My grandmother called as we were leaving the scene of the two car fires. We had seen both Darla and Bulldog into police custody and I had gotten my paperwork signed, and we were happily ensconced in Ranger's car and easing our way through the various fire trucks. "Hey, Grandma", I said.

"Hey, Steph. I have my resume done, and I was wondering whether you'd have time to come and look at it today. We're having pork chops and rice and broccoli for dinner, and we're having pineapple upside-down cake and whipped cream for dessert."

"Just hang on a second and I'll see if Ranger has time." I covered the mouthpiece and asked Ranger, and when he agreed I put it on speakerphone and said, "Ranger and Lula and I are going to a shoe sale, but after we drop Lula off at the bonds office we'll be over for dinner. I don't know when we'll be there."

"I like shoe sales."

Ranger did a U-turn so that he was heading towards my parents' house without me even asking, and I looked at him and smiled.

"We'll be there in about five minutes to pick you up", I said.

"Let me just go and touch up my hair and lipstick then", said Grandma.

Five minutes later, we pulled up in front of my parents' house and my grandmother trotted out the front door and down to the car. She climbed in and put her seatbelt on. "Every time I travel in this car it makes me feel like a movie star. It is so luxurious, and it is black, just like a star's."

I glanced at Ranger, and he looked like he was thinking about smiling.

"I bought a new lipstick today. What do you think about the color?" she said. "I think it's called Tropical Heat."

I looked at her. Her mouth was tinted a deep tangerine color. "It goes well with your orange shirt", I said. Privately I thought it made her lips look they were diseased, but what did I know?

"I was thinking of getting my hair tinted orange as well", said Grandma. "Then I could all match."

"It's very important to match", said Lula. "That's what I tell my colorist all the time. That's why my hair always matches my nails. So today, my hair is purple, and my nails are purple as well."

Grandma inspected Lula's nails. "That's real pretty. So you're saying that I should get my nails done as well?"

"I would", said Lula. "It's important to match."

"But you're not wearing purple lipstick", I said.

"No, but that's because I couldn't find my purple lipstick this morning. I have one so that I match and, in fact, when I was thinking of getting my hair colored purple I took my lipstick to the colorist and had the stylist match the color. You might want to consider that when you get your hair colored."

"I might just do that. I think I'd like to have orange hair."

"It would certainly shock a lot of people, Grandma", I said.

"Do you think it would shock your mother and father?" she said.

"Yes, although I think they would like that better than when you dyed your hair fluorescent blue."

"They are such fuddy-duddies. There was nothing wrong with blue hair. I saw a teenager with blue hair. She had piercings as well, but your mother wouldn't allow me to get a nose ring. They need to get more hip and with the times. Hell, I'm almost eighty and I have more fashion sense than your mother."

"I don't think you have more fashion sense", I said. "I just think your personal styles are different. Mom's style is very classic. You tend to take more chances."

"I don't want to look like an old fart", said Grandma. "As it is, I'm wrinkled and I don't move as quickly as I used to. My eyes don't see as well and I don't have the energy that I used to. My hair is thin and my joints swollen and sore. Whoever called these the golden years forgot to tell me that they were tarnished."

"You will never look like an old fart, Grandma", I said. I could see Ranger thinking about smiling again, and I threw him a mock glare. His thought about smiling turned into one of his half-smiles, and as I continued to glare at him, it turned into a full smile.

I shook my head and directed Ranger to Mooner's house.

We pulled in behind two minivans and a POS car that I suspected was a police car. The undercover police cars were the only cars on the road that were in even worse condition than mine. This one had a definite 'police' vibe to it. As we passed it on the way to Mooner's house, I looked inside. There were six empty coffee cups, five McDonald's bags, and three bags for Cluck-in-a-Bucket. It was definitely a police car. I hoped that the officer was there to purchase items rather than arrest Mooner and, if they were there to arrest Mooner, I could only hope that he or she waited until I had selected and purchased my shoes first.

Ranger helped Grandma over some cracks in the sidewalk and followed Lula and me into Mooner's house. As we entered, the sweet smell of pot wafted over us. "What's that smell?" said Grandma.

"That's wacky tabaccy", said Lula. When Grandma looked confused, Lula said, "it's marijuana."

Grandma's face brightened. "I always wondered what that smelled like. I was a little too old to have been part of the marijuana scene when I was younger. Even though I went to love-ins, people weren't taking drugs at them. The last love-in that I went to was in 1960. It smells quite nice, doesn't it?"

"I don't particularly care for the scent myself", I said.

Ranger turned to me. "I'll wait out the front. Take as long as you like, but I want to make sure that someone is still sober enough to drive after your shopping expedition."

I smiled. I was starting to feel pretty good. "Okay", I said.

Ranger laughed and shook his head, and headed out to the front yard as I guided Grandma through the house to the kitchen. There were three people in the back. Each of them was as high as a kite. One was Mooner, and he was staring at his hand, holding it in the air, and giggling. He reminded me of Bob the Dog, Morelli's oversized and overaffectionate golden retriever, just minus the drool. One of the other people was a police officer who was apparently off duty or, at least, I hoped she was off duty. I knew her by sight but I didn't know her name. She was taking a long drag on a joint, and the third person was waiting her turn. I didn't know the third person at all.

I turned to Mooner. "Where are the shoes?" I said.

He giggled. "Shoes, blues. These shoes are red. They should be called red sheds."

"Uh-hunh. Where are they?"

"Over there", said Mooner as he pointed to a wall. I looked, and I couldn't find any shoes.

"Do you mind if I look around?"

Mooner giggled. "Mi casa es su casa."

I laughed. For some reason, that was very funny to me, and when I started to laugh Lula started to laugh and Grandma was giggling as well. I left the room to look in the front room. There were a number of boxes there, and I turned to Lula. She was already sorting through the boxes looking for something that was in her size. "What size are you again?" she said.

"Size eight. And Grandma is a size six. Where is Grandma?"

"I don't know", said Lula. I didn't know if it was the wacky tabaccy, but she didn't look like she particularly cared.

I retraced my steps and walked into the kitchen. Grandma was sitting on Mooner's lap puffing on a joint. "Grandma", I said, "what about shoe shopping?"

"I want blue shoes."

"We'll look for some blue ones", I said.

"Sky blue, sky blue, who's out, not you", said Grandma.

I started to laugh.

"Was that how you chose between Ranger and Joe?" said Grandma.

I laughed. "You know, I know that I should be upset about that, but I'm not. It's just so funny."

Grandma laughed again. "Did you say 'eeny, meeny, miney, mo', and you ended up with Ranger?"

I laughed again. "Of course not. It was a well thought-out decision."

"Why did you decide against Joe?"

I laughed again. "I can't remember." I took the joint from Grandma's hand as she was gesturing with it, and took a puff. I handed it back to her because she was looking a little envious of me smoking the joint. I couldn't remember why I shouldn't give it to her.

Mooner looked at me. "Stephanie! When did you get here?"

That made me laugh harder.

Mooner looked confused. "Why are you here? Did I forget my court date again?"

"No", I said. "I think we were here about shoes."

"I sold them all."

"Nuh-uh", said Lula as she came into the room. "I have some here in Grandma's size, some in Stephanie's size, and some in my size."

"Where were they?" said Mooner. He took the joint from my grandmother's hand and puffed on it before handing it back again.

"In the boxes in the front room", said Lula

"Is that what's in them?" said Mooner. He looked confused again.

"How much do we owe you?" I asked.

"There are three pairs of shoes here", said Lula.

"Twenty dollars a pair", said Mooner, "or a pound of weed."

I looked at Lula, and she looked at me, and Grandma took another puff. "I forgot my purse in the car. I'll be right back."

"Okay", said Mooner.

"See you later, alligator", said Grandma. She started giggling hysterically.

"Not for a while, crocodile", I said in a sing-song voice.

I walked out the front of the house still laughing, and as I tripped down the stairs Ranger caught me. "Are you ready to go?" he said.

"I need money. Money, money, money." I started to laugh again.

"I think it's time to go, babe", he said. "How much money do you need?"

"Sixty dollars."

"Okay. Go wait beside the car." I didn't. He walked back into the house, and I followed him through to the kitchen at the back. Grandma was still sitting on Mooner's knee, still puffing away on the joint, when Ranger got there. He pulled the sixty dollars from his wallet and put it on the table, took the joint from her fingers and put it in the ashtray, picked Grandma up, turned to Lula and told her that her ride was leaving, and led the three of us out of the house.