Chapter 28
AN: Hey everybody! Riku here, this chapter was born as me and my new internet pal TubfullOfDishes345 bounced a bunch of ideas around the last day or two. I hope you enjoy, and my dear Tubby-chan, thanks for all the help!
Land of Moons…
"My darling, how are you enjoying your stay?" The Daimyo's wife asked lovingly.
"Meow" came the reply of Tora from underneath an umbrella on Moon's snow white beach. With a contented sigh the woman motioned for her body guard and servant to follow- she had tons of shopping to do!
Off to the side, slowly fanning the feline with a palm leaf, was a murderous looking Shin.
"I didn't kidnapped by Danzo-sama and turned into a tool just to babysit an unkillable feline!" Shin grumbled. Guess it can't get any worse
"Yeah yeah bunny slippers, think you could move a bit? You're blocking my sun." Boar complained. I take that back- now he's on my list too. The older ANBU was on his stomach sunbathing, swim trunks with boars on them and his mask still secured to his face.
"Aren't you supposed to be guarding the Daimyo's wife?" Shin griped. Boar just lazily waved his hand.
"Maa, Kitsune is taking care of it- we have a system, see. My kohai takes the day shift and I take the night shift."
"You tricked him into not having any time on the island to relax?!" Shin asked in disbelief. At the resolute nod he laughed. "I like your style. Though I still hate the fact that I have to play maid to a cat."
"Just think of it this way: passive aggressive messing with the clients is how I and most ninja spend our missions. As long as it doesn't endanger the objective and no one can prove anything, you're off the hook."
And suddenly babysitting a cat didn't seem so bad.
With Akatsuki…
Pein stepped off the boat feeling like a new man: by stopping the use of his paths and relaxing on the way over, the red haired Uzumaki could walk in the sun once more. Breathing in the salty air of the docks he had a date with a beach.
"Arrg, Deidara for the last time: art is NOT an explosion!" Annnd his good mood was gone. Why did I allow these idiots to come? Pein wondered as Sasori- without his puppets for once- was having a heated debate with Deidara. Kisame slung his sword between them to break up the fighting.
"Relax chumps. This is a vacation, keep the art crap for back in Ame." Thank you Kisame- that's it, you're getting a raise.
"But I must prove ART IS AN EXPLOSION that demonstrates my WILL OF FIRE!"
"No! Puppetry is what makes the WILL OF FIRE!" Kisame stood still, thinking.
"Then why not have a contest? You could see whose art is better."
"How?" Was three questions. Pein couldn't deal with the paperwork if they blew up half the island- again, being a leginament leader sucked sometimes.
"Uhh….damn, Itachi usually did the thinking. Oh! I know, you could build sandcastles." The shark man exclaimed. Pein face palmed,
"I don't think that will solve any problems, why don't you two put your argument on hold and"
"WE'LL DO IT!" The two 'artists' cried. In a bull rush two S-class missing ninja (wearing their standard Konoha headbands of course) made for the beach. Pein decided to let it go- hey, they wore Konoha head bands now so he could always disavow them if necessary- and turned back to the rest of his group.
"Uh, Kisame, you're part shark, right?"
"Hmm? Yes." Kisame said while sheathing his sword.
"Then what's with the shirt?" Pein deadpanned. For on Kisame was a white t shirt with the phrase 'Fish are Friends: NOT food' in bold letters.
"What about it?"
"You're a shark"
"And?"
"…Oh for heaven's sake never mind!" Honestly, he was surrounded by idiots. Konan had taken off with the immortal brother Hidan over the evils of Jashin and invitations for their next cult meeting. Kakuzu was wearing a priest robe while handing out money to random strangers: apparently hording money was against the 'Will of Fire' and as such the man refused to keep more than necessary to survive on him.
Zetsu went to try a new vegan restaurant advertised, both halves arguing over which was better: kale or spinach. And Tobi? Well…
"Tobi is a good boy! Tobi and Pein go shopping!" Tobi squealed and latched onto him. The 'good boy' wore a Hawaiian shirt and Sharingan shorts, still with his orange mask but added the customary sunglasses- had to protect the eyes…er eye.
"Fine, but you will behave! Now let's go. First we need to stop at a swim store before" And Pein stopped mid sentence.
"Hah! Shira-sama, there's ice cream nearby, want to try some?!" That voice. Cold shivers racked his body and he looked around. No, there wasn't any demonic little ANBU anywhere near here.
"Who am I kidding: ANBU don't get vacation. Just get a grip Pein. You're literally the most powerful shinobi alive! He can't touch you. He can't see you. He's probably stuck in Konoha." Reason firmly in his grasp Pein set off. "Come, Tobi. Let's go shopping."
"First icecream! Tobi is starving."
Back on the beach!
"Sasori- you shall fall today to my mighty sandcastle!" A blonde shouted from atop a bird, landing on the sand, shovel and bucket in hand. Sasori stood opposite, equipped the same.
"As if, Deidara. Remember: no jutsu! Just sheer artistic talent and buckets and shovels!" Making the sign to start a dual the two bounded off to display their sand skills. Off to the side was Shin, a still sleeping Tora, and Boar.
"Um, shouldn't we do something?" Shin asked, recognizing the two from the Bingo book.
"Meh, they're wearing Konoha head bands. Maybe they've turned over a new leaf?" Boar suggested and chuckled at- in his own opinion- a clever pun.
"Your wit knows no bounds, sempai." The Root agent deadpanned. "Wait… WHO ARE WE!" He shouted. In response twin calls of
"KONOHA NINJA!" ring out. Satisfied, Shin stops gathering his chakra for jutsu.
"Ahh, they're disciples like I am."
"This cult thing has to stop- not even the mascot believes it." Boar insisted.
"Shut up! Don't mock my Priest-kohai!"
"Whatever- go get me more lemonade." Boar ordered. On the way to get the man's beverage, an 'acidental' wind blew a stray rain drop the size of a horse onto Tora. These 'accidents' almost made Shin's lot in life worth it. Almost.
With Naruto…
Naruto gleefully ate his treat from his mask, feeding some to Condor.
"I am glad you summoned me, Naruto. While humans are still inferior to Ostriches, your race does know how to invent a truly delightful indulgence." Condor complimented. Sai was off to side with a plain vanilla cone with his owl, both bogged down with dozens of bags already.
"No problem, Condor! Shira-sama, how's your cone?" Said Shira-sama was nibbling on a triple chocolate cone. She looked at her guard and servant. Honestly she was having a blast like never before just by talking to them, especially the minature ANBU. He wasn't like the ANBU she'd heard about- more like a cute puppy than killer.
"I am enjoying it, Kitsune. After this I have much more shopping to do before dinner!" She clapped her hands in anticipation. Taking one last bite she jumps up with a speed unheard of for a woman her size. "Shopping time!"
As they waded through the crowds many looked on in shock and awe at the two children riding on oversized birds obeying the wims of the Fire Daimyo's wife. However, they were in Moon country- even missing ninja weren't that difficult to find walking around as there was rumors of ten of them being on the island already. With one last look most went on their way, promising themselves to stay out of their way.
Meanwhile, Pein was making his way to the ice cream shop, Tobi still bouncing up and down. Pein really wished his mentor/benefactor/old subordinate had kept his serious attitude, not the toddler squirrel he was left with.
No. Not here. He spots a certain mask, riding on an…ostrich? No, the sun must have been getting to him. There was no chance in hell that his nemesis had just turned the corner on a summoning animal. Going through the breathing exercises his therapist taught him Pein threw that terrifying possibility out of his mind. If only I hadn't promised Moon's king to not use chakra while here- damn politics!
"Come one, come all! I shall lay money at the feet of the poor, to demonstrate my resolve!" Kakuzu's unmistakable voice echoed through the crowd.
"Just…kill me." Pein begged.
"Stop you monsters! Cease your selfish enslaving and butchering of fish! Fish are friends, not food. If I, a shark, can see that so can you!" Kisame bellowed from atop a ship nearby.
"I repeat…just end me, please. It's more merciful than this, I assure you."
"Sir do I need to call the hotline?" A brunette waitress asked, concern evident in her voice. Pein lifted his head from the table he collapsed on.
"Have you ever had all your plans for world domination fall because of a child and then for the rest of your life have to babysit a bunch of insane ex criminals even on vacation?" He asked her.
"Uh…no?"
"Then go away, for you do not know true pain."
"Can I interest you in some ice cream? Ice cream fixes everything."
"…Why not? It can't be any worse than the Will of Fire." Pein decided. The waitress walked away, clearly disturbed but dutifully made the obviously unhinged man some ice cream.
With his ice cream in hand Pein resolved not to think about the possible monster walking around mocking him.
"Ooh, Shira-sama you look pretty in yellow!"
Nope, not going to think about it.
End of part one! Next chapter will follow Naruto and company some more! I love messing with Pein right now, and Naruto will have a greater role next chapter, promise. How is it so far? I hope this brings big smiles to your faces today. Have a great Wednesday everyone.