A knock on the door of his quarters snapped Ezra to panicked alertness. He grabbed the Sith holocron from the bunk in front of him and stared wildly around the room, trying to find somewhere to hide it. Nobody would know what it was, but they didn't need to. If someone mentioned it to Kanan, he would almost definitely recognize it from the description.

Although, maybe he wouldn't. He had other things on his mind right now…

He quickly stashed the holocron underneath the cuddly tooka that the med droid had given him the day before, and pushed the toy to the bottom corner of his bunk where it would be less noticeable.

"Yeah?" he called.

When the door didn't immediately open, Ezra allowed himself a moment to reassess the hiding place. The tooka was new, and that meant that it would stand out, people would notice it, ask questions about it. If whoever was at the door decided to pick it up, or even just touch it, they would almost definitely notice the holocron underneath.

Anyway, he didn't want to keep the tooka where people could see it either. He didn't want to have to put up with the endless jokes Zeb would make at his expense if he saw that Ezra had something like that.

He hesitated. He wanted to move both the tooka and the holocron out of sight, but if he did, the door might open while he was looking for a better hiding place.

He would have to leave them where they were, and hope for the best.

"Come in," he said, a little louder this time. He jumped down from his bunk and headed to the door to open it. It had to be Sabine. Hera had spent the morning with Kanan, but now she was off overseeing the setting up of the base. As far as Ezra knew, Zeb was out on the base too, but if he was back early, he wouldn't knock on his own door. And since he seemed to think he owned the ship and everything on it, Chopper wouldn't have bothered to knock either.

When Sabine continued not to open the door, Ezra pressed the button himself. The door slid open and he was shocked to find Kanan standing on the other side.

As far as Ezra knew, Kanan hadn't left his room in days, not since he had returned to the ship from the med center. He was the last person Ezra had expected to find on the other side of the door.

At least now he didn't have to worry about anybody seeing the holocron…

He cringed at the thought and pushed it away, then turned his attention to Kanan.

Kanan's fingertips were touching the wall to the right of the door where he had, presumably, been searching for the button to open it. The bandage he was wearing was thinner, covering less of his face than the last time Ezra had seen him. Ezra didn't know whether he had been forced to make the journey to the med center and back again for that, or whether the droid had been on the ship.

His hair was tied back in a very loose ponytail that allowed stray strands of hair to escape from the band and hang around his face. He hadn't shaved, and the shadow of a beard was beginning to cover his cheeks and upper lip. Ezra could see that he was still in pain from the tension in his lower jaw, though his eyes were completely covered.

"Ezra?" he asked.

Ezra realized with a jolt that Kanan didn't know whether he was there. Sure, he probably assumed that he was, but he didn't know. For all he knew, it could have been Zeb that opened the door. Although, probably not, because the smell would give him away. Plus, Zeb probably wouldn't be stupid enough to just stand there staring.

"Uh, hey," Ezra stammered.

Kanan visibly relaxed. "Mind if I come in?" he asked.

"Yeah," Ezra said, then shook his head. That wasn't right, he didn't mind. "I mean no," he said, but that wasn't right anymore either, because now it sounded like he was telling Kanan that he couldn't come in. "I mean, I don't mind," he clarified. He stepped back, out of Kanan's way. "Come in," he added.

Just like the last time Ezra had seen him, one hand checked the space ahead of him as he stepped through the door. Without breaking contact, his other hand moved from the wall outside, to the doorframe, to the wall inside. It remained there like an anchor, not only keeping him in place but allowing him to keep track of exactly where he was in the room. Ezra recognized what he was doing; he had done the same thing himself, when he had been practicing.

He felt a pang of sympathy mixed with sadness and guilt. This hadn't been supposed to happen.

The med droid had told Kanan the same day he had released him to go home that his sight couldn't be saved. Hera had gathered the rest of the crew together in the lounge to tell them later the same day. The whole thing had reminded Ezra in an uncomfortable way of the time he had shared his own news in that same room.

"So, uh…" Ezra said. "Sorry I haven't been by to see… visit you. I just…" he folded his arms tightly. The others had been. Hera almost constantly when she wasn't working, Sabine and Zeb at least once a day. He wasn't sure about Chopper, but he had been by at least once. Ezra had wanted to. But every time he tried, he found himself hesitating outside the door, imagining how the conversation might go. "Sorry," he said again. It came out a broken whisper.

"It's okay," Kanan told him.

It wasn't okay. "I was going to come," Ezra told him. He really had been. He just wasn't sure when. What had happened had been his fault, and he hadn't been ready to see the result of his actions. Not only that, but he hadn't thought Kanan would be ready.

"Mind if I sit down?" Kanan asked.

"Uh, sure, of course." Ezra looked around the room, and located the single chair underneath the desk that he and Zeb rarely used. One of Ezra's outfits hung over the back of it, and a Stormtrooper helmet lay on the seat. Ezra quickly grabbed them and placed them out of the way on his bunk. He turned back to Kanan to find him already taking a hesitant step away from the wall, in the direction of the desk.

"You were right," Kanan told him through gritted teeth. His hand moved through the air again and he took another step, smaller this time. "Learning this and using if for real aren't the same thing."

Ezra tensed. He should help. Maybe Kanan would refuse, maybe he wanted to do it for himself, but Ezra should at least offer. Only, he didn't know how to help. He had seen Hera leading Kanan back to the Ghost with Kanan holding onto her arm, but for the few short steps across the room, that wouldn't work. They would be at their destination almost before they started. The only thing he could think of was to take Kanan by the arm and show him where to go, and he couldn't do that, because he could imagine exactly how disconcerting it would feel to be pulled around like that.

Kanan took another step. He was going in the right direction but so hesitantly that Ezra could barely stand to watch. Finally, when he was too far away to maintain contact with the wall, Kanan's hand dropped away, leaving him unanchored and cast adrift in the center of the room. Ezra sucked in his bottom lip and chewed it hard. He couldn't help but be reminded of the first time he had made the short journey across the room without sight; he had hated every step. Kanan couldn't even remove his blindfold at the end of it.

"Try…" Ezra said, then stopped.

It was too late. Kanan paused his careful journey across the room, turned in Ezra's direction and waited for him to continue.

Ezra took a breath. "Just an idea, but try using the Force to check the ground in front of you," he said. "Instead of trying to sense the whole room, I mean. You know, like bli… kinda like my aunt used her cane." It was something he had been trying out, and it wasn't ideal, there were a lot of things it wouldn't work for, but as long as you paid attention, it could get you across a room without having to worry too much about tripping.

Kanan hesitated before he took another step, a little more confident this time. He nodded.

"Or, I could just help you," Ezra added. "I mean, if you want."

Kanan shook his head as he took another few steps, then reached out with his hand to find the back of the chair. He located it on the second attempt, checked the seat with his hand to make sure it was clear, and sat down carefully.

Ezra relaxed the moment Kanan reached his destination. He sat too, on the lower bunk, and stared down at his feet. Silence descended as Ezra tried to think of something — anything — to say. Nothing came to mind; nothing that didn't relate to Kanan's injury. He didn't want to talk about that, not if he didn't have to. He doubted that Kanan would want to dwell on it either. That was one of the reasons he had avoided visiting in the first place.

Kanan broke the silence. "I heard you went to see the med droid," he said. "Did he tell you anything?"

If Hera had told Kanan about that, Ezra was sure she would also have told him the outcome of the visit. He shook his head, then remembered that the gesture was meaningless to Kanan now. "Nothing I didn't know already. It's what I thought."

It had been hard to hear. Hera had been the one that had insisted that he go. She had gone with him, sat through the vision tests and the genetic test, and held his hand so tightly during the diagnosis that Ezra thought she might cut off the circulation to his fingers. It was probably for the best. If she hadn't been holding onto him, he thought he might have run away.

"I've probably got about three years," he added quietly. "Before… you know."

Kanan pressed his lips together as he processed this new information. "I'm sorry," he said finally. "And I'm sorry I couldn't have gone with you."

Ezra shrugged. "You were kinda busy at the time. Anyway, it's not like I didn't already know what he was going to say."

"It's different though, knowing something for sure," Kanan told him.

He was right. But then he would be; his news must have been even harder to hear.

Ezra folded his arms and tried not to think about it. There was nothing he could do about it, and he had already known. At least now, for some reason, he had a tooka to hide his holocron underneath. "So, the med droid's kinda weird," he said, mostly to change the subject.

The corners of Kanan's lips curved into the smallest smile and he winced as he agitated the damaged skin around his eyes. "Yeah," he agreed. "I think someone forgot to program him with a bedside manner."

"And I know he's an eye specialist, but does he seem to be really into eye conditions?"

Kanan shrugged. "Not mine. He said it was boring."

"What?"

"Well, he didn't actually say 'boring'. It was something like, 'The injury, while interesting in cause, is disappointingly mundane in effect," Kanan effected an odd, stilted tone that did actually sound a little like the droid.

Ezra stared. "You're kidding," he said.

Kanan shook his head again, a little more expressively this time. The hint of a smile briefly returned. "So at least you're interesting."

Ezra slumped. "I don't want to be interesting," he said. "I want things to go back to how they used to be." How they had been a few months earlier, before he had ever heard of Sacul Syndrome, or of Malachor.

"Yeah," Kanan sighed. "I know."

He supposed Kanan must feel the same way, and suddenly he wished he hadn't said anything. He swiped angrily at tears that were beginning to well up in his eyes, almost glad that Kanan wouldn't be able to see them.

"Hey," Kanan said. Ezra looked up to find that somehow without him noticing, Kanan had gotten up and found his way back across the room to stand next to Ezra. His hand hovered in the air for a few moments, moving left and right, up and down, until it finally found Ezra's shoulder. His fingers gripped hard. "It's going to be okay," he said, and he sounded so certain that Ezra could almost believe him.

Almost, but not quite.

"What are we supposed to do now?" Ezra asked.

Kanan folded his arms. "We start lessons again," he said. "As soon as possible. It'll be… a little different now, but…" he stopped, shrugged. "We'll see."

"No, Kanan, we won't," Ezra said. "That's kinda the problem."

He froze. He hadn't meant to say that. It had just slipped out, and now it was too late to take it back.

"I… Sorry," he said. He looked at Kanan, trying to gauge his reaction.

Kanan gave another small smile. "Don't be," he said. "I have a feeling we're going to need a sense of humor to get through this."

Ezra relaxed, just slightly. Kanan was right about that, but Ezra wasn't sure he was ever going to be able to laugh about it.

"You shouldn't have to worry about teaching me," he said. "Not right now, anyway." Kanan needed to look after himself, his need was more immediate. It would be a waste to use time he could spend on himself teaching Ezra things that he didn't need to know yet.

"Do you know what I've been doing the past few days?" Kanan asked.

Not shaving, that was for sure. Beyond that, Ezra didn't know. "Meditating?" he guessed.

Kanan shook his head. "I haven't been doing anything. I've been laying on my bed feeling sorry for myself for most of the past three days. I've been trying to think of something to do, but I didn't know how to do anything. So I just lay there thinking about how useless I felt."

Ezra looked away as a fresh wave of guilt washed over him. It was his fault. Kanan was feeling that way because of him.

"But today, I decided it was enough," Kanan continued. "I told you I was going to help you. I said it didn't matter whether you could see or not, you could still be a Jedi. I said we were going to figure it out, and we are. That's what gave me a reason to get out of bed. Besides, what kind of an example would I be setting if I carried on down that path?"

Ezra didn't answer. He didn't know what to say. Kanan's reaction was understandable, and he knew for a fact that if he had been the one injured at Malachor, he would still be laying around wallowing in self-pity.

"Kanan, I…" he began. "I said some things. Before. When you were trying to help me. I… thought some things too. I didn't mean them. I didn't want this…" he stopped, unable to continue, and pulled in a shaky breath. "I'm sorry," he added.

Kanan shook his head. "It's okay," he said. "You didn't do anything wrong."

But he had. He had made so many mistakes.

He didn't reply. He didn't know what to say. Instead, barely even thinking about what he was doing, he found himself on his feet with his arms wrapped tightly around Kanan. He felt Kanan stiffen in surprise at the unexpected embrace and realized a second too late that he should have been more gentle, maybe given a little warning, but Kanan recovered quickly. He returned the hug, and for a moment, Ezra felt safe. For a moment, he could forget everything that had happened and was happening, and imagine that the universe was as it should be.

But only for a moment. Then it was over, and they were standing in Ezra's quarters, Kanan's face partially obscured by a bandage covering his damaged eyes.

"We're going to be fine," Kanan said. "You know that, right?"

Ezra wanted to believe it, but he just couldn't. He shook his head. "How?"

"Because we're going to help each other. The thing you showed me just now, using the Force like a cane, it's different to what we've been trying to do, and it's probably something I wouldn't have thought of, but it worked. That's what we're going to do. It's not going to be about me teaching you anymore — it never should have been that — we're going to teach each other. We're going to figure it out together."

It was almost the same thing Kanan had told him before, when he had been trying to help him. Neither of them knew the answer, they didn't know for certain what would, and what wouldn't work, but they were going to learn together. It was the same promise, but it felt different now. If felt true.

Ezra hated it.

He took a breath and exhaled slowly. He hated it, but he could work with it. "Okay," he said.