Chapter 18
AN: Yo! Here for another wacky update. Just fyi, one of my favorite currently updating stories, "Orphan" by KingofSarutobi has a new chapter and I love it like always. Seriously, if you guys haven't checked it out please do. It's completely different in style and humor from mine but amazing.
Also, I started a new story "From Academy to ANBU" so if you like this one, I believe you'll enjoy my new one!
With SHL and Deidara…
"I won't do it! Not even Anko-nee is this cruel!" Naruto wailed. Fai just snapped her fingers and three masked women force him to hold still.
"Don't even think of disobeying me, shrimp. These beauties are our improved version of ANBU- the CONDITIONER squad! Through the power of beauty and product they can take out any target. You stand no chance. Now sit there and be reborn." Fai leans forward and plucks Naruto's eyebrows one by one. Every time Naruto tried to move a whip made of scrunchies tightened around him. Freedom was impossible.
Shin was in a similar situation as Naruto, only the target was his legs. "Femmales take pride in being waxed" Fai said maliciously and another woman started the painful process of ripping hair out.
"No! Please not that! My mustache!" He screamed as the lone hair that popped up last week on his upper lip was viciously extracted.
Sai took his punishment like a good solider and only spat in their faces. You will not break me his eyes promised. Or, at least they did until the eyelash roller came out. After that Sai did what any man would do and pleaded for mercy.
Deidara, the new addition to the group, found out the new meaning to pain and it wasn't from his insane leader. No, he was enlightened by the fine tooth comb being dragged through his wet hair (AN: I have waist length hair and those combs are more painful than anything else beauty related in my humble opinion.).
After the body preparation class, the boys were dragged to 'shopping till you drop 101'.
"I can't go on, guys! Make the nightmare end, leave without me" Shin cried after an hour of shoe identification class and collapsed on the ground. Sai and Deidara soon joined, and motioned for the youngest to abandon them for the greater good of the mission- it had be completed. However, Naruto was raised on the ideals of Konoha's Will of Fire and Kakashi's nindo.
"I refuse to abandon my fellow man! A great man tells me that those who break the rules are trash but those that leave their comrades behind are worse than trash! We are Konoha ninja! Do we give up?"
"NO" All three replied, even Deidara who hated Konoha was moved.
"OF COURSE NOT! And do we back down from a challenge? Do we FAIL a MISSION?!"
"NO!"
"Who are we?"
"Konoha ninja!"
"And what do we do?"
"Triumph!"
"Because that is"
"OUR WILL OF FIRE!" The four say valiantly in unison. Many of the populous had gathered around and were moved to tears with fires in their bellies from Naruto's speech.
"Then my comrades, let us fear not as we march through the valley in the shadow of woman's scorn. For Konoha's honor rest on our shoulders! March." And they did, side by side, down the street with their watchers baffled by their conviction.
The next day Naruto and company were forced into chairs facing a wall sized screen.
"Mwahaha. You bastards may have withstood day one with your petty words, but after this you will become the perfect vision of femmales. Sheila, hypno beam please." For the next several hours the four endured the strongest hypnotizing ray in existence while a monotone voice spoke soothing orders.
"Real men wear frills."
"Men serve women- it is for the best."
"I am proud to be feminine- to show the primal urge of males is a sin."
"I will serve Loreal's goals."
On and on it went. Naruto sniffed at the lame attempts- if Fuu couldn't break him, neither could these armatures. But, his comrades were not so lucky and started repeating the phrases in reverent tones back to the speaker.
"Oh yes, Loreal-sama! I live to serve you!" Shin shouted with hearts in his eyes. Naruto steeled himself- time to save them.
"Oi! Are you really that weak? Who are we?!"
"KONOHA NINJA!" were the automated replies and within seconds the three former zombies became whole once more.
"Forgive me, for I had lost my Will of Fire." Deidara said mournfully.
"I had forgotten that ROOT doesn't give into the temptation of ending the torture- I will not fall" Sai added.
"Kohai, brother, new brother, we shall stay strong." Shin said. As one they spit at the screen, daring it to try and break them.
Fai took it as a great challenge.
A week later, three brainwashed males and one unbreakable one stand outside the gate in the woods nearby, Naruto holding the scroll with the mission's objective- the blasted shampoo. Shin dabs his eyes.
"Oh, I must not cry- a lady simply does not let her make up run."
"Oh, sister, but if you must cry do remember to do so gracefully." Sai admonished, keeping his parasol up- a lady must not get a sunburn after all.
"My sisters, I simply must leave you with a heart as heavy as lead, for my organization needs me. Rest assured though, our bonds of sister hood will always remain until the day we die. Remember, we are Femmales because"
"WEAREWORTHIT!" They fist pump into the air and squeal. Deidara gracefully hops onto his bird and takes off, his lace parasol glinting in the sun.
"Well my brothers." Naruto started.
"Sisters, Nanachi! We are sisters!" Shin cried and wrapped his- her?- arms around Naruto's neck.
"Oh forget it" He muttered and stuffed a well known sedative plant given to him by Anko-nee for his last birthday into their mouths- their ninja skills were hindered by the tight dresses and parasols while Naruto had unsealed a spare uniform and changed as soon as they reached the tree line. The two drop like rocks and with shadow clones Naruto drags his fallen comrades back.
Root base, two days later…
"Fuu-sensei! You gotta help them!" Naruto begged as he burst into Fuu's office while the man was breaking an inmate. Fuu sighed in annoyance- Naruto was back.
His annoyance turned to intrigued as Sai and Shin, his two least favorite colleuges, were dropped in a heap while dressed like noble women. And I thought I'd seen it all.
"Yes, Kitsune? What can I do for you?"
"They were brain washed by Loreal!" Naruto panicked. Fuu perked up at this. He'd always wanted to study the reversal process from his rival in mental torture, Fai. And what better way than to reverse engineer it with two new subjects?
"Say no more, I'll fix them for you. Come back in a month." Fuu shooed the boy out and smirked slightly at the brats on the ground. Fix or kill them mentally- either way this should be fun.
Akatsuki base, one week later…
"Sir, we've reversed the brainwashing but now Deidara-sama seems to be…" An aid pauses and Pein snaps.
"Seems to be what?!"
"A die hard believer in the Will of Fire. He already has Konan-sama and Kisame-sama joining in on his declarations and prayers- it's becoming a cult sir. What should we do?"
"Sigh… Isolate the ones infected. For if Deidara infects Tobi and Itachi with that crap, all is lost." Pein says gravely and leaves to think over his plans.
"WHO ARE WE?!"
"TOBI IS KONOHA NINJA!" A voice is heard and Pein fears for his life.
END! MWAHAHAHA. Yes, I know who Tobi really is. I don't know if it's possible, but if the Akatsuki really fell because of Naruto's 'therapy jutsu: will of fire style' I would be okay with it. Haha. Next chapter, Naruto and the Inuzuka madness.
I do have a question for you viewers: do you guys like the silly missions or do you want Naruto to start taking 'serious missions' now? Or perhaps later?