Dear Fanfiction Writers,
You really thought I wasn't going to write? Really? Why would I deprive my fangirls of the pleasure of hearing exactly how many methods I could kill them with?
All right, all right, I didn't mean that I actually would. But come on, I can't believe you think I'd make a good love interest for any of you. There can't be that many masochists out there. Anyway, I don't date masochists. If I was to date someone, it would be someone who was nice and normal, so they'd actually be adverse to pain. Not that I'm looking to date at all – why would I bother? I suppose I'd have one-night stands, but hey, you can buy those. But I'm going to have to wait for that. Hopefully I'll be able to take control before Mike is forty and I look like one of those creepy middle-aged men in trench coats. Being creepy is just a me thing, but not in that way – in a cool way.
As for that whole ambition for the prize money – look, if you haven't ever wanted to live like a villain in an opera or fairytale, you have to be a robot. I get that there aren't many towers, but a million dollars could get one built for me.
Oh yeah, I forgot. The stories about me. Well, let me tell you that I have absolutely no feelings towards Zoey besides disgust. I mean, yeah, I'd like to break her because she's sweet and innocent, but she makes me feel sick most of the time. So stop pairing me with her.
Also, stop making out that I'm some kind of creep. I'm evil, not sex-crazed! My preferred weapon is pain, and I'd rather kill than enslave. If I got money out of it, maybe I'd do it all, but I only want two things. Full control without five others in my head – and power.
And I suppose now you want to know what my trigger is. Well, you'll have to ask someone else, because I can't tell you. So yeah...I guess...write me as the magnificent villain I am, STOP SAYING I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING YOU TROLLS, and leave me out of the M section!
I will find you when I get control back,
The Malevolent One (that's my real name, but I don't mind if you really want to call me Mal)
This is the last letter. I wanted to do something a little special to go out on, so I thought a letter from Mal might be just the thing. And I had a helluva fun time writing these, so I hope you enjoyed them too! Plus I almost kept to my updating schedule, missing only two days! See you guys next time!
Oh, and one more thing – next up will be a Little Shop Of Horrors fic, so keep voting on my poll whether you prefer the happy ending or the "Don't Feed The Plants" ending!