Chapter 20
AN: Already twenty chapters? Wow! Well, anyway, Naruto and company will be getting summoning animals soon, and thus open new path ways for hilarity- problem is I can't really think of any animals for them to summon so I turn to you guys! Review or private message me with what ever animals would fit our hero and his pals for the coming battles (not really- more for fun, but still) only rule is: no toads, snakes, slugs, or dragons.
Iruka's apartment, right after ANBU leave…
Iruka sits at the table, sipping his tea slowly, the apartment quiet. This would usually be the part where he contemplated how peaceful everything was or the meaning of life- not today.
Today, his oddest student of sorts sat across from him, drinking from an identical cup, going through the mask. Minutes tick by, the clock in the corner driving Iruka mad. Finally, he had enough. He had to know.
"Er, Kitsune…." He begins.
"You wonder how I am able to use such a super secret awesome method of masking my face?"
"Um, yes, actually. Come to think of it I've never seen an ANBU lift their mask to eat, except you and even then it was only to the nose." Iruka rubbed his chin. He never questioned it till now but even during the few missions with ANBU members Iruka had not once seen a glimpse of their faces.
"Oh! Boar-nii taught me the trick to eat while with a mask on right before I came here. It's my advanced payment." Naruto said cheerfully. Iruka suddenly felt very cold.
"Oh? Payment for what?" Iruka was nervous, though he didn't know why. It's not Kitsune had ever hurt him or even been in his apartment before- though for some reason he kept getting flashes of Kitsune in his bathroom and kidnapping him- must be the late night ice cream runs.
"To break you mentally" He said with an innocent tilt of his head. Truthfully Naruto was well aware of what he was doing. Iruka blanched and tried to reason with him. Not like Naruto would ever reason with a traitor.
"P-please, there's no need for that! I'm sure Boar was just messing with you, Kitsune."
"Hehehe. Maybe, traitor- I mean Iruka" Naruto corrected his mistake with apathy. Iruka twitched at the fate the Hokage left him too.
"Well anyway, I have papers to grade so be quiet, okay?" Iruka scolded. Naruto simply perched on top of the ceiling, boring his eyes into the back of Iruka's skull.
Hours pass with Iruka marking each paper methodically, attempting to ignore the child taking notes on his every move- it wasn't working. Finally around six it was time for a break.
"Ahh, I think instant ramen for dinner tonight. Want some?" He said, trying to break the ice.
Instead it got frigid in the room as Iruka ate the first bite.
"Y-you MURDERER! YOU EAT FOXES!" Naruto screams and tackles the chunin to the ground. The last thought Iruka had was Why me? Why'd I have to get the crazy ones?
Iruka comes to in his bed around midnight, feeling very…refreshed. He couldn't explain it but he had the sudden urge to run around the village till his job at the academy started. The last day felt blurry so he ignored it and stretched briefly.
"Yosh! Time for exercise!" And he was off, sprinting around the village walls for seven hours at a pace that would put Gai to shame.
Arriving at school all his pent up energy was evaporated and he felt himself grow sleepy.
"Perhaps a quick nap- oh, what is this?" On Iruka's desk sat a golden muffin, shining in Konoha's glowing morning light. It beckoned Iruka closer and after reading the note attached,
Dear Iruka,
I know you have been working hard, so I will be providing your breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the week. The meals will be left for you either in your home or at your desk.
-Third Hokage.
Such an amazing boss, Iruka thought with tears. He took a bite out of the gift, and found himself unable to stop. By the end of the muffin he was jittier than a squirrel and ready for anything.
"Yosh! Time for class!" He announced from atop his desk to his students who looked a mixture of horrified and comatose. "Don't just sit there- no lectures today! Let us burn through our energy together!" And for the rest of the day the class went through a grueling work out while their formally mild mannered teacher whipped them into shape. No one noticed Naruto taking pictures from different hiding spots around the academy.
That night…
Iruka couldn't close his eyes- he was too pumped! The food the Hokage had delivered on his door step was addicting and amazing. Now Iruka felt even running laps weren't enough.
"I should go climb Hokage mountain- without chakra! Yosh!" And he was off. As he ran through the village he felt he was forgetting about someone who he should be looking after- probably nothing he assured himself. Too bad Iruka didn't see several henged clones keep vigil over him, or bother to look up at home- if he had, he'd have seen Naruto with his note pad, taking his notes.
With the ANBU…
"What's wrong, ladies? Sleepy already? Need a nap?" Sarutobi asked in a false concerned voice. All the ANBU were in a heap on the ground after the 'easy' one hundred mile run after the 'beginner' obstacle course. Sarutobi had led them to the 'cliffs of despair' for training, and the wind howled ominously.
"Hokage-sama, a rest would be nice" a foolish young member said. Curses could be heard among the ranks.
"Oh? A day without rest would be nice? Very well then, up! Time for survival training." He smiled benevolently, but it promised pain when he summoned Enma and said "Enma, these ANBU have asked specifically for your extra training- would you indulge them?" Enma smiled evily.
"Why of course, old friend. The Will of Fire burns brightly in them- I shall not disappoint."
Is defection justified here was the general consensus amongst the victims. The only exception was Inu, Boar, and Tiger. Those three were lounging with magazines on a cliff top.
"Think they'll realize we're just Tenzo's clones?" Boar asked idly as he flipped through a 'Dating weekly'. Kakashi scoffed.
"As if: wood clones are durable, and it's not like Hokage-sama will be sparing with everyone, and he wouldn't waste Enma on something like this" Kakashi assured them.
"Brilliant as always Sempai" Tenzo drawled, architecture book in hand. The Mascot wanted a tree house for his little group to meet, and Tenzo was secretly determined to make it so grand that he took back first place- he may get along with his fellow brothers, but Kitsune's adoration was fair game.
"Oh ho ho. What do we have here? Three volunteers to go first?" The monkey king said from behind, holding the destroyed wood clones, smirk on his face.
Meanwhile…
"ALL HAIL THE WILL OF FIRE" A certain blonde Akatsuki bangs a gavel on a desk. Nodding once the small group of loyalists Deidara looks with pity at the captured non believers. "My brethren, today we gather to show the light to our comrades still in darkness" here he wipes a tear away.
"Tobi is a Konoha ninja!" Tobi shouts happily, and the cult members nod in agreement.
"Yes, Tobi, everyone is a Konoha ninja- for that is the birth place of THE WILL OF FIRE!" He shouts. Konan and Kisame cheer. "Now let us hear the testimonies." Kisame steps forward. Hidan, Kakuzu, and Sasori (the only ones too slow to escape from capture and indoctrination- I mean initiation) twitched as Kisame steps forward with a Konoha head band in his hand.
"My fellow members- I too, used to be a doubter. I used to find murder a great pastime and world domination through the tailed beasts to be okay- but then, Priest Deidara showed me the light." Here he paused to dab at his eyes. "I have seen the light- completing missions in the name of the Will of Fire, protecting comrades, and screaming your ninja way is true happiness. For though we walked through the valley of the shadow of doubt, the Fire that protects the Great Tree's leaves guides us through the darkness and into salvation."
"Amen" Konan, Deidara, and Tobi intone.
"WHO ARE WE?!"
"KONOHA NINJA!"
"WHAT DO WE DO?!"
"TRIUMPH!"
"MY FELLOWS! WHY DO WE FIGHT!"
"FOR THE GREAT TREE!"
"WHO DO WE SERVE!"
"THE GREAT TREE!"
"HOW DO WE WIN!"
"WITH GUTS!"
"AND?"
"DETERMINATION!" the call and response continues for hours, and before long, Sasori joins in.
"I see the light! My life was meaningless before but now- now I am whole" Sasori cries and accepts a Konoha headband, burning his old Suna one to a crisp. Hidan tosses his sythe away.
"I too have seen the true way! No more shall I follow the false temptress of Jashin, but instead strive to please the Will of Fire's tree! Let us renew our image, Kakuzu, and spread the true way across the land!" Hidan ripped his old head band off and blessed his new one before putting it around his neck.
"I'm surrounded by lunatics" Kakuzu muttered. He wouldn't give in- he was too intelligent to fall for it. No. Kakuzu was strong! He didn't follow anything but money.
"Now let us offer up our praise to the Will's high priest- Nanachi Kitsune!" And a wall sized poster unfurls to show the tiny ANBU giving a thumbs up in his mask. As one the believers bow in thanks.
Pein slouched in his chair. If 'Tobi' had truly fallen to the cult, hope looked dim. He kept hearing the shouts from down the hall, and Zetsu looked lost.
"Leader-sama, what should we do? Tobi serves Konoha now. It's all Nanachi's fault that's not fair! That brat started this." They argued unintelligibly. Pein's eyes sharpened.
"Nanachi, eh? Then I will find this Nanachi and kill them, destroying this cult at the Roots."
"It was a boy and he changed into a Kitsune ANBU outfit. Deidara and the others found the picture we captured and are now worshipping it." Zetsu said. Pein smirked.
"An ANBU? Excellent. A truly formidable foe then, and when he falls the whole world will know pain." He cackled to himself, pleased with his plans. Meanwhile Zetsu was having an internal debate: if Tobi, the true leader, believed this ANBU was a high priest and savior, should he really be helping this puppet leader kill him?
Meanwhile, Itachi was hiding in the rafters, watching the events play out, and smirked.
"Hn. Good work, my kohai. At this rate I'll be home for Sasuke's graduation." Itachi whispered in happiness. If the Akatsuki disbanded, or better yet became a world peace organization, Itachi could go home and the Hokage would pin the blame of the massacre on Orochimaru or some other traitor (AN: why exactly didn't this happen originally in cannon? I was thinking about this last night and figured: heck, let's role with it. It's my AU, after all.). "All I have to do is keep leaving Konoha head bands and the code of conduct and philosophy book and the pack mentality will take care of the rest."
Hokage office, one week later…
Danzo shoved the hat back in Sarutobi's hands.
"I'll let you deal with him." He muttered and escaped through the window. Sarutobi and the bloody and dirty looking ANBU turned to a dusty corner to see Naruto tied up and covered in dog slobber. On the desk was a request for 'agent Kitsune' to be executed, banished, sold to Iwa, or forced into D-ranks for a year, all from the Inuzuka clan.
"What was it this time, Naruto?" Sarutobi sighed, not really wanting to hear the answer if it made Danzo run.
"Hehe. Well, it all started on day three when the traitor started having side effects"
"TO WHAT?" Sarutobi interrupted.
"To Boar-nii's sleep deprivation medicine. Anyway, I came to Danzo-jiji but he looked tired from all the Hokage duties so I thought 'why not give him some energy too?' And that's when everything went kablooy…"
End! Next chapter: The flashback! I hope this chapter brought some grins- I was going to do the flashback and a scene with Shin and Sai, but didn't want to make it too long or keep you guys waiting till tomorrow or Saturday for me to post. Anyway, I pray your day is filled with happiness and fun!