to where Rumple and Loki stood with Pongo and Perdy in their demon forms behind him.
As it approached Wyatt appeared in his dragon form and blew a blast of fire at it.
"Let's hope the damn thing hates fire..." Bobby muttered.
"The medallion is what gives him his power. We need to get the medallion off him without getting the mark," Wyatt said.
A swirling green and gold vortex formed behind it. "Hasta la vista, asshole!" Loki spat and slammed it hard with a magical bolt. At the same time, he portaled the medallion away. The wraith vanished shrieking into the portal.
"Oh cool! You did Terminator!" DG cried excitedly from her position on her husband's back! "Tin Man fly me over there, so I can hi-five that hunk!"
"Very funny Dottie," he snorted.
"You love me, and you know it."
"I put up with you."
Rumple giggled. "Oh, Cora dearie, afraid to face me? Is that why you send pets to do your dirty work?"
"I've just gotten started," she sneered. "Let the gates of Shadowlands open and your wings take flight! Destroy them all!" she yelled.
"Now what the Hel is that bitch summoning?" Loki demanded angrily.
Another portal opened and a flock of mobat demons flew out, swooping down on the group on the ground. Pongo flew at one of them and sliced its wing while Perdy attacked another.
"Time for me to get scaly," DG said and hopped off her husband's back. A cloud of red smoke surrounded her as she took her dragon form.
The two dragons flew at the demons and began blasting them with fire.
"Dammit! She's made them immune to it. Hey Sexy God...a little help here!" DG cooed.
"You wait till we get home, darlin' You're on the couch tonight!" Wyatt threatened.
Loki sighed. "Two can play this game, pretty poison." He lifted a hand. "By the Power of Asgard, the Keeper summons thee!"
A portal opened and glowing winged white cats emerged that shot light from their eyes.
"Kitties!" Gina cried excitedly.
"Lokitties, time to kick some ass! Attack pattern Alpha!" Loki ordered.
"Nala would love these beasties," Rumple giggled.
The cats all wore Loki's signature helmet and they flew at the demons hissing and screeching. Their screech blew some into shards.
One lokitty slashed at a demon with its razor-sharp claws and the demon screamed as its immortal flesh began to burn.
"I want a Lokikitty!" Gina declared.
"That hurts, doesn't it? That's Asgard's Eternal Flame." Loki sneered and hit one with the same fire.
Jiminy shifted into his cricket form and hopped onto Zelena's shoulder when she flew past him. "Head for the center of town Zee. There's something else down there and they're not pirates!"
"Of course not," Cora laughed evilly while her zombie army began to rise from the graves to join the pirates in their attack.
"Holy shit, Em! It's the Walking Dead!" Bae exclaimed, gripping his bo staff.
"Oh great...the zombie apocalypse is here, and we're NOT prepared," Emma groaned.
Nonestica's August Booth rode up in a motorcycle holding a chainsaw. "Thought this might come in handy."
"Well let me boost the power a bit," Emma waved her hand over the saw and magicked its battery to have unlimited usage time.
Bae snapped the release on the hidden blades in his bo staff. "I have some choppers now, Em. Anybody got a machete?"
"That would be me," Bobby said, holding his up.
"That's a Marine for ya. They're always prepared," Bae smirked.
"We are men...America's best," Bobby sang.
Suddenly Emma's yellow bug sped past them with her Nonestica counterpart at the wheel with Bae's counterpart in the passenger seat.
"What...bitch stole my car!" Emma screeched.
"Take it easy, hon. We can get it back." Bae laughed.
"Yeah well what the hell's she doin with it...oh my God!"
"Ram em! Ram em!" Bae Strogoff cheered while she sped up and slammed into a group of zombies.
"That's one hell of a joyride," Bobby muttered.
"Bae, take the wheel!"
"What the hell are you doin, Swan?" he cried. She crawled over him and into the passenger seat, leaning out the window with her gun drawn.
"Just shut up and drive!" she yelled and opened fire.
"We gotta chop 'em up not shoot em!"
"This gun's got special bullets in it, hon."
Jimmy was cutting through a small pack of zombies with his sword. "Freakin things are everywhere!"
Robert sliced a zombie's head off. "Slice and dice time, Lieutenant Gold!"
Jiminy flew over another group of zombies sprinkling psychedelic magical dust on them. "Eat Cricket dust Deadheads!" The zombies burst into flame.
"Eat this, you mother!" Bae shoved his modified bladed staff into a zombie's chest and threw it into the air. Then he spun on another one, kicking its head in and then cutting it off.
Zelena hummed Elmira Gulch's bike riding theme from the Wizard of Oz while she dispatched a zombie with an arrow filled with holy water.
"I'll get you my pretties...and your dead brains too!" she cackled.
A lokitty flew down and tore a zombie to shreds. "Eat my claws, you shambling pile of rotten meat!" She had lavender eyes and a green jewel in her helmet.
"Whoa! It's attack of the flying talking cats!" Bae gasped.
"Lokitty Commander Astarte here," the lokitty meowed. "Our glorious father Loki said we may assist you and cause mayhem among the wicked."
"He's your FATHER?" Emma goggled.
"Technically no. Magically, yes." Astarte answered.
"You mean he created you?" Bae clarified.
"Yes. He took a mortal housecat, mated with an Asgardian one, and infused them with his immortal power. The result was us. " Astarte explained while ripping another zombie's legs off.
A tiger jumped out of the passenger seat of a Storybrooke sheriff's department squad car and shredded another zombie while David Molk opened fire on another from his position behind the driver's side door.
"Watch it Molky! That one almost had my name on it," hissed the tiger.
"Yeah well move outta the way. Puss In Boots!"
"The name's Navarro and just for that YOU can buy the next round of drinks at the Grille!"
Ruby shifted into her wolf form and attacked a zombie menacing a terrified Grace Hatter.
"Why didn't you go with the other children?" she demanded.
"I wanted to help."
Another wolf zeroed in on a pair of zombies attempting to break into the music store to frighten the owner.
"I'm on the hunt I'm after you!" she sang.
Ruby laughed at her counterpart's well-timed sense of humor. "I'm hungry like the wolffff!" she howled.
Jimmy was exhausted. Every time he cut a group of zombies down another came in its place.
"I really don't wanna be zombie food!" he complained.
Three zombies advanced toward him, leading him down an alley. He held up his sword and found himself pinned against the side of an apartment building.
"Thiissss one is perrrrfect..." one hissed.
"Ugh...your breath could kill a whale," Jimmy moaned.
Suddenly there was a flash of light and a glowing dagger impaled a zombie through the head. "Need a little help, handsome?"
"Whoa! Umm...yeah!"
Jimmy was gobsmacked. Where had this gorgeous goddess come from?
The hottest girl he had ever seen stood there with another glowing dagger in her hand, which she stabbed a zombie in the neck with. She had platinum hair in a braid around her head and wore green leathers and a gold half-cloak.
And she could fight like an army.
"So...uh...you come around here often?" he flirted and snatched his sword out of a dead zombie's hand.
"No . . . I snuck out of the house to help you. But I couldn't resist." She held out her hand and her daggers returned to her. Then she used them on a new opponent.
Gold, you idiot. That is the oldest and lamest line in the book! he thought.
"Wow...I'm flattered...really..."
She grinned at him. "I'm Miri."
A goddess disobeyed her parents for him? Him?
"Jimmy. Jimmy Gold."
She did some weird double flip and nailed two zombies in the head with her daggers.
"Holy crap...don't kill me but I am seriously getting turned on here!"
"I've been watching you in my papa's Seeing globe. And when I saw that miserable excuse for a-" she swore in Norse. "-summon them I knew you would need me."
Jimmy smirked. "Oh, and how long have you been watching me gorgeous?"
He beheaded a zombie with one stroke.
Play it cool Gold because if you come on too strong she's gonna blast you. Remember what Rumple taught you. A man has to be a gentleman to a lady.
Miri shrugged. "A while. I like watching mortals. You lead such interesting lives down here. Where I come from it's almost always the same. Perfect weather, perfect society, well not really, but perfectly boring."
"Try being raised by a bloodthristy pirate. Believe me, I'll take boring over that any day now."
"I don't do well on water. But I can climb trees and my papa taught me to dance the daggers in the arena. And do magic. My mama taught me manners and how to plant a garden and speak nicely at diplomatic dinners. My grandma tried to teach me how to be a lady, but it didn't take too well." She twirled her blades and threw one.
"Oh well, I can deal with that!" Jimmy laughed and threw his sword, pinning a zombie to a telephone pole.
"Nice shot!" she complimented, and tossed her dagger into a zombie's face, making it crumple to the ground. She held her hands out and the daggers returned to her.
She looked up. "I see something on that roof there. Is it something like an oil container? If so I can light it on fire and we can throw it on these skraelings."
"Yeah, looks like it. Come on gorgeous, let's torch 'em!"
Jimmy opened his backpack and took out his grappling hook and a length of rope.
She grinned at him again and they climbed up the side of the building as easily as squirrels. Once on the roof, Miri studied the oil vat and then said, "I'm going to cast a spell that will make this light enough for us to shove over the side after I light it up."
"Got it. Better hurry up 'cause they're comin and they look hungry!"
"They can eat fire," she snorted and waved a hand. The oil inside the vat caught on fire instantly and then she cast the second spell. "Come on, handsome, push it off!"
They put their shoulders to the vat and heaved.
It slid off the roof and slammed into the zombies, rolling over some and then it blew up. Fire cascaded everywhere and the stench of burning zombies filled the air.
"Oh, those things stink worse when they're fried! Cover your nose, gorgeous before we both lose our lunch!"
Miri pulled a green scarf out of her tunic and wrapped it around her face. "By the Nine! I thought they smelled bad walking!" She tossed him another scarf. "Shall we climb down the other side?"
"After you," he said and bowed.
She felt for a foothold and then swung down, descending quickly.
He swung down behind her, fighting the urge to kiss her. "We make a pretty good team, don't we?"
"The best," she agreed, eyeing him interestedly. She nearly missed a handhold and scolded herself silently. Concentrate, Miriamele! Before you end up falling!
"Don't wanna see you slip, goddess. We're almost down."
"Two more feet," she agreed and then took two steps and was on the ground, balancing easily on the balls of her feet. "That was fun!" she laughed.
"Let's do it again sometime," he said with a smile.
Suddenly a zombie appeared from under some trash and lunged at her.
"Miri! Look out!" Jimmy yelled, then threw his sword, impaling the creature through the chest.
"You saved my life, Jimmy," she murmured, her violet eyes shining. "Now I owe you a kiss."
"Well if you insist..."
Their mouths met, and it was like fireworks exploding in her head. Holy Valhalla on a ski sled! she thought.
Jimmy had kissed a few girls in his lifetime, but none ever made him feel like he could fly among the stars the way she did.
"Is . . . it always like that?" she asked when she could speak again.
"Uhhhh...this is a first for me..."
"Me as well. I'm not . . .no boy has ever kissed me that way."
"Umm...ahhhh...I never kissed a girl that way before," he confessed.
"We should see if others need our help," Miri said softly.
"Yeah we better. This town's gonna get overrun!"
"There's too many of them...Terry, Hildy, Koto, take a shot when you have it!" David Molk yelled up to his fellow former police officers positioned on the roof above the ice cream parlor.
"Blue, we could use some nasty fae magic about now!" Jiminy called out to the Blue Fairy.
"Nothing we're doing is working! Where is my counterpart? Sitting on her wings?"
"She better not be! Charming get down! Incoming!"
"Oh dammit Snow, warn me before you shoot off fire arrows! I almost had my ass singed!"
"Well I can't have that."
"Fire in the hole!" Bobby yelled, throwing a grenade.
"Ewwww gross, MacNamara! Now I got zombie parts all over my Versace heels!" Zelena whined. '
Miri and Jimmy turned to run from the alley when there came another flash of rainbowed light and a tall youth dressed in a silver baldric that showed off his well defined muscles, his red-gold hair bound back by a red headband with a medallion on it of a mountain and a hammer. He held a large bastard sword in his hands.
"Miriamele! So this is where you ran off to!"
"Uh, who is that? Your brother?" Jimmy asked nervously.
"Cousin. Modi, what are you doing here?" she groaned.
"What am I doing? What are YOU doing here, Miri Laufeyson?!"
"Modi, quit trying to be Papa. You suck at it," Miri retorted.
"Watch your language!" the god snapped.
Miri rolled her eyes. "That's the f-word, you oaf! Come on, get your ass in gear and help fight. Let's see you put your sword where your bragging mouth is."
"if he can," Jimmy laughed.
"Watch it, mortal," Modi growled.
"Oh quit acting like a girl, Modi. Your brother has insulted you worse than that," Miri smirked.
"He's my brother!"
"Yes, I noticed," Miri coughed.
"Zombies eleven o'clock! Hey Modi, you wanna get busy!"
"Uncle Loki is going to kill you," Modi predicted.
"I'd worry more about the zombies right now, Thorsson!" Miri pointed out and blasted one with her dagger.
Modi whirled and cut a zombie in half with his sword.
"These things need to go away!" Jimmy grouched and sliced off one's legs. "Not gonna dance now, are you?"
Another zombie was creeping up behind Miri until it pitched forward with a large bullethole in its head.
"You need a bath," Modi snarled. "In a vat of acid!" He dispatched another one with a lightning like maneuver.
"Zombies, mobat demons, what the hell else is that bitch gonna throw at us?" Bobby asked Jiminy.
"The kitchen sink?" Miri joked.
Cora teleported to where Rumple stood with Gina. "Everything I can!"
Several pirate ships docked and the occupants raced into the town ready to rape, pillage and kill.
Modi looked up, his blue eyes glittering. "Pirates! Time to kick some booty!" He suddenly glowed and grew two feet, his boots becoming hobnails and then he jumped at them and began literally kicking the crap out of them.
"Tiny, ready to get large?"
"Ready when you are Cricket!"
"Holy hell, Miri!" Jimmy gaped. "What do you call that?"
"That's Modi with his berserker on," Miri replied.
Jiminy sprinkled some dust over his former giant friend and returned him to his normal size.
"Fie fi fo fum! Look out pirates here I come!"
He stomped down the street beside Modi.
Rumple pushed Gina behind him.
"Give me my daughter!" Cora hissed.
"Come and get her bitch," Rumple challenged.
Cora cast a come-hither spell, summoning Gina to her. Playing her part to perfect, Gina began to scream in terror. "Unca Rumple it's the bad lady! Don't let her kill meeeee!"
Suddenly Cora teleported out with Gina.
"Dammit!" Rumple cursed.
"Ye better get my daughter back, dearie or I'll be getting out of this bed and making new boots with your hide!" he heard Rum Strogoff snarl.
"I can find her," Loki assured him. "I can track any portal ever made."
"Hurry Loki. I suspect she's going to try to deage he and once she does she'll try to kill her by taking her heart."
Suddenly they heard Rum Strogoff laugh.
The god concentrates then locates where Cora has taken Regina. "Found her!" He gestures and a glowing portal with his signature mage colors of bright emerald green and gold forms. "Let's go. I want to make a rug out of this ho's hide!"
"What are you laughing at, dearie?" Rumple demanded of his counterpart.
"Regina never takes her heart to a witch fight. The best and only useful lesson that bitch she called her mother ever taught her."
"That's good insurance. But I still want to nail that bitch's ass to a wall for a dartboard," Loki growled. His eyes burn with controlled magical fire. The silver serpent bracers on his wrists awake and hiss menacingly. "Pipe down! You'll get your chance to poison the prostitute. When I say and not before." The snakes hiss an apology and settle back down.
"Not before I slam this into her and suck the magic out of her!"
"Be my guest, grandson." the God of Mischief said. "Let's go, don't want her thinking she's outwitted us."
Cora and Gina reappeared on the deck of the Jolly Roger. Cora blasted Gina, shattering the deaging spell. She then tied the woman to the mast with a set of chains.
"You've forgotten who you are dear and now it's time for Mother to remind you."
"You...are…not my mother!" Gina hissed.
"I am and you will do as I say," Cora said coldly and plunged her hand into the younger woman's chest. "What...?"
Gina laughed evilly, and her magic flared up, blasting the chains. "My mother taught me never to bring my heart to a witch fight. Of course, you would know that...if YOU were my mother!"
"You..you're not my daughter...who are you?"
"Finish her Gold!"
Rumple and Loki pop out of the portal onto the Jolly Roger.
"Why Loki," Cora drawled. "Fancy seeing you here. "How many centuries has it been? Oh...I know...since before I killed my mother!"
She laughed "Glinda died sniveling like a babe."
"You bitch! For that I owe you an eternity in the Lake of Fire!" Loki spat.
"And now I'll take your great grandson!"
Cora stretched out her hand and forced Rumple's mouth open, a white mist emitting from it. "Ahhh...the life force of a Nose demigod..." She then began to chant in Ozian.
Loki snapped out a spell in Norse, stealing her voice away. "No enchantments for you."
Rumple reached into his pocket and brought out the talisman. He slammed it into her chest. "Zorinda Strogoff!" he shouted.
"Feeling a bit run down, dearie," he taunted and forced her to her knees.
Loki smirked. "Payback's a bitch, isn't it?" He released the silver serpents from his bracelets and they slithered over to her, their emerald eyes glittering.
"You deserve that and much more...for what you did to Bae!"
"And to your daughter! You aren't fit to be a mother to a cockroach!" Loki growled. "Sithra! Vilarsha! Attack!"
The silver serpents struck, quicker than the eye could follow, biting Zorinda once on the heel and the other on the breast.
You've won nothing. I've already summoned her, she mouthed.
Rumple felt a tightness in his chest. "The Balance has shifted. What have you summoned bitch! "
They heard a shrill scream from the depths of the ocean.
Aboard the Black Pearl Rhea pressed her hand to her heart. "Oh, gods preserve us...who summoned HER!"
Summoned who, love?" Jack asked.
"Scylla..."
"Bloody hell!"
There was nothing worse than being a sea when a six headed headed monster lurked beneath the depths.