Disclaimer - Original characters and original plot belongs to SKAM.
I shut the door behind me, my smile just wont fade. I feel like a twelve year old girl who has her first crush on a boy. I kick my sneakers off at the door. I peak my head into the living room so mum and dad know that I'm back home. Mum looks up from the book she's reading.
"Have fun at your school group thing?"
"The revue group? Yeah was pretty good" I try to hide my smile
"meet any new friends?" she asks
"You could say that" I can't hide it anymore, soon as I say that, my smile is now wider than the jokers.
Mum gives me a look. She knows this smile, she knows it all too well. She saw it the day I met Sonja, she saw it the day I met the boy who use to live in the next apartment from us. She knew exactly what that smile meant.
"Sonja came round, but she couldn't wait any longer" Dad speaks out.
Suddenly my smile faded. Mum saw that too.
And yet again, I forgot Sonja even existed. What was it about this boy what was it about Isak that made me completely forget that I have a girlfriend, a girlfriend that I've had for four years. I do admit, I do have it bad for him, so bad that I have to try and control myself when I'm around him. I think I was pretty chill about it tonight, I don't think I gave myself away too much, well apart from the stupid dick Reference I made he did find it funny though. But I think I over did it a bit much with the paper towels, ill be surprised if he didn't think I was a right weirdo.
I got to chat to him for a bit though, so that's something well until Emma butted in. You can tell how much she likes him I don't blame her at all. I don't know what his deal is though he doesn't seem that interested in her. Maybe I should do digging on him see what kind of guy he is and what type of girls he has been with. Sana knows him, maybe start with her?
I pull out my phone and look for Sana's number, I look at the chat screen, trying to think of what to say.
TO SANA - Hi, Was a good chat the other day, we should meet up for a proper chat.
Sent.
I place my phone on my desk, take my jacket and jeans off. I pull my joggers and hoodie on. I'm just about to turn my PS4 on when my phone pings. I pick up it right away.
FROM SONJA - HI, came round but your mum said you had a school thing? Tried calling still on for movie night tomorrow? Love you x
I feel like I have to force myself to text her back. I've been neglecting her recently. It's not fair on Sonja at all, all she is doing is being what a girlfriend is suppose to be it's just not there anymore and I feel shit because of it.
TO SONJA - Sorry, I thought I told you about it. Sana invited me. Yeah movie night sounds good.
I didn't put a kiss. Right away my phone pings again.
FROM SANA - Hi was good chatting to you too. I'm free tomorrow afternoon. Coffee?
To SANA - Plan! 230 at the coffee shop me you and Elias use to go to?
FROM SANA - Yup.
I didn't realize how much I have missed Sana and her brother. Mikael too. I miss my old friends, getting stoned and talking dumb shit. But that ship has sealed and I need to get over it. It was my own doing.
I wait outside the coffee shop. I have dodged four phone calls and Six text messages from Sonja. I think she thinks I've gone manic again and this why I'm avoiding her. When she think like this her constant check up on me becomes unbearable. I'm just about to text her back about tonight when Sana shows up. We greet one another and make our way into the cafe.
I order a plain Latte and she orders herself a hot chocolate. I wish I had gotten the hot chocolate now. As we sit, I can see her trying think of the words she wants to ask me I know she wants to ask about my suicide attempt It's written all over her face. Yup everyone at my school knew about that too! Sonja told Mikael, he told Elias before you knew it, everyone at school knew, so it was obvious Sana knew too.
I can see the words coming together in her head, she was just about to say it
"I enjoyed the group last night" I stop her.
She lets out a sigh, you can tell she was glad I stopped her. "Glad you enjoyed it. Did you meet any new potential friends?"
This is my chance. Thank you Sana! "Isak? I think that's his name" I am smooth.
She rolls her eyes "Isak!" she spits out
"Why? Is something bad about Isak?"
"Nien, well, uh, he's just annoying as all. Think he's all that, very cocky"
Really? I'm quite surprised, he seemed really shy last night.
"oh" that's all I can think of what to say.
"I mean, he's ok. I don't know him all that well, his best friend use to date a friend of mines"
"He seems pretty cool"
"Jonas? I don't know him all that well either"
I laugh "I meant Isak"
"oh" she laughs.
I feel like I'm getting nowhere of trying to find out things about him. I don't know why I thought they were close maybe because she was so certain he would been at the school last night.
After our coffee chat, I make my way home. I didn't bring up her brother or Elias at all, I wanted to know how they were if they ask about me, but I couldn't bare of what the answer would have been. Sana didn't mention them either. We stuck to small talk and me learning absolutely nothing about Isak.
After a long walk about the park, I get home around five. I can smell mums cooking soon as I open the front door. I hear Sonja's voice coming from the living room. God help me!
I stare at the homemade curry my mum has cooked. Sonja talking away about her job and her classes at uni. I'm not really listening. I'm thinking about Isak and how I want to see him again.
"So which one?" Sonja snaps me out of my daydream
"Huh?"
She laughs "What movie do you want to watch?"
"Romeo and Juliet"
She huffs "ugh,, Nien even!"
"Why? It's the best love story ever told"
"i know, you say this every time we watch it, I'm sick of seeing it"
"You pick then" I moan. I'm not in the mood for this or her.
She picks the notebook. She always picks the notebook when she wants to have sex she is so obvious.
Like clockwork, once the movie ends, she places her hand on my thigh leans in to kiss him I don't kiss back she doesn't take the hint and continues to kiss me now she goes to my neck. I brush her off of me "I'm not in the mood tonight" I say emotionless.
"Surprise surprise!" she hisses as she moves away from my body/
"What's that suppose to mean?"
"Even, you haven't touched me since you started at Nissen"
Her words took me by surprise. I didn't even notice that as soon as I set my eyes on Isak, my lack of Interest in Sonja was gone completely. I didn't want to lose her though she was the only one who knew about me being bipolar she is the only one that understand, I can't lose that.
I place my hand on her cheek, I stroke with my fingers and I force out a smile "I'm sorry, I've just been a little stressed, I'm sorry" I kiss her. "How about we have a get together next Friday, you me Esklid and Marji. We can have it here"
Her face lights up suddenly. She is so happy. How can I hurt her? How can I break up with her after all she has done for me? I can't I just cant.
Dag invited me around to his house with a few of his friends from school for a chill Sunday. This consists of Weed munchies and FIFA. His friends are pretty cool and I'm starting to feel comfortable around them.
"So, Even find anyone cute at school yet?" Erik asks
YES! ISAK! ISAK! ISAK! "I have a girlfriend"
"So? You can still find girls cute" Erik laughs.
"Nien, Don't find any girls cute"
"Eva in second year is pretty cute!" Dag responds
"Didn't she date that small guy, him with the blonde hair? Isak I think his name is" Erik asks
I find myself very in-tuned with this conversation. I still on the sofa staring at the TV screen, trying my hardest not to seem interested in what they have to say. I listen to them.
"Nien, she was with his friend I think, Jonas?"
"Who was it Isak was with, the hot Pepsi max girl?"
"Sara?"
"Yeah, Sara is hot! How he got a chick like that I'll never know!" Erik's says while inhaling his joint.
"Dude I know! It didn't last long I heard, apparently he refused to sleep with her"
Erik chokes on the smoke "Bullshit! I see him at parties every weekend with a different chick!"
"True, she probably made that up to make him angry or something"
Now they ramble on about what is the best pizza topping. So Isak defiantly likes girls then. A sadness now comes through me. I must be deluded, I must of imagined the signs, the connection that we shared the night of the revue meet up. Is history repeating itself? I guess I should just forget about him and focus my time on Sonja. Time to move on.