21. The Last Chapter: Long Distance Never Works
"Well, we're not really in Lille. It's kind of between Lille and Arras. So, depending on how you get there, around two hours, maybe a little less," Delphine said into the receiver, laying on her bed. For about an hour, while her mother made dinner, she would stay in her old room and talk with Cosima on the phone. Her afternoon was Cosima's morning
"How often do you go there?" Cosima asked excitedly.
Delphine chuckled. "How often do you go to New York?"
"Dude, New York is like a whole day's drive away. Paris is only a couple of hours, you shit head".
"Why are you so curious about Paris?"
"Well, I've researched Lille, like, a tiny bit and…it's a lot less Paris-y than Paris and when I visit you, I'd like to see more than a million castles and museums".
"Right, so I actually applied for a job right outside of Paris," Delphine wasn't quite ready to tell her. She thought it would make it sound like she had no intention of even trying to return. "A part of the assistance I need to provide my family is finances. It's in my field, so…" she felt nervous, like she had to defend herself.
"Oh…uhm…well, do you think you'll get it?" she asked awkwardly.
Delphine swallowed anxiously, "I actually already did".
Cosima was quiet for a while, Delphine thought she may have hung up, but the call was still active. "That's great…what's the place?"
"I'll send you the link. I already forgot the name, which is stupid, I know, but they also have a couple facilities in the states, including Minnesota. There I sent it". She texted one of the links she got when they put her employee ID in the system.
"Le centre DYAD, division européenne: Paris France," Cosima read in an awful accent, "That sounds fancy…"
"Ouais, I think it's just called DYAD in the states. They work with your degree, too. You could apply in the states?" she was just trying to talk so Cosima couldn't. She knew Cosima probably had bigger ambitions than a research facility. Maybe she even insulted her by suggesting.
"Hm…I'll look into it".
"How are your classes going? It's your last semester, right?" she tried a subject change.
"Yep. Pretty good, no Mike, though. It's already halfway done, but I can't really believe it. I'm visiting you after it's over. You have to show me an amazing time because I'm counting it as my graduation party, kay?"
Delphine agreed with a smile. They talked a few more minutes, but eventually Delphine's mother called her for dinner. Her parents never really asked about Cosima, but they knew she was important to Delphine. She wondered what they thought about it. Delphine never really had close friends – it was unusual for her. They didn't realize just how unusual, though.
Delphine wondered how long Cosima would stay when she visited. She'd be happy to take her to Paris, show her around, buy her whatever she wanted. She also wondered if she should introduce Cosima to her parents. And if she did introduce them, what would she call Cosima? She had never discussed it with Cosima since she was moving away. Maybe it would be a bad idea to introduce them. It would be giving Cosima hope for a future that Delphine couldn't promise her.
What could she promise Cosima? She could promise that she would never forget her. She couldn't promise that she would come back to the states, she couldn't promise their relationship would last long distance. She couldn't keep giving Cosima hope that it would work either, hope that their difficult relationship was unwavering. Maybe she shouldn't even let her visit France, maybe she should break it off before either of them got too emotionally invested. She was already emotionally invested, though.
"Send me a picture, doctor Niehaus," Delphine smiled, and she knew it was audible in her voice.
"Does the whole cap and gown thing turn you on?" she responded in a seductive tone. Delphine's phone dinged a second later. She opened the picture of Cosima in her graduation gear, standing in the middle of the stadium where the ceremony was held.
"Gorgeous," she stared at the screen after turning her phone on speaker. She could hear the crowd in the background chatting. "I really miss you".
"Oh yeah? How much do you miss me? For you, I could definitely have Scottie take another picture without the outfit…I'm not wearing anything underneath"
Delphine could practically see Cosima's eyebrow wiggling at her. "Cosima, you're in public, don't talk so loud. And I can see the collar of your shirt under the gown".
"Alright whatever, enough about you. My flight leaves in two weeks. I've been studying my French like crazy and it's exhausting. I can't wait to see you. I have some official stuff to get done before I go though, like passport – la passport - and shit, so I'll be a little busy".
"Le passport," Delphine laughed, "I'm about to fall asleep, so I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Sweet dreams, babe". Delphine smiled, even though it took some energy.
"Congratulations Cosima".
Delphine arrived at the airport an hour and a half early, buzzing with nervousness and excitement. Her leg wouldn't stop bouncing and her fingers wouldn't stop drumming on the counter in front of her. She hadn't touched any of her coffee, but no one would be able to tell from looking at her.
She saw an old man giving her a funny expression and then making his way over to her. She tried to avoid eye contact, "Mademoiselle, vous allez bien?" She nodded and smiled to appease him. He was the third person to ask if she was alright within the hour she had been there.
She needed a real drink. All she could think about was a boy whose name she couldn't remember that she dated for a while. He lived in Cherbourg and she still lived outside of Lille with her parents. She knew that the relationship failed in part because of her lack of affection and interest, but the distance was also troublesome. He wasn't even that far away relatively – how was she going to keep up this unnamed relationship with Cosima if they were so far away? Delphine, even months after thinking about her future, still wasn't sure when she would be able to move back. She was starting to get attached to the things in her home again, too. Would she be able to do it?
"You gonna finish that coffee, dude?" she heard an oddly accented voice behind her. She turned to see a familiar dreadlocked girl with a backpack.
"Cosima!" Delphine trapped her in a tight embrace, and she laughed as the breath was squeezed out of her. It took a significant amount of willpower for Delphine to let go, but she eventually did. Cosima braced herself on Delphine's shoulder and stretched to whisper in Delphine's ear.
"What's the homo situation over here? Because I really want to kiss you, but I also don't want to cause a riot or whatever," she whispered loudly over the crowded airport.
Delphine didn't need to say anything. She turned her head and kissed Cosima with force. It had been too long. She could feel a smile on Cosima's lips, prompting one of her own. After a moment, she backed away and took Cosima's hand. "So, do you want to see Paris, or are you tired?"
"I'm a stoner, I'm always kind of drowsy. Show me Paris, bitch!"
They spent the afternoon walking around the major tourist locations. Delphine had rented a car, but she wasn't used to driving, let alone driving in a big city. Cosima didn't seem to mind. Off and on, their hands would join as they strolled. Cosima talked about her few weeks of laziness after school had ended. Delphine talked about her new job. After what seemed like endless begging, she finally agreed to give Cosima a tour.
Cosima's company was very demanding, Delphine noticed. But it was an easy kind of demanding because it wasn't hard to comply. She was always talking about something and she was easy to listen to. When Cosima was quiet, she was a great listener. She always asked to go different places and do different things, but she always made sure Delphine was happy, too. She was nothing like her, save the fact they both studied sciences. It was good, though, like puzzle pieces. Delphine calmed her down to a sustainable level of enthusiasm, and Cosima stimulated her enough to forgo the obsessive analysis of everything. Saying goodbye was going to be much harder than she thought.
The end of the night came, and the women had made it back to Delphine's rented car by dark.
"You said you already had a place to stay, right?" Delphine asked with fatigue in her voice.
"Yeah, it's kind of by a lake…" Cosima dug around her backpack for her phone.
"You know, my parents would have been more than happy to have you stay with us. It would have saved you some money". She started driving towards a main road.
"Yeah, I don't want to seem like there's just one thing on my mind, but there is something on my mind and I don't want to engage in that something in your parents house. Ta parents!"
"Tes parents. What's the name of the hotel?"
"It's not a hotel, it's an apartment," she scrolled through her emails.
"Oh right, those people who rent out their homes, what's that called?" she shrugged her shoulders, "Don't get robbed".
"I'll try to be inconspicuous about my backpack full of diamonds and gold. Here's the address. Do you know it?" Delphine shrugged her shoulders again but drove in the general direction of the complex.
She felt odd leaving Cosima in an unfamiliar place and just going home after so much time of not being anywhere near each other. She laid in bed and a thought, not even a fully developed thought, kept running through her head: the woman she liked very much was only hours away, not a giant ocean away. Though, even this small distance was frustrating. She kept trying to deny it, push the voice into the depths of her mind, but she knew she wouldn't be able to have a relationship with Cosima if she still lived in France. It would be unfair to Cosima and herself.
Delphine didn't want to ruin Cosima's trip with this information, though. It must have cost most of her savings just to book a flight and she did come all this way to be with Delphine. Every second more she spent with Cosima drove her further into a pit of confusing emotions, none of them strictly positive or negative. If she really committed to ending things at the finale of Cosima's stay, would she be able to handle herself emotionally? Or should she tell Cosima at the beginning so it's not such an unexpected goodbye? She didn't even know how long Cosima was staying and she never brought it up. If Cosima was only staying a couple of days, she should break things off at the end, but if she was staying for a week or two, it may be better to set the precedent that their time needed to be cherished.
Delphine felt a headache coming on. She groaned loudly in frustration, which didn't do much good for the headache. Her mother had come in earlier to ask if she was going to introduce Cosima to them. She didn't have much of an answer. That was just another factor she would have to consider. Surely, it would be figured out by morning somehow.
Morning came and it was definitely not figured out. Delphine buzzed through the motions of dressing and getting ready to pick Cosima up. Her father was still sleeping when she left, and her mother was outside somewhere. She wanted to ask advice, but that would mean telling them what kind of a relationship she had with Cosima, and that would mean knowing what kind of relationship they had.
The trip to the city was too short. Delphine met Cosima at a café near the apartment she was staying in. Cosima didn't notice when Delphine entered, distracted by the far window. She admired her beauty for a moment. Cosima was just smiling out the window, content. Delphine ordered a coffee and paid the old man at the counter.
"Delphine!" Cosima said a bit too loudly when she approached and sat down.
"Bonjour, I see you've been attempting to drink real coffee…" they both looked down at Cosima's nearly untouched black coffee.
"Well, you know, if I drink it all at once I'll get too hyper". Delphine crossed her arms and gave Cosima a look.
"How long have you been here? Did you order by pointing at the menu and giving the cashier puppy dog eyes?"
"I tried ordering in French, but it didn't work out very well. However, Henri here knows some English, so I still got my beverage," Cosima smiled widely at the man approaching their table with Delphine's cup.
He smiled widely back at Cosima and then turned to Delphine, "She tried, but I can see it was difficult. Mais, très bien élevée..." he looked back at Cosima like he was feeling lucky to have such a pretty girl in his establishment.
"What did you say to him to make him think so well of a little trouble-maker like you?" Delphine glared at her and Cosima rolled her eyes.
"Non, non," Henri answered for her, "elle aime mon café. C'est sa deuxième tasse," he smiled proudly at Cosima and walked back to his counter, giddy.
"Second cup?" Delphine raised her eyebrow.
"I've been here for a while," Cosima took a miniscule sip of her coffee and looked back out the window.
"Speaking of that, how long are you staying in France?" she asked awkwardly, joining Cosima in gazing at the grayish tinted street.
"Trying to get rid of me already? I haven't even gotten the chance to impress your parents with my bien élevée or whatever".
"No, I wish you could stay forever, it's not that. I just…you never said and I'm curious," her voice became quieter the more she talked.
"I don't really know for sure. My, uh, housing situation back home is up in the air right now. I got a job, though. I'll start soon. I just don't have a whole lot of money to spend on another four months in a motel, you know?"
"What's the job?" Delphine was starting to feel bad about Cosima spending so much money to come all the way to France, probably draining the little savings she had left.
"Well, I went to the DYAD in Minnesota and applied. I killed the interview and they called me within the week".
"That's amazing, Cosima". The brunette grinned and looked at Delphine with her sparkling eyes. "We should talk, though," she broke their eye contact and stared at her coffee instead. She felt like it would be better to tell Cosima now. It may shorten their time together, but Cosima had her future waiting for her and Delphine couldn't bare to be the one stopping that.
"What's up?" Cosima put her listening face on. Delphine had to gather herself for a moment before she could begin to speak.
"I'm still not really sure what our relationship is, but I've had long-distance relationships before and they just…"
"Long-distance never works. I know, man," Delphine was taken-aback by the light mood Cosima was still expressing for a topic that had been weighing her down for weeks. "You think I came here not knowing that? I know saying goodbye will be hard, but it just has to happen. We'll miss each other for a while, but we'll get over it. So, I think it's best to just think kindly on the good times we had and then move on with our own lives, don't you?" Delphine was dumbfounded by the calmness Cosima had. She could only nod. "Okay, good. So, two things. One, Delphine will you be my girlfriend for the rest of our time together?" Delphine nodded again, this time with a sad smile. "Sweet, and two, can you please take me out of here and entertain me already?"
"Come on," she smiled and shook her head, quickly finished her coffee and lead Cosima out.
"Au revoir, Henri! À demain?" Cosima shouted behind her.
He nodded, "Sois sage, au revoir". They waved and Delphine smiled at their quick and easy relationship. Was Cosima this easy to love for everyone?
Merde.
Merde, merde, merde, quoi ? Love ?
Cosima threaded their fingers together, "So, where are you taking me?"
"I, euh…" Delphine couldn't think now – not about anything besides her last thought.
"Hey, I still get to meet your parents, right? Because I have been practicing my best polite talk and–"
"Oui! Let's do that," she honestly couldn't remember what she had planned for their day anyway. It was as good a time as any.
The drive felt longer than it did coming into the city. Delphine was almost silent, obviously on-edge. She was sure Cosima just thought it was because she was introducing her parents, but Delphine's mind was far from that. Cosima found a radio station she liked, "Demain" was playing by Bigflo & Oli – the only song Delphine recognized from the States. Cosima seemed happy enough. It was actually getting under Delphine's skin. Was Cosima really that accepting or did Delphine just not mean that much to her? She still came a long way to be with her for a while. And now the love thing was involved, too. What was she going to do?
They pulled into the long driveway, Delphine's mother just walking up the porch steps to go inside. Delphine waved and they parked by the side of the house. The slamming of both their car doors as they exited the vehicle brought Delphine back to the present, leaving her a little unprepared for a proper introduction.
"And this is who?" her mother asked in a thick accent. She wasn't fluent, but she knew enough English to get by.
"Bonjour, I'm Cosima. It's nice to, wait…uhm…Enchantée…" she peaked at Delphine for confirmation she said the correct thing.
"Maman, je te présente Cosima, ma…petite amie," Delphine confessed slowly. She'd never even introduced a boyfriend to her parents. "Cosima, this is my mother," she finished just as awkwardly.
Cosima gave a shy wave, both of them waiting for Delphine's mother to react in some way. Her face was unreadable, aside from shock or maybe confusion.
"Where you work?"
"A research facility…lab," Cosima answered the woman nervously.
"You have a degree?"
"Yes, a doctorate…the same as your daughter".
"You are américaine?"
"Yes…but I'm trying my best to learn French…" the woman hummed at Cosima thoughtfully.
"And you love ma fille?"
"I love her very much," Cosima answered firmly and without hesitation. It took Delphine a moment to register it, though, and the moment was interrupted by the light squeal of her mother and the kisses she was planting on Cosima's cheeks.
"Okay okay, you come to say hello to le père de Delphine," she grabbed Cosima by the hand and her English trailed back into French. Cosima looked back at Delphine, whose jaw was still slightly dropped. She eventually followed, opening the front door to the unfamiliar view of Cosima sitting on her family couch with a glass of water in front of her.
"She's looking for your dad I think," Cosima explained as Delphine took the place next to her on the couch. Delphine's mother walked back in after a second.
"Il est...euh, he…fait la grasse matinée…" she trailed off again in search of the right words.
"He likes to sleep in," Delphine provided. Her mother snapped her fingers and sat in the chair across from them. "He'll be up later for you to show off your amazing skill in manners," she poked at Cosima who had not done very well with her mother.
The morning went by fairly slow. Her mother made conversation for a while, just happy that her daughter finally brought someone home, apparently unphased by the type of person. After a while, though, she had to tend to her chores and left the girls to entertain themselves. Delphine was able to furtively avoid bringing up what Cosima had said earlier, half-convinced she was just lying to appease the intimidating woman who was interrogating her and too scared to know the real answer. Instead, Delphine decided to make lunch for everyone. Her father would be awake by then.
Cosima sat on the floor next to Delphine's feet after being smacked on the arm for continuously trying to be affectionate. She was sure that Cosima knew she loved it anyways, but she wasn't going to set an example that unlimited PDA was fine in her parent's presence.
When Delphine called her mother inside for lunch, she was starting to feel the nervousness build up again. While Delphine and Cosima set the small kitchen table, the older woman went to wake Delphine's father.
"Dude," Cosima whispered, "I'm starting to kind of freak out. Is your dad nice?"
Delphine thought about it for a moment, "He isn't mean, but he's not particularly cheerful and happy".
Before Cosima could inquire further, an older man entered the room behind Delphine's mother. He definitely looked like he just woke up. He sat down at the table and Delphine's mother sat next to him. She gestured toward Cosima and spoke quietly to the man, most likely introducing her before he rudely asked who is that. Cosima and Delphine could both hear "petite amie" softly uttered by her mother and then not so softly repeated by her father. He looked up at Cosima with a scrutinous expression, and then back to his wife. He nodded and shrugged his shoulders and Delphine's mother smiled before inviting the girls to sit down as well.
"You are Cosima, non?" the man said after a couple bites of the food they'd made.
Cosima stuttered for a moment, "I, uh, yes that's me". The man gave her a curt nod and said nothing more.
Lunch went by slowly and silently for the most part. The large man seemed comfortable enough, but Cosima, Delphine and her mother were all very tense. The clanking of silverware on plates was the only noise in the house until they finished their meal. Delphine's mother placed her hand on Cosima's when she was getting ready to start some kind of conversation, silencing her, and bringing everyone's attention back to the large man. He had his arms crossed and was staring at Cosima with concentration.
"Okay, come with me," he finally said as he got up.
Cosima and Delphine both got up and followed him to the door. He turned and scowled at Delphine, then shook his head, silently instructing her to stay. She backed away, but Cosima's expression turned to one of horror. Delphine knew her father wasn't going to do anything to Cosima, but it was all uncharted territory for everyone. Delphine didn't know how her father reacted to bringing a significant other home – boy or girl.
He opened the door and gestured for Cosima to go first. One last look of goodbye forever and they were both gone, and the door closed behind them.
"Maman?" Delphine turned to her mother with a questioning and frantic look. She shushed her and guided Delphine back to the living room. Neither of them said much, but her mother stayed with her for a bit while she hyperventilated about Cosima's absence. There was no clue as to what her father was doing.
The afternoon went by glacially. Delphine felt like she lost weight just from maintaining such a high heartrate and pacing the large house. She tried cleaning, but the house was already in perfect shape. When her mother returned, Delphine was ready to pass out from exhaustion. Before she could complain, though, she heard footsteps and the deep grumbling she knew to be her father's laughter.
"Go clean yourself," were the first words Delphine and her mother heard as the two returned to the house finally. I flush of terror washed over Delphine when she got a glimpse of Cosima, but it soon passed when she realized that the dark red flecks all over her body were from grapes.
"Dude, Delphine your dad has this old thingy for smushing the grapes and he even let me stomp on some in a bucket. I'm pretty much a professional wine-maker now," she said, out of breath.
"Non," the man corrected. "Elle, je l'aime bien. Garde celle-là," he said to Delphine before taking his leave for the afternoon. Delphine's mother pointed Cosima to the washroom. The blonde kept quiet throughout the whole interaction, stunned and confused.
"Tiens," her mother handed her the cash from her purse. "You go somewhere nice to eat," she ordered sweetly, and Delphine nodded. Cosima came out of the bathroom, cleared of red and purple flecks. Delphine's mother approached her and gave her a customary kiss on the cheek. "Visit again soon, okay?" Cosima's dopey grin lit up her face as she nodded, and once again, Delphine's mother left them to themselves.
"What?" Delphine said, coming up with nothing better.
"Let's go, gorgeous," she avoided and headed toward the door.
Still dizzy from spending her afternoon in a semi-panic-attack state, Delphine was quiet most of the drive back into the city. She concentrated on the radio.
"Two things," Cosima said out of nowhere. "One, I…I meant it. What I said earlier today. I really meant it and I don't need you to say anything back, I just wanted you to know".
"…okay," Delphine answered cautiously, not sure she was strong enough to lay her feelings out when they didn't have much time before they'd likely never see each other again. She wasn't as brave as Cosima.
"Second, a while ago, when I was still dating Shay, you were kind of ranting about her I think, but it was in French. You said a word that I thought I knew the meaning of, but I figured I just didn't hear you right, but then your dad said it today. Kind of like shit but with an 'n' instead of a 't'?"
"Chienne?" Delphine questioned, impressed that Cosima retained the memory for so many months.
"Yeah, what's it mean?"
"Ehm, dog. Why?"
"Like bitch?" Cosima smiled some clever smile.
"Not exactly, but I wouldn't not use that word…Also, that doesn't sound anything like shit".
"Shut up. We all know I'm vulgar, but it's good to know when I can expect it from you. Now, where are you taking me for dinner?"
"Somewhere shitty," Delphine smiled to herself. She had no idea where they were going.
They didn't drive too much longer, hunger compelling them to just choose something. Their short meal was spent talking mostly about Cosima's time with Delphine's father – a quiet encounter with a lot of pointing and nodding for instruction. He obviously liked Cosima, though, and she seemed to like him, too, which wasn't common for the man. Delphine wondered if they talked about her at all or their relationship.
They were in a relationship officially, she realized. For however long it may last – weeks, days, hours – they were together. Delphine knew it would probably just make things harder when Cosima had to leave, but she still enjoyed it. The status or the title just made her feel different, like she earned something that she waited so long for and worked so hard for. But it would vanish soon enough, all the waiting and the effort put into being with Cosima. Would it all have been for nothing if she never sees her again? How long would Cosima wait for Delphine to move back to the States? Months? Years?
But she couldn't ask Cosima to wait for her, she'd already been over this in her head a thousand times. It wasn't worth it. Cosima said it herself, long distance never works, and she had already accepted the fact that, once they parted ways, the relationship would be over. Delphine didn't want that, though. Regardless of whether she ever said it out loud to Cosima or not, Delphine loved her.
Moving back to the States would be hard. She would need to find some way to care for her family beyond financially. She had a good job, but could it support herself and her family? If she moved to the states, she would need to find a place to live. But could she quit her job so soon after starting? She could request a transfer, but there was no guarantee that she would get it. Most of the American divisions were fully staffed, but the one in Paris still had open positions. It wouldn't make sense to send her to the States. Her family needed her at the house anyway. She could move back the second her parents were getting help from family again, but she'd be away from them. She missed her family. They couldn't all move to the States with her, right?
"Or we could just sit in silence, that works, too," Cosima's voice vaguely registered in Delphine's head, making her hum in response and glance over at the American girl with her eyebrow raised. "You have been totally zoned out for like twenty minutes. Are you okay?"
Delphine nodded, "I'm fine, I…I just don't want you to leave yet".
"I'm not, I'm sitting right here and you're my ride, so…" Cosima nudged her with her elbow.
"You know what I mean," Delphine sighed and dug the car keys out of her pocket. They started walking back in the direction of their vehicle. "When do you start your job?"
"Three days," Cosima said quickly and quietly.
"Three days?" Delphine repeated quickly and not at all quietly. "No, that's too soon. You can't leave so soon, you just can't," she shook her head and avoided eye contact, not sure what was happening to her or where her words were coming from.
"Dude, don't cry," she stopped in front of the blonde and wiped the tears she didn't realize had fallen.
"I love you, too Cosima," she said without thinking, as if it was a defense against her departure.
Cosima sighed, "Okay, let's go to the apartment. I didn't think you'd…I just…let's just go, okay?" Delphine didn't respond, but she didn't argue. Cosima took her hand and basically dragged her back to the car.
The drive was completely silent. Even with the radio it felt noiseless. Delphine knew Cosima was leaving, but she didn't know it was so soon. She thought she had at least a week. But three days? That would mean Cosima would leave in at least two days, probably more if she wanted to avoid a first day plagued with jet lag. Delphine knew she was acting like a child, but she couldn't help feeling like throwing a tantrum. It wasn't fair that she had to wait a whole year for Cosima, and then when she finally got her, lose her again. It wasn't fair at all.
"Alright, let's go," Cosima said when they were parked in front of the building. Delphine waited in the car for a moment, feeling angry, until she saw Cosima going on without her. She jumped out of the car and followed her to the door.
They climbed the steps in silence, walked the halls in silence, and entered the apartment in silence. Cosima tossed the keys on the table near the door and disappeared into the next room. Delphine hovered by the door and inspected the details of the apartment she could see. It was clear why Cosima chose it. If pictures were posted online, she would've been instantly drawn to it. Everything matched her style. It looked like the owners may also be marijuana enthusiasts.
"Do you like the people?" Delphine called out as she ventured further into the apartment.
"Who?" Cosima called back, and Delphine followed the noise.
"Whoever's apartment this is…" She saw Cosima sitting at a desk, doing something on her laptop.
Cosima turned around in the chair with a tired smile, "So, I wasn't going to do this quite yet, but it seems you're taking everything kind of bad, so we'll just end it tonight".
"What, no Cosima I'm sorry," she felt her heart and every other relevant organ fall to the pit of her stomach. Wherever her heart landed, she felt it radiating throughout her whole body.
"Dude, Delphine you are making this so hard and you're making me feel like a dick. Just listen for a sec, okay?"
Delphine swallowed and nodded, purposely paralyzing her body so she couldn't embarrass herself by begging at Cosima's feet. "I'm listening".
"Good. Look, I just want to start off by apologizing. I have a feeling you're going to hate me a little bit after I finish. But to be fair, you kind of ruined it for the most part, even though I was the one to make it hard, but still…"
"You're not making any sense, Cosima," Delphine felt drained, not sure she wanted to keep listening. She sat on the armchair by the window. The view wasn't bad.
"Delphine, I'm the people whose apartment this is…" Cosima stated with a shrug. The blonde didn't respond, confused. "My name is on the lease. All this shit is mine," she gestured around the room. Delphine wouldn't doubt it, everything felt like Cosima.
"But, why? If you start your job in three days, then–"
"I'm going to work at DYAD, just not the one in Minnesota," she explained.
"But you said you applied there…"
"I did. And in my interview, I asked how hard it would be to be transferred to the lab here. They said it wouldn't be that bad because there's openings here, and voila".
"But…but you said that goodbye will be hard?" Delphine was starting to feel even more confused, but not by the content, by her feelings. She felt relieved and happy and everything good, but she didn't believe it. She couldn't believe it. Hope and fantasy were the things that got her so worked up in the first place.
"Yeah, goodbye to the U.S. and shitty Minnesota," she smiled and swiveled her chair back and forth.
"You said we'll miss each other for a while but we'll get over it…or something like that?"
"My parents. They basically hate me, but I'm sure they'll miss me a little. It won't last long".
"And what about thinking kindly about the good times and moving on?"
"Thanks for the weed San Fran, but I'm busy in Paris now. Delphine can you just shut up and kiss me already? I went through a shit ton of work for this and I'd rather just make out than be interrogated".
Delphine could feel an enormous smile warming her cheeks, but she was still paralyzed. If this was a dream, she wasn't sure if she could bear waking up. It couldn't be a dream, though, because she was feeling a million intense things and they were clear and real.
Cosima rolled her eyes and got up to approach Delphine instead. She climbed onto the chair and straddled the frozen Frenchwoman. "Thanks for recommending that job by the way. It was like the only reason they let me in this country of yours, aside from my love story". She leaned down slowly and kissed Delphine lightly, perhaps just trying to wake her from the trans she'd fallen in. Fortunately, Delphine was aware enough to kiss her back. She grabbed her waist and pulled her closer, thankful for the large size of the chair. She could barely kiss properly with the smile taking over her facial muscles. She was pretty sure there was occasional laughing coming from her as well.
"Why did…are you here for me?" Delphine finally made noise.
"Well, I asked you to build me an island, so I just figured this was it and I followed. France is an island, right?" Cosima moved to Delphine's neck while she answered.
"Aside from all the countries bordering it…sure, France is an island. But America is still your home?"
"Delphine," Cosima sat up and smiled with mild irritation, "I've only ever really complained about everything there. I don't have ties, and I don't have family beyond my parents and the kindness your parents showed me in the afternoon I spent with them was twice as kind as all the kindness my parents have ever shown me in all my years of life combined. It wasn't a hard decision. Science, music, people, friends, everything a person likes can be found anywhere you go. You're pretty much the only thing I really like in the world that only has one location".
"Love, apparently…" Delphine smiled to herself.
"Yeah, I thought you would be the first person that I would confess that to, but apparently it was your mom," Cosima laughed at herself. "So…you wanna see the bedroom?" Delphine blushed, but nodded and followed Cosima through the small apartment.
Two hours passed and the women were too tired to keep their eyes open, let alone engage in physical activity. Delphine still felt high, or perhaps still dizzy from her afternoon of anxiety. She didn't want to remember how she felt when she thought Cosima was leaving so soon. Instead, she thought about their future, how they would be working in the same place. They could get lunch every day, maybe even be working near each other. She could see Cosima whenever she wanted. They could hold hands on Cosima's couch and watch t.v. like they always did before. They could live together eventually. Everything was more than Delphine could ever ask for. She didn't have to live in a world without the beautiful creature that had already fallen asleep on her chest. Delphine slipped the glasses off her nose, folded them on the bedside table, and turned out the lamp.
.
Et voilà, une putain de fin heureuse.