As Rayla was walking Callum to their tent, a whizzing sound that she had started to recognize as non-threatening could be heard. The eagle arrow dropped on the ground next to her.
"Hold on, let me pick that up", she said, standing Callum on his feet.
In the tent, Callum almost immediately fell asleep. Rayla had never imagined magic would tire him out so much, but maybe it was just the more advanced spells he now knew.
She sat next to him, petting his hair, smiling at how adorable he was. Especially passed out cold like this. He didn't fidget or cry, which was a pleasure to see. Maybe this was Honsa's doing - or he was just really, really tired. Azymondias dug his head under Callum's arm and curled up.
For a while, Rayla sat and pet the two of them.
Unfurling the letter, she realized that Helmond and Amaya had written short letters on the same page.
"Rayla, I can't express how glad I am to know that you are still with us. After your first letter, I thought it would be nice to meet you, but I am now thoroughly convinced. Standing by someone after a traumatic event is a sign of outstanding character. It's obvious you know how much hard work this will take and yet, you dedicated yourself. I feel happy for Callum, knowing he has someone so fiercely loving at his side through this hardship."
Rayla smiled warmly. Then she read the next sentence.
"Welcome to the family."
She put down the letter, feeling tears in her eyes. "Go away", she said to no-one in particular. Callum snored.
Family, family.
It sounded stupid.
She thought angrily of her cowardly parents who had given her little love when she was a child. Thinking of them, there were images of golden armor and light blue fabrics. Backs turned. Promises broken. A smiling face, trying to mollify her disappointment. They had been concerned about her, yes, but their work had always meant the world to them. From as far back as she could remember, the people from her Sconi village had taken more care of her than her parents did. Sure, they had given her a home, but she had few good memories of them together. Now, even those were tainted by the dishonor they had piled on her shoulders, making her a pariah among her own.
The fact that Lessa had been so concerned about her had shocked Rayla. She had expected her to be cold and unforgiving, helping her for old times sake but not really giving a care about what she was doing or how Callum factored into her life. Maybe it was because she was not Sconi, or a Moonshadow elf at that. Rayla thought of returning home to the pebble beaches and boreal forests of Scotia and finding nothing but rejection there now that her other `family` was gone.
Runaan was the only one who had ever seemed to put her first. That was to say, as a child. Impressions of his nurture and care throughout the years flashed across her mind's eye. The feeling of her riding his shoulders as he cheered her up. The image of him, asking her if she wanted to learn how to fight. A veritable montage of him, sparring with her and the other assassins. His mouth saying 'Good night, little sheep'.
Then there they were, atop the Katolin Battlements, and that same mouth spat at her. Threatened to kill her.
Anger rammed a spear through her heart. Runaan had tried to kill her. Kill her! Murder her! And yet...
She had avoided confronting these parts of her recent past. So much guilt had piled on her shoulders. Yes. Sure. He'd threatened and postured. That was him. He put the mission first. Would he really have killed her? He'd fought as though he'd meant it. But, Rayla didn't know. And really, it no longer mattered. He was dead. She was alive.
Bitter tears fell from her eyes. He was dead. Because of her. The other faces of her band swam on her conscience but his was the most painful.
A hand came to rest on her shoulder. "Hey… what's wrong?", Callum asked, worried but still drowsy.
Wordlessly, she drew him into a hug. He pet her hair and let her cry her fill.
She then handed him the letter and he read, quietly.
"You really worried me, but she's being really nice. What's wrong?", he put down the letter and embraced her tightly, making her wince, "Sorry."
"Family isn't a great concept for me. Bad track record.", she said sadly.
"Rayla, I, uh… I don't want to pretend I know what you're going through with this. All I know of your family is what you told me. But, I can tell you something about my… our... family if you want."
She shrugged. "I… don't know if I ever want to be part of a family again."
"You shouldn't feel pressured to accept Amaya's offer, either. I'm sure she meant well", he pensively scanned her face, then kissed her. "You know it's going to happen eventually if you stay with me, right? The whole family thing?"
Rayla blushed a sickly pink through the tears. Sappy prince.
He nodded slowly. "Did you finish the letters?"
Rayla shook her head. "Just couldn't keep goin' after the whole family thing. Head took me for a ride again."
Callum pet her arm. "You know, maybe you should see Honsa, too. There's so much that's happened to you that would be hard to work out on your own."
She shook her head. "I'm not really comfortable with that."
He frowned. "Is this because of…"
"No!", she interrupted gruffly, "I just… don't wanna talk to a stranger.", she suddenly looked sheepish, "But, uh, maybe a little bit of that, too. She's cute. Really cute. Not like me"
"What are you talking about? You…", Callum trailed off, then said, "Okay. I guess you really aren't cute, most of the time"
Rayla sat up, wiping her confused eyes. What sort of jagged rock was he going to drop on her head now?
Callum chuckled. "Oh boy, that came out super wrong again, didn't it? What I mean is, you're amazing. You're endearing, and beautiful. I mean, when you wore that sweater, you were really cute, but that's because you looked… uh… non-threatening."
Rayla laughed, "Non-threatenin'? Do I normally look threatenin'?"
"Rayla, you feel most comfortable in an Assassin's light armor! It has swords built into it! Your stomach has more muscles than my entire body! Of course you come off as a threat!", Callum said heatedly, gesturing at her, "You're determined and you've got a plan basically all the time.", he got a bit meek, "So far you've dealt with most of the fighting. Gotten hurt the most. It's hard to see you as `cute` after all that."
She frowned. "So I'll have to wear some more of Lessa's sweaters, is what you're sayin'"
"No, That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying unless you want to be cute, you shouldn't change a thing. I love the threatening Rayla just as much as I love the cute Rayla."
Her expression softened and she pinched his cheek, maybe a bit harder than she meant to. "Fine, you flatterer. I get it.", she studied her hands, "I… kinda want to be both, a little. Remember when I was talkin' about joinin' the Auxilia and becomin' an ironclad scarecrow to others?"
"That particular walk is not one that I'll ever forget", Callum said, smirking toothily.
Rayla smirked back, "Well, as a soldier, you put up this facade of being stone cold most of the time and a lot of people confuse that for the real you", her expression sank, "One of my civilian friends once said she couldn't ever imagine joinin' the military because she wanted to be a mom and she thought they would drill that out of the women there."
Callum was gazing at her, expectantly. She smiled at his encouraging eyes.
"I still think it'd be nice to be a mom one day, if you're wonderin', but what I meant to actually say with all that is… I wanna look cute ever so often. I'm not just an Assassin. I don't just kick butt. I also love. I'm a big softy. But, that's easier to see for others when you look the part."
"I did say I liked you wearing the sweater."
She giggled. "What, no good memories about us under the arch?"
He flushed a little. "T-that was more romantic, less cute."
Rayla laughed at his expression, but was interrupted by a pulling pain in her stomach.
"Ow! Grrr!", she held her abdomen, then sighed, "We should probably finish reading these."
Callum pulled her into a kiss, first.
"Hey, uh.", Rayla remembered, "On the topic of family. I have something for you."
She got up, rummaging in her bag for a moment. When she returned, she held out a red piece of fabric.
It was his scarf.
He took it out of her hands. "You washed it", he remarked blankly, "It feels weird having that back."
For a moment, his mind wanted to tick a box, but he shook his head. Enough of that.
"Thank you", he said, not quite sure how to react.
She hugged him. "I'm sorry if it brings back bad memories."
"It does, but it also has a lot of good ones attached to it.", he smiled at her, tepidly, "It did save your life, too"
He wrapped the scarf around himself, feeling a little more whole now that the familiar scratch around his neck was back. Then he cleared his throat and found the spot where she had left off.
"At this point, I want to wish both of you a speedy, uneventful recovery. Nothing worse than an exciting sick rest. I've written Ez a message to let him know about you. I'm sure he will be ecstatic to hear about your survival. It hit him hard, hearing you were dead."
More cold guilt washed over Rayla. It was bad enough that Callum was suffering because of her.
"It changed his outlook a little. I barely recognise the little man some days. Luckily, he's taking after his parents and there's still not a single bad bone in him. Callum will be happy to know, I'm sure, that he still eats jelly tarts like nobody's business. I think it's time I set up some rules for him on that front, those things can't be good for his health. An absurd conundrum. I take my orders from him - they are good orders! - and at the same time set his bed time and ponder his diet. Ours is a crazy family. Again, you will fit right in. Hugs, Aunt Amaya. P.S. I have some very amusing stories to tell you about Callum in person. They'll be our little secret."
Callum frowned. "That's not very nice…"
Rayla felt bemused, seeing how Amaya had once again written 'Gener-' out of habit, before crossing it out in favour of 'Aunt'. She felt a little better about the whole family thing. It would take a lot of time for her to really feel comfortable with it.
"I'm lookin' forward to that", Rayla chuckled, "Unlucky for you, nobody on my side will be tellin' you anythin'"
He looked at her, sadly. She looked right back, smirking, ignoring the bitter implications of what she'd just let fall out of her dumb mouth. She sighed, mulling over the letter. It was addressed to her and glowed with emotional warmth. Callum was not just a sappy prince, this was a royal family of saps. Maybe, it would be her family of saps, at some point.
For a moment, she wrestled for composure, then took the letter out of Callum's hands.
He shouted in realization and she jerked. "What is wrong with you? That scared the soul out of me!"
"I know who has some childhood dirt on you!", he scowled amusedly, "Lessa."
She frowned, equally bemused, "Oh yeah, she does have a few stories, I bet. Good luck askin' her, though"
The elf then turned to reading, "Sicarius Rayla. Your sympathies were well received, thank you. It fills me with immense satisfaction to hear of Kel Ortis' much overdue demise, however I suspect expressing this to Callum will not help your companion's state of mind."
Her glance jerked toward him, not having considered this. He sat rubbing his cheek, with a blank stare. "Sorry.", she offered, "I wasn't thinkin'"
"Fine.", he said meekly, "I was guessing he'd be gloating because of Torlan. I get it. I… just don't feel the same way."
Rayla apologetically maneuvered his head into her lap and started petting his hair.
"I am mortified to hear of your injuries but glad to hear you seem to be on the road to active duty. Don't worry about the front. We have had a quiet week. Unlike the senate, the commanders have listened to us, safe for a Legate of the Lucid named Astilliar. Since our parlay, he's been either sulking or hiding, which does not bode well. Let this be our problem. We are maintaining a good truce with Prime Legate Janai. Along the front, nobody seems to want to make a determined first step. There have been some minor scuffles, but we were able to resolve those. Unless that changes, we're quite content with the situation."
The next lines were written less steadily and Rayla wondered why he had decided to write them at all.
"It now falls to me to tell my summand Anzha and my daughter Noli about Torlan's passing. I've not found the words. I feel it is a message best delivered in person, however I do not see how I could tear myself away from the border at the moment. I wonder if it would be better to send her a message. This I struggle with, as well, since it would expend my last shadow hawk. It would mean we'd be cut off from you until we'd be able to procure more - I'm sure you are in a similar situation, so we are not expecting a reply. For now, I would say it would be prudent to attempt to continue your mission. Your setback is unfortunate, but the situation here is stable for now. Please get well, soon. Best regards. Helmond."
"I feel sorry for him. A bit responsible, too.", she said after finishing the letter.
They had turned his life upside down - and in so many ways were doing it to a new set of people right now. Adrenaline spiked through her, anticipating the next hammer to drop after their interaction with the templar canon guard. He had recognized her name. Was she so notorious, now?
"Yeah, I get that. But wow; they managed to hold on to peace. I'm really proud of Amaya right now, she used to hate elves", Callum answered, petting her cheek from below, drowsily. He looked like he was going to drift off into another nap in a moment.
Rayla resolved to stay quiet and pet his hair, watching him fall asleep.
She was tired of talking about messy feelings for today.