Chapter 17
AN: Hope the weekend went amazing, everyone! Listen, I am trying to update everyday so when I get a pm saying to "update more" I get kind of, well, offended. I'm sorry if my super fast writing speed of spending an hour each day completing a chapter doesn't work for you but I have a life. Also, this week I might not get to update everyday due to it being Southwest Believer's Convention- basically a week of church. Rant done, I realized I have never done the infamous disclaimer for this story so here it is:
I do not own Naruto because if I did the ninja ostrich would be cannon. Maybe even a summons (am I the only one who loved that episode?).
Gates of Becauseyou'reworthit…
"Grr. If I have to spend another day dressed like this I'm going to go four tails" Naruto threatened in a whisper. The poor ANBU wore an orange yukata with bow wearing kitsunes printed on it. His hair, dyed black also sported a bow. What really sealed the hatred though was the makeup to hide the whisker marks- Sai had a taser to shock him every time his hand inched upward to scratch the torture cream. Another shock hit Naruto in the side, causing him to glare at Sai.
"Keep quiet and walk like a girl, Nanachi. And Usagi (rabbit) stop fixing your wedgy- it's unladylike!" Sai admonished. Since leaving Konoha he had referenced the book Mouse gave him, "How to be the Girliest Girl around yet still look good in blood for kunoichis." By this point the eleven year old truly fitted into his snow white yukata with snakes embroidered and veil. It was rather unnerving.
"Halt, fair maidens. What business do you have?" The guard, a busty brunette guard asks. Shin answers with a cocky grin.
"Greetings, fellow members of the fairer sex! I am Usagi, and these are my sisters, Nanachi and Sai- er Saiyuri! We are here for the ultimate shampoo made from the sweat of your fair labor, to take back to the Hyuga clan!" He gives a thumbs up and a wink. Sai's eye twitches dangerously at the moronic and obviously male greeting. Naruto tries to smooth things over as the guards eye them with suspicion.
"Ah, ah, please forgive my sister, pretty ladies! She just learned how to speak like you do this week!"
"Like we do?" One questions.
"Yep! Like women!" Naruto blurts out. Cue face palms as instantly twelve sword wielding women surround them.
"Code balls! Take these imposters to the dungeon where Lady Loreal will decide their punishments!" The heard guard barks.
"Oh my, to think- that's the second attempted break in this week." One of the women murmurs to her companion.
"Men. They never learn" the other says sadly.
Prison cell…
Deidara couldn't fathom how he was in this situation: him, an S-class criminal, helpless in the dungeon of his favorite place- the village that made heaven's blend of shampoo. He had been here before and none of the guards ever questioned his femaleness.
Deidara didn't know whether to be joyed that his masculinity was finally being recognized, or offended that people no longer thought him pretty enough to be female. The iron-clad door creaks open and three boys dressed as little girls fall in a heap, bickering among themselves.
With our…heroes (what exactly have they saved? Oh well, it sounds cool)
"Brother, Nanachi, this is why you should have read Ch,12! It goes over a script for infiltrating a village as a lady!" Sai waves the paperback in Shin's face, who bats it away.
"Shut it, Sai! I refuse to be bound by society's norms of what defines a woman!" He ranted, causing Sai- and Deidara, who was watching them in fascination- to sweat drop.
"That mindset is what got us into this mess, Shin. You should have let me handle it! And Nanachi, you should know better than to blurt out our cover." Sai ground out.
"Hey! Why am I the only one who can't use their name?" Naruto puffed his cheeks out.
"Sigh…because your real name is too obvious- so you shall stay Nanachi."
"So…what are they going to do to us?" Naruto questioned. The youngest- and most naïve- of the group was worried for his safety. Inu and Tiger often warned him that "an enraged Shinigami is preferable to a slightly angry woman" and the women he saw were more than just 'slightly angry'. Of course, Boar told him that women were easy as long as you gave them the puppy dog eyes jutsu… "Hey! I know how we can survive this!" All three other occupants congeal around him. "Here's the plan…"
Thirty minutes later…
"Good plan, un." Deidara complimented. Naruto beamed at him, but Sai and Shin started sweating.
"My apologies, but what is terrorist bomber 'Deidara' doing here- you could break out rather easily." Shin reasoned. Technically they could to, but their orders were to not comeback without the shampoo- and mission before life and all that.
"Un. This shampoo is heavenly and divine! To damage the sacred grounds would be treasonous!" Deidara fumed. Deciding that having an angry S-classer mad at you was hazardous to one's help Shin waved his hands in surrender.
"Of course, of course. I was just testing your resolve to the sacred brew!" Shin backpedaled.
"A true believer! Let us discuss our devotion to it!" Deidara held up copies of 'The Holy Manifesto of Loreal!' "I can make you a member of the order!"
"OOH! ME! ME! I want to join too!" Naruto waved his hand in the air. Sai groaned. For being chunin level, Naruto resembled more a first year academy student than ANBU.
Fai loved her job- thirty years of torturing males and putting them through 'female boot camp' kept her young. Currently the older woman had four recruits to nurture into 'femmales' within a week. It was all a part of the Priestess's glorious plan for domination of the male race. But she would let the higher ups deal with the long term.
Fai had new students, one of whom was a known criminal who was working with some group called Akatsuki. If she trained him well enough, they would have a puppet that would then turn every male he worked with! With that kind of fire power the world was at their fingertips.
She stuck her key in the lock. With a deep breath Fai stepped in to see her new students, well aware the first meeting had to establish her as their boss. Opening her eyes Fai looks…and sees the infamous 'Puppy eyes Jutsu' at its strongest.
"Alright future femmales let's get to work!" Too bad their attempts were futile- to beat her they needed the forbidden version- the chibi puppy eyes of madness. Seeing their flabbergasted expressions she smirked. "You will learn that such weak attacks have no effect on a true female!"
One thought echoed in the four males- We're screwed!
END! Next time- mutual bonding through suffering. Haha.