Chapter 12
AN: Time for another adventure! I wanted to shout out one of my favorite fanfictions right now, "Orphan" by KingsofSarutobi. I swear it's amazing and unique, his writing style is captivating! I plan on reading the new chapter, chapter 9, as soon as I finish this update. You guys should check it out too!
Lady Shimura's house, day 1…
Unknown to many, Danzo Shimura didn't always want to be a shinobi or have 'hidden' goals of world domination. No, despite the fact that the old war hawk had a lifetime membership to Conqueror's United- a very prestigious group of individuals all encouraging each other in their take over goals- Danzo Shimura used to have another dream.
To be a singer. Oh yes, the 'Darkness of Shinobi' used to practice his do re mi's and breathing exercises everyday for his dear mother. Who recorded every bit of it. And chose to share it with her three guests.
Now, most would find it hilarious, and the boys did- but there was a reason Danzo never became the next "King of Folk" or father of the newly invented "Metal" music popular amongst the new generation of angsty Shinobi as they bemoaned killing and seduction in favor of world peace and negotiation. Bah, fools, all of them! No, Danzo didn't become either those things- his voice, while an effective interrogation tool, was not meant to be listened to by the innocent. Unfortunately, Lady Shimura didn't share this sentiment.
"Oh, isn't my Dani-chan a genius! His voice soothes the birds, and mice fall into a trance at the sound!" What she failed to realize was the birds outside dropped dead as they flew past the open window, and the mice willingly went to the mice traps figuring it was a valid escape from the decades old recording of a failed singer.
"Y-yes, Lady Shimura. Of c-c-course, Danzo-sama should quit his job and join a band." Shin said diplomatically as the three sat on her overstuffed couch. His ears were bleeding from the screeching. If only his curse seal didn't have a failsafe to prevent the Root agents from spreading these videos- torture they may be, but black mail they deffinetly were. Shin looked at his two comrades. Neither were cringing and Naruto looked asleep. What the, not even Naruto would find this pleasant. It was then Shin noticed a crumpled note in his Kohai's hand. Discreetly opening it while Lady Shimura danced along to the video, he read his reason for homicide.
Sempai,
Sai and I couldn't take it so I made clones and had us switch with them. Don't worry, we'll bring some take out from the town tonight, Sai said you wouldn't mind watching Danzo-jiji's mother for the day!
-Kitsune
Shin blinked. He crumpled the note. And then he smiled behind his mask. So, they want to play it that way, eh?
Day three…
"Oh, I am so excited! To be escorted by two handsome devils to my weekly spa trip! And to offer to guard me the entire time? My, how sweet." Lady Shimura waddled down the street, hold Naruto and Sai under her arms. The two still weren't sure how she got the impression they offered to follow and watch her while she did her mud bath and massage, but they knew who set it up.
Shin.
The jerk was high above their charge's sight, sitting on a lamp post. The mask made it impossible to see his facial expressions but the sign he held up said it all
"Payback's a bitch, brats. Enjoy hell."
"V-viper," Naruto wheezed. Sai looked over the mountain of flesh separating them.
"Yes, Kitsune?"
"We're going to get him back, right?"
"…"
"Viper?"
"If we survive."
"What are you two whispering about?" Lady Shimura asked, swinging the two high into the air.
"Nothing!" They both exclaimed. "Just…planning some activities for you and Sempai." Naruto continued. Sai snapped his fingers.
"I would like to inform you, Lady Shimura, that Rabid Bunny Slippers adores your gumbo that you give Danzo-sama. He always talks about his desire to eat more of it, straight from your kitchen." Lady Shimura grew stars.
"THEN I WILL MAKE HIM HIS OWN POT OF IT!"
Day four…
Lady Shimura had delectable brownies, but somehow the food deity could only shove that one recipe into her skull. Everything else was declared highly toxic by the Shinobi Food and Drug Association- SFDA for short- and as such Danzo was known to use it in interrogations.
And Shin was sitting in front of a three gallon pot of it. The goo bubbled up, and a fly buzzing over it hit one of the steam trendels.
And promptly burst into flames. Shin's eye twitched. Those little bastards. I will have my revenge, but first… how to live through this? Think Shin, think!
Bingo. He smiled slightly as Lady Shimura squiggled in front, giggling at seeing her guest enjoy a meal.
"Lady Shimura, if I may… Would I be able to look through Danzo-sama's old photo albums while I eat?" The woman nodded eagerly and ran-somehow – to the back room. Shin whips a storage scroll out of his uniform, seals the whole pot up, and is calmly wiping a napkin over his mask when she returns. "Oh, forgive me, Lady Shimura, but that gumbo was so divine I ate the pot too."
"Oh! You and Dani-chan are the same way! He always eats even the pot while I'm out of the room!" Shin grins slightly and nods.
Day seven…
The three ANBU or ANBU wannabes bowed to their charge and took to the trees. Somehow they survived, with only minor twitching in the limbs. Every night Danzo's voice rang through the house singing "And I will always Love you" and "What a Wonderful World" , which considering the man was the definition of hate, bitterness, and deceit, the result was nerve racking. During the day between helping Lady Shimura complete her Zumba and "Ninja training for the civilian" it was no wonder the former operatives lost their minds.
Only Naruto's shadow clones saved them from ingesting the horror that was the home videos of Danzo's potty training.
Day five was the day they banded together, setting aside their differences and becoming a truly inseparable team. As Shin led them back to sanity, he heard Naruto snickering.
"I know that laugh. What did you do?" He asked, worried. Thankfully Shin was carrying the scroll with the brownies so Naruto couldn't eat them, so that was out.
"Hehe. I know you guys can't spread Danzo-teme's darkest secrets, but I can do it for us." He holds up three tapes and the photo album. Sai and Shin can't help it: they cackle madly, Naruto joining in.
"May the bastard rue the day he messed with team SHL!" Shin declared and ignored the burn of an activated curse seal. It was worth it.
With Danzo…
Danzo shivered. "I feel as if I unleashed a great evil on myself. Also, why do I feel the need to put the seal on Naruto before he goes home?" He shrugged and turned back to his work: calligraphy. Hiruzen may have become a better ninja, he may have taken the hat, and he may have aged better, but Danzo Shimura would win at this.
"Just you wait, old rival, I will win this year, if it's the last thing I do." He took a glance at his entry form on his desk.
This year, the 'calligraphy international' magazine would put his picture on the front after he beat the monkey in the annual contest.
END! I hope this was enjoyable, I loved writing it and any comments or suggestions are always welcome.