Chapter 11

AN: Hey! SOOO… since I kinda just enjoy finding new characters to embarrass for humor, I want your opinions if you ever have a favorite character that should make an appearance.

Later that night, Root base…

Danzo was a cross between sick glee and embarrassment. On one hand he had the three bastards asking asylum in the base for the rest of break- Naruto even brought a signed permission slip from Hiruzen- to escape Yugao Uzuki's wrath. The whole week was his to do to them as he wished.

But on the other hand the incident that led to this was utterly humiliating for his Root program! He gazed down at the slightly nervous Sai-good, nervousness at his presence was one of the few emotions he allowed and encouraged- a sheepish Naruto- at least he was repentant-…and a grinning Shin. "While I care not for that chunin spy" He began. Hiruzen didn't want Naruto to know he was being duped yet so the three couldn't be punished for their stunt. Apparently Iruka couldn't remember anything so the old monkey covered it up. "I cannot condone you getting caught! He is high profile, and using such methods were just ASKING to be found out! You three have all, no matter how hard to believe, been trained by ME at various lengths, and thus represent Root." Naruto raises his hand, and Danzo's eye twitched but complied.

"Yes, You little heathen?" Must not strangle Jinchuuriki, must not strangle Jinchuuriki!

"Danzo-jiji I thought nobody knows about Root, so how do we represent it?" Danzo grit his teeth. Breathe, you handsome devil, remember the sessions with Fuu. Just remember: you are top dog, show them whose boss, for killing is too merciful!

"Well…how about a mission to show you?" Danzo's oh so innocent smile made Shin and Sai pray Naruto had the brains to turn it down. When that smile came out, puppies died, babies cried, and volcanos erupted. That smile meant the one mission that sent even the most loyal Root agents running for the Hokage mountain-death was preferable to this. To their horror, Naruto did not in fact, possess the brains to say no.

"A mission?! Is it outside the village?!" Naruto quivered in excitement: he rarely ever left the village for a mission. The last time Inu-sempai and Boar took him to get magical milk or something from another village for Konohamaru.

"Oh yes, very far out of the village. In fact, it's a special assignment only you three can do." Shin chanted to whatever god would listen to trained assassins Please no, please no, please no. "My dear mother lives halfway between here and Tanzaku Gai. Every week she prepares the most delectable brownies in existence for me, but sending them through a ninja carrier would be sacrilege and she enjoys company. Normally I would have an agent go spend a few hours with her but the break from school presents a unique opportunity. You three will go to her house and spend the week with her. You will cook for her, talk with her, and tend to her house. At the end you will preserve my brownies in a scroll and escort them back like they are the daimyo himself! Am I understood?"

Danzo smirked maliciously as the three set off. There was a reason he moved his mother away from him so many decades ago.

On the way to Danzo's mother's house…

"Wow! A mission with just us three!" Naruto shouted happily as they traveled faster than most chunin, Naruto because of excitement and the Root boys from experience. Shin and Sai were green behind their masks.

Sai was apprehensive. Tell him to blow an orphanage up and torture their puppy and he would whistle while he worked. Make him assassinate the Daimyo's mother that mocked Danzo-sama and it was just another Tuesday. But to have the double SS class mission of "Brownie visits" and he seriously considered defection to Orochimaru and asking to be an experiment.

Shin marched to his assured death. Two days was the longest an agent's sanity had remained intact around Lady Shimura. Going a week? Shin was sure they'd have to send the Hunter nins to put him down for insanity.

"When we get there maybe she'll give us more brownies like last time! What do you think, Shin, Sai?" Naruto was oblivious to the tension in the air. Sai decided that even if they were not going to live past the week, protocol should always be followed.

"Kitsune, we are on a mission. Call us by our codenames. I am known as Viper's fury- Viper for short- for my quick and precise attacks and Shin is known as"

"Don't you dare." Shin hissed. "You will both just call me Sempai. Am. I. Clear?" Both nodded with passion. Shin couldn't let his codename get out there- Danzo picked them and Shin was on his bad side that day for a prank involving laundry- the moniker was not going to be spread to his Kohai- the hero worship he enjoyed would be shattered.

"Hey! We should come up with a squad name" Naruto blurted out after ten minutes of silence. Sai shrugged but Shin… Shin was Shin.

"Hell yeah! That's my little kohai, now what's the perfect name to show my greatness?"

Morning, Lady Shimura's house…

The three black op agents arrived at their target's house. The outside looked normal enough. A white picket fence, immaculate yard with a garden, and a semi modern house greeted them. The door had a daisy doorknob and smiley face bell. Knocking, Shin- the self appointed squad leader of "Team Shin and His Lackeys- SHL for short- gulped. Soon, the door opened.

And even Sai had to fight his instinct to laugh, and Naruto had to use what he learned from Mouse's "How to Appear Like You Don't Give a Damn When All You Want To Do is Laugh volume one" to keep his cool appearance.

The woman that greeted them was Naruto's height but weighed more than two hundred pounds. Her eyes-beady like Danzo's- were covered in wrinkles and purple mascara that clashed with her burnt orange lipstick. Wearing a traditional pink kimono, Lady Shimura had her copius amounts of white hair twisted up into a drill on her head (AN: Watching the end of Incredibles and I saw the Under minor drill- light, meet bulb) with a red bow on top.

"Oh! My little Dani-chan sent me some visitors!" She gushed, and ripped the mission scroll out of Shin's hands. He didn't care- he had potential blackmail on little Dani-chan. She scanned through it several times before yanking the three inside to sit at her polka dotted table. "My my my! I get you three cutie patooties for an entire week! I can't wait to go shopping with you, Kitsune, Viper's fury, and…Rabid Bunny Slippers?" She asked. Shin banged his head on the table. There goes his manhood.

Hokage's Office…

Three ANBU quickly becoming known as "The Kitsune Fan club" were angrily staring at their boss.

"You let Danzo send Kitsune on a mission?!" Kakashi roared. Sarutobi chuckled a bit.

"Why yes. He and his two friends are on a special assignment for Danzo."

"You couldn't, Hokage-sama!" Boar yelled. "We were going to take him on his first assassination mission!"

"I was going to help him scout the target" Tiger muttered.

"And I would show him the cleanest way to slice the throat" Kakashi added.

"I would show him how to seal the head!" Boar finished. Sarutobi sweat dropped.

"I would never dream of taking your family bonding experiences. They are on the "Brownie visit" job to Danzo's mother for the week." Tiger jolted.

"I take it back. Send him on an assassination mission! One week with that, that woman will drive them insane! The record is two days before it's too late." Tiger gripped his head, remembering when he ticked Danzo off enough to be sent on that mission. It's really what made him despise Root.

"I am sure it's not that bad, Tenzo." Sarutobi said placating. He never met the woman, much to his surprise, but she couldn't be that horrible.

"Hokage-sama, you are too trusting in the human race."

END! How will Naruto survive? And will Shin recover from his "loss of manliness?" Find out soon!