Chapter 16
AN: Poor Naruto and his friends! The next couple of chapters (I might combine a couple) will be focusing on some of the payback missions the Hyuga, Hokage, and Danzo thought up. I also had inspiration for a joke by Boar- let's see how it goes.
Academy, Kawarimi learning day…
Boar was somewhat of a jokester and found joy in getting under people's skin. When he was called into his leader's office and ordered to take over for Iruka and teach the kawarimi jutsu, he finally had an excuse to mess with the mascot again after months of being too busy.
"Alright class, today I must speak to you on a matter of grave importance." Boar kept his voice grave. Naruto perked up at his fifth favorite ANBU's voice- Flamingo and Dragon took the top two spots for the week. "I must teach you…the Will of the Log." Cue twenty pairs of eyes staring blankly. "I can feel your apprehension but to be a leaf shinobi you must embrace the very idea of what it means to be a shinobi.
For in your time of need, call on me. For an instant we are one before the pull sacrafices me for you. I am the log. You are the shinobi. Through enlightenment you will become something more than you are- that is the Will of The Log." Sai, Shin, and Naruto were considering his words while the rest of the class had one collective thought.
Are all ANBU this nuts?
"Umm, sensei?" Sakura asks with her hand raised. Boar nods.
"Procede, young sapling."
"Riiight. I thought we followed the Will of Fire, not Log?" Most nodded along, indeed raised on such an ideal. Boar knew he'd probably regret this but then threw caution to the wind in favor of a good laugh.
"Blasphemy!" He shouted, causing everyone to straighten. "We are the village hidden in the leaves, not fire! Fire's will is against the Log's will. Everyday shinobi disgrace their protectors- the logs! As punishment you will all learn to become one with the log!" And thus everyone learned the kawarimi, ignoring their crazy sensei.
Except Naruto. Shin caught on to what Boar was trying to do and reinforced the prank, much to Sai's dismay.
"Listen kohai. The Shinigami has spoken to me." Naruto gasped. Shin used this excuse anytime he wanted Naruto to follow him to the end, not that Naruto knew. "I know, it is a blessing. He has decreed that the Log must be respected; failure to do so dishonors him, and will be met with sacrifices of fox kits." He paused, then added one last nail. "Anytime you follow the Log to safety you must not speak the blasphemous name "kawarimi" but instead my name. From now on, when the pull beckons say 'Shin' and you will be saved." Naruto nodded fiercely and took notes.
The students caught this conversation and had multiple reactions.
Sakura and Ino banged their heads on the table in despair for the village if everyone was this crazy.
Chouji and Shikamaru considered if ninja life caused psychotic breaks.
And Sasuke? Well, he just prayed this didn't somehow come back to bite him.
It did. That afternoon Naruto tied up his charge to the training log to "feel the log" as Shin recommended. What made it worse for the Uchiha was that the ANBU tied himself up next to him and started speaking of the teachings of Shin and the Will of the Log.
Sasuke decided Shin was the cause of most his problems. Heck, at this point Sasuke wouldn't bat an eye if it turned out Shin drove Itachi to the massacre. Perhaps being a missing nin was preferable to being within a hundred miles of the self proclaimed "Shin the Magnificent."
Week later, Hyuga compound…
Naruto finally got rid of the Log worship after thirty ANBU surrounded him, demanding he fix the mascot. They watched in growing fascination when Shin simply walked up to Naruto while he hugged a log and said.
"Kohai. The Shinigami and the Log are at war. Which side do you chose to revere?"
And like that Naruto used the fireball jutsu to incenerate every log within a hundred feet distance. The ANBU had one thought.
Note to self- when needing to trick/ teach Naruto, call Shin.
Now the three boys were in Hiashi's office, being told of a "mission" *cough* revenge *cough*.
"As you are aware, us training you without you giving anything in return goes against everything Konoha stands for. As such, I have gotten permission from the Hokage to send you three on an errand." The three smiled at the thought of a mission. Hiashi his sadistic smirk behind his tea cup. "The Hyuga clan prides itself on having the best hair in the Land of Fire, no small part is due to our bathing rituals. Our servants use a specialty shampoo from the town of Becauseyou'reworthit that is run by Loreal. Problem is, we are low on our supply" We only have two years back up "and Loreal only allows women to enter the town and all our females are busy. Loreal is a master of the Shampoo style and will be able to detect a henge six miles away. That is why… you three will be dressed as women and act like women for the entirety of the journey. Can I trust you with this mission of grave importance?" He smiled benignly at the three. Somehow, all thought that though it was a question, refusing to accept the mission would result in unpleasant results.
"Count on my team, Hiashi-sama."
"We will not fail you."
"As future ANBU Commander I will complete this mission!" Hiashi paled slightly at the thought of that ANBU becoming the second most powerful ninja in the village. Maybe I should order the Hyuga 'Flamingo' to become the ANBU commander for my sanity.
Hokage's office…
Danzo chuckled evilly at the scene from the crystal ball. None of them had yet to learn how to act like girls- that lesson was scheduled for the summer- so Loreal would be able to tell they were males right away.
"She won't kill them, right?" Sarutobi asked a bit worried. He couldn't let them die before he had his revenge.
Using three S-class missions the Hokage managed to get ninety percent of the magazines within the land of Fire but he already received letters of congratulations for "finally realizing the real you" from Onoki and A. That humiliation could not go unpunished.
"No, of course not. They might be…taught a lesson on proper behavior of women but they won't die." Danzo didn't sound completely sure, but Sarutobi has long since realized that Naruto always came out on top, somehow.
On the road…
Walking in Yukatas should be considered a viable torture mechanism, all three decided.
"Curse the Hyuga name," Shin grumbled in his pink dress with bunny slippers adorning it.
End… soo, how was it? I hope everyone has an absolutely positively amazing FRIDAY! Whoo!